Why

jessica_mom343
jessica_mom343 Posts: 61 Member
edited October 2 in Chit-Chat
I see this ALOT in daily life. Women (mainly..I guess men can too) lose weight and then act slutty and ditch the spouse/significant other. If you other half loved you at your worse, why can't you love them at your best?? I just don't understand people like this. How does losing weight change the way you love the person you had been loving. I know several marriages that have split up over this.

Let me tell ya...If my husband could love me like I am now then he definatly deserves my love when I look better!!

Thoughts??

Replies

  • faith12207
    faith12207 Posts: 31
    Amen to that..
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
    there might be A LOT of variables you are missing.

    Some, when they lose weight get empowered and realize that they put up with a lot of mistreatment(that you probably don't know about) and they are better than that.


    I wouldn't judge because there is probably something I didn't know.
  • LolasEpicJourney
    LolasEpicJourney Posts: 1,010 Member
    Completely agree.


    I think some people arent used to the new found attention they get when they lose a bunch of weight and dont know how to deal with it. Now that they can attract more people - maybe they are curious. This is definately not an excuse- no way.
  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
    Eh I wouldnt. My boyfriend is my main motivation :]

    But I have seen a few instances where after someones gets lean and healthy that it is VERY important in their life. But their Significant other couldnt care less about that stuff. So they have little in common and decide for someone new... wouldnt call that slutty
  • oneoddsock
    oneoddsock Posts: 321 Member
    That's kind of a horrible way to put it, but I think undergoing a major life change, like losing a significant amount of weight, can make you more aware of how much power you do actually have to change things in your life that you're not happy about. Realising that you can lose 50lb might make you realise that you could get out of a relationship that you previously felt trapped in.
  • jessica_mom343
    jessica_mom343 Posts: 61 Member
    The only people I speak about 'specifically' are the ones I know personally. They were all in LOVE while fat and then lost the weight...got other men's attention that they wouldn't normally get before and bam they were to good for their husbands. I know there can be LOTS of different variables also.
  • Leslye125
    Leslye125 Posts: 242 Member
    AMEN!!! Like you said if they can tolerate me when I am disgusting, which I am witchy going through the change, by golly, they DESERVE to see me when I am beautiful!
  • trilikeagirl
    trilikeagirl Posts: 218
    sometimes the significant other becomes more insecure when their partner changes lifestyle, loses weight, gets healthy.
  • miami_mimi
    miami_mimi Posts: 325 Member
    there might be A LOT of variables you are missing.

    Some, when they lose weight get empowered and realize that they put up with a lot of mistreatment(that you probably don't know about) and they are better than that.


    I wouldn't judge because there is probably something I didn't know.

    I agee!!! we just dont really know what's going in someone else's relationship
  • Jess22542
    Jess22542 Posts: 66
    There a lot of other factors to consider. When I first lost 50 lbs, I was in an unhealthy relationship. A part of me always knew that, but as my confidence increased, I was finally able to walk away. And I consider that a good, not bad, thing. Another thing I've noticed is that sometimes people's significant other isn't supportive of their change is lifestyle. We all know about the sacrifices you have to make to eat right and exercise regularly. If you aren't getting support, it can cause issues. Certainly, in a happy relationship, one person losing weight shouldn't cause an issue. But that's just not always the case.
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
    sometimes the significant other becomes more insecure when their partner changes lifestyle, loses weight, gets healthy.

    My ex used to just roll his eyes when i told him I was going to the gym.

    He hated it.
  • sonybalony
    sonybalony Posts: 335 Member
    A dear friend was very heavy for a long time... she stayed with her husband because she believed him when he told her that he was doing her a favor by staying with her... He left for a new job for 6 months and she lost a good portion of weight. (Still not a skinny mini but felt better and looked better because of the confidence fitness can build) He came home and picked up exactly where he left off, no "hey, I'm proud of you, look what you've done, etc"... Back to the exact same crap... She put up with it for another year, losing weight the whole time. He got meaner and meaner. She left about 2 years ago. His nasty negative behavior and words had always confirmed to her that she didn't deserve anything better. When she got fit, and actually happy, she realized he didn't know CRAP... She is currently happily single, fit, and getting a degree in counseling...

    Sometimes, it is about learning that you have worth.

    ~ Sonia
  • AmesLee78
    AmesLee78 Posts: 111
    Jessica I agree!

    I weighed between 115 and 120 when I met my husband, 13 years ago. I've gained 100 pounds in 10 years, but he has stayed with me, says he loves me, shows he loves me, etc. I have told him many times I wouldn't be surprised or shocked if he wanted to find someone else who was prettier/skinnier and more energetic (not that he's full of energy...lol) He has lost about 65 pounds since February because he hated how he looked and he wanted his health to improve. Now, I am trying to do the same and he is supportive of me. He tells me if I stayed this way he will still love me, and that he's not supporting my weight loss for looks, but more for health.

    A man like that is hard to come by and why would I want to throw that away?? Why would anyone want to throw that away!?
  • luv_lea
    luv_lea Posts: 1,094 Member
    there might be A LOT of variables you are missing.

    Some, when they lose weight get empowered and realize that they put up with a lot of mistreatment(that you probably don't know about) and they are better than that.


    I wouldn't judge because there is probably something I didn't know.

    ^^this. I have a hard time making 'judements' in my own relationships, let alone other people's relationships that I KNOW I don't know all the details about.
  • maillemaker
    maillemaker Posts: 1,253 Member
    I did not realize this was a big issue, but if it is, I'm not surprised. As someone else posted above, a lot of women may be suffering through bad relationships because they feel they can't do any better, and/or are afraid to leave.

    When they lose a bunch of weight, especially if they start to attract attention from other men, this can be very empowering and make a woman feel like she really does have control over her life to get the happiness she wants.
  • writtenINthestars
    writtenINthestars Posts: 1,933 Member
    There are too many variables that could be considered for this.

    I know many people who have "been in love" with someone for a long time and gained a ton of weight during the time, lost the weight, and the relationship fell apart. It wasn't because they felt they were now better...but they later told me that when they were initially in love and getting married, they felt that's the best they could do. It's not something they ever would've admitted then, but they just felt they weren't good enough for anyone.

    Self esteem and confidence, or lack there of, plays a huge part. People change, feelings change. End of story.
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