Last night was surreal for me...

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  • ansonrinesmith
    ansonrinesmith Posts: 755 Member
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    Some people tear others down, to try and build themselves up.
    They are probably not as happy as you think, if they are engaging in this type of behavior.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
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    Im a stay at home mom in a neighborhood pretty similar to this one it seems. I struggle with this all the time. Anything I attend or take my kids too is a gigantic, over produced dramafest. Im pretty sure when Im not around, Im gosspiped about as I dont fit their mold. Quite frankly, Im glad I dont. Im a crunchy granola, independent, smart, witty, tattooed up momma who gets in the floor and plays with my kids. I feel pretty sorry for them that all they have to do is sit around and start stuff and practically ignore their over scheduled kids. Sounds exhausting to me.
  • Sasssy69
    Sasssy69 Posts: 547 Member
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    Some people tear others down, to try and build themselves up.
    They are probably not as happy as you think, if they are engaging in this type of behavior.

    ^^^This - I used to live in this kind of neighborhood before my ex and I divorced. Pathetic. I was eventually driven out - being the sexiest, smartest, and most vibrant person in the neighborhood...and also very single. Yeah. Couldn't have THAT. I eventually BECAME that woman who was the object of the gossip at the party. I feel bad for HER. Living in that neighborhood, with one ringleader - That was my life for about 6 months. I put my house up for rent and got the f**k outta there. Now I live in the ghetto, and my neighbors are nice. Because we're all poor. lol
  • NiciS72
    NiciS72 Posts: 1,043 Member
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    IMHO I think those ladies are lacking in their lives. Sounds like they have issues and focus on others misery/pain to make themselves feel better. I have wonderful neighbors that get together a lot and we enjoy each other. We gossip a bit, but never to that extent. i would say be glad you don't have folks like that in your life. Look for true friends who won't put you down behind your back.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    I really wish I understood what their husbands thought.... What is the relationship REALLY like behind closed doors? All the men golf together (the homes are on a golf course). Do they feel any of this? Oblivious to it? Annoyed by it? Pressured to keep up w/ the Jones'? Just intriguing.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
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    I think its Perfectionism run amok. The need to keep perfect homes, throw perfect parties, have perfect kids who get into perfect colleges... It sucks a lot of people in. I'm sure the husbands feel a lot of pressure from it. Pressure to keep the income flowing. To constantly need to have more, do more, be more. Like I said before... Sounds exhausting.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    I think its Perfectionism run amok. The need to keep perfect homes, throw perfect parties, have perfect kids who get into perfect colleges... It sucks a lot of people in. I'm sure the husbands feel a lot of pressure from it. Pressure to keep the income flowing. To constantly need to have more, do more, be more. Like I said before... Sounds exhausting.

    I never thought of it that way... but am exhausting just reading about that kind of pressure *LOL* Even at my "middle class" life right now I feel the pressure and hate it!
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
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    People of all ages, classes, marital status and socio-economic levels gossip. It's not the neighborhood, it's everywhere.

    I think you can go to any party, anywhere and find a completely different demographic behaving in the same manner.

    But at those same parties, there will be people you like too, so it's just a matter of tuning out the ones who are annoying.

    I'm sure everyone can remember school, before money was relevant. Whispering or teasing another kid because their hair is different, they have acne, she developed breasts, she DIDN'T develop breasts, he has buck teeth, she's a slut . . . .

    The irony is, no one ever thinks that THEY are petty, gossipy posers. It's always someone else.

    blessings.
  • leynak
    leynak Posts: 963 Member
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    I'm a stay at home mom- for right now- and I don't feel as if I fit in with the others at all. The last time I went out with 2 of my friends from school who were also stay at home moms I felt so awkward because they spent the whole time talking (gossiping) about people that I didn't even know. Talk about 3s a crowd- I was bored out of my mind.

    I'm a pretty easy going person & I try to be the least judgmental I can be. I know I hate it when people judge me without knowing anything about me.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    Ever seen desperate housewives? Not all SAHMs are like that, not all well off women are like that, and not all neighbors are like that . . . but some are. You know what I've found? Women in trailer parks are the same way, as are women in the suburbs, you can find b!tches anywhere.
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
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    Gossip is gossip... just like MFP titty ***** gossip... Lol

    But I bet that was awkward!
  • otr12
    otr12 Posts: 632 Member
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    I have this philosophy,...
    Every person has X amount of drama that they are going to have where X is a set quantity and has nothing to do with their circumstances. It's a character feature. If a persons X is naturally high, but they live a low stress lifestyle, they will create drama where it didn't exist so that their X (a pre determined drama level) = the drama in their life.

    Financial concerns and rocky marriages tend to carry some of the highest levels of drama. If a person does not get any drama from these sources they will have to find or create drama from another source. Gossip works great for fulfilling this need.

    This isn't science. At least as far as I know it isn't. It's just an observation of mine that I've found to be remarkably accurate. My X is very low and I am substantially more logical than emotional, which I believe allows me to observe people without getting caught up in what's going on with them.

    I don't consider people with a high X to be flawed. They're just different. Peoples differences have a huge impact on how compatible they are. I don't have a problem with people that aren't compatible with me but I most likely wont enjoy their company. If I had a high X I might actually relish the company of people I'm not compatible with.
  • leynak
    leynak Posts: 963 Member
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    I have this philosophy,...
    Every person has X amount of drama that they are going to have where X is a set quantity and has nothing to do with their circumstances. It's a character feature. If a persons X is naturally high, but they live a low stress lifestyle, they will create drama where it didn't exist so that their X (a pre determined drama level) = the drama in their life.

    Financial concerns and rocky marriages tend to carry some of the highest levels of drama. If a person does not get any drama from these sources they will have to find or create drama from another source. Gossip works great for fulfilling this need.

    This isn't science. At least as far as I know it isn't. It's just an observation of mine that I've found to be remarkably accurate. My X is very low and I am substantially more logical than emotional, which I believe allows me to observe people without getting caught up in what's going on with them.

    I don't consider people with a high X to be flawed. They're just different. Peoples differences have a huge impact on how compatible they are. I don't have a problem with people that aren't compatible with me but I most likely wont enjoy their company. If I had a high X I might actually relish the company of people I'm not compatible with.

    I never thought of it like that but it is very true.

    I have often wondered how my sister & I were raised in the same family because she always has some drama that is stressing her out- even if it's something really stupid
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
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    This is the reason I never really felt like I fit in. I'm just not like that.
    When I was married i HAD those friends and they acted just like that. I was always disgusted whenever one of them would say "we're so much alike" because we aren't anything alike.

    When she found out about my wanting a divorce she said "welll... don't do it. Here is how I see it... what if you get a divorce and he finds some hot 21 yr old and you are still just a single mom, that's why I won't get a divorce"


    That's what she had to say. That's why she refused to leave an unhappy life.
    So perhaps all these women you met are just as unhappy and trapped by their fear of "just being a single mother"
    And maybe the men are so worried about keeping appearances they go along with it as well.

    I have no idea. But there is always a layer of skeletons in those closets I don't even want to think about.


    You seem way too cool to have to be caught up in that game.
  • SweetTeaBlossom
    SweetTeaBlossom Posts: 57
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    Image and following the pack is everything to a lot of people and if you don't fit the mold, they want you gone. Period. They don't need your individualism rocking the boat. I've experienced this at all class levels.

    Unfortunately, people are a lot more vicious in letting you know you don't belong with them so it stings more.
  • Frankenbarbie01
    Frankenbarbie01 Posts: 432 Member
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    Some people tear others down, to try and build themselves up.
    They are probably not as happy as you think, if they are engaging in this type of behavior.

    Sad but true!! If you get another opportunity to be 'Graced by their presence' Add fuel to the fire!!! Just for fun....Looked totally shocked and exclaim........OH, NO!!!!! REALLY!!! after each declaration of truth (well their truth anyways!) It only takes a few min for the fire to sputter out and people to realise they are allowing this type of behavior.
    Failing that get'cher BIG OLE BALLS and call the *****es out!!!:devil: :laugh:
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Some people tear others down, to try and build themselves up.
    They are probably not as happy as you think, if they are engaging in this type of behavior.

    Sad but true!! If you get another opportunity to be 'Graced by their presence' Add fuel to the fire!!! Just for fun....Looked totally shocked and exclaim........OH, NO!!!!! REALLY!!! after each declaration of truth (well their truth anyways!) It only takes a few min for the fire to sputter out and people to realise they are allowing this type of behavior.
    Failing that get'cher BIG OLE BALLS and call the *****es out!!!:devil: :laugh:

    Can't lie... I love to point out the truth in a subtle way and fuel the fire that way *LOL*
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    There's a weird dynamic amongst the SAHM suburbanites - especially the more well-to-do ones. I lived in an area like that when my daughter was little and most of them treated me that way. I think part of it is when you're single and attractive, they feel threatened. It's weird. I haven'experienced it with other groups of women, though.
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
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    There are huge differences in classes.

    I'm middle class (I know were disappearing) my wife teaches in an area with lot of poverty, my school is middle class(I am IT not teaching) My sister teachers at a school with mostly wealthy. The priorities and values are just so odd.

    Case in point, my sister had a parent teacher student conference, the mother commented "You don't want to grow up and have to shop at target." .. it wasn't even ripping on wall mart. ?!?!? We shop at Target.

    my wife, a family was sleeping on mattresses in the kitchen and had no fridge. The school chipped in and bought them a fridge. They when and sold it, and went on a family vacation, because they didn't need a fridge.

    Bizarre..

    I disagree that wealthy act that way. Maybe you are talking about upper-middle class or the rich...(although obv not all ppl within a certain class are the same lol)^.^

    As for the topic at hand, some people are just like that. I wouldnt let those women get to you. ^.^ Idk why they are like that and dont care. They dont seem like pleasant people anyways, so forget about them :)

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