what is wrong with me...

katharine1229

Yea...so...not doing so well...like...at all. I keep finding excuses, and I hate excuses. Excuses are BS. What I can't find is my motivation. Even the seriously disappointing number on the scale i just saw didn't give me all the motivation I thought it would.

So I've lost 105 pounds right? Well..10 came back. In about 2 weeks time. Ever since the 5k I ran and did pretty well in. I over splurged in celebration...and got myself into some horrible food cycle. My mood has been poor. (I'm normally in a great mood and I have just been really down). Then since thursday I have broken out in a huge rash caused by my autoimmune disease, which has also left me with my left eye swollen shut. I have lacked gym motivation but still went anyways even though I look crazy. I'm worried about having to go back on chemo again. I am moving in 5 days and not nearly done packing. I'm stressed and not used to being stressed.

I'm feeding my stress with food. Which is then in turn making me more stressed.

What am I doing to myself? And why is writing this not even making me feel empowered to stop going into the kitchen and grabbing something to eat right now when I know I am WELL over my calorie intake for the day. What is wrong with me? I keep saying to myself 'as soon as the stress of the move is over you will be able to get back into it'. Which yea, i know thats probably the case. But I hate that. I hate the whole 'lets start the diet on monday or next whenever'...if you want to change you have to start NOW. So why am I not taking my own advice?

I guess I'll just start with NOW...no more food tonight. simple enough. kind of.

keithaj1

Seems like you have the right idea.... when you slip, pick yourself up and start over again... you lost 105lbs... that is a huge deal... the hard part is over... just have to maintain it now... don't let the hard work go to waste... you are on the right track... start with tonight and go from there....

SLambertAlaska

I feel your pain. I'm hoping for some help with the same kind of issue . . .

Samerah12

You know what you're doing, just hang in there!

JanetTerry

105 pounds? WOW that's amazing! So you slipped a bit... you're HUMAN!! And moving is CRAZY! Been there done that around the world adn back with a bunch of kids. Jus tpick up where you left off and go with it. CHOOSE to get back in line. It's your choice every day... you can choose to have a good day. You can choose to have a bad day. Its all in how you take things. CHOOSE... YOU!
Chin up Be proud of yourself - you have already come so very far!!

chevy88grl

You've answered your own question.

You are stress. Ask anyone and I bet they'll tell you that stress is a killer for them. Not only does it make a lot of us want to eat (and eat a lot), but it also reeks havoc with our hormones. From what I've read, stress can not only hinder weight loss but can cause weight gain too.

The reality is - you are stressed. Plain and simple. It may seem like an excuse, but it is a justified excuse. Get rid of the crap food. Stop celebrating the 5k. Focus on one day at a time. And once you're moved and things settle down some for you - I think you'll see a change in your overall outlook on things.

ccckwalk

I am agreeing with Keith. You have lost so much weight and you can control yourself. I know you can you proved it by losing 105 pounds. Take it meal by meal or snack by snack. In the moment when you have to decide what you are going to eat you choose health over junk. Girl...you are stressed. We all get stressed and we all need a break just don't take it too far. Take a breath, let out and all the things you are holding deep inside you. I hope you find your strength. ~Corina

MaryBachert

I totally agree that you must be doing something right to have lost over 100 pounds. It is hard to stay motivated, but what if you had not lost that weight? Can you imagine what you what you would feel like? I have a friend and this is what he does to get things back in perspective and to remember what it felt like with that extra weight on. He goes to a big grocery store and gets the equivalent in pounds of potatoes to the weight that he has lost. Then he carries them up and down each aisle till he covers the whole store. Then he remembers what it feels like to carry that extra weight and why he does not want to put it on again--feels horrible, out of breath, etc. For you that would be carrying around 100 pounds of potatoes! That is a tremendous weight loss. I am proud of you and your dedication, and hope that will give you the motivation that you need to get back on track!
Mary

katharine1229

urg i really need some slaps in the face:/ haha

youngmum

Perhaps if you logged the energy burnt from moving you'd feel less stressed about missing workouts because packing & moving is a lot of work!

MimRob

First of all I want to start by saying there is nothing "wrong" with you. Moving is amongst the top 5 most stressful things a person can do, and when you add an illness that is beyond your control into the mix, things can seem pretty bleak. I can empathise a little with your journey. I hope you don't mind but I would like to share a couple of things. I am a black and white thinker....all or nothing and this has gotten me into some pretty black and moody places as time has gone on as I have been unable to control what is going on in my life.

For 3 years I was battling ill health and found myself in a very dark place, binge eating and binge drinking and generally not taking care and getting frustrated at my lack of wanting to care. I took to exercising as a form of relief. I loved it and could not get enough! I then started eating properly and in 12 months I managed to shift 20kg. It was a long hard slog and I have 30+kg to go but I loved the gym and feeling like I had some control over my life for a change was nice.

Recently I had an operation which will change my health situation dramatically BUT what I did not expect was the post-op blues and to not be able to exercise for 3 months (the one thing that gave me comfort and solace during some very dark times). I am now 5 weeks post op and I started getting very dark as I gained 3kg and started binge eating and binge drinking again and getting mad with myself for not caring about where I was at. So with the help of some friends I put some things into place so that my thinking was not so "all or nothing" but more "grey".

I have started using MFP as maintenance rather than weight loss so I can still get on and feel part of the community while having control over what I eat. I have also stopped weighing myself and will worry about that when I can get back to exercising seriously. I have also taken time every day to be still and quiet and to try and reflect on the good things in my life. This can be pretty darn hard when you are feeling low, but it just helps restore some blalance. And above all that I am working really hard on is taking things one day at a time. As soon as I think too far ahead I begin to unravel.

Good luck with your journey and hang in there!

AmyPearshape

Moving is stressful! See if a friend can help you pack, or keep you company while you do it. Put on some music you love to improve your mood. Stock up on healthy snacks and keep your strength up. I am a huge procrastinator, but I find as soon as I accomplish something, I feel so much better.

jenifergotti

Katharine,
I am totally in the same boat! Over the last 2 weeks, I just can't stop eating! I am training for a marathon and was supposed to run today and couldn't even get myself out there to run. I just ate and ate and ate!! Ughhhh
-so I was thinking we should do a little challenge with each other to have someone to check in with. Friend me if you want to do a challenge! Maybe it could get us both out of our ruts.
-Jen

auntiebabs

Good God woman cut your self a break!

You're a survivor!!! And because your are a cancer survivor with an autoimmune disorder. I'm sure you've got many tricks up your sleeve for managing stress.

You've lost 105 lb that's H U G E !
Celebrate that!!!!

Remember it's not about being perfect... It's about doing better.

When I I was stressing and feeling like a failure. I had to readjust my outlook a little so that I could find a way to stick with this. Maybe it's time to adjust your expectations after losing 105 lbs?
Your body may not react the same way now, because it's a different body.


Any how this helped me keep on track... or get back on track.

Rather than being uberstrict with the target MFP set for me I did the math to find out the calories needed to maintain my goal weight and my current weight and I gave myself a range with 1200 as my rock bottom, lose 1 lb/wk as my target*** and maintain my goal weight as the top of my range. As long as I keep within in this range I'll lose. I tend to naturally zig zag my calories 3-4 at very close to my target and then a higher calorie day closer to the top of my range.

As long as I stayed under maintain my current weight calories I won't gain. So no need to throw in the towel, okay to take a break and pick-up where I left off. (sometimes when your stressed and not as many things as you'd like are in your control.. You just have to let go and take a break. You do the best you can in the circumstances you are in and that's not always perfect. Sometimes it's just adding 2000 quick calories for the day and not tracking a thing. Sometimes it's NOT making the best choices, but tracking everything so that at least I'm aware of what I'm doing. I have information and can come up with strategies for improvement in the future.)

Once I found ways to lessen the stress, I found it way easier to focus on the process and let the results follow. (It's what worked for me some people need the stress to get them motivated. Me I get scared and overwhelmed and don't see the big goal as acheivable. I ONLY WORRY ABOUT ONE POUND AT A TIME... THE NEXT ONE)

***also once my lose 1 lb/week target was down to 1200 calories I switch to lose 1/2 lb/ week (1200 cal rock bottom, 1/2 lb/week as my target, maintain goal weight as the high end of my range.)


We know how tough, you are you don't have a thing to prove... slow and steady... "take a knee", regroup, and you may come back stronger,.

ABOVE ALL FEEL BETTER!!!!

Frankenbarbie01

SNAP OUTTA IT!!! There is nothing wrong with you honey;
....from one survivor to another....
The most important thing is your health...the 10lbs is incidental (HELL youve lost 105!!!! c'mon!!) I had non-hodgkins,6 mos chemo..blah blah....I am heavier now than I ever was. BUT HEALTHIER TOO!! Because I make better choices for me!

moving is super stressful, having another 'reaction' to an illness that you think you've beaten...AND YOU HAVE..and now you are prob still dealing with fall out from the illness and treatment !!
Everyone is hoping you make the choice to take care of your stress in a healthy manner. No problem or amount of stress was dealt with by stuffing cookies at it.
Set a new goal!! got a smart phone?? Bridge to 10k program is free...download it and keep going strong.

I believe in you

kissiefish

you fall down, you GET BACK UP AGAIN. Stress causes autoimmune diseases to flare, but stress is, unfortunately, inevitable in our lives. It's how you respond. You know it will all be taken care of. Reach out to some friends to help you get ready for the move. Hit some yoga classes or some Tai Chi classes and RELAX a bit. you know how to eat, you know what to eat...you KNOW exercise REDUCES STRESS. heck I've not been exercising so long and I can tell you I feel better when I exercise.

GET off the pity part and back on track. You can do this...heck, you already did it once.

Take back control of the things you CAN control and let the rest of it ride. It's amazing, but it all works out in the end.