When Relationship Go South: Staying On Course

foremant86

Breaking up with my boyfriend was actually one of the biggest things that fuel'd me to start my weight loss.....a sort of "look what you're missing out on" kind of thing I broke up with him 'cause he cheated with several other girls.

foremant86

UPDATE: Apparently she "decided" for us both that it's over. I'm okay with it, actually a bit relieved. I was looking at a 2300 mile relocation, leaving family and friends, my apartment... basically everything. Better to have found out now, I guess. I wish her well. And I'm NOT going to wait another 16 years before trying again!

I'm sorry to hear that but i love your determination and positive attitude!!

msstillion79

I am so sorry for what u are going through but i know exactly what u are goin through i my self have called it off for awhile with my fiancee we have been together for fourteen years and have three wonderful kids together i think that we are in different parts of our lifes now and we are buttin heads so well see what happens he is taken a vacation from work and we are goin to talk this week I did what u are thinking about doin and i regret it i ate horrible for like a week and didnt do anything at all but watch tv like the old me and i regret it so much i luckly only gained two pounds back but it has made it hard to get moving again I know we dont know each other but if u need to get anything off ur chest pm me im a good listener and im with u in the same boat. It will get better it has to i havent really been talkin or paying attention to my fiancee for like two weeks so i still dont know what we are goin to do the bad part here is we live in the same house and share the responsibilty of taken care of three kids Hope u beat this and remember if u need to tallk im here Good luck

TooFatToFit

But my wife is freakin crazy, she want's to stay and live together and have me help her sustain the household but doesn't want a relationship with me, I sleep on the freakin Couch bro! I hate it! I have a lot of friends I hang with and I meet nice girls all the time but I can't go anywhere with it because of my complicated situation (living with my ***** wife). cuz really who wants to hook up with a guy who still lives with his wife. I work out a lot and im very active and I there's is nothing more I would want then being able to break free and be able to move on with my life. so Mr. Star..you are very lucky and I think your ex probably did you a HUGE favor,

anyways, add me bro and stay positive and keep active...any one else out there feel free to add me....let's **** **** up!

Why ARE you staying then? Would she fight to try and keep the 5 year old even though she wants to party? My husband wanted to stay with me while he saw what else was out there, so to speak, and I said you're WITH ME, or you're not. I'm nobody's backup plan and I'm not just there to keep the household running.

TooFatToFit

UPDATE: Apparently she "decided" for us both that it's over. I'm okay with it, actually a bit relieved. I was looking at a 2300 mile relocation, leaving family and friends, my apartment... basically everything. Better to have found out now, I guess. I wish her well. And I'm NOT going to wait another 16 years before trying again!

I'm sorry. You sound so okay about it, but I know there must be other levels where it doesn't feel as good. That's painful no matter how better off it is in the long run. Keep up the positive attitude for the most part though, and keep treating yourself right...and for sure don't wait another 16 years.

SunSand76

So sorry things aren't great right now. I know "the old me" would be throwing in the towel too if I were in a similar situation. Now more than ever you NEED to do this for yourself, I admire you for wanting to stay the course, that's not the easy route. Take care and keep putting your health first.

bmqbonnie

I also just had a breakup with my fiance, but if there's a silver lining in it all it's been great for my weight loss. That's when I actually started coming to this site and almost ten pounds that I wasn't able to get off before just fell off. Maybe it was the weight on my shoulders, heh.

I started feeling physically ill and realized I was stressed, so I started running every morning and that icky feeling in my tummy eased. In the past feeling anxious about our relationship may have caused me to seek solace in some pizza and ice cream, for some reason now I don't comfort eat. Plus it's whole new motivation to lose weight since I want to date again plus I want him to feel like crap for letting me go!

calibri

UPDATE: Apparently she "decided" for us both that it's over. I'm okay with it, actually a bit relieved. I was looking at a 2300 mile relocation, leaving family and friends, my apartment... basically everything. Better to have found out now, I guess. I wish her well. And I'm NOT going to wait another 16 years before trying again!

Very good thing this happened now and not a few months/years later. Good on you for not letting it the better of you and carrying on.

StarGeezer

UPDATE: Apparently she "decided" for us both that it's over. I'm okay with it, actually a bit relieved. I was looking at a 2300 mile relocation, leaving family and friends, my apartment... basically everything. Better to have found out now, I guess. I wish her well. And I'm NOT going to wait another 16 years before trying again!

I'm sorry. You sound so okay about it, but I know there must be other levels where it doesn't feel as good. That's painful no matter how better off it is in the long run. Keep up the positive attitude for the most part though, and keep treating yourself right...and for sure don't wait another 16 years.

Thank you for the encouragement. You're right, on one level I'm so NOT "okay about it" -- this person was a dear childhood friend of mine. As much a sort of adopted "kid sister" of my youth as anything. We only discovered after having been reunited after over 25 years that we both had harbored feelings of affection for one another as teens. All this sounds very "Oprah-ish" and had the makings of a great story.

But she had been diagnosed years ago with a clinical mental issue (namely, bi-polar disorder), and despite knowing the risks, had gone off her medication. She became increasingly erratic and unpredictable, and the "last straw" was confronting her on her uncontrolled spending sprees. She became defensive and then verbally abusive, and when I tried to put some distance between us to allow her to cool off and get some perspective, she remained on the offensive.

Ultimately, being frustrated that I wasn't going to engage her in verbal sparring, she shut down the relationship. I'm certain it was "the disease talking" for her, but she bears the responsibility for her words and actions, not least of which is maintaining treatment for her condition. Perhaps once the fog has lifted and she regains some clarity, she'll understand what she's done, and it may be possible to eventually "just be friends" again, but I will not risk anything beyond that in the future... that ship has sailed.

So I'm sad that this sort of "fairy tale romance" didn't have the Hollywood ending. I'm sad that this dear friend of my much younger self is now likely relegated to the realm of fond memories and nothing more. And I do truly hope she eventually seeks the help she so desperately needs right now. But I am also relieved that this episode didn't happen well after I had committed to a costly (and for all intents and purposes, irreversible) relocation. And I'm optimistic that despite it all, I remained true to my own goals and ideals, and will one day soon "get back up on the horse" again and try to find someone who also wants that Hollywood ending.

It'll happen. I'm just going to let the universe come at ME for a change. :laugh:

Legalchica

Hang in there... better to have it end now then wait 13 years and 3 kids later only to find out its not going to work... and you want out... Keep on track. You'll feel better about yourself! I'm dealing with some of the same emotional issues that make it hard to keep going... You will find that one.. and you will appriciate her all the more when you do find her

TooFatToFit

But she had been diagnosed years ago with a clinical mental issue (namely, bi-polar disorder), and despite knowing the risks, had gone off her medication. She became increasingly erratic and unpredictable, and the "last straw" was confronting her on her uncontrolled spending sprees. She became defensive and then verbally abusive, and when I tried to put some distance between us to allow her to cool off and get some perspective, she remained on the offensive.

I understand this all too well, unfortunately. My ex was only diagnosed a few years ago, got on meds which helped somewhat but kept missing his appointments for dosage adjustment and counseling...I would consider it uncontrolled bipolar. His extreme spending was sinking us fast and he had completely irrational expectations from the kids and I. The straw that broke the camels back was when his union went on strike for just over a year. Halfway through he was so stressed and uncontrolled that he thought it would be a good idea to find a hotter girlfriend and leave us...by the time he came to his senses I had discovered the freedom of not walking on eggshells trying not to upset the irrational person all day, and I am not going back at any cost. Like you said...that ship has sailed. He regrets leaving and isn't very happy, and I feel really bad for him because I know in my heart he is a good guy, and his decisions were a result of the bipolar thinking. But I just can't go back to living like that. Mental illness sucks.

StarGeezer

I understand this all too well, unfortunately. ...

Yeah, I'd say you had a familiarity with the concept that I wouldn't wish upon anyone else. It's sad really, loving someone with an illness of this kind. Sadder still when much of it can be mitigated through vigilant therapy and medication but is instead neglected. It forces those around them to become something of a co-dependent of the disease, which royally sucks.

Best wishes to you, friend. I'm glad to see you found your footing again. Stay strong, I'm certain good things will come your way before long.

markymarrkk

But my wife is freakin crazy, she want's to stay and live together and have me help her sustain the household but doesn't want a relationship with me, I sleep on the freakin Couch bro! I hate it! I have a lot of friends I hang with and I meet nice girls all the time but I can't go anywhere with it because of my complicated situation (living with my ***** wife). cuz really who wants to hook up with a guy who still lives with his wife. I work out a lot and im very active and I there's is nothing more I would want then being able to break free and be able to move on with my life. so Mr. Star..you are very lucky and I think your ex probably did you a HUGE favor,

anyways, add me bro and stay positive and keep active...any one else out there feel free to add me....let's **** **** up!

Why ARE you staying then? Would she fight to try and keep the 5 year old even though she wants to party? My husband wanted to stay with me while he saw what else was out there, so to speak, and I said you're WITH ME, or you're not. I'm nobody's backup plan and I'm not just there to keep the household running.

I dont know why I stay, a part of me still loves her very much and I think she plays on that to keep me there. I also worry about her struggling on her own with her 2 daughters, but they're grown (21 and 16). she has a decent job so I'm sure she'll find an apartment or maybe even some boyfriend that she can be happy with but she will defenitely struggle initially. we have a house together and in the divorce I will fight to keep it and buy her out, so a seperation is not possible because she will not leave without a divorce action

ocrunner11

For a variety of reasons, my fiance' and I mutually decided to take a step back from our plans. Both of us need time to think and sort some personal things out. That's not to say I find this at all easy. She was largely the impetus for me getting my weight and health back in check. Since the relationship appears to be in flux, it would be all too easy to "chuck it all" and go back to erecting my wall of fat to keep others at bay.

Part of me would like nothing more than to bury the anger, the hurt, and the grief in a double-batch of stew beef with noodles and hot biscuits. The "old me" would have already started pan-frying the beef and warming the oven.

But I'm not going to. I worked too damn hard these past months to get where I am. And I have a long way yet to go, but I'm not going to throw it all away on the fickle whims of human relationships that sour. I'm "sticking with the program", and seeing where it leads me. If she and I eventually reconcile, that will be great. If not, I still have to think of me, and what my future means to me now... an importance that I spent too many years neglecting for myself. Come what may, I owe it primarily to ME to keep my feet on this path.

Could still use some encouragement though, I won't deny it. Feeling pretty low at the moment.

Very proud of you , you have taken the higher road:happy: that most will not travel in a situation like this. Take it one day at a time my friend. Set your mind to your overall health improvement and see the fabulous results. Always remember if a relationship is meant to be, it will return with conviction and clarity. I will say a prayer for you to cope :flowerforyou:

lmelangley

Sounds to me that you're now becoming healthy for the right reasons - you! I'm sorry that you're going through hurt right now, but I know you'll get through this regardless of how things turn out. Take care of yourself and remember that you're doing everything you can. She needs to take ownership of her own medical condition. If as life leads you up and down you feel the urge to blow your diet, try exercising to excess, instead.

And, remember we're here for you whenever you need us.

ocrunner11

Just saw your post, how are you adjusting? A change in relationships can be very discouraging, the pain that you feel is real and I wanted you to know that I acknowledge that. What you do now is take your life into another direction with purpose. You found purpose in losing the weight, you had the support then as you do now with this community. Focus on your over all goals and get to work. You can do this and start to do this plan for yourself. Doors open and Doors close, look forward to another. Peace be with you today and always! :flowerforyou: