Has any one else dealt with this?

spammyanna

I went to my mother's house this weekend for my dad's birthday. So far I have lost 32lbs, and yes, it is noticeable. I am wearing clothes I couldn't wear before, I have lost 7 inches off my waist, I just look leaner all around.

NO ONE at my mother's house said anything.

Now wait, I take that back. They all made fun of the smaller size pants I am now able to wear. I tried to ignore this, and not let it get to me, but it was difficult.

Everyone who lives in my mother's house is severely overweight. Overweight to the point that it causes them all health problems. I was hoping that if they saw that I could lose weight, it might inspire them to do so as well.

Boy was I wrong.

Now I don't need people to say nice things about they way I look. I know I look good, and to me that's all that matters. I know that I am healthier, in better shape, and I am very happy with my progress. But how do you deal with people who only seem to point out the negative things about your weight loss, or say nothing at all, because they are jealous?

ser0630

Yes, I had to deal with that from the mother of an ex-boyfriend. She is also severely overweight and dealing with knee problems. She even told her son (my ex-boyfriend) one time that I was going to the gym regularly to "find guys to cheat on him with." I lost 15 pounds of the 40 pounds I put on due to forced inactivity and she told me I was "looking too thin." However, she would gripe a lot about how her doctor wants her to lose weight in order to do knee replacement surgery.

I told her she was being a hypocrite and that her weight is only going to make her knee problems worse. In addition, I told her that we all have to live with the choices we make and with the consequences of those choices. I told her that I am choosing to work out because I don't want to be overweight like she is and she can either quit making excuses about losing weight or quit complaining about the knee pain.

About 2 months later, I ended things with that boyfriend. Yes, I did tell him that part of the problem was his mother.

bjfmade

They are scared to say anything. They know they have a weight problem themselves and are not willing to deal with it. Be proud of what you have done and keep up the great work. Be positive and don't throw it in their faces, they will come around when they are ready.

Pinky67

I know what you are saying!!! Just ignore it, and try to have forgiveness for them. Hopefully your great SUCESS will have planted a seed, and will inspire many miracles in your family. Keep the focus on yourself and let it begin with you! Congratulations you are awesome :happy:

clarky85

I think you've got the right attitude, you're doing it for you not them. I could definitely see how their behavior would be hurtful, I think the best thing you can do is to recognize their reason for behaving the way they are and to be happy that you aren't that self conscious about your weight anymore.

msjac23

Just say positive things to them. You don't want their negativity to rub off on you, so do the opposite let your positive attitude rub off on them. You Go Girl!!

lisasbig30

Your success is probably making them think about themselves. How they are dealing with it is picking on you to make themselves feel better and that's sad. It's not you it's them and there is nothing you can do or say about it. Just try and understand why they are doing that and pray that you will become a positive role model for them. The table will turn. I'm certain of it.

MissMaryMac33

Groups of people tend to get comfortable with the way things are... in my family, I was always "the fat sister".
With my friends, I was always the fat one. Once you lose weight and you are no longer the fattest one in the group - people feel threatened. No one wants to take your old place Be happy with your progress and keep knowing you feel and look great! People who aren't threatened by your new look will notice and be thrilled for you. The others will get over it or get off their *kitten*. My sister lost about 50lbs after I did and now all 3 of my sisters and I are about the same size... and no one has to shop at Lane Bryant anymore...it makes for a lot more fun shopping trips -- and now I can borrow their clothes

Creiche

Your weight loss has just shown them that it is doable with hard work and focus, which is something they probably don't want to be shown. Just keep reminding yourself that their comments are based on their insecurity and feeling threatened by your success. If it continues and escalates, you could try talking to them..they might ease up if they're directly confronted with their behavior.

paticksmama07

Yes I have in the past. I have always struggled with my weight but have managed to stay a healthy size. After I lost my son to stillbirth I lost 75lbs of the baby weight I had put on. People called me names especially jealous girlfriends. They would call me "Bobble Head" etc. I knew I looked amazing, like you I was wearing beautiful clothes again was the smallest I had been since they've known me and I was a completely different person both on the outside and in.

Your relatives are unsupportive! Do not let them destroy your shine!!! You remind them of their failures. You have done what they are not capable of doing. Maybe they are in denial, lazy or whatever but it sounds (unfortunately) like they are jealous. Losing 5lbs is hard! Losing 32lbs is a tremendous feat you should be congratulated. Ignore them and keep being beautiful, healthy and happy.

Congratulations on a job well done on your weight loss.

Tina

gdb86

I have seen this happen to friends time and time again. There was also even someone who called in to the Jillian Michael's Podcast (I don't know if you listen to that) with the same dilemma, so you are NOT alone. Clearly, you have the ability to separate their negative comments and still work towards your goals and be happy with yourself, but it doesn't change the fact that you would probably like being around them a lot more if they would just accept you for who you are.

Unfortunately, sabotage is bound to happen with anyone losing weight. The people are you get used to you in a certain lifestyle and it becomes almost threatening to have you (or whoever) change! I think that you should absolutely say something and be honest about how it makes you feel. Although, the comments are clearly directed at you, they may have no idea how much of an impact it has when you leave.

One thing that was mentioned on the call-in on Jillian's podcast was that you can't change people. As much as you want them to be healthy the only thing you can do is be a tool of information, but it's up to them to actually change. You can however let them know that their words are hurtful and that you are really proud of all of the hard work and progress you've made and you wish they could be supportive instead of negative.

Congrats to you on your weight loss journey so far. Know that even if you do confront them and you don't get the reaction that you would have hoped that it's out there and you confronted it. You always have this community on these forums to vent to and get support from others who also want the same goals as you.

I hope my bit of fitspiration and advice was some help!

Pebble321

Oh that sucks. Seeing as they are family and not seeing them is probably not an option, I would just change the subject and accept that they aren't going to be happy whatever you do. If you don't bite back when they tease, maybe it will stop eventually.

And congratuations on working so hard and losing weight. Your MFP family will give you the posistive feedback!!

CrystalFlury

That sucks. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I really think if I were in that situation I'd keep my mouth shut and just vent later to someone who really cared. I know when I lost weight three years ago (my lowest was in the 160s and it was during my sister's wedding) everyone seemed to notice my loss and compliment me except for my mom. Not that I was upset by this, I just noticed that was the one person who didn't say a word. My old best friend saw me and she complimented me but she also said, "oh that's the smallest you'll probably get, you're really small, besides that's probably just skin left" (referring to my belly fat I still hadn't lost). I just took her comment as a possible jealous remark, worried that I'd get to her size (she's in the 140s and has always been slender).

Really though, I think you should be happy for yourself and it's really childish that your own family wouldn't be HAPPY for your renewed health. I guess it'll just take some time and maybe they'll come around and realize you were not only trying to improve physically but gain better health for the long run. If they were jealous (which from what it sounded like they probably were) there's going to be at least one person there who saw you and thought, "heck, if she did it maybe I can too."

Lmaxwell

You keep doing what your thing. Don't take it personal. Some people like to criticize what they can't or choose not to do, mostly because they're scared of failure.

surfrgrl1

I definitely understand. Could be jealousy, some people can be bad about sabotaging a person's efforts, and that is just sad. I had something similar happen, I had lost some weight and went to a family gathering (boyfriend's family) and they whispered to each other while looking at me from across the room. Talk about feeling uncomfortable. Geesh people. Get a life of your own. :ohwell:

I guess as we shed the pounds we have to toughen up and not let that kind of stuff bother us.

cw902davis

Yes, I've dealt with it. A few months ago, my 84-year old mother commented on how good someone else looked, who had needed to lose weight also. It was not the first time she had commented about this person's weight loss. At the time, I had lost 40 pounds, but she had not said, or seemingly even noticed any difference. It's not like she sees me daily or even weekly--more like twice a month, maybe.

A month ago, I had just the opposite experience. I teach college classes, and when I came back after the summer break, numerous faculty members commented on how good I looked. The funny part is that I only lost an additional 10 pounds over the summer, but my tone was part of what changed over the summer.

Yes, it's frustrating. Even though we're losing weight for ourselves, it's nice if someone notices once in a while.

Nikki582

They are scared to say anything. They know they have a weight problem themselves and are not willing to deal with it. Be proud of what you have done and keep up the great work. Be positive and don't throw it in their faces, they will come around when they are ready.

So right. They're scared that if they acknowledge your success then they might have to start... if you can do it, you know? I bet they're thinking though.

Artemis_Acorn

They feel threatened by your weight loss. You're rocking the boat, upsetting the status quo - and if YOU can do it, then they should be doing it too...but they're not. So they're jealous and defensive. If it were me, I would probably try to find some way to defuse the situation with humor, but in the end, you can't change them. Only they can.

The social aspect of losing weight is something that many of us don't anticipate and aren't really equipped to deal with, especially when it turns negative. Stay true to yourself - this journey is YOURS and you can emerge victorious with or without their support.

engineman312

i'm a pretty sarcastic guy, so i dish it back out. i would tell them something like "i'm surprised you're not thin, they way you sweat while you eat must give you a good work out." or something like that.

auntiebabs

It makes them uncomfortable, because you took away their "out".

If they believe it's out of their control they have no responsibility to change. But you HAVE taken responsibility and have made a change and have visible signs proof. If you can do it, they don't have the excuse of "it's in our genes" anymore. And that's been in their heads a loooong time.

Now they know that it means they'd have to buckle down to hard work and they're not ready for that.. not YET. Frankly, they may never get there, but don't rule it out. They may be snippy now, you are shaking their world as they know it, but as you live you life as an example they have a change of heart. And they may come to you for help and support.

My sister-in-laws fat clothes are now my skinny clothes....

Corby86

Agree that they will be feeling very uncomfortable because you have "stolen" their excuse (which probably is something along the lines of it's genetic, i'm big-boned, was born this way etc.).....

In a way, they might almost be annoyed with you for taking away their excuse...because when you're in the room (being from the same family, hence blowing the whole genetic excuse out of the water)....they have no choice but to realize that the only reason they are overweight & you're not...is because they eat more than they need & you've lost weight because you ate less than you needed.

It's like you have forced reality upon them.

I think it's important to remember that they have a problem, you don't. Be happy that you don't & feel good feelings towards them because they obviously need support while they are unwell.

spammyanna

Thanks everyone! I tried to brush off their comments with humor, but they just had so many they really started to get to me.

I know they are jealous, and I know I am doing well and look great.

It makes me sad that they have decided to be angry, instead of taking my success as motivation for themselves.
But like they say, you can't change people, they have to change themselves. So I will just have to keep hoping they will, and keep on doing what I need to do for me.

I really appreciate my MFP family, and how positive and supportive you all are. It makes up for the people in my "real" family who aren't.