When someone tells you they need to lose weight, what do you

Kirsty_UK

When someone tells you they need to lose weight, what do you say?

I used to say things like "you look great already", anything but agree with them that yes, they do need to lose weight, because somehow, agreeing seemed rude, or offensive, and we're trained to say nice things to people. Then when I reached the point when I knew I needed to lose weight, I realised that whenever I mentioned that to people, even in passing, rather than as a conversation topic, people would tell me "oh no, you look great, you don't need to lose any weight". I wasn't looking for reassurance or platitudes, I was simply stating a fact "I need to lose weight", and those comments were not helping.

Did they come from a place of caring? or of not wanting to agree with me, because then they'd probably also have to face the fact that yes, they too probably need to lose weight?

it's a difficult subject, but now, when someone tells me they think they need to lose weight, or are trying too, and I can see that they are genuinely over a healthy BMI, I no longer think I'm being kind by being nice.

ginique

When someone tells you they need to lose weight, what do you say?

"So do I."

fridayjustleft04

If they bring it up and say "I need to lose weight", I won't agree or disagree. I simply say "if you're really serious about it, check out this website (insert MFP). Also, I have some extra DVDs you could try, or we could workout together if you want." If they then want to continue talking about it or ask questions, I'm all for giving them the benefit of my experience, but again, I would never say "yeah, you do need to lose weight".

bachooka

I mention MFP... I say it is a great site and I have lost 60lbs. If they really don't look like they need to lose I still say, "mfp".

hm_day

I definitely agree with this. If they're over a healthy weight substantially, it's not helping by saying that they look great, because it may harm them in the long run. When I say that I need to lose weight, I, like you, am simply stating a fact. I'm not looking for compliments or reassurance. It just is.

ChrisWag

I 100% agree. Whenever someone says to me that they need to lose weight, I say "so where are you going to start?" I don't really agree that they need to, I guide the conversation to what are they going to do about it. That opens the door for them to say something then for me to offer tips..
BUT.....I cannot stand when someone says to me, "I need to lose weight" as they sit and eat 4 slices of pizza. I say, well then stop eating like that....
I tend to be rather blunt sometimes tho LOL....

I loved this post!!!

SaundraU

I tell them about my goals and how I am using MFP. I've got a few to join here and now we support each other through the tough times.

HeidiMightyRawr

I used to say, "oh you don't need to lose any" at one point, but more recently I feel it's harder to say that to someone who obviously could do with losing a bit. Now, if someone talks to me about their plans on losing (unless they really are very skinny already) I'll say something like "oh ok" (not in a disinterested way!) lol and then start talking to them about here, or gym stuff. I still don't like to agree with them as I feel like I'm being rude but just act like what they want to do is their decision, and wish them luck with it, and get involved in the conversation with them.

alliecore

This is tough for me, because I always do my best to encourage people and help nurture positive body image. But because their health is ultimately my biggest concern, I don't tell them they are wrong if they obviously need to lose weight. Instead, I tell them that it IS do-able. If they want advice, I give it; otherwise, I just do my best to convey my support in a way that doesn't leave them feeling like I just told them they were overweight.

chevy88grl

I usually try and approach it politely. A lot of people will say "I need to lose weight" because they are fishing for compliments. If I suspect that is the case and I feel like they DO look good as they are - I will say "Oh stop! You look great just as you are!". But, if they genuinely need to lose weight and comment on it - I take a slightly different approach. I will say "Well, what can you change to help you achieve your goal?"

When you're overweight, you KNOW you need to lose weight. But starting an exercise program and lifestyle change is the hardest step. It really is. I feel like if someone comments to me about their weight and needing to lose weight, perhaps they are saying it to me because they look up to me. I've lost the weight and I think seeing someone who has lost the weight and is keeping it off helps to motivate us. Maybe I am a positive influence to them and I can and should do what I can to help them out.

That being said, there are a lot of people who know they need to lose weight, comment on needing to lose weight but honestly? They don't want any help. They want someone to tell them it's okay to be overweight. Unfortunately, I'm not a nice enough person to soothe them and tell them they look great and don't need to lose it. I usually just keep my mouth shut or smile at them.

UpEarly

If the person is honestly overweight, I usually reply with a question. Something like 'Oh, really? How much do you want to lose?' Then you can follow with more questions like 'Are you going to follow a specific diet, or just eat healthier?' or 'Will you join a gym?'.

Of course, if the person is already fit and healthy, then I reply with a 'You look great! You don't need to lose a thing!'

If it's someone I don't know well, I don't really respond. I'll bring up a new subject or divert. After all, 'I need to lose weight' isn't really a question.

chevy88grl

I 100% agree. Whenever someone says to me that they need to lose weight, I say "so where are you going to start?" I don't really agree that they need to, I guide the conversation to what are they going to do about it. That opens the door for them to say something then for me to offer tips..
BUT.....I cannot stand when someone says to me, "I need to lose weight" as they sit and eat 4 slices of pizza. I say, well then stop eating like that....
I tend to be rather blunt sometimes tho LOL....

I loved this post!!!

I have a friend at work who does this ALL the time...

"I need to lose weight!"

As she stuffs a 4 pack of king size Reese's peanut butter cups, a bag of Lay's chips and a 20oz bottle of Mt Dew down her throat -- all in less than 15 mins.

She's stopped saying it around me because I will point blank tell her "Well, stuffing all that into your mouth isn't the way to achieve it!"

LTGPSA

Great topic and great responses, as I've encountered this scenario with some of my well-meaning friends and the "you look great" response. Although I wouldn't want them to respond with "yeah, you're fat" etc., at the same time - what IS the correct response...well, you've provided it here. Great stuff peeps! :flowerforyou:

Enforcer25

When a guy says this, he gets a blunt answer with some advice, if a women says this, I'd be more diplomatic about it, but mention they should check out this site and something to the effect of so do I and I've been doing this ex going to the gym, walking, running, whatever. I definitely don't think it does them a favor to not address the problem.

ninerbuff

I say "When do you want to start?" since most times they are asking for me to train them.

GreatSetOfBrains

I'm not bad, only a few lbs over and ppl say it to me all the time. You look wonderful, yeah we'll that's what they said when I was 208 pounds. Why did no one tell me I was fat, not heavy, fat!

I agree sensitive topic, I offer to work out with people. Would you like to go walking sometime? Anything to show support.

sabahfurqan

Well if i can i tell them i that i want and need to lose weight too...
Some times, i give them health tips but not i any forceful or rood or wrong way - just in mutual conversation..
Some times, yes i have said no you are fine! especially if they are quite old etc, etc......

beckyinma

I usually say "now is as good a time as any to start" or "you've got to start somewhere, so start small, with a walk at lunch." and "if you're really ready to commit, then check out MFP." Or if someone says they're having trouble, I really push MFP as a tool to help to be accountable.

surfinbernard

It's not easy to know, I regularly read or hear overweight people complaining about what someone said to them regarding their weight loss efforts and to some degree there is almost a determination to take whatever is said badly because it is such a sore point for some. Most of the 'bad' responses come out of an awkwardness about admitting they noticed their friend was fat, and they no doubt sensed their sensitivity around their weight and don't know what to say! If you are overweight yourself it's easy to relate and say 'yes, I wouldn't mind losing a bit myself, what is your plan of attack?' but even then, if you are slimmer than your bigger friend they may take offense to this too because it may seem to them that you are making a massive issue out of nothing, especially if your start weight is as low as their goal weight. I have had this a few times- being very conscious of my weight and wanting to lose baby weight is sometimes just seen as being picky or vain by people with more weight to lose so it's not always possible to 'relate'.

Best just to ask what their inspiration was to make them decide to lose weight and show an interest in what diet/ exercise plan they will be following etc., better not to comment on whether or not they need to lose weight, or on your own weight loss unless you are heavier. Also recommendations for MFP or whatever has worked for you can't be a bad thing.

mem50

I give them a good look over. If I feel they are "fishing" I say "why, you look good as is". If they, like me, are really wanting to do it I tell them about MFP. Great site, great people, great tools and it's free.

Then if they continue on about the weight loss issue I give them a basic rundown on What diet do you think you'll do and exercise type for a workout. I'll help as much as I can.

I also have run into the ones that keep going on and on about 10 pounds this and my clothes don't fit type of talk only to see them eating all the time. At work is where I find this type. They see me losing and say they need to lose some weight (and they do) but I turn around and there they are with a bag of chips, candy from home, donuts, etc,etc, I just shake my head and walk away. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink is my attitude now.

Here on MFP is where I need to be and I feel I have a great support group.

babygurl48

When someone tells you they need to lose weight, what do you say?

"So do I."

This is what I would say too .

Mommawarrior

I usually tell them to put down the twinkies and ho hos and soda, eat some fruit and veggies and get out from in front of the television.
I am not a cold hearted person, I swear, just truthful and the truth is if you want to lose weight you can't sit in front of a tv eating crap all day and night.