Had trouble with friends/family??

steve81872

Just curious if any of you have trouble with your friends or family when it comes to your eating habits? I have recently taken a lot of crap from some people in my life when it comes to trying to eat as well as possible. For example I went to a movie and the person I went with got a big order of movie theatre nachos ( would not eat them before and sure wont eat them now) and said why have you changed so much. Can the old Steve please come back? Has anyone else dealt with this??

Thanks a million!!!

JessicaEPope

I've had family members keep pestering me to eat the leftovers (cake that was made for example) so it wouldn't go to waste, despite knowing I'm trying to lose weight!!!

I told them something I read on here by someone- I'd rather it go to waste than to my waist.

Not my problem any more, it's theirs! Took quite a while for them to realise i was actually being serious. Not getting much support from them, but thankfully I have MFP and a boyfriend who doesn't mind me waffling on about things haha.

ingeh

my partner is 6"2 and lifts weights and eats like a pig. He doesnt understand that I cant do the same, it may be ok to him to eat a whole pizza but id like it if he did it when im not next to him! To be honest hes not that fussed with my wieght loss and doesnt like me telling him about it. Iv lost 16lbs and hes just noticing

thibautseeker

Yep, and it's pure jealously on their part or insecurity they want you to be good ol' fat, unhealthy ............ because it makes them feel good and they use it as an excuse to eat unhealthily themselves.

My friend at work actually told me she was worried when I didn't want to go for cake that was free in our new staffroom. She tried to convince me to just have a small piece and when I told her I really wasn't bothered at all about having any cake she told me she was really worried that I didn't feel tempted at all to have some!

lindalou0703

Most people in my life are supportive. Some think I am a bit rigid, but I dont care....I am doing this for me not them ...lol

kandrews24

This has not happened to me in the diet and fitness category (yet). I was talking about this dynamic with my husband the other day, because I know it is common. We concluded that we could not imagine anyone would dare to give me *kitten* about losing weight or making healthy choices.

I have encountered this dynamic being a vegetarian. I have also encountered it because I don't drink. It is stunning the things that folks will say. I've even had folks assume I'm a recovering alchoholic (which I'm not). I actually just don't like alchohol. I thought long ago, that I have enough bad habits and I don't need to work to have another.

Anyway, in the vegetarian/drinking contexts, I truly give it right back to them. When I was younger, it could get to me (wanting to fit in and all), but after 30, I seriously find folks offensive and have zero tolerence. I will either give them a "are you kidding me *kitten* look" and walk away never to talk to them again or call them out on the carpet if they are someone I want to keep around (like family and friends). Calling on the carpet goes something like this "Gee, it feels like you are trying to sabotage me and that you don't approve of my healthy choices. I'm not trying to get you to eat things you don't want to, I'm not sure why you are trying to do that to me." Then, of course, usually they are mortified, and start back peddling. If they can dish it out, then they can take it. And if they dig in their heels (which can happen) and say something like "drinking in moderation is healthy" or "eating meat is healthy" then I say "okay, you are entitled to your opinion. And guess what, I'm entitled to mine. I've never put you down for eating meat or drinking. I'm don't plan to start." And then the encounter is done and never occurs again. Even better if folks are standing around because then they all are quite clear to leave me be. I guess after doing that a few times, folks just won't dare to do that to me anymore. And I really appreciate that mutual respect that we have. I also really appreciate it when as I was gaining a lot of weight no one said "hey you are eating to much and gaining too much". These things are just not appropriate in any company.

I am a very loving and supporting friend. Everyone knows I am kind and thoughtful. I expect to be treated with respect and I treat others with respect. I don't have room in my life for folks who are not respective.

As to your situation the other night, women are extremely uncomfortable eating more than their male date. She was probably motified after she ordered (thinking you would orer something similar). I understand her discomfort, but it is not acceptable that she tried to transfer her discomfort to you so that you felt uncomfortable. Women can be very manipulative and to me, her comment was below the belt. A possible response might be "gee, I thought you liked me because of me, not what I ate." I know everyone is not as comfortable being as blunt as I am. I often don't respond at all because I don't want the awkwardness, but if a regular in my life pushes the point on more than one occasion, I have to call them out because it has to stop. I'm not a punching bag.

Hope this helps.

fiberartist219

I've had family members keep pestering me to eat the leftovers (cake that was made for example) so it wouldn't go to waste, despite knowing I'm trying to lose weight!!!

I told them something I read on here by someone- I'd rather it go to waste than to my waist.

Not my problem any more, it's theirs! Took quite a while for them to realise i was actually being serious. Not getting much support from them, but thankfully I have MFP and a boyfriend who doesn't mind me waffling on about things haha.

Leftovers just need to be left over for a different meal. I don't see why the family can't cook in smaller portions if the food isn't getting eaten. I always ask "How hungry are you" to my hubs before I start cooking so I can get a rough idea of how much to make.

Awake_Alive

I would love to share a bit of encouragement on this subject.

I have tried and failed to make a permanent change several times over the years, so my friends and family are used to the notion "give it some time, and everything will be back to normal". This time, I have stuck to my guns, rode the waves of disapproval (jealousy) by some of those the closest to me, and then.....the strangest thing happened.

THEY started to change with me!

My entire household stopped smoking with me. I caught my daughter on the elliptical a few days ago, and my son was super excited last night when he saw that I brought home spinich! My best friend has joined me at the gym, and my husband (who is ALWAYS supportive) has actually started his own program (he travels for work).

Just keep on doing the next right thing. People may not come around, but by then, it won't matter, because you will be a whole new you!!!

CONGRATULATIONS on making the right (harder) choices!!!

hikeout470

Troubles with family. Certainly. Eating issues throughout causing extreme arguments, harping, hurt feelings, etc.. I seem to be the only one with a normal relationship to food. In such that I am not obsessed with meal times, planning what is to eat next, whether or not another family member has fed themselves, have extreme fears of certain types of foods from being force fed as an child, and no, nothing has a clinical diagnosis but it is all pretty screwed up. I do have a repulsion to the figure God gave me, which continually struggle with. No woman in my family was ever of acceptable weight because we just do not have twiggy genes.

TrefG

Everybody has been great so far. I thought those at work were going to be the worst as there is always somekind of junk food lying about, but on the whole most people have been quite supportive, and I just ignore those who are not.

I also have found that the further down this road I go, the more people are interested in joining in. Have signed a couple up here already.

sarahmaryfearnley

Can the old Steve please come back?

Major Bummer Dude! My first impulse would be to ask if the point was to see a movie and spend time together or to eat and by that meaning, eat specific kinds of food?

It can be difficult and I admit I have been the one being unsupportive before. My husband and I have been doing MFP together and it has made a world of difference. We have both tried to make changes before but we never seemed to be on the same schedule. If I was making an effort, he wasn't and visa versa. We have good relationship but I know I have been guilty of sabatoging his efforts and there have been times when I wish he had been more supportive of me.

I agree that you need to call them out on it but depending on your relationship with them, insinuating that they are being unhealthy does not always help. They probably kno. For hubby and I, alcohol is our weakness. We like to drink. Specifically we like to drink beer; the worst from a diet perspective. We have both been more conscious of alcohol but we have also learned to not lecture/finger wag/talk down to each other for the decisions we make. Hubby told me the other night, "I want to lay off the alcohol for awhile. I don't expect you to be dry with me but it would help me if you didn't have beer in the fridge and drink when we are hanging out." That is something I can absolutely do for him!