Cultural Issues and Weight Loss/Fitness

catshark209

Has anyone run into drama from family/friends etc due to your weight loss/fitness especially those of you (including myself) that belong to a culture/group where eating a lot or being overweight is accepted?
For example, I am Mexican. Eating and eating big at family gatherings is a big deal. Most dishes are either prepared with lard, lots of salt, or very greasy. I've either chose not to eat, or had the least offending dish, thus causing everyone to titter behind their hands at me or otherwise make fun of me.
This week, my father's birthday is coming up and there will be lots of horrid food. I'm not going to eat lumps of lard and so there will be all sorts of drama. Anyone else relate to this?

DannyMussels

Portuguese, so the gatherings have tons of food.

At Christmas I literally eat nothing thats set out. Snacks, chips, cakes, dessert things...trays, everything.

I don't even really have a drink, and its virtually the only time all year I see all my aunts, uncles, and grandma drink.

At functions with friends and whatver, I have plain this and that, no dressings, one scoop of pasta, I'll pick dumplings outta soup or whatever.

I'm a pain to have over.

I can relate.

catshark209

No one gives you a bad time? I'm 35 and still get lectures from the older women!

BrewerGeorge

I have two thoughts.

First of all, you're 35. Do what you want and ignore them.

However, you can also relax your regime a few days a year without destroying your weight loss. If you literally sat down and ate two cups of pure lard, it would only be 3600 Calories which would be a pound of weight gain. Eat 2 or 3 cups of just about anything else, and you'll be way below that. Use common sense about portion sizes and eat what you want. If you're not very careful, you'll make your day about the food (even if it's just in your own mind) when it should be about your dad's birthday.

nadiaez

oh my god definitely! Our diet can be quite high in carbs such as cous cous and pasta (and sweet treats), and combined with large portions sizes I have to be careful...my mum supports me on the weight loss journey but I had to enlist the support of my hubby when it came to the inlaws....they always think there is something wrong with me if I don't want to eat or have a normal size portion!

MIMITIME

I don't know if this counts but I am Southern and we are known for putting out quite a big spread of food. I get a little bit of some of this or some of that and if any one says anything, I tell them there is so much good food here that I want room to try everything. Like another poster said, it would take 3500 calories to gain a pound which you probably would not do and it is ok to have a little cheat day now and again so you don't feel so deprived.

HotMamaByVday

3rd generation Spanish and Italian by way of Mexico. Of course, your post made me want to get up and bake a Tres Leches, but thats not the point is it? You need to do what is best for you and ignore your family. There are healthier options and you could bring one! When I lived in Mexico, there were some delish soups made from carrots or calabaza. I wish I had the recipe to make and share as well. Or maybe you bring some grilled chicken with pico, guac and queso fresco?

Good luck next time, but for now just ignore the comments. If your family is anything like mine, there ALWAYS has to be some drama and/or someone to talk about.

lmelangley

I usually love the food at large family gatherings, but it sounds like the stuff around you is pretty nasty, health wise. Could you make a dish that is lower in calories and eat mainly that? Maybe you could put a "taste" of the other food on your plate, and sort of mix it around and not eat it.

I understand exactly what you mean about the family pressure. I'm 47 and still get it from time to time. It's hard to hold your ground when you feel like folks are making fun of you, or complaining about you, behind your back. Just remember that the choices you make are for you and your health, and it's just too bad that they can't find a way to understand. As long as you're being respectful and not complaining, you're doing nothing wrong.

catshark209

Oh the drama is just horrendous! I usually have a bite or two of something, but the fact that I gravitate towards the veggies etc gets all the older ladies talking. Its not so much the food as it is the fact that that gives them something to talk about and be evil about.
And as for cheating, I do let my hair down every once in a while, I just choose not to do it with refried beans fried in bacon fat and flour tortillas made with lard:noway:

stubbysticks

Personally, I don't "diet" on holidays. The traditional & decadent foods at my family gatherings are something I look forward to, since I only really have them maybe 2-3 times a year (Easter, Thanksgiving maybe, & Xmas). I don't diet on vacation either, I eat what I want in whatever quantity I want then get right back on track when it's over. I love food, & since I'm in weight loss mode most of the time I'm eating a certain way, so it's a nice treat every now & again.

But the point is, you are entitled to stick to your WOE if you want to. Your family is also entitled to say what they want to about it & there's just no way around that. If you wanted to indulge on holidays you certainly could without hurting your progress. If you didn't want to, lmelangley's suggestion to bring something is a good one.

It's also likely that the family members who do say stuff are not actively managing their own weight & seeing you be so dedicated only emphasizes their lack of commitment. That doesn't really sit well with anyone. Honestly I think it's less about you & more about what you're doing is saying about what they're NOT doing.

From my perspective I see 2 choices:
1. You take a day off from dieting & enjoy the traditional holiday foods occasionally. Your fam will probably still give you crap, just not about food, it'll be about something else because that's how it goes. Pro: You get to enjoy some stuff you like but don't eat anymore, it resets your metabolism so you can continue losing weight, gives you a mental break from dieting. Con: Your weight spikes up for a few days afterward. Big deal. It'll come down after a few days back on track.
2. You cook something delicious & healthy & bring along a huge quantity of it. You eat that for dinner & very small portions of anything else you wanted to eat. Pro: Minimal, if any, damage to your regular way of eating. Con: Gives family something else to give you crap about.

Do what makes you happy & what you can feel good about. The only one who has to be ok with what you're doing is YOU.

servilia

I have a similar problem. My parents (we're Eastern European) have huge chunks of bread with every dish and eat a lot. I have to say no and I think they get offended. Or if I don't say no I have to end up busting my *kitten* extra hard that night/the next day.
Ps it's not lard in that diet that will make you fat, it's all the bread and corn based products.

catshark209

Personally, I don't "diet" on holidays. The traditional & decadent foods at my family gatherings are something I look forward to, since I only really have them maybe 2-3 times a year (Easter, Thanksgiving maybe, & Xmas). I don't diet on vacation either, I eat what I want in whatever quantity I want then get right back on track when it's over. I love food, & since I'm in weight loss mode most of the time I'm eating a certain way, so it's a nice treat every now & again.

But the point is, you are entitled to stick to your WOE if you want to. Your family is also entitled to say what they want to about it & there's just no way around that. If you wanted to indulge on holidays you certainly could without hurting your progress. If you didn't want to, lmelangley's suggestion to bring something is a good one.

It's also likely that the family members who do say stuff are not actively managing their own weight & seeing you be so dedicated only emphasizes their lack of commitment. That doesn't really sit well with anyone. Honestly I think it's less about you & more about what you're doing is saying about what they're NOT doing.

From my perspective I see 2 choices:
1. You take a day off from dieting & enjoy the traditional holiday foods occasionally. Your fam will probably still give you crap, just not about food, it'll be about something else because that's how it goes. Pro: You get to enjoy some stuff you like but don't eat anymore, it resets your metabolism so you can continue losing weight, gives you a mental break from dieting. Con: Your weight spikes up for a few days afterward. Big deal. It'll come down after a few days back on track.
2. You cook something delicious & healthy & bring along a huge quantity of it. You eat that for dinner & very small portions of anything else you wanted to eat. Pro: Minimal, if any, damage to your regular way of eating. Con: Gives family something else to give you crap about.

Do what makes you happy & what you can feel good about. The only one who has to be ok with what you're doing is YOU.

You're awesome. Good points

AmyCBBarela

My family doesn't give me issues, but my significant other's family, who are hispanic, don't think it is natural to not have 2 tortillas at dinner. If I'm not hungry they ask me repeatedly if I wants something until I give in after awhile. I'm trying to get better at saying no and it seems like they are getting more used to me not wanting to eat so much.

sunkisses

Make it sound official and say your doctor says your cholesterol is through the roof?

fteale

I have got myself into the role of chief cook at family occasions. That way I get to choose what goes into whatever I am going to eat.

healthybabs

I used to live in So Cal and have been to many a Mexican celebration throughout the years. I know Mexican food can get a little out of control on the calorie meter. I think I saw a response from someone who is Eastern European, I am as well (Slovakian & English decent). I think every culture no matter what you are experiences these types of foods which are now seen as "unhealthy". Why, you may ask...because these were the ingredients that our grand and great grands had to work with. They didn't have agave, splenda and margarine etc.

I embrace the food of my culture and have fond memories of cooking and baking with my grandmother for our EVERY Sunday gatherings which on a light Sunday would gather around 50 of us. My grandma and 12 kids so yes, we have a huge family. I only wish I had written down many more of her creations. Slowly we are gathering the recipes from the aunts and cousins and are creating a cookbook of our family favorites.

I think the point I am trying to make here is that for that occasional time you get together as a family, embrace those times as they will soon be a memory by themselves. Use these gatherings as opportunities to tell stories, reminisce, and enjoy the bounty your family abounds upon you. Your diligence when the day is over with a little extra exercise will make up for the indulgence.

Bring a dish made your way and enjoy it. Mexican cooking has many delicious "proteins" , carnitas, chile verde are among my favorites. Paired with your wonderful salsas, guacamole, rice & bean dishes, I am sure you could make it work for you. I am hoping you are not complaining in front of your family and those who prepared the feast for everyone's enjoyment, that would be rude and would give them cause to titter behind your back.

Iheartsushi

Yep! Just experience this yesterday. A Puerto Rican friend of mine had her daughter's 2nd birthday. Of course, lots of pernil/pork, rice, bacalao, potato salad, etc. was all prepared. They also had cheese pizza. I'm a vegetarian (oh boy!) and when I was offered a plate, of course I declined but I got the STARE OF DEATH in return lol.

Whatever. It's my body and I will take the drama over poisoning myself with unhealthy food. :bigsmile:

catshark209

I used to live in So Cal and have been to many a Mexican celebration throughout the years. I know Mexican food can get a little out of control on the calorie meter. I think I saw a response from someone who is Eastern European, I am as well (Slovakian & English decent). I think every culture no matter what you are experiences these types of foods which are now seen as "unhealthy". Why, you may ask...because these were the ingredients that our grand and great grands had to work with. They didn't have agave, splenda and margarine etc.

I embrace the food of my culture and have fond memories of cooking and baking with my grandmother for our EVERY Sunday gatherings which on a light Sunday would gather around 50 of us. My grandma and 12 kids so yes, we have a huge family. I only wish I had written down many more of her creations. Slowly we are gathering the recipes from the aunts and cousins and are creating a cookbook of our family favorites.

I think the point I am trying to make here is that for that occasional time you get together as a family, embrace those times as they will soon be a memory by themselves. Use these gatherings as opportunities to tell stories, reminisce, and enjoy the bounty your family abounds upon you. Your diligence when the day is over with a little extra exercise will make up for the indulgence.

Bring a dish made your way and enjoy it. Mexican cooking has many delicious "proteins" , carnitas, chile verde are among my favorites. Paired with your wonderful salsas, guacamole, rice & bean dishes, I am sure you could make it work for you. I am hoping you are not complaining in front of your family and those who prepared the feast for everyone's enjoyment, that would be rude and would give them cause to titter behind your back.

No, ma'am, no complaints. I wouldn't dare! I may be 35 but I still am afraid of getting smacked lol.
Only time I complain is when they start in about remarrying and why haven't I married my partner....but that's another story lol.

auticus

Where I am at, being fat and overeating is not accepted, in fact it is a one way street to social isolation, so me losing weight and getting in shape is seen as a positive thing.

fbmandy55

Why don't you plan around those days and enjoy the food? I went to a festival this weekend and knew I would be bad so I worked out BEFORE I went that day and then walked a few extra miles there. I had probably 700 calories burned that day and enjoyed the food with no guilt.

fteale

Come to think of it, my mother in law has given up cooking for me entirely. I have to cook my own food when we go to stay.