Long Distance Relationship

sarahp86
sarahp86 Posts: 692 Member
edited October 2 in Chit-Chat
Do they work?

My boyfriend has been offered a job in Paris that is way too good to pass up. It's for a year (at least). We have been living together for the last year and a half and we're very happy.
He wouldn't go without my blessing but I couldn't say no even if I wanted because its his dream job and if he stayed here to keep me happy I'd be worried he'd start resenting me. I know it's only an hour and a half flight away (I'm in Ireland) and we have skype but I'm really scared and sad. I had a little cry today.
My job doesn't really allow me to travel so me going with him is not an option. It's just the thought of coming home to an empty house and not having him here when I need him. My parents don't live near me and my brother has just moved to England and my best friends live a good 2 to 3 hours away too. It will be just me and the dog and I'm dreading the lonliness. If I say this to him he won't go. He's not being selfish I'm behind him 110%.

I just want to know if anyone here is currently in a long distance relationship. How do you make it work? How do you cope on your own?

Replies

  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
    I've been in one for over a year and a half(He's trying to get here).

    And it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. We miss eachother so very much, it sucks.


    If it's too good for him to pass up, give him your blessing. We text through the day, talk on our way home from work and talk at night on AIM for a few hours.
    It's HARD. But we love eachother enough to make it work. Be honest with yourself though... if you can't make it work, if you can't deal with the pain do not give him your blessing. I cry for days evertime we leave eachother. I'm not trying to scare you, just being honest.
    On the other hand I am the most loved, well taken care of women I know. And just about everyday I feel like the luckiest girl ever to have the man I have.


    Some hints
    1. Skype(for facetime or errr....other stuff)
    2. His undershirts smell like him, sleep in them(it sounds gross but believe me it's a comfort)
    3. Be creative
  • Gilbrod
    Gilbrod Posts: 1,216 Member
    My wife did it for 2 years. She lived in Baltimore MD, and I lived in NYC. 3.5 hour drive. We've been married almost 10 years and I moved to her. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    My husband and I were separated for 2 years due to him being in the military. We texted all the time (and by all the time I mean constantly throughout the day, we had an open conversation from the moment we woke until we went to bed), called everyday. In your case I think Skype should help a lot!
  • Rikki444
    Rikki444 Posts: 326 Member
    Hey.... sounds like it will work for you. Aw.... don't stress.... :flowerforyou:
  • CherylM2015
    CherylM2015 Posts: 20 Member
    My boyfriend and I did it for 5 years. 5 YEARS! And we were very far away from each other. WE always made sure that we saw each other at least once every 6 months or so. It was hard but there were definitely some positive aspects: I was able to focus on my own life/work/friends, etc. and we learned to communicate so well (much more so than most couples I know). We learned how to talk through everything and I really feel like it made us much closer.

    We're now back together in the same city and we're stronger than ever. We are both independent people and we both value each other very much.

    I truly feel that our time doing long-distance allowed us to develop a much stronger relationship.

    You can DEFINITELY do it. If you both have love and trust each other (which it seems you do), you will be fine. There will be tough days but just know that it's only a temporary thing.

    Good luck!!!
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    There's no way for you to find work in Paris? I'd want to go just because I like to roam. I don't know if LDR's work. Depends on the people, I guess.
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
    My wife did it for 2 years. She lived in Baltimore MD, and I lived in NYC. 3.5 hour drive. We've been married almost 10 years and I moved to her. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

    I'd give an arm to only have a 3.5 hour distance!!
  • aquasw16
    aquasw16 Posts: 342 Member
    If you two want to make it work- you will make it work. A year isn't long in the big scheme of things. I mean, what would you do if you two were married? Just keep up good communication, make sure to Skype, take (you or him) take trips to see one another, planned or not.
    Little things help, forget-me-nots, thinking of yous, etc.

    Good luck!
  • brittanyjeanxo
    brittanyjeanxo Posts: 1,831 Member
    I was until December, a 3 hour flight and 1200 miles separating us. It's hard and it's totally normal to be scared. But if you guys really love each other, it will work out. There will be days where you just feel so sad, but you have to remember you will see each other. With the technology nowadays it will be like he never left. If you want to make it work though, it will work. I don't think it's true when people say they "don't work." If you want to make it, you will.
  • sarahp86
    sarahp86 Posts: 692 Member
    There's no way for you to find work in Paris? I'd want to go just because I like to roam. I don't know if LDR's work. Depends on the people, I guess.

    I'm a police officer so I can't really move with my job. If its a case that it works out and he stays for longer than a year I have the option of a career break but for now I can't go
  • lor007
    lor007 Posts: 884 Member
    My husband used to be in the military and we spent almost 2 years apart, very few phone calls and no skype. It sucked, but we made it through. If you want it to work, it will.
  • 19zerbrechen63
    19zerbrechen63 Posts: 22
    I'm currently in a long-distance relationship. We make sure to talk on the phone as much as possible or use Skype so we can see each other. We also make a point to send each other letters and special care packages. Having physical things of theirs always helps when you're feeling lonely and missing them.

    It's definitely a painful thing at times to be separated from the one you love, but it's doable. They definitely work if both people want it to. It's just a matter of finding time for each other. You can even set up little "dates" like watch a movie or TV together over the phone. Just because you live a distance apart doesn't mean your relationship can't still be romantic and have its special moments. :)

    On a side note, I'd recommend joining a few groups of interest (maybe a book club or even a hiking club) to make new friends so you have more people in your support group. It might help ease some of your loneliness. I hope everything works out for you. It might be hard, but I know it can be done. I've been in this long-distance relationship boat for quite sometime and I'm happy to say that we're getting along just fine.
  • angel79202
    angel79202 Posts: 1,012 Member
    My hubby and I were 8 hours away for 4 years until we married..it CAN work!!!
  • calibri
    calibri Posts: 439 Member
    I tried and could not do it, but I was young (18) and there was no end to the distance in sight (3200 miles, I am in California, he was in South Carolina); I had just started uni and separated from all my friends and everything combined was so stressful, I was constantly on the verge of tears. I felt like I was being expected to give everything up to move towards him and realized how uneven the sacrifices were.

    As long as you can keep up the right mindset, you'll be alright.
  • sarahp86
    sarahp86 Posts: 692 Member
    Thanks everyone for the replies. I feel a bit better. Most people I've spoken to have been very negative saying it will NEVER work but we have a very strong relationship and I do want to marry him someday. I just feel selfish for wanting to keep him close to me.

    I'm crying again now like a big weirdo :cry:
  • brittanyjeanxo
    brittanyjeanxo Posts: 1,831 Member
    Thanks everyone for the replies. I feel a bit better. Most people I've spoken to have been very negative saying it will NEVER work but we have a very strong relationship and I do want to marry him someday. I just feel selfish for wanting to keep him close to me.

    I'm crying again now like a big weirdo :cry:

    Don't, it's not weird! Get used to the tears, because they'll show up often. I'm not going to sugar coat it and pretend it's an easy thing to do, because it's not. But I think in a lot of cases it ends up making that relationship stronger. You learn how to actually talk about things when you argue instead of doing silly things like walking away. You don't have another choice but to talk about it. That's the only thing I miss about being in a LDR, we don't talk things out like we used to. We're trying to get back to that, though. Also...(DISCLAIMER: this is about teh secks) don't underestimate the power of phone/Skype "sex." At first it seems a little awkward, but it can really help to feel closer together.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,998 Member
    Do they work?

    My boyfriend has been offered a job in Paris that is way too good to pass up. It's for a year (at least). We have been living together for the last year and a half and we're very happy.
    He wouldn't go without my blessing but I couldn't say no even if I wanted because its his dream job and if he stayed here to keep me happy I'd be worried he'd start resenting me. I know it's only an hour and a half flight away (I'm in Ireland) and we have skype but I'm really scared and sad. I had a little cry today.
    My job doesn't really allow me to travel so me going with him is not an option. It's just the thought of coming home to an empty house and not having him here when I need him. My parents don't live near me and my brother has just moved to England and my best friends live a good 2 to 3 hours away too. It will be just me and the dog and I'm dreading the lonliness. If I say this to him he won't go. He's not being selfish I'm behind him 110%.

    I just want to know if anyone here is currently in a long distance relationship. How do you make it work? How do you cope on your own?
    I was in a long distance relationship for 2 1/2 years. And back then we didn't have cell phones to keep in contact (94-96)so we did it with pagers. Also, I went to see her at least once a month for a weekend. Well be married for 13 years this November.
  • jenny95662
    jenny95662 Posts: 997 Member
    its hard but as a military wife i have been long distance from my boyfriend/now husband a lot. Its never easy but can work if you both want it to :) tears are normal believe me lmao and in my case it makes our relationship stronger because you still have that new feeling again when you are together. It can work!
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
    Thanks everyone for the replies. I feel a bit better. Most people I've spoken to have been very negative saying it will NEVER work but we have a very strong relationship and I do want to marry him someday. I just feel selfish for wanting to keep him close to me.

    I'm crying again now like a big weirdo :cry:

    If you're relationship is strong enough you'll be fine. And perhaps you'll learn to appreciate each other in ways that other couples do not.
    I promise it's worth it.
  • 19zerbrechen63
    19zerbrechen63 Posts: 22
    Thanks everyone for the replies. I feel a bit better. Most people I've spoken to have been very negative saying it will NEVER work but we have a very strong relationship and I do want to marry him someday. I just feel selfish for wanting to keep him close to me.

    I'm crying again now like a big weirdo :cry:

    You aren't selfish at all. We all wish we could have our loved one close by. You aren't a big weirdo either. It's natural to feel like this. Like someone else said, there will be times when you will cry and maybe even be angry. I just spent the night in the ER. I called my boyfriend, crying over the phone, because I wished so badly that he could be there to support me. We all have times like that. It gets easier though. I promise it'll be worth it in the end. :)

    Don't, it's not weird! Get used to the tears, because they'll show up often. I'm not going to sugar coat it and pretend it's an easy thing to do, because it's not. But I think in a lot of cases it ends up making that relationship stronger. You learn how to actually talk about things when you argue instead of doing silly things like walking away. You don't have another choice but to talk about it. That's the only thing I miss about being in a LDR, we don't talk things out like we used to. We're trying to get back to that, though. Also...(DISCLAIMER: this is about teh secks) don't underestimate the power of phone/Skype "sex." At first it seems a little awkward, but it can really help to feel closer together.

    I'm going to second the *ahem* phone/Skype sex. It is awkward at first, but I think it's important to try to maintain some form of intimacy. It will keep you guys close.
  • krbn2
    krbn2 Posts: 98 Member
    *raises hand* 3 years, 2,000 miles. Yes, they work--we got married after we were able to move to the same city!

    At the end of our days we would just leave Skype on for hours, and I would study, and he would work, and we'd talk to each other intermittently as if we were sitting in the same room every evening.

    I actually relished the independence--you know somebody loves you out there, but you get to sleep in the middle of the bed, worry only about your own schedule, and put however many frilly/girly things you durn well please around the house. I didn't like it enough to want to do it again, but there were some perks.

    We both roll our eyes and go "pffft" at those airport couples that cry and hug, and then one of them walks to the gate saying, "I'll see you next Monday, and I'll miss you so much for the next five days, pookie-bear! *sob* " But we also have immense respect for military families who experience separations much longer and more stressful than anything we've ever experienced.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    Thanks everyone for the replies. I feel a bit better. Most people I've spoken to have been very negative saying it will NEVER work but we have a very strong relationship and I do want to marry him someday. I just feel selfish for wanting to keep him close to me.

    I'm crying again now like a big weirdo :cry:

    I say go for it. They only way you will know is to try and see.

    The guy I'm dating lives about and hour and 15 mins from me. We have very conflicting schedules (he works for Fed Ex and only has sunday and monday off work, he's a student as well. Am off Saturday and Sunday which only gives us one entire day a week that we are both off.) It's hard for us to make time to see each other but we talk/text everyday until we go to bed.

    Like another poster said if it's meant to be it will work out, maybe this is just a test for the two of you.
  • DevilDog68
    DevilDog68 Posts: 23
    If two people love each other, distance should not stand in the way. I have lost a few loves because of my military career. I sleep alone in my doghouse every night because I was afraid of a long distance relationship, something I regret now. If I meet my dream girl long distance, mileage alone isn't going to be a good enough reason to let her slip away this time.

    Do what you have to do to make it work. As others have mentioned Skype, text. Good Luck
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