sh!# my mom said...

chocolateandvodka

"those shorts are so short they should come with a hairnet!"

what did your mom/dad/aunt/uncle/relative used to say that made you laugh?

boomboom011

my mom tries to be hip and say stuff like "hell to the no" or instead of say $1 thousand dollars she says a grand. She also orders food crazy. It drives my sister and I nuts. For example she goes to Braums for a chocolate frozen yogurt in a waffle cone about 2 or 3 times a week. However she orders it this way "uh yes i would like a frozen yogurt in a waffle cone chocolate large". WTH MOM! lol

Krull_the_WarriorKing

When it would rain my mom would ask me what I did to make god cry... I spent a lot of time in Therapy.

skinnywithin

my mom tries to be hip and say stuff like "hell to the no" or instead of say $1 thousand dollars she says a grand. She also orders food crazy. It drives my sister and I nuts. For example she goes to Braums for a chocolate frozen yogurt in a waffle cone about 2 or 3 times a week. However she orders it this way "uh yes i would like a frozen yogurt in a waffle cone chocolate large". WTH MOM! lol

that just cracked me up !!!!!!!!!!!!!

boomboom011

my mom tries to be hip and say stuff like "hell to the no" or instead of say $1 thousand dollars she says a grand. She also orders food crazy. It drives my sister and I nuts. For example she goes to Braums for a chocolate frozen yogurt in a waffle cone about 2 or 3 times a week. However she orders it this way "uh yes i would like a frozen yogurt in a waffle cone chocolate large". WTH MOM! lol

that just cracked me up !!!!!!!!!!!!!

she has now started to say "thats what she said". Its so oogie! Sometimes we just want her to be an old lady. lol

skittybang

Back story - my mom's super superstitious for religious/whatever reasons -

#1 - Bird flies into window. "You aren't going anywhere tonight" me - "Wth, why not?" mom - "something bad will happen " me - "Oh ya, how do you know" mom - "The bird hit the window."

#2 - I was in middle school and bought a scary mask for Halloween. In the middle of the night my mom made my dad take that mask to the trash far away from the house. She believed it could possess us.

#3 - mom - "Don't cut your hair on Sunday. It will never grow again"

#4 - mom - "Don't stare at the moon! You'll go crazy"

boomboom011

my grandma would tell us not to watch dogs do it cause we will get the pink eye.

juliecat1

man.... my fingers would fall off before I could tell you all the crazy stuff my mom says. Shes a bit coo-coo :laugh:

She pronounces things funny too. Like Zink for sink, baby dowels for dolls, terlet for toilet, waRshington for washington. Drives me insane!!
But like someone up there said - she tries to be cool in her speech and says things that fail miserably or end up being something naughty but she has no clue why I laugh.
But I love her dearly

chocolateandvodka

Back story - my mom's super superstitious for religious/whatever reasons -

#1 - Bird flies into window. "You aren't going anywhere tonight" me - "Wth, why not?" mom - "something bad will happen " me - "Oh ya, how do you know" mom - "The bird hit the window."

#2 - I was in middle school and bought a scary mask for Halloween. In the middle of the night my mom made my dad take that mask to the trash far away from the house. She believed it could possess us.

#3 - mom - "Don't cut your hair on Sunday. It will never grow again"

#4 - mom - "Don't stare at the moon! You'll go crazy"

omg i'm seriously cracking up!

skittybang

omg i'm seriously cracking up!

It's sick! She SERIOUSLY believes this crap!

kapeluza

my mom tries to be hip and say stuff like "hell to the no" or instead of say $1 thousand dollars she says a grand. She also orders food crazy. It drives my sister and I nuts. For example she goes to Braums for a chocolate frozen yogurt in a waffle cone about 2 or 3 times a week. However she orders it this way "uh yes i would like a frozen yogurt in a waffle cone chocolate large". WTH MOM! lol

Ok, you need to start a blog!! "The sh&t My Mom Says!" ROFL!

juliecat1

Back story - my mom's super superstitious for religious/whatever reasons -

#1 - Bird flies into window. "You aren't going anywhere tonight" me - "Wth, why not?" mom - "something bad will happen " me - "Oh ya, how do you know" mom - "The bird hit the window."

#2 - I was in middle school and bought a scary mask for Halloween. In the middle of the night my mom made my dad take that mask to the trash far away from the house. She believed it could possess us.

#3 - mom - "Don't cut your hair on Sunday. It will never grow again"

#4 - mom - "Don't stare at the moon! You'll go crazy"

OMG! I think we have the same mom!! Scary masks, possessions, cant watch scary movies because those (fake) demons might come thru the tv.

robin52077

my mom tries to be hip and say stuff like "hell to the no" or instead of say $1 thousand dollars she says a grand. She also orders food crazy. It drives my sister and I nuts. For example she goes to Braums for a chocolate frozen yogurt in a waffle cone about 2 or 3 times a week. However she orders it this way "uh yes i would like a frozen yogurt in a waffle cone chocolate large". WTH MOM! lol

my mom is an extremely annoying food orderer also...

instead of a "large fry"...it's " one large sized order of french fries"

or at the drive thru for coffee, instead of a "medium black" she will say " I would like to order a medium sized cup of black coffee to go with no sugar and no cream or milk"
duh mom..it's a drive thru so it's obviously to go, there is no need to specify "cup of coffee", and "black" MEANS no cream or sugar!!!!!!

skinnywithin

My son used to say " That taste so good it would make your tongue slap your brains out " !!!

My brothers favorite was " Help,,, someone give me a band-aide...I look so sharp I may cut myself"!! <----hated when he did that !

and the winner is........" EXCUSE ME >>DO YOU NEED A CONDOM, BECASUE YOU SURE ARE ACTING LIKE D*@K RIGHT NOW "!

skinnywithin

OH and I almost forgot my sister classic :

MY SISTER ORDERS A CHEESE STEAK AND SAYS IT LIKE THIS:

YES, I WOULD LIKE A SMALL CHEESESTEAK WITH NO CHEESE AND KETCHUP !!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG WTF..I keep telling that is NOT a cheesesteak, its just a STEAK WITH KETCHUP!!!!!!!

morganhccstudent724

Pretty is as pretty does...

This was a classic....She would tell me no matter how pretty I was on the outside....it meant nothing if I wasn't trying to be prettier on the inside

Qarol

Whenever I would say, "Mom, you know what?" She would reply, "No, I never met him." All the frackking time!!! It annoyed me to no end.

boomboom011

my mom hates cheese but orders nachos and says go easy on the cheese. WHY DONT YOU JUST ORDER CHIPS MOM? lol

she brainwashed my sister to think cheese is disgusting and she will order things without cheese but that girl will tear up some chips and queso. Sister secretly loves cheese. I think she doesnt want to disappoint my mom. lol WIERDOS!

dayzeerock

My brother and I have to buy our mom gifts on OUR birthdays? Why? According to her:
I shoved your big *kitten*, ten pound heads out of MY BODY, so this day should be all about ME!!

Ahhh....I love my mom!

Ireshgurl

It was mainly my Dad in our house......

I'd ask what was for dinner, his reply?? food. I'd ask what kind. again, his reply... the kind you eat. My dad was sarcastic like that, lol.

"you look with your eyes, not with your hands" was a favorite when we'd go shopping, lol.
"stick your lip out any further and a bird's gonna come **** on it" when i was upset and pouting.....
and my all time favorite that i actually found myself using on my kid when he was younger....
"if you want, i'll give you something to really cry about".

chocolateandvodka

Whenever I would say, "Mom, you know what?" She would reply, "No, I never met him." All the frackking time!!! It annoyed me to no end.

ugh my stepmom does that. it bothers me to no end.

chocolateandvodka

My brother and I have to buy our mom gifts on OUR birthdays? Why? According to her:
I shoved your big *kitten*, ten pound heads out of MY BODY, so this day should be all about ME!!

Ahhh....I love my mom!

ok now that is effing HILARIOUS!!!!

boomboom011

my husband says this if the kids want something. He says "well poop/sh&t in one hand and want in the other and see which one fills up faster".

The kids always look so confused. I just shake my head in shame.

ohwhataday

I couldn't watch Practical Magic after my mom and stepdad had recently become born-again christian ministers. I was told it would bring evil into the house.. as well as Harry Potter and Pokemon and any book about anything remotely evil!

Ugh. Bring back my partyin' loosey goosey mom that I had before I became a teen.

kr3851

Me: I'm hungry.
Mum: Hi Hungry, I'm Sue.

Me: I feel like a chocolate.
Mum: You don't look like a chocolate.

And the best one from my Gran: I'm counting on you to give me a legitimate Great-Grandchild. Unlike all my other hussy granddaughters who have had babies out of wedlock!

CoachMaritova

When it would rain my mom would ask me what I did to make god cry... I spent a lot of time in Therapy.

ROFL!!!!

PeachyKeene

and the winner is........" EXCUSE ME >>DO YOU NEED A CONDOM, BECASUE YOU SURE ARE ACTING LIKE D*@K RIGHT NOW "!

I got to remember that one!

Sh1tsRainbows

i showed my g-ma one of my tattoos when i was younger and she said "Smarts Dont it???"
I was so confised but i guess "smarts" means hurt

my friend in Jr high wouldnt let her talk on the phone when it was lightening outside...and this was BEFORE cordless phones
(Oh geez Im OLD!!!)


same mom wouldnt let her kids eat french toast for fear of samonella

Jorra

my mom tries to be hip and say stuff like "hell to the no" or instead of say $1 thousand dollars she says a grand. She also orders food crazy. It drives my sister and I nuts. For example she goes to Braums for a chocolate frozen yogurt in a waffle cone about 2 or 3 times a week. However she orders it this way "uh yes i would like a frozen yogurt in a waffle cone chocolate large". WTH MOM! lol

my mom is an extremely annoying food orderer also...

instead of a "large fry"...it's " one large sized order of french fries"

or at the drive thru for coffee, instead of a "medium black" she will say " I would like to order a medium sized cup of black coffee to go with no sugar and no cream or milk"
duh mom..it's a drive thru so it's obviously to go, there is no need to specify "cup of coffee", and "black" MEANS no cream or sugar!!!!!!

As someone who works in the food industry, I can tell you that gets extremely irritating! LOL The biggest thing I get is "I'd like a cheeseburger, plain and dry, no ketchup, no mustard, and no pickles." Well yes, I understood what you meant when you said plain, let's get on with it. Of course it also annoys me when people say stuff weirdly out of order, but normally I don't fault them because they don't know the order I have to hit the buttons on my cash register.

My grandma always says "Darn you anyway!" when she's mad. But when she got really mad she upped it to "Damn you anyway!" That's how you knew you were in deep ****. She also just tends to repeat herself a lot. She'll make her point and then go on to restate it five different ways in the following sentences. I got it!

skinnywithin

my mom had all these crazy sayins that I grew up hating and now I use OFTEN ! LOL

Those who live in glass houses shouldnt throw stones <

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I never knew wtf that meant as a kid !

I brought you into this world and I can surely take you out!!!!!! <

---

I used to wonder where we were going..LOL

Dont write a check that your *kitten* cant cash ! <---Once again, she left me standing there confused !

If that aint the pot calling the kettle black !!!! <

---

But I never called you black Mom ???

Jesus Christ..Im hotter than a *kitten* in church. <

---

I always thought the words Jesus Chrsit, Church and *kitten* didnt mesh !

OH AND HERE YA GO !!! Whever my siste and I would do dishes and get a little water on the counter she would always say : YOUR GOING TO END UP LIVING WITH A DRUNK !!!!!!!!!! ( she claims that because we were messy with the water thats what it meant ) LOL sad part was she was right !!!!!!!!!! and that why he is an EX and I bought a dishwasher !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

juliecat1

As someone who works in the food industry, I can tell you that gets extremely irritating! LOL The biggest thing I get is "I'd like a cheeseburger, plain and dry, no ketchup, no mustard, and no pickles." Well yes, I understood what you meant when you said plain, let's get on with it. Of course it also annoys me when people say stuff weirdly out of order, but normally I don't fault them because they don't know the order I have to hit the buttons on my cash register.

On the flip side.... I ALWAYS order things plain because it saves calories. I hate when they come back and say "so, you dont want any sauces" Right - PLAIN. And then they almost always go on and say "do you want the onions or cheese?" I tend to get snarky at this point and say Bread and chicken please.