When Relationship Go South: Staying On Course

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  • TooFatToFit
    TooFatToFit Posts: 285 Member
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    But I'm not going to. I worked too damn hard these past months to get where I am. And I have a long way yet to go, but I'm not going to throw it all away on the fickle whims of human relationships that sour. I'm "sticking with the program", and seeing where it leads me. If she and I eventually reconcile, that will be great. If not, I still have to think of me, and what my future means to me now... an importance that I spent too many years neglecting for myself. Come what may, I owe it primarily to ME to keep my feet on this path.

    Absolutely!! I'm really, really sorry that you're going through this. Breakups suck SO bad. Give yourself permission to grieve it, but not to forget that you deserve and are worth healthy food and exercise. Unfortunately, relationships come and go but YOU will always be YOU and you have worked so hard. I was already taking babysteps to better myself, but when my husband left it strengthened my resolve (once I got over the initial mind blowing shock and agony) to make MYSELF happy. Plus, exercise is great for releasing stress! But if you succumb to the stew once or twice, it won't be the end of the world. You can always do better the next day. :)
  • NancyHukka
    NancyHukka Posts: 35
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    You are so right to continue taking good care of yourself. You are absolutely worth it. You must love yourself first to truly love another. Hang in there!
  • MARI1010
    MARI1010 Posts: 76 Member
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    I sympathize and can very much relate to what youre going through. I recently seperated from my ex as well. Its VERY hard to stay focused when we feel such emptiness in our hearts and sometimes want to fill it with something thats never let us down, food. I have my days where i try my hardest to turn my heartache into motivation, to better myself in EVERY WAY so that if its meant to be or if i ever run into him again he can see what he missed out on. But then there are those days especially the weekends which are extra tough since thats when we were inseperable. This weekend for instance ive been very sensitive and i will admit ive drowned my sorrows with some not very healthy foods and alcohol and now i feel worse because not only do i have him on my mind but now i also feel guilty and miserable because i took a step back in reaching my goal. Youve got this!!! Time is the answer. You won't forget her but dont loose yourself along the way.
  • StarGeezer
    StarGeezer Posts: 351
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    Thank you all for your encouragement. It's THE main feature to MFP! You're all wonderful folks! :drinker:

    As for my current "situation"... this too shall pass. One way or another, it'll work itself out the way it's supposed to.:cry:
  • StarGeezer
    StarGeezer Posts: 351
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    UPDATE: Apparently she "decided" for us both that it's over. I'm okay with it, actually a bit relieved. I was looking at a 2300 mile relocation, leaving family and friends, my apartment... basically everything. Better to have found out now, I guess. I wish her well. And I'm NOT going to wait another 16 years before trying again!
  • SallieBeige
    SallieBeige Posts: 341 Member
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    It's probably inappropriate for me to say, Star, but you sound like a very special and sensitive person and a real catch for that someone special!

    I have recently gone through a particularly difficult patch (not relationship however) - and instead of my usual coping strategy of eating everything that does not move too fast and drinking cider, I have been joining some gym challenges here. The end result is - a few weeks later things have resolved themselves AND I am left feeling thinner and better as I discharged my stress in a more productive way for a change, so at the end of the journey, I feel better for a change instead of worse! Who could know!
  • markymarrkk
    markymarrkk Posts: 495 Member
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    UPDATE: Apparently she "decided" for us both that it's over. I'm okay with it, actually a bit relieved. I was looking at a 2300 mile relocation, leaving family and friends, my apartment... basically everything. Better to have found out now, I guess. I wish her well. And I'm NOT going to wait another 16 years before trying again!

    Bro!!! you can do this man, Im very proud of you for sticking to it... I can relate to this and will say this: You are very lucky my man and this is why, you have closure now, you can move on and make yourself available to someone who you can be happy with.

    I on the other hand have been with my wife for about 10 yrs and it has gone sour, I'm younger than her by about 8 yrs and I helped her raise her 2 kids and have one of our own, I think she's going through some midlife crisis. now that her kids are grown up she wants to act single and go out and tells me she doesn't love me anymore blah blah blah,....and I have become the only reliable parent for my little 5 yr old boy.....I really really want to move on because I'm still young enough to meet someone new, start a new family with someone that can appreciate the great guy I know I am. But my wife is freakin crazy, she want's to stay and live together and have me help her sustain the household but doesn't want a relationship with me, I sleep on the freakin Couch bro! I hate it! I have a lot of friends I hang with and I meet nice girls all the time but I can't go anywhere with it because of my complicated situation (living with my ***** wife). cuz really who wants to hook up with a guy who still lives with his wife. I work out a lot and im very active and I there's is nothing more I would want then being able to break free and be able to move on with my life. so Mr. Star..you are very lucky and I think your ex probably did you a HUGE favor,

    anyways, add me bro and stay positive and keep active...any one else out there feel free to add me....let's **** **** up!
  • Mom2rh
    Mom2rh Posts: 612 Member
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    I'm sorry. But you should be SO proud of yourself for thinking it through before allowing old habits to derail you!

    I just "stress ate" two pieces of pizza before realizing how many calories that was going to set me back for the day. EEK! I've been on one short walk and will go on another later so I can eat dinner today. Maybe if you are craving some comfort food, log it first and THEN decide if it's worth it.

    Hang in there.
  • agwilker
    agwilker Posts: 104 Member
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    I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason. Although it seems some of things you were worried about may have you at ease now, I'm sure it's still going to hurt for awhile. My fiance and I broke up very close to a year ago in October 2010 and I signed up on MFP in November. HOWEVER, I was way too intimidated at the thought of another HUGE life change. So things didn't click until the beginning of this past June and I logged back in for the first time since November and am very happy I did. I still wonder though how much more progress I would have made with those extra 7 months. I really don't think I could have done this if I was still with him, which is why I believe us splitting happened for a reason. Sounds like you just need to keep doing what you're doing, do it for you.
  • Lisa_222
    Lisa_222 Posts: 301 Member
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    Good for you. A sign of good mental health is when you don't punish yourself more when something bad happens.
  • foremant86
    foremant86 Posts: 1,115 Member
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    Breaking up with my boyfriend was actually one of the biggest things that fuel'd me to start my weight loss.....a sort of "look what you're missing out on" kind of thing ;) I broke up with him 'cause he cheated with several other girls.
  • foremant86
    foremant86 Posts: 1,115 Member
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    UPDATE: Apparently she "decided" for us both that it's over. I'm okay with it, actually a bit relieved. I was looking at a 2300 mile relocation, leaving family and friends, my apartment... basically everything. Better to have found out now, I guess. I wish her well. And I'm NOT going to wait another 16 years before trying again!

    I'm sorry to hear that but i love your determination and positive attitude!!
  • msstillion79
    msstillion79 Posts: 142
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    I am so sorry for what u are going through but i know exactly what u are goin through i my self have called it off for awhile with my fiancee we have been together for fourteen years and have three wonderful kids together i think that we are in different parts of our lifes now and we are buttin heads so well see what happens he is taken a vacation from work and we are goin to talk this week I did what u are thinking about doin and i regret it i ate horrible for like a week and didnt do anything at all but watch tv like the old me and i regret it so much i luckly only gained two pounds back but it has made it hard to get moving again I know we dont know each other but if u need to get anything off ur chest pm me im a good listener and im with u in the same boat. It will get better it has to i havent really been talkin or paying attention to my fiancee for like two weeks so i still dont know what we are goin to do the bad part here is we live in the same house and share the responsibilty of taken care of three kids Hope u beat this and remember if u need to tallk im here Good luck:wink:
  • TooFatToFit
    TooFatToFit Posts: 285 Member
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    But my wife is freakin crazy, she want's to stay and live together and have me help her sustain the household but doesn't want a relationship with me, I sleep on the freakin Couch bro! I hate it! I have a lot of friends I hang with and I meet nice girls all the time but I can't go anywhere with it because of my complicated situation (living with my ***** wife). cuz really who wants to hook up with a guy who still lives with his wife. I work out a lot and im very active and I there's is nothing more I would want then being able to break free and be able to move on with my life. so Mr. Star..you are very lucky and I think your ex probably did you a HUGE favor,

    anyways, add me bro and stay positive and keep active...any one else out there feel free to add me....let's **** **** up!

    Why ARE you staying then? Would she fight to try and keep the 5 year old even though she wants to party? My husband wanted to stay with me while he saw what else was out there, so to speak, and I said you're WITH ME, or you're not. I'm nobody's backup plan and I'm not just there to keep the household running.
  • TooFatToFit
    TooFatToFit Posts: 285 Member
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    UPDATE: Apparently she "decided" for us both that it's over. I'm okay with it, actually a bit relieved. I was looking at a 2300 mile relocation, leaving family and friends, my apartment... basically everything. Better to have found out now, I guess. I wish her well. And I'm NOT going to wait another 16 years before trying again!

    I'm sorry. :( You sound so okay about it, but I know there must be other levels where it doesn't feel as good. That's painful no matter how better off it is in the long run. Keep up the positive attitude for the most part though, and keep treating yourself right...and for sure don't wait another 16 years.
  • SunSand76
    SunSand76 Posts: 83 Member
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    So sorry things aren't great right now. I know "the old me" would be throwing in the towel too if I were in a similar situation. Now more than ever you NEED to do this for yourself, I admire you for wanting to stay the course, that's not the easy route. Take care and keep putting your health first.
  • bmqbonnie
    bmqbonnie Posts: 836 Member
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    I also just had a breakup with my fiance, but if there's a silver lining in it all it's been great for my weight loss. That's when I actually started coming to this site and almost ten pounds that I wasn't able to get off before just fell off. Maybe it was the weight on my shoulders, heh.

    I started feeling physically ill and realized I was stressed, so I started running every morning and that icky feeling in my tummy eased. In the past feeling anxious about our relationship may have caused me to seek solace in some pizza and ice cream, for some reason now I don't comfort eat. Plus it's whole new motivation to lose weight since I want to date again plus I want him to feel like crap for letting me go!
  • calibri
    calibri Posts: 439 Member
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    UPDATE: Apparently she "decided" for us both that it's over. I'm okay with it, actually a bit relieved. I was looking at a 2300 mile relocation, leaving family and friends, my apartment... basically everything. Better to have found out now, I guess. I wish her well. And I'm NOT going to wait another 16 years before trying again!
    Very good thing this happened now and not a few months/years later. Good on you for not letting it the better of you and carrying on.
  • StarGeezer
    StarGeezer Posts: 351
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    UPDATE: Apparently she "decided" for us both that it's over. I'm okay with it, actually a bit relieved. I was looking at a 2300 mile relocation, leaving family and friends, my apartment... basically everything. Better to have found out now, I guess. I wish her well. And I'm NOT going to wait another 16 years before trying again!

    I'm sorry. :( You sound so okay about it, but I know there must be other levels where it doesn't feel as good. That's painful no matter how better off it is in the long run. Keep up the positive attitude for the most part though, and keep treating yourself right...and for sure don't wait another 16 years.

    Thank you for the encouragement. You're right, on one level I'm so NOT "okay about it" -- this person was a dear childhood friend of mine. As much a sort of adopted "kid sister" of my youth as anything. We only discovered after having been reunited after over 25 years that we both had harbored feelings of affection for one another as teens. All this sounds very "Oprah-ish" and had the makings of a great story.

    But she had been diagnosed years ago with a clinical mental issue (namely, bi-polar disorder), and despite knowing the risks, had gone off her medication. She became increasingly erratic and unpredictable, and the "last straw" was confronting her on her uncontrolled spending sprees. She became defensive and then verbally abusive, and when I tried to put some distance between us to allow her to cool off and get some perspective, she remained on the offensive.

    Ultimately, being frustrated that I wasn't going to engage her in verbal sparring, she shut down the relationship. I'm certain it was "the disease talking" for her, but she bears the responsibility for her words and actions, not least of which is maintaining treatment for her condition. Perhaps once the fog has lifted and she regains some clarity, she'll understand what she's done, and it may be possible to eventually "just be friends" again, but I will not risk anything beyond that in the future... that ship has sailed.

    So I'm sad that this sort of "fairy tale romance" didn't have the Hollywood ending. I'm sad that this dear friend of my much younger self is now likely relegated to the realm of fond memories and nothing more. And I do truly hope she eventually seeks the help she so desperately needs right now. But I am also relieved that this episode didn't happen well after I had committed to a costly (and for all intents and purposes, irreversible) relocation. And I'm optimistic that despite it all, I remained true to my own goals and ideals, and will one day soon "get back up on the horse" again and try to find someone who also wants that Hollywood ending.

    It'll happen. I'm just going to let the universe come at ME for a change. :laugh:
  • Legalchica
    Legalchica Posts: 462
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    Hang in there... better to have it end now then wait 13 years and 3 kids later only to find out its not going to work... and you want out... Keep on track. You'll feel better about yourself! I'm dealing with some of the same emotional issues that make it hard to keep going... You will find that one.. and you will appriciate her all the more when you do find her :)

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