Relationships

emcu

When i was much bigger (89kgs), I'm now (61kgs) I thought I would be able to get a boyfriend. Now that I am slimmer I still can't manage to get a bf. I have many friends so its not like I'm weird or anything. I just want to know what guys want. You think guys want a slim girl. But I'm now feeling like whats the point of working hard to stay thin like going to the gym each day and watching what I eat when no one takes any interest in me

susanloveszumba

It just takes time to meet the right person. Just be patient!

Goal_Seeker_1988

Maybe go to a bar? I always get hit on @ the bars even with my engagement ring on.

Are you making yourself noticable?

There could be alot of diffferent things, did you ever hear of love comes to to those who wait...? Well it's true!

Hang in there!

wcasie

First of all... you should be working out and watching what you are eating for YOU!! You deserve to live a long healthy and happy life. As far as men are concerned, I met my fiance' at my heaviest weight. I had just come out of a divorce and had no interest in finding some one. I was blind sided by my man. He just appeared and no matter what I couldn't get him out of my head. I wasn't looking and he appeared. We have been together for 7 years now. Don't try so hard.... be yourself and make sure you love yourself... you are worth loving and if/when you believe it, the right guy will too. Hang in there!

PBJunkie

There is a general perception that guys want thin girls, this is not entirely true but we do appreciate the eye candy. For me passion and romance with a sense of adventure scores top marks.

The biggest question is, what do you seek in a boyfriend?

Also what are you willing to offer?

JJasMyself

I don't think it's any one thing that get's a guy's interest. There are several factors you may have not just run into the right guy yet. Plus, there may be guys interested but are afraid to approach you.

On another note, Working out, getting fit, staying healthy, eating right, these are all things you should be doing for yourself, not for a guy. Asking what's the point of all that is like asking "what's the point of staying healthy if a guy's not interested." Staying healthy allows you to enjoy your life more and live longer to spend more time with the friend and family you do have and who care about you. Keep doing this for yourself and sooner or later you'll run into the right guy to spend the rest of your long healthy life with

jmatthews75

the problem is your attitude. You shouldn't want to be slim to get a guy, you should want to do it for you and you alone. A guy will like you for your confidence and your power. A guy likes a woman with that kick and drive. That you don't need to be needed. That will get them interested. Sure the looks help, but for real men, that is only skin deep and it is the heart that will keep us interested long after the looks fail. good luck in your search, but you have to love yourself and be happy with who you are before anyone else will fall for you.

ExtremePHIT

here's a quote that pertains to how most guys think, "looks get you in the door, personality keeps you there." Just gotta be cool and be yourself

Aviendha_RJ

Oh, Honey. Been there. I spent 2 & 1/2 years at 150lbs (which is 5lbs more than I weigh NOW, after I've just lost 30lbs) without a bf.

It happens. Sometimes its where you are going & what you are doing. Are you meeting enough new people? Are you putting yourself out there to MEET someone?

I met my current bf of 5 & 1/2 months on eHarmony. I joined January 31, 2011, & was matched with him February 1, 2011. I messaged him... figuring I would never hear back because his photo was just TOO gorgeous... but he DID message me back, & we chatted over 2 mos before we met. Emailing back & forth.

I know it costs a bit... I know. But you meet QUALITY people that are GENUINELY interested (for the most part) in finding an actual, honest, long-term relationship. Mike & I would NEVER have met without eHarmony, we don't run in the same circles AT ALL. But it's good... he's a gym rat, & a health nut, & we're always out, being active, doing things. Biking, hiking, camping, rock climbing, canoeing.

I NEVER would have joined if it wasn't for my Dad pushing me. And I feel he was right to push me; he met my stepmom on the site, proposed 1 year after their first date, & married 6 months after that. They're REALLY very happy now.

You should just try it. Get excited about someone new. :bigsmile:

rosaidamiddleton

Don't think like that. It doesn't matter what size you are for a guy to take interest in you. I was 216lbs when I had my first boyfriend and recently when out with someone and I was just 192lbs, see? How much you weight it doesn't matter.

How do you see yourself? Some people think that as you see yourself is how others see you.

You don't need to go looking for a guy to love you, go out as usual and just take your time to meet a nice guy.

Remember you are losing weight because you want to look good for yourself, not someone else. Give it a time and you'll see someone nice is going to knock you of your feets.

Givemewings

I don't think it's any one thing that get's a guy's interest. There are several factors you may have not just run into the right guy yet. Plus, there may be guys interested but are afraid to approach you.

On another note, Working out, getting fit, staying healthy, eating right, these are all things you should be doing for yourself, not for a guy. Asking what's the point of all that is like asking "what's the point of staying healthy if a guy's not interested." Staying healthy allows you to enjoy your life more and live longer to spend more time with the friend and family you do have and who care about you. Keep doing this for yourself and sooner or later you'll run into the right guy to spend the rest of your long healthy life with

I agree with this.

Frances_C17

First of all congrats on your weight loss!
Focus on being happy with yourself first, if you aren't happy with yourself then you'll never be completely happy with someone else.
I had a string of bad boyfriends when my self esteem was low then one day I said enough is enough and refused to date anyone for a year and just focused on myself my friends and family.
Then one day I was chatting to a friend of a friend and before I knew it we'd swapped numbers and now 4 years later we're engaged.
Guys are more likely to take notice of a girl who is happy and relaxed than a skinny girl who is trying too hard.

_Ben

Guys do typically want a thinner girl, whos confident and proud of her apearence. But there is much more than that. Some of my girls best qualities are her humor, her sense of adventure, the fact shes so goofy and fun. Just cause your in better shape, which congratulations on, doesnt mean guys instantly line up. You just need to try to put yourself out there now

TMcBooty

What guys want.. depends really on the guy and I don't always think it has to do with one set style of woman. Most guys I talk to say they like a woman with curves.. but if you meet someone that may not hold merit.. if you connect.

No matter what though, always do what you do for you.. don't focus so much on what anyone else wants. UNLESS it's unhealthy.

ChelseaL618

Honestly, If you don't love you then it is really hard for anyone else too. Work on your confidence and I'm sure you will start turning heads. You are a really pretty girl, but low self esteem can't trump looks.

Chelsea

MrsBlobs

Stop looking!
I'm a 'smug married' now - but when I was younger I always wanted to be in a relationship. I wised up eventually and was just happy having fun and didn't want the inconvenience of being in a long term thing. All of a sudden there was a a long line of chaps waiting to cramp my style :happy:.

Forget about it, have fun. They'll come along soon enough and the weight loss was for you and your health. own it as yours, it wasn't a favour to anyone else.

MochaBlues

One suggestion, is to start paying more attention to your body language...for instance, Are you approachable? How often are you smiling? If the vibe you are giving off (of which you may be unaware) is a negative one, it may be keeping the right guy for you from approaching you.

I certainly believe in the law of attraction, I'd suggest getting clear in your mind the type of man you want (qualities and all) write it down, reflect on them, and work on making yourself a better person from within as well, and you'll find the right man will appear.

Best wishes!

LorinaLynn

If it was easy to meet that special someone, it wouldn't be special.

Forget about thinking, "what guys want." Think about who you are, and what you want, and find ways to meet people who share your values and goals. Like animals? Volunteer with a shelter or rescue group. Like nature? Check sites like meetup for local hiking groups. Like cooking? Take a class. Like helping people? Look into Habitat for Humanity. None of those necessarily to meet guys, but every person you meet, male or female, is going to have friends, and those friends will have friends. Expand your social circle, and it increases your chances of meeting someone you click with.

For me, finding someone who appreciates my personality and sense of humor was priority number one. I was sick of meeting men who only cared what I looked like, then would stare at me cross-eyed and open-mouthed when I showed any evidence that I had intelligence or an opinion. I used online dating, where I could weed out the "ur hawt" messages and focus on the guys who not only got my jokes, but were able to make me laugh, too.

slowlysteadily

Speaking as a man with lots of guy friends, I can say from experience that men are visual creatures. You might have a great personality and a lively sense of humour but that isn't visible from the other side of the room so, honestly, it doesn't count at that stage. Most of the time men filter out women who don't clear certain appearance "hurdles". One of these is weight; whatever the fat acceptance movement would like us to think, most men do not find overweight women attractive. If you're too heavy, you'll likely be excluded from consideration before you even open your mouth.

Is this superficial? It may be, but that's beside the point: this is how men subconsciously reduce the field of potential partners to a manageable size. Anyway, having lost as much weight as you have - and I think you look good - you've put yourself firmly back in the competition. When you've got a man's attention THEN the chemistry and your personality comes into play and that makes all the difference.

I agree with the other comment about losing weight for yourself. You should do it for yourself, it benefits you both directly and (as explained above) indirectly, it gives you more confidence and is easier on the body. You ARE doing the right thing so just keep doing it. After all slim people have difficulty getting BFs too! Good relationships don't happen that easily. Nothing worthwhile does. But it will happen.

SS

springtrio

Seen your age. You're 20. Don't worry about getting too serious now. Take my word for it. If you meet someone that's great, if not - not the end of the world.