I just CAN'T go backwards, I won't! Help!

MariSama44

Well here I am again. I used to be a super-star on here, and you know how things go...you get out of the habit, you dont need it anymore, you do well enough on your own and you leave good things behind. I know I've done this to MFP. I didn't mean to. I just graduated college after an intense session of summer school, had a birthday, moved to a different state on my own for the first time, new professional job, unemployed roomate, and no gym. It's alot to handle...I have been slipping for a while, and today i had gone back up to 180, something I promised myself would never happen. I was 170 when I started to get off track. I hadn't even reached my goal of 160 and I slipped.

I've made lots of promises to myself and for some reason recently they've all managed to get broken. But every time I'm faced with an option I always choose the easier, less healthy one, even though I know I shouldn't. I'm getting teary-eyed even writing this, I don't want to go backwards. I don't want that life again, but I feel trapped and stuck. This is so hard right now, and I think its because my life has changed so drastically in such a short time.

I've been here before obviously, so I know the first step to making a change is making a record and being accountable. Typing this out has somehow been extremely emotional, so I hope that's a good sign. I also can still see these permanent changes I've instilled in myself...I know when enough is enough now. I WANT to eat healty, it just hasn't been convenient, I have let people convince me its okay to splurge more. The gyms around my house are nasty and I haven't been able to find one I like yet. And I have a million other things to do that don't concern my health but stupid crap like getting a new license, changing car tags, unpacking, work, worrying about money, etc etc.

This has been the hardest challenge yet, but I'm determined. I was hoping there are others around that have been through this and can lend some strength or wisdom. I could really use it right about now. :sad:

infamousmk

THIS IS GREAT! Coming back, making a committment to MFP'ing, knowing you need a little help - those are all things that will help you get back on track. You can totally do it. And I think some times, a little break to test your skills is needed. Now you know you're gonna need some help for a little longer, you know?

CJK1959

The first step is knowing that you need some support and motivation. Look at all the changes you have made in your life already....you must be a very strong young woman to be dealing with all this. Just take a deep breath and keep going forward; don't beat yourself up over some less than perfect choices. For me, the guilt I would feel when falling off the wagon would just make me eat more....convincing myself that I couldn't do it, or wasn't worth it. YOU ARE WORTH IT! So, just keep your eye on the prize.....better health....cuter clothes.....and self esteem that you have earned!!!!!!!!!!!!

tracylee679

Don't know that I can offer any wisdom to you because I am right there in the same boat as you. I have lost a total of 38 pounds and in the last 2 weeks have gained about 4 of that back. I have about 17 pounds until I reach my goal weight and I have been fluctuating back and forth between 148 and 151 for what seems like forever.

I can feel the old habbits starting to creep back in. When I was exercising and eating better religiously I was losing weight consistently. I have been treating myself more lately and I was at the point that I felt like I will never reach my goal and I might as well give up. That is not what I am going to do this time. I have been so close to my goals many times and always start to sabotage myself and I don't even know why. Do I not feel worthy, do I feel like I don't deserve to be happy?

All I know is that right now this is not what either one of us want. We need to make a choice and a consious effort to assure that we achieve our goals. We will not give up this time. We are stonger than all of these doubts and worries that we will not make it to our goals. We will pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and look foward. Forget about the slips and the backsliding. We are warriors and we will not lose this battle!

Tracy

MariSama44

misskortney - Thanks for the motivational words...I know I can do it its just staying consistent that's so hard. I'll try.

CJK - Thank you so much, I'll remember to stay positive. you're right about that!

Tracy - I'm so glad I'm not alone. The last bit to your goal is so so so hard. *sigh* I'll work on moving forward and being resilient, and good luck to you too!

mandemonious

Welcome back! I've been right where you are. I lost down to 150 and gained all the way back to 193 before I got my rear in gear. Its a process and its not all physical. There is plenty of mental work to do here too Best to you in your journey!! You've taken the first step to getting back on track, admitting you have slipped to yourself and to us. Good job, now for the next steps

cmriverside

You have a lot on your plate right now. (No pun intended)....

I know when things get stressful in my life I tend to lean towards unhealthy things. Unfortunately that's exactly when I need the healthy behaviors the most!

Exercise = Stress Reliever
Nutritious Food = Body strength


The fastest way to depression is bad nutrition + no exercise + stress.

I find it's really helpful to write things out, like you said. Start writing. Every day. You don't have to make it public, just write in Notepad or Word or someplace online that is private if you wish. Or write it here, whatever you are comfortable with.

I have a novel of inner thoughts on my computer. Some of them are pretty dark, so I don't make it public. (Breakups, job loss, etc.)

You've come back, and we're glad! You can keep yourself level emotionally. This is a tough time.

Anyone can Captain the ship when the seas are calm.

MariSama44

mandchic - Yeah, it really is a mental thing. Time for some serious reprogramming!

cmriverside - That's very true. I'll have to start writing it down and documenting everything. Thanks for helping to inspire me to stay focused and positive, that really helps