Advice for my Mother?

hikeout470

My mother is 72 and about 100 pounds overweight. She has developed the physical problems that come with the weight, and I am very worried about her health. She can't even walk very far without stopping to take a breath and always gets the cart to push in the grocery store to help her walk. The whole situation really ticks me off. She refuses to count calories, and basically won't listen to any reason. She lives in her own fantasy world there. Basically if she can't accept something or a problem, then it doesn't exist. I used to wish as a child that I could "trade with her" to diet for her so she would feel better. I just don't get it. The rest of us are fairly athletic, and manage our weights within a healthy range. The whole situation is very hurtful. It is hard to watch someone you love self destruct like this.

I wonder if there is any option for her at this point to lose the weight and if so, where to start?

redefiningmyself

I feel that if she isn't willing to try, there isn't a lot you can do about it. She's an adult, and has the right to make her own choices - even if they are bad ones.

I think keep doing what you are doing, and when you visit with her at your place, have only healthy options available. If its at her house for a meal, ask in advance for something you think is healthy and fairly easy for her to manage. (if it gets to complicated or if food she doesn't know about she'll probably get stressed out or angry)

Also keep the lines of communication open so that IF she ever has a change of heart she'll feel comfortable asking you questions.

Otherwise, try to make peace with the fact that she's not healthy and not willing to change.

Incidently I know how you are feeling. I've had many family members who made horrid choices. I fought hard with them for change and it never happened. Now some of them are underground. I choose not to fight with the others who are left. I just try to enjoy the time we have together and allow them the right to choose for themselves the type of life they want. And I live mine the way I want.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Man, good luck to you. Unfortunately, you can't force someone into a healthy lifestyle, they have to want it for themselves.

dirtyblue

I soo understand what you are going through. My MIL is the same way. At least 100 pounds overweight. She had a quadruple bypass about 10 years ago and her legs are retaining water horribly. So bad that you can barely see her tiny feet under her non existent ankles. She wants to travel and do things, but yet she does nothing to improve her situation. She doesn't talk about things, it's like they don't even exist. She doesn't like going to the doctor's so she isn't having issues addressed. My heart just breaks because she is a wonderful person. I sometimes get angry because I feel as though she is robbing us from our time with her. We live 1200 miles apart, or I would be going over there to help her out, getting her in the pool, etc. I know I just need to accept her choices in her life, all I can do is be a good example.

hikeout470

dirtyblue, She is the same way, she doesn't like going to the doctor. And he's not even the right doctor. I found her a cardiac specialist, and she insists on continuing to see the same old man general practice doctor that has monitored her health for the past 20 years. Drives me nuts, everytime you visit his office, its at least 2 hours in the waiting room. Her meds were not monitored a few years back, she ended up in the hospital for a week because she blew a gasket. And the whole family has broken up over this and some other issues.