cheater or cheatee?

BeeElMarvin

All Male Species are "Cheaters" by nature. The drive to "Pass on" their genes to a new generation. I have seen many documentaries relating to this subject.

HORSE S_IT! F__k documentaries.

I disagree. I think that every situation is different. I think sometime there are actions on both sides that drive someone to cheat. Do I think it is right? No. But I do think that in SOME situations both parties have to look at what they did that contributed to that situation.

This is a pot of S H I T

There is not situation that makes it OK to cheat.

Correct as hell!

Sarahbara76

Be careful before you sound off and sound high and mighty , because if you fall ,it's long fall from putting yourself up on that high of a pedestal to say you will never cheat and you think it's gross and wrong, beware you too may stumble. I agree with those saying don't get married if you don't take contracts seriously, this is why I am not married. I know better then to trust myself and have seen the mighty fall many many times and they always act justified and that it was owed them. I been in a long term relationship and I know even tho he is a wonderful man and I love everything about him , in some ways we all fall short and just because we chose each other does not magically fill those sometimes gaping voids, no one person can be free of such voids. If I could combine the 2 personalitys of the only two men I have ever loved then I think I would stick out like a sore thumb with all my faults they most certainly would find. I have never cheated in the technical sense. But I am guilty of loving more then 1 man. I am only dedicated to the one. He has my loyalty in the biblical sense and shall for the foreseeable. future
So instead I will let him go before I start something with anyone else because I have been tempted and that was enough of a wake up call to shake anyone to the core. I had nightmares and felt like a loser.
arewetheryet- it's funny the one accusing is almost always got a guilty conscience . I watched my mother accuse my dad of cheating on a daily basis and she was the cheater as it turns out..happens many many times.
So I do agree it's wrong but I don't put myself or anybody above it. I have seen many good people fall. Love is fleeting but true commitment is strong. If your stubborn enough not to cheat then maybe your stubbornness will make you a rock. Dedicate yourself to your other half heart and soul and mind and body and let no other come between if it is your goal.

BeeElMarvin

I'm not placing anybody anywhere, and I have no fear of sounding off - been there done that and I'll tell the world. The only one sounding high and mighty are those saying that they are wise enough to never marry etc... I've been cheated on and she admits to this day that there was absolutely no reason to blame me. Things weren't perfect, but they never are...
I WILL NEVER CHEAT. I can state that as an absolute fact. I've been married for 27 years and we've worked through our problems and have a great life together. I fear it will happen again, but I don't expect it to. If you cheat, you choose to cheat - end of story.

Sarahbara76

I'm not placing anybody anywhere, and I have no fear of sounding off - been there done that and I'll tell the world. The only one sounding high and mighty are those saying that they are wise enough to never marry etc... I've been cheated on and she admits to this day that there was absolutely no reason to blame me. Things weren't perfect, but they never are...
I WILL NEVER CHEAT. I can state that as an absolute fact. I've been married for 27 years and we've worked through our problems and have a great life together. I fear it will happen again, but I don't expect it to. If you cheat, you choose to cheat - end of story.

Well OK then ... good luck to you and see you on the other side ;-)
I don't like contracts more then I don't trust myself .. I love him and am loyal to him alone ..is that not enough why do I have to bring the state or the law into my business ?

Cella30

Be careful before you sound off and sound high and mighty , because if you fall ,it's long fall from putting yourself up on that high of a pedestal to say you will never cheat and you think it's gross and wrong, beware you too may stumble. I agree with those saying don't get married if you don't take contracts seriously, this is why I am not married. I know better then to trust myself and have seen the mighty fall many many times and they always act justified and that it was owed them. I been in a long term relationship and I know even tho he is a wonderful man and I love everything about him , in some ways we all fall short and just because we chose each other does not magically fill those sometimes gaping voids, no one person can be free of such voids. If I could combine the 2 personalitys of the only two men I have ever loved then I think I would stick out like a sore thumb with all my faults they most certainly would find. I have never cheated in the technical sense. But I am guilty of loving more then 1 man. I am only dedicated to the one. He has my loyalty in the biblical sense and shall for the foreseeable. future
So instead I will let him go before I start something with anyone else because I have been tempted and that was enough of a wake up call to shake anyone to the core. I had nightmares and felt like a loser.
arewetheryet- it's funny the one accusing is almost always got a guilty conscience . I watched my mother accuse my dad of cheating on a daily basis and she was the cheater as it turns out..happens many many times.
So I do agree it's wrong but I don't put myself or anybody above it. I have seen many good people fall. Love is fleeting but true commitment is strong. If your stubborn enough not to cheat then maybe your stubbornness will make you a rock. Dedicate yourself to your other half heart and soul and mind and body and let no other come between if it is your goal.

Hi Sarabara,

I wasn't trying to be high and mighty by any means and I'm certainly not trying to offend. I have been in situations of temptations so I can speak from experience. I know me and my integrity so I'm quite comfortable up on my pedestal, no fears of falling here. I personally couldn't live with myself constantly lying to a significant other. I would never want to go through the heartache of being cheated on and, as such, would not do it to someone else. If a person can't learn to say no to temptation or know when to draw the line when a friendship starts turning into something more, then they should not be in a monogamous relationship. Period.

I wish you the best though, it sounds like you have a lot you are dealing with right now. :flowerforyou:

Everyone has choices they make in life, however they must accept the consequences of their actions. Cheating will eventually hurt everyone involved.

Sarahbara76

Be careful before you sound off and sound high and mighty , because if you fall ,it's long fall from putting yourself up on that high of a pedestal to say you will never cheat and you think it's gross and wrong, beware you too may stumble. I agree with those saying don't get married if you don't take contracts seriously, this is why I am not married. I know better then to trust myself and have seen the mighty fall many many times and they always act justified and that it was owed them. I been in a long term relationship and I know even tho he is a wonderful man and I love everything about him , in some ways we all fall short and just because we chose each other does not magically fill those sometimes gaping voids, no one person can be free of such voids. If I could combine the 2 personalitys of the only two men I have ever loved then I think I would stick out like a sore thumb with all my faults they most certainly would find. I have never cheated in the technical sense. But I am guilty of loving more then 1 man. I am only dedicated to the one. He has my loyalty in the biblical sense and shall for the foreseeable. future
So instead I will let him go before I start something with anyone else because I have been tempted and that was enough of a wake up call to shake anyone to the core. I had nightmares and felt like a loser.
arewetheryet- it's funny the one accusing is almost always got a guilty conscience . I watched my mother accuse my dad of cheating on a daily basis and she was the cheater as it turns out..happens many many times.
So I do agree it's wrong but I don't put myself or anybody above it. I have seen many good people fall. Love is fleeting but true commitment is strong. If your stubborn enough not to cheat then maybe your stubbornness will make you a rock. Dedicate yourself to your other half heart and soul and mind and body and let no other come between if it is your goal.

Hi Sarabara,

I wasn't trying to be high and mighty by any means and I'm certainly not trying to offend. I have been in situations of temptations so I can speak from experience. I know me and my integrity so I'm quite comfortable up on my pedestal, no fears of falling here. I personally couldn't live with myself constantly lying to a significant other. I would never want to go through the heartache of being cheated on and, as such, would not do it to someone else. If a person can't learn to say no to temptation or know when to draw the line when a friendship starts turning into something more, then they should not be in a monogamous relationship. Period.

I wish you the best though, it sounds like you have a lot you are dealing with right now. :flowerforyou:

Everyone has choices they make in life, however they must accept the consequences of their actions. Cheating will eventually hurt everyone involved.

Nor was I trying to hurt you sweet Cella , just letting you all know I used to say that myself and I know it can happen but I couldn't have explained the reasons why it shouldn't any better then you did! Beautiful thanks Cella :flowerforyou:

Cella30

Be careful before you sound off and sound high and mighty , because if you fall ,it's long fall from putting yourself up on that high of a pedestal to say you will never cheat and you think it's gross and wrong, beware you too may stumble. I agree with those saying don't get married if you don't take contracts seriously, this is why I am not married. I know better then to trust myself and have seen the mighty fall many many times and they always act justified and that it was owed them. I been in a long term relationship and I know even tho he is a wonderful man and I love everything about him , in some ways we all fall short and just because we chose each other does not magically fill those sometimes gaping voids, no one person can be free of such voids. If I could combine the 2 personalitys of the only two men I have ever loved then I think I would stick out like a sore thumb with all my faults they most certainly would find. I have never cheated in the technical sense. But I am guilty of loving more then 1 man. I am only dedicated to the one. He has my loyalty in the biblical sense and shall for the foreseeable. future
So instead I will let him go before I start something with anyone else because I have been tempted and that was enough of a wake up call to shake anyone to the core. I had nightmares and felt like a loser.
arewetheryet- it's funny the one accusing is almost always got a guilty conscience . I watched my mother accuse my dad of cheating on a daily basis and she was the cheater as it turns out..happens many many times.
So I do agree it's wrong but I don't put myself or anybody above it. I have seen many good people fall. Love is fleeting but true commitment is strong. If your stubborn enough not to cheat then maybe your stubbornness will make you a rock. Dedicate yourself to your other half heart and soul and mind and body and let no other come between if it is your goal.

Hi Sarabara,

I wasn't trying to be high and mighty by any means and I'm certainly not trying to offend. I have been in situations of temptations so I can speak from experience. I know me and my integrity so I'm quite comfortable up on my pedestal, no fears of falling here. I personally couldn't live with myself constantly lying to a significant other. I would never want to go through the heartache of being cheated on and, as such, would not do it to someone else. If a person can't learn to say no to temptation or know when to draw the line when a friendship starts turning into something more, then they should not be in a monogamous relationship. Period.

I wish you the best though, it sounds like you have a lot you are dealing with right now. :flowerforyou:

Everyone has choices they make in life, however they must accept the consequences of their actions. Cheating will eventually hurt everyone involved.

Nor was I trying to hurt you sweet Cella , just letting you all know I used to say that myself and I know it can happen but I couldn't have explained the reasons why it shouldn't any better then you did! Beautiful thanks Cella :flowerforyou:

Nothing but for you here!

Sarahbara76

For the record I HAVE NOT CHEATED and I MA NOT SINGLING ANYBODY OUT ! You guys are all wonderful peeps and I love this website more then I used to love cake!! hehe
But BE wary thats all :ohwell: :indifferent:

Iamfit4life

However poorly the cheater was treated, it's still not really the fault of the victim of cheating/

It's the responsibility of the cheater to either get the relationship remedied or leave.

I don't have any "regrets" but I wish some things in my life had gone a bit different.
I'm the only one to blame for what I wish had gone different.

SkateboardFi

I have a family member that cheated..... and although I really think he shouldn't have...... he worked his butt off everyday so his wife would have enough money to live and could be comfortable and stay home with the seven kids, but it was never enough for her so she went and got her own jobs and was never home and he would try to talk to her about it, but she wouldn't have that and eventually he got sick of it....... the only sad thing is because of his example most of their kids went down hill and three of his sons did the same thing.

completely not a personal attack but this stuck out to me and i'm genuinely curious. so your family member cheated on his wife because she worked too much?

hush7hush

I cheated on a boyfriend once because he told me that I was fat and no one would ever love me.

I proved him wrong.

No, you proved that you are easy and have no respect. Love isn't based on lies, hate, or spite.

Oooh, I'm easy! Thanks.

BigDaddyBRC

Lots of input....I still say one last time...YOU control YOUR decision. Have respect for yourself, your partner, your relationship, and your belief in love...When you do this, then You will never cheat.

Iamfit4life

Lots of input....I still say one last time...YOU control YOUR decision. Have respect for yourself, your partner, your relationship, and your belief in love...When you do this, then You will never cheat.

Or you'll leave before you do.

Not everything was meant to last forever.

Kohadre

This is a pot of S H I T

Lol thats the first ive ever heard that saying.

_beachgirl_

cheater. every time. nuff said.

TrefG

Have done both in my younger days. Neither makes you feel good !

. . . . and IMO it's ALWAYS ther cheaters fault. Nobody forces someone to cheat, everyone has a choice.

danapounce

There is no excuse for cheating full stop. I don't care if the relationship isn't working, or you arent 'getting enough', if this is the case end the relationship!

I was cheated on by my fiancé. I did everything for that man yet he decided to go and have sex with another girl.

myofibril

Primarily it is the cheater's fault but sometimes the cheatee must share some, if not most, of the blame. Sometimes the actions of the cheatee outweigh a single act of cheating.

To me a relationship isn't only about being monogamous. It is also about treating your partner with love, honour and respect. If you are mentally abusive to your partner, if you put them down constantly, try to keep their self esteem low so you can control them, erode their confidence over a long period that is far more toxic and this is just as harmful, if not more so, than losing your inhibitions on a random night. To me those actions negate the vows of "love, honour and respect" so all bets are off when it comes to cheating.

I would like to think that if I was with a woman who treated me like that I would end the relationship before sleeping with someone else. What would I do in reality? I'm not sure if I am honest. Probably not give a *kitten* and do what I wanted if I knew the relationship was over. I see no reason to treat some else with respect if they didn't offer me the same courtesy.

crisanderson27

There's no one size fits all.
I've cheated, I've been cheated on, in the same relationship. Needless to say, that relationship is now over. Nothing is black and white.

Respect and communication is black and white.

Oh, I can tell you and I are going to get a long a treat.
Maybe in your perfect world things work in black and white. Unfortunately, where us mere mortals languish, people make mistakes for a multitude of reasons and the reasons are shades of grey.

Interesting to hear different takes on it though.

Respect and communication are Black & White. It truly is that simple. You should try it.

Cheating is not a mistake. It is a choice. There is no "grey" area when you are in a relationship. You know, my grandparents are celebrating their 70TH wedding anniversary after only knowing one another for a week! Their secrets....communication and respect.

And it's not about Mortality, it's about morality. Take care of that which can control i the relationship with respect and love, and it should be returned equally. If not, then it is bound for failure.

I tend to agree with both of you...odd how that works eh??

I hold MYSELF to the black and white...but I can certainly see, and understand the shades of grey in others. My ex cheated on me more times than I can readily say in the almost seven years we were together...and yet because it was my family hanging in the balance, I fought to work it out each and every time...while never cheating in return.

*shrug*

crisanderson27

There are many different ways of "cheating: nowadays. Physical and emotional are the 2 most common. Usually a person cheats because he/she is not feeling fulfilled in some aspect. And then they meet someone who does. I think it's also a way to "get back at" the SO. "If you don't want me I can find someone who does"

Alot of people keep saying communication is the key. And I totally agree. However, what happens if you have a partner who refuses to communicate? Who gets defensive and/or upset if you even mention whatever subject matter?

But I agree with the above poster. Things have a way of coming around to bite you in the *kitten*.

Total truth, and to me, whether you're physically cheating, or cheating 'online'...it's still cheating. I also agree on the communication. I'm STILL trying to communicate with the witch...for the sake of our kids...and I'm even less successful than I was when we were together...because all she has to do is hang up the phone when the subject matter turns to her actions or issues.

stormieweather

I've been cheated on, but never been the cheater. There is no pain like finding out the person you have opened your soul to has lied to you and slept with someone else. It felt like my heart had shattered into a thousand pieces

I've had the opportunity to cheat and let me tell you, it would have been so easy, considering my husband at the time was abusing the hell out of me including my sexuality. It was very tempting to feel loved and cherished, even if illusionary and momentary. But my reasoning was NOT cheating was that I had enough problems without adding that into the mix.

Cheating is a choice. Therefore it is always the cheaters fault. He/she chose to do it.

pain_is_weakness

I cheated on a boyfriend once because he told me that I was fat and no one would ever love me.

I proved him wrong.

#winning, why didn't you just leave him, cheating implies a "I told you so" moment and then remaining together

pain_is_weakness

I don't think anyone can be driven to cheat, just leave the person, nobody is forcing you to sneak around.

If you can be driven to cheat, then we can justify being driven to shoplift, kill, be mean, ect.

People think that they are the victim in every situation and that person made you either feel a certain way or whatever so it was their fault you cheated, wow really?

No, you cheated, you did it, you could have left, end of story!

crisanderson27

No, you cheated, you did it, you could have left, end of story!

I always hate these threads...because I'm NOT a cheater, but I always end up feeling compelled to play devil's advocate.

I could definitely condone cheating (note, I didn't say 'I would definitely 'cheat') before I could condone dividing a family by leaving, over something a person has no control over, like their spouses actions or treatment of them. To me, the latter is the FAR greater evil...because in that scenario, you are ruining your children's stability and possibly their future, for your own selfishness. I know this first hand, because I'm watching my own children suffer far, far more, due to the fallout of their mother being gone, than they ever did from her cheating and other behaviors that only hurt me (yes, that is a broad statement). That whole argument of 'they suffer more from the way the parents treat each other than they do from having one parent' crap is just that. Crap. Excepting physical or emotional abuse of course. An argument here or there...even if pretty large...is in no way comparable to an absent parent.

My children are still 'happy' children...but they hurt, and it's bone deep...and this was NEVER something they felt or went through when their mother and I were together...regardless of how much I MYSELF hurt. I'd go through that for the rest of my life, before allowing them to feel how they feel now for even one more day.

_beachgirl_

Cheating is a choice. You can choose to leave, but the easier decision is to cheat. I value myself too much to cheat regardeless of what my SO may or may not be doing to me. I was raised with morals and integrity and I am not compromising them for anyone.