Feeling Guilty

mynameiscarrie

This is not weight loss related...just fyi

I'm getting married in May. The venue is booked and includes everything except the cake and the dj--literally everything. It's an amazing price (I won't say how much but it's under 10k). My parents are paying for the wedding and reception because it's tradition and that's what they adhere to.

The problem?
Well, my dad called me and left me a voicemail today saying that the deposit and contract were dropped off and he mentioned going there for other events to be a waiter. Now, he loves the food industry (he could seriously be a chef--he's great at it and loves it) and the caterer at the venue and him got along great, but to me this sounds like another job. And another job makes me feel like my parents can't afford it. That makes me feel guilty. They want my fiance and I to have a beautiful wedding with our friends and family and we're adhering to a strict budget. A lot of it is DIY and we'll probably end up under budget to be honest, but I still feel horrible.


I really don't know what to do. My dad could have just asked to do it for something to do since there's only 1 child in the household now that my sister and I are gone, but I'm not sure...

I need advice.

chevy88grl

Is it possible that your dad just wants to do this because he would enjoy it? Sometimes other situations in our lives lead us to other opportunities (for example: I started tanning at a salon and within a year or so I started working there because I liked it... so, tanning there led me to a job there... (I don't work there anymore for financial reasons, but you get what I am saying). Maybe he just wants to do it and it doesn't have anything to do with the wedding?

tattooedtwiin

Long gone are the days where the brides family pays for everything but the rehersal dinner.

lmelangley

Try to not obsess. Parents want to do stuff for their kids - and not just because tradition dictates. You could make your parents feel badly if your dad is doing this for money for whatever reason. Their finances are their business, not yours. I know that's hard to swallow, but you don't want them involved in yours, do you?

On the other hand, if you are truly feeling bad about your parents paying for everything, tell them and then tell them what you'd like to pitch in and pay. Don't mention the job - again, not your business. Could you reimburse the down payment? Make the final payment? Even pay for your dad's tux and your mom's dress - assuming their getting those.

Good luck. The guilt monster is never fun.

otr12

If your parents adhere to tradition, and your father is working so he can afford to do that, then he is a real quality man. Being a good provider is what makes him feel valuable, and doing whatever it takes to provide makes him feel proud.

Don't you dare take that away from him! Don't even mention it. If the thought bothers you and you can't keep your mouth shut just say "Thank you dad. I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful father and I can't wait to have a husband that will be as good to me as you are to mom". A good man would gladly dig ditches to fund his daughters wedding if she said that to him.

mynameiscarrie

Thanks for all the input...i talked to my mom about it a little--didn't mention the job just was like "wow i kinda feel bad" blah blah...she just said that they wouldn't give me a budget they weren't comfortable with and that they appreciate how much DIY stuff i'm doing (even though i like doing it and would almost prefer it since it puts me in control---thats a whole different thread lol) and said that the wedding is for the the whole family so even though it's our day and our wedding, the whole family gets something out of it by being a part of it and everything.

so yeah. i feel better now. i'm emotional anyways so this was just added. lol thanks!

kennethmgreen

This thread made me smile. I'm happy you are getting married and your family is providing for you. The responses posted were great. I read your initial post and started to reply with similar sentiments, but others already said it better than I could.

I love your before and after pics in your signature. Your profile pics are great too. You and your fiance look super happy together. Just a really good thread to stumble upon in the middle of the afternoon while at work. This pleases me. Thank you, original poster, and MFP, for this little nugget today.

Qarol

I got nuthin. My husband and I paid every cent for our wedding.