My boyfriend doesn't want me to lose any more weight.

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Kissxx
Kissxx Posts: 99
in Health and Weight Loss
So my bf thinks I am getting "bony" I am only 5'2" and 117 lbs. It is around 21-22ish BMI, perfectly healthy but I would like to get down to 110. He said to stop it and gain more weight. He said I am too crazy that I even count olive oil in my diary. He said I am on the road to an eating disorder. He said he loved my body more when I was technically overweight in the 140s cuz then I had breasts and a bigger butt. If I had breasts and I was 100 lbs he probably wouldn't care.. I want to satisfy his wishes, he's against implants but he loves them on other women, figures. ugh men. -_-

I want to tone my ab region as it is my biggest problem spot. Its not bulging or huge, Id be happy if I was 115 and toned. All this talk makes me want to just stop and maintain my weight. If only he knew how much I want to eat regularly as I have been on a caloric deficit since March of this year. I am currently doing Insanity and its a lot of cardio. Should I switch to something that is more for strength training? Any suggestions? I just want to let that all out. I'm so frustrated.
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Replies

  • voluptuous_veggie
    voluptuous_veggie Posts: 476 Member
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    Stop living your life for someone else. You WILL regret it eventually.
  • Shyloh1
    Shyloh1 Posts: 422 Member
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    If you have to keep it mind,that you're doing this for yourself first and no one else.

    Don't let your boyfriend influence you,if he truly cares for you...he'll stand by you no matter what weight your are.

    Keep going,make yourself happy!
  • SueGremlin
    SueGremlin Posts: 1,066 Member
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    Don't discuss your weight with him anymore. This is your body, not his.
  • Biggipooh
    Biggipooh Posts: 350
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    If you want to be superskinny, that is your choice. But I understand your boyfriend. My husband is just like that. They hate these masculine bony Sarah Jessica Parker Types. Totally unattractive. Women look a lot better with curves and some butt.
  • paulagabay
    paulagabay Posts: 96
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    Dito!!!!!
  • sugarbone
    sugarbone Posts: 454 Member
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    Your body, not his. If he is expressing concern and wanting to talk it out, fine. If he's worried about your health, fine. If he's telling you to put on weight for purely selfish reasons then screw 'im. Tell him you would like his body better if he were really muscly and see how he reacts.
  • Kym1610
    Kym1610 Posts: 333 Member
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    Do what makes you happy. Perhaps try explaining to him that you want that toned look and a side effect of that may be that you will lose a little more weight.
    I have been told (I am not toned a still want to lose about another 10kg) to get that toned look it is more about weight/strength training than cardio. I am sorry I can't give you any more advise than that
  • Dtrmnd86
    Dtrmnd86 Posts: 406 Member
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    It's your body, do what you want with it. If he doesn't like it, someone else will and it will be his loss. Please don't change yourself for him. I've done that before and you will regret it. Of course I look at it as a learning experience, but not a very smart one. Do what you feel most comfortable doing.
  • babyblake11
    babyblake11 Posts: 1,107 Member
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    i am 5"1/5"2 and around 110 and everybody comments on "ohmygosh you look like youre about to fly away with the wind!" and assume i eat too little, although i eat plenty but am still trying to up my calories as i am quite active. but i know i am a small person and this is how my body is supposed to look while healthy, and quite fit.
    i say if you like, yes lose the last few pounds but only at a 250cal defecit and lots of high intesnsity exercise while eating most calories back. lots of strength training too. do what YOU want. if you want to maintain just focus on eating your calories and again lots of high intensity exercise and strength training, and eat most of your exercise cals back.
  • CrimsonHellkite
    CrimsonHellkite Posts: 114
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    while i understand your boyfriends opinion is important to you, you must live your life for yourself, and if he cant love you still for what makes you happy with yourself then he never loved you, i wish you luck and hopefully he wont be selfish! try explaining to him that you need this for yourself and you really hope he can understand.
  • sc1572
    sc1572 Posts: 2,309 Member
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    Ignore him! You're doing this for YOU not HIM! Plus, it's better to be healthy...right? I've had friends call me crazy just for working out everyday or not drinking soda. Just stick to your guns! :)
  • chocoholicandbaby
    chocoholicandbaby Posts: 75 Member
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    I think that given that your goal weight is at a healthy BMI you should do what YOU want - not what someone else wants from you. At the end of the day you have to be happy in your skin. If your goal weight was unreasonable my advice would be different of course.

    However, it is important to do some strength training - that will help you get the tone that you want and at this point is probably more important that cardio.

    I think you look great in your display pic btw.
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    Stop living your life for someone else. You WILL regret it eventually.

    This
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    If boobs will solve the problem for you both, then work some strength training that targets your pecs (chest) into your workout. It will build up the muscle behind your boobs and they will appear bigger and be firmer.
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    Ultimately, do what makes you happy and not anyone else :)
    If you'd be happy with 115 and toned then, maybe focus a little less on the weight you are and add some strength training in like you mentioned. It doesn't have to be loads but it does help. Focus on a small calories deficit or maybe even maintenance and with the right workouts your body should tone up more without the weight changing all that much. 2 different people can have the same height and weight but totally different figures and bf%
    I don't think it's unhealthy to want to change how you look and feel for the better, I log olive oil as do most people I've seen on here. Take on board what he says though, he may be genuinely concerned. If you feel that exercise and food are taking over all your thoughts it might be worthwhile getting some help with that, but if not, don't worry about it, and try and give him some reassurance that you'll stay healthy along the way :)
  • Aperyan83
    Aperyan83 Posts: 69 Member
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    Depending on how long you have been together you need to make the choice.

    I know I like to satisfy my husband, but at the same time I never forget what I want for me.

    Maybe ask a family member or a close friend how they see you. Since they would know you best... ask them if you look too thin. But you have to be open to whatever they may tell you.

    If you honestly don't give a hoot what people think, as some people are like that, then press on mama!!
  • becca_21
    becca_21 Posts: 100 Member
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    I understand that you're concerned with what your boyfriend thinks. It's natural to want to please them and have them be attracted to you. I agree with the other posters, though. You have to do this for you. If you want to lose 2 more pounds then go for it. He will love you the way you are regardless.... and if he doesn't, then you don't need him. It's okay for him to be concerned about your weight loss, especially if he doesn't necessarily think you need it. However, it isn't okay for him to tell you that "you'd look better if..." (in your case, gain more weight).

    Then again, if he's not in great shape himself, he may just be jealous. My boyfriend said something to me constantly for weeks about me losing weight. "Oh, you don't need to do all this dieting"-"You look fine the way you are" etc. Then he started hitting the gym & eating a little better and says nothing to me at all except that I look great =)

    Remember, do it for you! NOT anyone else.

    (ps- I do agree that toned muscles are a lot more attractive than rail thin)
  • Kissxx
    Kissxx Posts: 99
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    Thanks for all the advice! This lifted my mood a little. Weve been together for almost 6 years and his opinion matters to me. I know he loves me and he told me that he'll love me no matter what but I was a little bothered that he didnt like the fact that my breasts are shrinking. He used to be underweight at this weight but he's taller so its different. Now with the help of MFP also, he gained weight and in the best shape of his life. I think he's scared for my weight, even his mom says I should eat more. When Im eating so much cuz of all the exercise calories I eat back.

    I guess I'll drop the intense cardio and stick to my strenght training. Again, thank you so much for all the replies. I feel so much better now than I did when i woke up this morning. I love MFP =)
  • keiraev
    keiraev Posts: 695 Member
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    I don't think 110 is too thin for your height at all, as long as you are healthy and know when it is the right time to stop.

    Your bf sounds a bit controlling, and for the record I gained weight myself because I DIDN'T count how much olive oil I was putting in my cooking and used to just fling it in the pan. I now log every teaspoon religiously- so yes it's good for you but it's still a fat!

    Definitely don't get implants for his benefit!
  • haileemou
    haileemou Posts: 153
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    I disagree with the advice, how do we know the full picture the girl could have an eating disorder, we can only see one side of it! Plus the Mum is saying eat more, stay healthy Kissxxx and listen to your body

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