My boyfriend doesn't want me to lose any more weight.

Kissxx

So my bf thinks I am getting "bony" I am only 5'2" and 117 lbs. It is around 21-22ish BMI, perfectly healthy but I would like to get down to 110. He said to stop it and gain more weight. He said I am too crazy that I even count olive oil in my diary. He said I am on the road to an eating disorder. He said he loved my body more when I was technically overweight in the 140s cuz then I had breasts and a bigger butt. If I had breasts and I was 100 lbs he probably wouldn't care.. I want to satisfy his wishes, he's against implants but he loves them on other women, figures. ugh men. -_-

I want to tone my ab region as it is my biggest problem spot. Its not bulging or huge, Id be happy if I was 115 and toned. All this talk makes me want to just stop and maintain my weight. If only he knew how much I want to eat regularly as I have been on a caloric deficit since March of this year. I am currently doing Insanity and its a lot of cardio. Should I switch to something that is more for strength training? Any suggestions? I just want to let that all out. I'm so frustrated.

voluptuous_veggie

Stop living your life for someone else. You WILL regret it eventually.

Shyloh1

If you have to keep it mind,that you're doing this for yourself first and no one else.

Don't let your boyfriend influence you,if he truly cares for you...he'll stand by you no matter what weight your are.

Keep going,make yourself happy!

SueGremlin

Don't discuss your weight with him anymore. This is your body, not his.

Biggipooh

If you want to be superskinny, that is your choice. But I understand your boyfriend. My husband is just like that. They hate these masculine bony Sarah Jessica Parker Types. Totally unattractive. Women look a lot better with curves and some butt.

paulagabay

Dito!!!!!

sugarbone

Your body, not his. If he is expressing concern and wanting to talk it out, fine. If he's worried about your health, fine. If he's telling you to put on weight for purely selfish reasons then screw 'im. Tell him you would like his body better if he were really muscly and see how he reacts.

Kym1610

Do what makes you happy. Perhaps try explaining to him that you want that toned look and a side effect of that may be that you will lose a little more weight.
I have been told (I am not toned a still want to lose about another 10kg) to get that toned look it is more about weight/strength training than cardio. I am sorry I can't give you any more advise than that

Dtrmnd86

It's your body, do what you want with it. If he doesn't like it, someone else will and it will be his loss. Please don't change yourself for him. I've done that before and you will regret it. Of course I look at it as a learning experience, but not a very smart one. Do what you feel most comfortable doing.

babyblake11

i am 5"1/5"2 and around 110 and everybody comments on "ohmygosh you look like youre about to fly away with the wind!" and assume i eat too little, although i eat plenty but am still trying to up my calories as i am quite active. but i know i am a small person and this is how my body is supposed to look while healthy, and quite fit.
i say if you like, yes lose the last few pounds but only at a 250cal defecit and lots of high intesnsity exercise while eating most calories back. lots of strength training too. do what YOU want. if you want to maintain just focus on eating your calories and again lots of high intensity exercise and strength training, and eat most of your exercise cals back.

CrimsonHellkite

while i understand your boyfriends opinion is important to you, you must live your life for yourself, and if he cant love you still for what makes you happy with yourself then he never loved you, i wish you luck and hopefully he wont be selfish! try explaining to him that you need this for yourself and you really hope he can understand.

sc1572

Ignore him! You're doing this for YOU not HIM! Plus, it's better to be healthy...right? I've had friends call me crazy just for working out everyday or not drinking soda. Just stick to your guns!

chocoholicandbaby

I think that given that your goal weight is at a healthy BMI you should do what YOU want - not what someone else wants from you. At the end of the day you have to be happy in your skin. If your goal weight was unreasonable my advice would be different of course.

However, it is important to do some strength training - that will help you get the tone that you want and at this point is probably more important that cardio.

I think you look great in your display pic btw.

ilookthetype

Stop living your life for someone else. You WILL regret it eventually.

This

bcattoes

If boobs will solve the problem for you both, then work some strength training that targets your pecs (chest) into your workout. It will build up the muscle behind your boobs and they will appear bigger and be firmer.

HeidiMightyRawr

Ultimately, do what makes you happy and not anyone else
If you'd be happy with 115 and toned then, maybe focus a little less on the weight you are and add some strength training in like you mentioned. It doesn't have to be loads but it does help. Focus on a small calories deficit or maybe even maintenance and with the right workouts your body should tone up more without the weight changing all that much. 2 different people can have the same height and weight but totally different figures and bf%
I don't think it's unhealthy to want to change how you look and feel for the better, I log olive oil as do most people I've seen on here. Take on board what he says though, he may be genuinely concerned. If you feel that exercise and food are taking over all your thoughts it might be worthwhile getting some help with that, but if not, don't worry about it, and try and give him some reassurance that you'll stay healthy along the way

Aperyan83

Depending on how long you have been together you need to make the choice.

I know I like to satisfy my husband, but at the same time I never forget what I want for me.

Maybe ask a family member or a close friend how they see you. Since they would know you best... ask them if you look too thin. But you have to be open to whatever they may tell you.

If you honestly don't give a hoot what people think, as some people are like that, then press on mama!!

becca_21

I understand that you're concerned with what your boyfriend thinks. It's natural to want to please them and have them be attracted to you. I agree with the other posters, though. You have to do this for you. If you want to lose 2 more pounds then go for it. He will love you the way you are regardless.... and if he doesn't, then you don't need him. It's okay for him to be concerned about your weight loss, especially if he doesn't necessarily think you need it. However, it isn't okay for him to tell you that "you'd look better if..." (in your case, gain more weight).

Then again, if he's not in great shape himself, he may just be jealous. My boyfriend said something to me constantly for weeks about me losing weight. "Oh, you don't need to do all this dieting"-"You look fine the way you are" etc. Then he started hitting the gym & eating a little better and says nothing to me at all except that I look great

Remember, do it for you! NOT anyone else.

(ps- I do agree that toned muscles are a lot more attractive than rail thin)

Kissxx

Thanks for all the advice! This lifted my mood a little. Weve been together for almost 6 years and his opinion matters to me. I know he loves me and he told me that he'll love me no matter what but I was a little bothered that he didnt like the fact that my breasts are shrinking. He used to be underweight at this weight but he's taller so its different. Now with the help of MFP also, he gained weight and in the best shape of his life. I think he's scared for my weight, even his mom says I should eat more. When Im eating so much cuz of all the exercise calories I eat back.

I guess I'll drop the intense cardio and stick to my strenght training. Again, thank you so much for all the replies. I feel so much better now than I did when i woke up this morning. I love MFP

keiraev

I don't think 110 is too thin for your height at all, as long as you are healthy and know when it is the right time to stop.

Your bf sounds a bit controlling, and for the record I gained weight myself because I DIDN'T count how much olive oil I was putting in my cooking and used to just fling it in the pan. I now log every teaspoon religiously- so yes it's good for you but it's still a fat!

Definitely don't get implants for his benefit!

haileemou

I disagree with the advice, how do we know the full picture the girl could have an eating disorder, we can only see one side of it! Plus the Mum is saying eat more, stay healthy Kissxxx and listen to your body

Rogers2088

He's just a boyfrind, they come and go. Health and Happiness to you.

LindaSue5

Oh my word I would LOVE to be your weight!!!! I am 5' 1" and weigh 147. I bet you look great right now!!!! I agree that it is your body and you need to be happy with yourself but don't get so small that you look sick because that is NOT sexy at all. Be healthy!!!

billsica

I disagree with the advice, how do we know the full picture the girl could have an eating disorder, we can only see one side of it! Plus the Mum is saying eat more, stay healthy Kissxxx and listen to your body

+1 if this is really the case, you should talk to a Dr or at least a nutritionist. Eating disorder = bad mojo. Really if this is the case, your bf should be looking at leaving you. If not, your bf is what we call being a "guy." Good luck finding one that isn't looking at your chest and hips.

Jhanahan

From a guy’s point of view I can see where your boyfriend is coming from. If he is making those comments you have to ask yourself if there is any merit to what he is saying. When you go out to a party or a restaurant do you make a big deal about what you can and cannot eat or drink? You should be able to have whatever you would like on the menu or eat what is served at a party without saying I can eat that because I want to lose weight. That is what will upset a boyfriend more than anything especially when you are already very thin.
Guys also look at a girl that is very thin and think she is very fragile. We do not want to worry about breaking her in half from giving her a hug. I think it is important to ask yourself if you were to lose more weight would you be any healthier? The objective should be to be healthy and not meet a certain weight. If you healthy weight is 120 then you should try to stay there, if it is less then by all means do what it takes so you are the healthiest you can be.

SommerJo

It's your body and your choice. But I really don't think ignoring him is right.

Decode the "guy speak". Just because he's talking about your boobs and butt, doesn't mean it's strictly sexual. He might be trying to express concerns that he's not as physically attractive to you anymore -- but maybe it's deeper -- maybe he's worried about your health.

I'm not saying your height and weight are unhealthy. But maybe there's something triggering his concern.

Bankman1989

So my bf thinks I am getting "bony" I am only 5'2" and 117 lbs. It is around 21-22ish BMI, perfectly healthy but I would like to get down to 110. He said to stop it and gain more weight. He said I am too crazy that I even count olive oil in my diary. He said I am on the road to an eating disorder. He said he loved my body more when I was technically overweight in the 140s cuz then I had breasts and a bigger butt. If I had breasts and I was 100 lbs he probably wouldn't care.. I want to satisfy his wishes, he's against implants but he loves them on other women, figures. ugh men. -_-

I want to tone my ab region as it is my biggest problem spot. Its not bulging or huge, Id be happy if I was 115 and toned. All this talk makes me want to just stop and maintain my weight. If only he knew how much I want to eat regularly as I have been on a caloric deficit since March of this year. I am currently doing Insanity and its a lot of cardio. Should I switch to something that is more for strength training? Any suggestions? I just want to let that all out. I'm so frustrated.

I believe a person SHOULD do everything in their power to live a healthier life. At 5'2 and 140 you may have been a lil overweight depening on your body. At 117 I can't see how you could still be over.

HOWEVER

I just started dating a woman 5'4 and 160. She hopes to lose 20 pounds. She has big breasts and I like them. I like women who have curves so if they are going to lose those curves it would be hard to see T & A go bye-bye but I would support it. I don't want my woman to be as muscular as I but I don't want her to weigh more than me either.

Bottom line is do what's best for you. It's your body AND he's not your husband (sorry). Don't know if he's in shape but normally the partner who objects isn't. You would blame him and regret it if you listened to him.

micahnelson

Guys are conditioned to not discuss the weight issues with women properly. We have been given a cheat sheet of answers from sitcoms and chick-flick movies:

Am I fat? No.
Do I look fat? No.
Should I lose Weight? No.

Women ask these questions because they are insecure. If your jeans don't fit you are getting fat, you don't need to ask. Guys answer the way they do because they don't want to piss you off (or possibly they actually don't want to hurt your feelings). Sometimes this goes the extra mile where a guy will tell you that you don't need to lose more weight. That could be going on.

Get in whatever shape you want to be in, and he'll like it if you're confident. Guys like women. Preferences are just a facade so we have something to talk about.

Scoobies87

Eurgh, why do guys preach about surgery and implants then drool all over fake breasted women in FHM!! I don't get it.

Anyway, You are the shape that you are. Unless you get butt/boob implants, tell him the only way you are going to look how he prefers is to put weight back on. Stress to him how unhappy you were at that weight and how much healthier you are now.

Also, I would lay off talking about the diet around him (if you do that) as it drives them crazy and will only reinforce his theory that you are obsessed. Speaking from experience here lol.

At the end of the day, the most important thing is how happy you are with yourself. It is your body.

Kissxx

I understand the guy's point of view completely. And no I am not on the verge of an eating disorder, I am a registered nurse and have seen real ED in the psychiatric unit. I eat what I want when we're out and even indulge in some alcohol once in a while. I dont think Im "skinny" at all. Im just average weight and I think he dislikes that. He liked me because I didnt look like all the other asian girls and I actually had curves but it wasnt attractive to me. I know I'll do what I want and keep going on this journey until I finally reach my goal and be comfortable in my own skin.

BrewerGeorge

When you've been dieting a long time and lost 20-something pounds, it's easy to get hung up on the weight number. The goal weight becomes the be-all-end-all and can sometimes be a little divorced from reality. I bet the woman you were at 140# would be THRILLED to wake up at 117, but because you set the 110 goal back then you're still not satisfied with 117. I'm not trying to tell you which decision to make, just reminding you to make it for the right reason. The right reason would be that you still honestly think you need to lose weight NOW, not because you're not yet at the goal you set originally.

And I don't think you can ignore the opinion of a guy you've been with for 6 years, either. He's invested enough time to have earned the right to an opinion about your body and health. Again, I'm not telling you to do what he says because he said it, but his opinion is worth more consideration than some other posters are saying to give it, IMO.

OTOH, he won't know what you weigh unless you tell him, and I don't think a guy is going to notice a 5 lb difference - even on a 115 lb woman. If he's expressing these things, I'd bet real money that he's less concerned about physical changes and might just be a bit tired of living with somebody constantly "on a diet."