Friend with and ED...what do I do?

Just_Dot

Okay, I don't usually post a ton of threads, so when I do, it's kind of a big deal for me...

One of my best friends is going through a super-stressful time. Without going into all of the details, it deals with family, money, her house...she's a single mom with no support from her son's dad, she's been in 2 car accidents in the last 2 years--both of them severe which has required her to undergo a ton of medical procedures and she's still dealing with the settlement issues.

So, a ton of crap.

Husband and I have been concerned about her eating for a while. Once her health issues started to get better, she started exercising again and watching what she eats--just about the same time I did, so we were great support systems for each other. However, lately, she's really been calorie restricting, and we found out last night, she hasn't eaten anything in 2 days.

Ironically, she's a pediatric nurse and she's the one that calls all the ana girls in her office to see what they've eaten that day.

So, what do I do? She recognizes that the reason she's not eating because it's the ONLY thing in her life right now that she can control. Do I let her know she's loved and supported and I'm there for her when she needs me? Ugh. I'm so worried about her, and her son. She's all he has...

Thanks for advice and suggestions...

JBennis1013

I would slowly bring it up into a conversation...While she has control over what she eats, she is slowly losing control of her life.

rockylucas

That's a tough one... I struggled with binge eating disorder for years, and as someone who has an eating disorder, I can tell you that if they are not ready to change it and seek treatment for themselves, then there is nothing you can say to push them in that direction. Luckily, she has recognized she has a problem, so PLEASE YES most definitely let her know that you are there for her in any way she needs, that you love and support her, etc.

However, whats dangerous about anorexia, is that unlike other eating disorders which will perhaps just make you fat and depressed, it can quickly turn into a serious health-related issue, (which would be compounded by the fact that she has a child.)

If at anytime you suspect that her physical health is in immiment risk, and/or her professional/parental capabilities are not intact due to these behaviors, PLEASE contact someone who can arrange an actual medical/mental health intervention. SHe will be pissed at you and hate you at the time, but would one day be glad you did it.

sc1572

Toughie. I'd say to gradually bring it up with her. She might be stand offish or offended at first, but you're only watching out for her. If this doesn't do anything, I would maybe talk to other people you're both close with to keep an eye on her, or and if it gets worse, seek help. Good luck!

janthony99

I'm not an expert by any means, but I do know fitness and I'll tell you I've seen this before. It totally blows my mind that people can be like that, but the problem is that it's totally selfish. She has a child to worry about, and what's going to happen to the kid if she dies from mal-nutrition?

To me, and mainly because it's my personality, I would hit her with the facts right in between her eyes. Let her know that maybe she can control her eating, but she can't control her death, and the one will always follow the other if she doesn't get her act together. If she doesn't eat, then there is no way she can give her child 100% of anything. She won't have the energy. So slap her (ha, just a matter a speaking) and tell her to snap out of it. Figure out something "positive" she can control, because there are a TON of things out there.

I'm 47, and I control my weight, I control my strength (I'm actually stronger now than I was 10 years ago), I control what I eat, I control what I say, think and do. She controls a lot, this is a cop out of saying this is the only thing she can control

good luck, and she is lucky to have a friend like you that really cares.

sillygoose1977

I don't have any expert advice on this subject. Just approach her as a friend with love and tell her how worried you are about her and the path she's on. Express your support in wanting her to be a healthy (mentally and physically) person. It sounds to me like she needs a lot of love right now in her situation and you are a good friend to want to step up.