people who don't eat enough

sweetsarahj

This has been bothering me for awhile.

There is a MFP 'friend' I have who doesn't eat nearly enough. We're talking eating disorder territory. I just deleted her because I can't deal with reading the positive comments she gets for destroying her body.

I really wanted to tell her that she is not doing herself any good, even wrote out a msg, and comments, none of which I posted. I didn't post or send because I thought that they would be unwanted, and I might come across as pushy or sticking my nose where it doesn't belong.

I know there are recovering and active ED people on MFP and I hope everyone is getting what they need from it. But I just cannot stand the cheerleading that can happen when someone only eats 500 cals/day. Also be by being "friends' with her, and not saying anythin, it felt kinda like condoning it.


ANyone else feel this way?

koosdel

When you are wrong, is when you need your friends the most.

LJCannon

Sometimes with MFP Friends it is hard to know when to say something and How to say it.:ohwell:

JamesonsMommy

She wasn't on that hcg diet was she? I don't understand why people pay money to do that to themselves.. I don't care who you are 500 calories isn't enough even if the hcg drops don't make you hungry

LemonPoppySeedMuffin

I'm glad you have noticed this too. I'm trying to recover from anorexia. I get compliments for eating little. However there are some amazing people who cheer me on & give me great suggestions on how to eat more.
I see some overweight people who starve themselves. Even if you are the biggest person in the world, you still need to eat! I think people forgot this

wbond

I have seen this too. Some people who I am friends with and who I actively tell them they are not eating enough, have some of their friends say "way to be under your goal" or "great logging" when they are eating 700-800 calories a day...I know there are times to be positive but not when someone is starving themselves...

NoAdditives

I think you should at least tell her what you feel. A lot of the time the advice to eat more isn't wanted, but if you're concerned you need to say something.

sk1nnyme

Many times I forget to log into my food diary. I hope it's the case that you have observed people simply forgetting everything that he or she eats.

deenaspell

UUUGGGHHHH! It's for this reason that I can't be friends with people like that. I see that crap too - goals under 110 lbs and eating less than 1,000 calories. You're not alone in feeling the way you do!

TurnOnToLife

It's a tough call via social media because we through the word "friend" around so casually. If you know this person in "real life," then I would agree that it's good for you to say something. But if she's just a MFP friend and you've never even had a phone conversation, then it gets trickier. At that point you have to ask yourself, will she even hear what you're saying, or will she just harden her position in defiance of your "criticisms"?

I think this message board conversation you started is probably the best thing you could do. It raises the issue for discussion without singling out an individual.

Most importantly, keep rocking it yourself. I think we all lead best by example anyway.

Peace & Passion,
Curtis

TurnOnToLife

*throw, not through

shimmergal

This has been bothering me for awhile.

There is a MFP 'friend' I have who doesn't eat nearly enough. We're talking eating disorder territory. I just deleted her because I can't deal with reading the positive comments she gets for destroying her body.

I really wanted to tell her that she is not doing herself any good, even wrote out a msg, and comments, none of which I posted. I didn't post or send because I thought that they would be unwanted, and I might come across as pushy or sticking my nose where it doesn't belong.

I know there are recovering and active ED people on MFP and I hope everyone is getting what they need from it. But I just cannot stand the cheerleading that can happen when someone only eats 500 cals/day. Also be by being "friends' with her, and not saying anythin, it felt kinda like condoning it.


ANyone else feel this way?

I have a MFP friend who is the same category as your friend but mine does not think she is in the eating disorder category. I feel the same as you. Many times, I have typed in the message but then deleted it...thinking that I am probably not the right person to advise her. my MFP pal thinks she knows a lot about nutrition, etc.... She has lost a ton of weight that I did. So, I feel that I am not in the best position to advise her...... Anyways, long story short. I try to encourage her in the area of fitness but not in the areas of nutrition. :-(

lanaholt

If you are truly friends, you will say something. But "friends" online aren't always intimate enough friends to give such advice. It's up to you to decide.

I totally agree with the calories. It's not healthy for most women to go under 1200 calories a day unless they are doing a very short diet modification or are under a physicians care.

Edithrenee

Well that is hard to say really. Because as a matter of fact would she have listened? If you try to tell her at this point she will shrug it off and get mad or think you are jealous lol. That is how eating disorders can be. I used to be borderline anorixic, and Body dismorphia. I stll think i have a tendencies to go over bord Im never in the middle and im working on that.

Sometimes you can try to talk to them and let her know when she realizes it isnt a good thing she is doing you are there for her you can help her in that way but until she can then you cant be friends. I would have at least told her that or something like that . you know plant a seed there so she can be somewhat aware. All she heres now is the praise because no onw knows what she is doing to get there or understand y its dangerous. But once she starts realizing it then she will at least know she can come to you at that point

NoAdditives

I have seen this too. Some people who I am friends with and who I actively tell them they are not eating enough, have some of their friends say "way to be under your goal" or "great logging" when they are eating 700-800 calories a day...I know there are times to be positive but not when someone is starving themselves...

I think a lot of the time people just don't bother to look at other people's food diaries. When I see people are under I check to make sure they're being healthy. If they're only a little under or if they offer a reason why they are 200+ calories under their goal I leave it alone. We all have days like that. But, if they are consistently under by 300 or more calories they get a mini "lecture" from me because I honestly care about people's health.

cclaborn22

I completely agree with you! I have seen a couple of my friends do that, along with working out and burning extra calories when they are already in a deficit. PLEASE if you wanto to lose weight and not screw up your metabolism you have to eat

Other people encourage this behavior of under 1,000 calories/day. I don't understand this is not accomplishing anything for the person starving themselves.

hush7hush

If you don't like it, don't read it.

Or in this case, don't friend it.

It's his/her body, they will treat it as they please. And if they have a real disorder, they're probably aware. If they DON'T, then your comments could possibly push them to disordered territory.

LemonPoppySeedMuffin

What surprises me too, adults encouraging younger ones to eat less than 1000! Mothers supporting starvation. Would they support THEIR child to starve?

alienblonde1

I had one who hardly ate and I would say please you need to eat more. But one of their other buddies were harder on her. I don't know if she finally left or just unfriended me. I understand if someone does it on occasion but everyday something should be said.

AnnaPixie

I've had a couple friends who undereat and I have to say something. I comment once or twice, guide them to the pitfalls of malnutrtion and encourage them to read posts about starvation mode etc.

If they choose to ignore my advice then I dont post on their diaries anymore. They now know how I feel about it and therefore shouldnt expect me to encourage something I dont agree with.

That being said I feel I've done my job as a 'friend' and just support their exercise and other things. I've noticed that people that undereat dont stick around too long anyhow, so I dont need to delete them!

Good luck :flowerforyou:

christine24t

Could you send the person a message? Just say you see what's going on and you wanted to know what is up?

krbn2

And if they have a real disorder, they're probably aware. If they DON'T, then your comments could possibly push them to disordered territory.

I don't think anorexia has been shown to be caused by people being told to eat more. It's got a genetic component, and there's lots of debate as to what environmental factors contribute, but being told to eat more is probably more a red flag for an eating disorder than it is a cause. I really doubt that when people experience serious health consequences of eating disorders they say, "Oh, if only that stranger hadn't told me my dangerous habits were dangerous that one time weeks/months/years ago, then I wouldn't have been pushed to keep doing them..."

I mean, maybe your friend doesn't track everything, maybe they're under super-supervision, maybe they're planning on doing a really low calorie thing for only a certain period of time and they'll quit next week and go on to live a non-disordered healthy life. But worst case scenario, they're going to be greatly, righteously offended by a comment that tells them to eat more, not life-ruined.

sweetsarahj

Thanks for the comments everyone. I did delete her.... because she is not really a 'friend' and whatever is going on with her, she is not on the same path as I am and I don't think my criticism would be welcome.

meerkat70

I do think the water is muddied on mfp by the largish number of people who appear to be on very restricted calorie diets and think that that is a good way to lose weight. I do think, once you're restricting this much, you're in disordered eating terrain, even if you don't have a diagnosable eating disorder.

With regards to your friend, to be honest, I'm not sure that sending her a message will have much impact. Chances are she will just brush it off, and probably have a good whinge to her other friends about it.

vanessaclarkgbr

Just one thing though - I quite often read up on people on my iPod. I can see they are under, but not how under or what they ate - so I put something like Well Done, rather than not putting anything and probably missing that person altogether by the time I log on. Sometimes I feel guilty if I see later someone has said, under 1,000 again, why, on that post, but what can I do? If I could see that they had only eaten 500 cals, I definitely wouldn't put that, I'd ask where their lunch was, in a nice way of course ;-) Just saying yes, it shouldn't be congratulated but *maybe* not all of the posters can see the whole facts there. Good post though, we always congratulate people who have a big loss in a week and unless you've only just started that might not be the best? Hard to know what to do.

_Ben

Sadly, weightloss and eating disorders go hand in hand. Its easy to see rapid weight loss when you juststop eating all together, which normally is difficult to sustain in the long run

sandradi11

It's a tricky one because some people just don't want to hear that they're eating too little and some are looking for a quick fix.

What does annoy me is all the people cheering those on who have only eaten around 700 calories. What's with all the 'WTG, Great Job, diary looks great' Why come out with this utter nonsense when they are clearly not eating healthily?!

stevwil41

I agree that people only hear what they want to hear but if it was bothering you enough to start this topic then you probably should have at least sent her a private message. Abandoning someone because you feel that strongly about their habits without actually making your feelings known is kind of...ehh.

kitinboots

My MFP friends are rather good. I don't recall being praised on days where I fall way short of my calorie goal.

jennfer71

A goal is something to be reached, not avoided. I try to get as close to my goal as possible whether it ends up being a little over or under. I don't condone the idea of congratulating anybody on their day without looking at the diary first. I usually try to note in mine if the day is "off" my norm for any reason. It is also a good way to tell who is really checking for the facts & who is a blind cheerleader too.

lucythinmint

I had a similar "friend" who not only didn't eat enough but made many posts about behaviors that are completely ED related and they made the worst comments about themselves that they could and people cheered them on. Telling this person that their goal weight was ok even though it was almost emaciated looking.

I am in recovery from an ED, I get it that you will not get healthy until you are ready but there is a limit on what * I * can stand to read and see other people comment on and even tell them its OK.

What they do to themselves is ok for them, but I do not have to be apart of it. There is a delete friend button for a reason :drinker: