Has anyone ever helped a boyfriend(potential or otherwise) o

NWCountryGal

for you guys, helped a gal get this way of life?? Eating right and exercise? I see the Biggest Loser sometimes. Thing is, in all honesty. When you get to be my age, the men are sure further and far between. But there are some really great guys out there that just are so overweight. I know how to eat now and have developed a habit of exercise. I was written by the sweetest man this a.m. and he is on my dating site. He has so many of the same goals. But he doesn't talk at all about fitness or nutrition but he likes to cook, he did mention that. I am hoping, in our communication, he might be willing to join me here. Feedback on your experience or just what your opinion is, is welcome. Love to all, and thank you, denise

NWCountryGal

for you guys, helped a gal get this way of life?? Eating right and exercise? I see the Biggest Loser sometimes. Thing is, in all honesty. When you get to be my age, the men are sure further and far between. But there are some really great guys out there that just are so overweight. I know how to eat now and have developed a habit of exercise. I was written by the sweetest man this a.m. and he is on my dating site. He has so many of the same goals. But he doesn't talk at all about fitness or nutrition but he likes to cook, he did mention that. I am hoping, in our communication, he might be willing to join me here. Feedback on your experience or just what your opinion is, is welcome. Love to all, and thank you, denise

TRLTAMPA

I've been prodding my husband to join me for a while. He's very against exercise in general.
It took a while to get him behind me with my weight loss goals, but he's doing great now.
He's even starting being more aware of what he eats, and when. Cooking better foods and with less butter. I'm proud.
Just this weekend he said he wanted a weight set. So I'm happy.

Shannon023

So is this guy really overweight and you're wondering how to get him to focus on exercise?

Sorry, it's Monday and my brain is slow(er)! :bigsmile:

LifeChanges42

for you guys, helped a gal get this way of life?? Eating right and exercise? I see the Biggest Loser sometimes. Thing is, in all honesty. When you get to be my age, the men are sure further and far between. But there are some really great guys out there that just are so overweight. I know how to eat now and have developed a habit of exercise. I was written by the sweetest man this a.m. and he is on my dating site. He has so many of the same goals. But he doesn't talk at all about fitness or nutrition but he likes to cook, he did mention that. I am hoping, in our communication, he might be willing to join me here. Feedback on your experience or just what your opinion is, is welcome. Love to all, and thank you, denise

I tried dating sites and I met some really nice guys... however, they a had a screw loose somewhere....
My hubby is a man I new from high school, we used to be best buds. He weight 220 according to our wii fit. He refuses to even play the wii anymore and if any of us needs the exercise, it is him. He says he works out enough at work. He works construction.
i try to explain that he can't count that because his body is used to it.... he has been doing it for 10 years+. When I joined the gym it was only $10 more a month for him to join. He said he didn't want to.
My best girlfriend's hubby had a biggest loser contest at his work. A lot of the guys he works with are 300+ pounds. My friends husband won (because the used % of body weight). He sees the same nutritionist I do. He lost 20 lbs since November and that includes the holidays. It has inspired my friends Dad to lose weight and my hubby has asked me how he lost the 20 l bs, but I don't know if that means he is interested in losing weight or not.

I have told everyone I run into about this site and about my nutritionist and my gym. (SNAP, I love it 24/7) Awesome!!!!

goochinator

My DH met through Yahoo! Personals...
Dh definitely needs to watch his eating and excercise more, but he's not into it. He'll get motivated for about 10 minutes and then get tired of it instantly or something...whatever. It annoys me, because he eats constantly and eats bad foods and his health is suffering, I fear.

NWCountryGal

that is wonderful and I am happy for you to have a husband. He is watching you so you don't have to yack about it to him, he will naturally "see" it in action, praise God, how cool is that:) Keep up the good work:drinker: :drinker: :drinker:

I've been prodding my husband to join me for a while. He's very against exercise in general.
It took a while to get him behind me with my weight loss goals, but he's doing great now.
He's even starting being more aware of what he eats, and when. Cooking better foods and with less butter. I'm proud.
Just this weekend he said he wanted a weight set. So I'm happy.

NWCountryGal

Yes, eventually, if he doesn't get with it, it may put a wedge between you:( People have to be on similar paths. Priorities the same etc. That is what I hope for in a mate. The ones I meet that are really in shape aren't interested in me because im not where they are, plus, I imagine they just aren't into me, period!!:laugh: But I figure that's God's way of helping me "dodge a bullet":bigsmile: I think finding a "partner" is finding someone that truly has the same sort of goals. God knows I don't want someone just like me as I want someone that has what I am lacking, and, visa versa. So just willingness or a goal to eat right and get in shape is what I want.

Thanks for your input, denise in Sams Valley:drinker: :drinker: :drinker:
PS No matter a persons size, overweight or not, won't determine my interest in them. I am not shallow like when I was younger. It's an inside job:) 2 of my fave actors I would go out with in a minute, if their insides in real life are a cute:) One is that guy that played "King of Queens"?? And, Jim Belushi:)

My DH met through Yahoo! Personals...
Dh definitely needs to watch his eating and excercise more, but he's not into it. He'll get motivated for about 10 minutes and then get tired of it instantly or something...whatever. It annoys me, because he eats constantly and eats bad foods and his health is suffering, I fear.

iftcheiaf

for you guys, helped a gal get this way of life?? Eating right and exercise? I see the Biggest Loser sometimes. Thing is, in all honesty. When you get to be my age, the men are sure further and far between. But there are some really great guys out there that just are so overweight. I know how to eat now and have developed a habit of exercise. I was written by the sweetest man this a.m. and he is on my dating site. He has so many of the same goals. But he doesn't talk at all about fitness or nutrition but he likes to cook, he did mention that. I am hoping, in our communication, he might be willing to join me here. Feedback on your experience or just what your opinion is, is welcome. Love to all, and thank you, denise

Two cents coming your way - In my experience, you can't look to change anyone. You have to figure out what you're willing to live with. He may eventually be interested in fitness and health. Sometimes spending time with someone can be contagious. But you have to be willing to accept what is, not what MIGHT be in the future. Nagging, pleading, and begging doesn't necessarily work. I've tried it with my hubby. But you just have to make sure that you can stay committed to your goals, even if the people around you do not.

NWCountryGal

Hey darlin, I think it is "catching" so keep up the good work!! When someone "sees" someone they love "doing" it, they slowly but surely get interested, if only to either compete maybe or not look bad, LOL!!! Hang in there girl, he'll join you is my bet:) denise in Sams Valley

for you guys, helped a gal get this way of life?? Eating right and exercise? I see the Biggest Loser sometimes. Thing is, in all honesty. When you get to be my age, the men are sure further and far between. But there are some really great guys out there that just are so overweight. I know how to eat now and have developed a habit of exercise. I was written by the sweetest man this a.m. and he is on my dating site. He has so many of the same goals. But he doesn't talk at all about fitness or nutrition but he likes to cook, he did mention that. I am hoping, in our communication, he might be willing to join me here. Feedback on your experience or just what your opinion is, is welcome. Love to all, and thank you, denise

I tried dating sites and I met some really nice guys... however, they a had a screw loose somewhere....
My hubby is a man I new from high school, we used to be best buds. He weight 220 according to our wii fit. He refuses to even play the wii anymore and if any of us needs the exercise, it is him. He says he works out enough at work. He works construction.
i try to explain that he can't count that because his body is used to it.... he has been doing it for 10 years+. When I joined the gym it was only $10 more a month for him to join. He said he didn't want to.
My best girlfriend's hubby had a biggest loser contest at his work. A lot of the guys he works with are 300+ pounds. My friends husband won (because the used % of body weight). He sees the same nutritionist I do. He lost 20 lbs since November and that includes the holidays. It has inspired my friends Dad to lose weight and my hubby has asked me how he lost the 20 l bs, but I don't know if that means he is interested in losing weight or not.

I have told everyone I run into about this site and about my nutritionist and my gym. (SNAP, I love it 24/7) Awesome!!!!

NWCountryGal

No, I just met him and still have to find out how he feels about fitness and exercise. So far all we've talked about is our other goals, ie. a Christian Summer Camp for kids to learn to care for animals and learn about he Lord. He wrote me because he has started one already and is looking for a wife. He is a nice man, so far. But, I see him as "not caring" or atleast not mentioning is being overweight and letting himself go. He may be perfectly happy that way but I would not want a husband that didn't want to care for his body as well as other priorities.

:drinker: :drinker: :drinker: denise in Sams Valley

So is this guy really overweight and you're wondering how to get him to focus on exercise?

Sorry, it's Monday and my brain is slow(er)! :bigsmile:

NWCountryGal

I agree and needed to hear this, thank you much. Yes, have to accept just who he is now and not plan on him changing. God bless you for speaking your mind, again, I really needed to hear it:)

Denise in Sams Valley:):flowerforyou: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:

for you guys, helped a gal get this way of life?? Eating right and exercise? I see the Biggest Loser sometimes. Thing is, in all honesty. When you get to be my age, the men are sure further and far between. But there are some really great guys out there that just are so overweight. I know how to eat now and have developed a habit of exercise. I was written by the sweetest man this a.m. and he is on my dating site. He has so many of the same goals. But he doesn't talk at all about fitness or nutrition but he likes to cook, he did mention that. I am hoping, in our communication, he might be willing to join me here. Feedback on your experience or just what your opinion is, is welcome. Love to all, and thank you, denise

Two cents coming your way - In my experience, you can't look to change anyone. You have to figure out what you're willing to live with. He may eventually be interested in fitness and health. Sometimes spending time with someone can be contagious. But you have to be willing to accept what is, not what MIGHT be in the future. Nagging, pleading, and begging doesn't necessarily work. I've tried it with my hubby. But you just have to make sure that you can stay committed to your goals, even if the people around you do not.

Chellekk

I would talk to him MUCH more before you decide if it's DO-ABLE or not. He may love to cook, but not healthily and may not want to learn how and if you go that route, you might get yourself in trouble. Eating more, eating less healthy foods, might gain wieght, eat out more...

Plus, you can't make someone work out. Maybe he doesn't want to. Doesn't like to. Who knows, but I'd ask.

OR...maybe he wants to, but doesn't know how. Talk a lot about health, because you don't want to take a path you can't change. And we all know you can't make a man change. You can introduce things into their life, but it's not up to you if they like it or not or want to stick to something. They have a brain. They decide.

The good thing about dating...you can keep looking until you find what you are looking for. Don't settle.

When I met my man, he ate horribly, but was very active. Once we met and he saw how I ate, he tried harder and lost some weight. Now that we live together life is much easier. I cook, he eats and doesn't complain. BUT...I knew when we first started dating that he wanted to eat better. He just didn't know how. I wouldn't have kept dating him if he was going to eat out all the time. I needed someone who matched my life style.

neeterskeeter

I completely agree with what iftcheiaf said. No one will make any long-term positive (or negative) changes for anyone except for themselves. It has to come from within.

I am lucky in that my boyfriend has a naturally thin physique, but he worries that as he ages he will gain weight. I am more concerned about his overall health and I want him to be active and eat healthy. He does pretty good and I would like him to do even better but I've come to learn that he is who he is and I am not his mother or his nagging machine.

I agree that a healthy lifestyle is contagious. My boyfriend bought me a fruit and veggie chopper from William Sonoma for Christmas and now we chop veggies and fruit and make salads. We enjoy going to the gym together. At one point in time I wanted to look good for *him* but finally I realized I need to have a healthy lifestyle for *myself*. After that he began to admire the changes I'd made in my body and my life and he is inspired to do the same. But he was already pretty health-conscious to begin with and was never a couch potato. I am glad we are coming closer to having the same lifestyle; to be honest I work out and eat healthy much more often than he does but all I can do is keep doing these things for *me* and encourage him when he does those things for *him*, not for me.

Best wishes.

yellow_pepper

I'd be wary of recommending or even hinting at weight loss for anyone I was dating until we reached a point of mutual trust and he felt surer of my good intentions.

I once dated a guy who seemed to have it ingrained in his head that a man had to weigh 180 pounds to be a real man - regardless of height. He was about 5'8" - so, yes, he was a bit overweight! I nudged him toward healthier eating during a discussion about BMI, when we were looking at mine on a web site such as this one. Naturally, he wanted to find out what his BMI was, and he was shocked when it was in the "overweight" range...

I don't know if your guy would really be shocked to learn he was overweight - though amazingly, a lot of men are! However, just keep in mind that there's a chance he may not appreciate your insinuations or want to see you anymore.

Renae_Nae

I had bad luck with that one. My ex-bf watched me get more focused on my heath and decided to join me. We got the gym membership, went several nights a week...then all of a sudden he stopped. Me saying "I love you no matter what" (meaning his weight) was out heard over "I want you to be healthy." Next thing I knew he had gained every pound back and hated me for trying to change him.

My husband now was very fit when we got together (he's still fit but "not in shape" according to his standards). I've motivated him here and there and some times he'll go to the gym with me on the weekends. But what I've learned...is you can't motivate anyone. They can let you motivate them...but end the end its all up to them.

As for this guy...try being friends. But don't look at him as a guy you want to get fit so you can date.

keiko

I don't know if I missed it but is he overweight? or do you think he is because he likes to cook?

I'm also with the person that said you can't change someone.
But you can still take care of yourself. I've been changing my eating and keeping up my exercise for several months. In the last week my DH has been eating healthier, not snacking on junk, watching portions. He is even going to start exercising again.
So I would say lead by example.

BrandNewLaura

As someone who would be categorized as "morbidly obese"...I can tell you that I have broken things off with guys who tried to make me lose weight. There comes a point in everyone's life where you have to decide to make a change for yourself, and I wouldn't have changed for anyone else but myself. Now that I am working on weight loss, I can definitely see myself wanting to end up with someone who cares about nutrition and exercise, but I also realize that I can't go into a relationship hoping to change the person I'm with, as I've been on the other side of it, and it hurts a lot. I'd never want to do that to someone else.

lessertess

for you guys, helped a gal get this way of life?? Eating right and exercise? I see the Biggest Loser sometimes. Thing is, in all honesty. When you get to be my age, the men are sure further and far between. But there are some really great guys out there that just are so overweight. I know how to eat now and have developed a habit of exercise. I was written by the sweetest man this a.m. and he is on my dating site. He has so many of the same goals. But he doesn't talk at all about fitness or nutrition but he likes to cook, he did mention that. I am hoping, in our communication, he might be willing to join me here. Feedback on your experience or just what your opinion is, is welcome. Love to all, and thank you, denise

Two cents coming your way - In my experience, you can't look to change anyone. You have to figure out what you're willing to live with. He may eventually be interested in fitness and health. Sometimes spending time with someone can be contagious. But you have to be willing to accept what is, not what MIGHT be in the future. Nagging, pleading, and begging doesn't necessarily work. I've tried it with my hubby. But you just have to make sure that you can stay committed to your goals, even if the people around you do not.

I agree. Although everyone changes and compromises to make a relationship work, you can't start out from day one thinking "hey, this guy could be great but only if I can change this one thing about him". People change all the time but you can't force the change. The thing is, if fitness and a healthy lifestyle is really important to you and important in your relationship then this might not be the best path for you. Or, is it enough for you if he supports you in your lifestyle? No matter what, it's still early in the relationship. There's no committment yet. Meet, get to know one another and see if the personalities mesh well enough to begin with. It's still too early to tell INHO.

Chellekk

This JUST popped up on MSN:

Q. I'm 44, never married, and in excellent shape. That fact comes into play because my boyfriend of 4 months is 50, has a beer belly, eats junk food, and rarely works out. This is particularly heinous because he's been warned he's in danger of developing diabetes. I find myself nagging him to eat decently, go to the doctor, etc. What's wrong with him for being so careless?
— Denni

A. Here is something to chew on while you're trying to snatch that candy from your beloved's mouth: His weight and wellness habits are not your responsibility. According to Dorothea Hover-Kramer, EdD, RN, "In my over 30 years of counseling I find women fall into caregiver roles much too easily." The author of Second Chance at Your Dream adds, "Men need to grow up and take responsibility for their health, looks, and quality of life."

Dr. Dan Ardebili disagrees with that assessment of his brethren. The author of How to Attract the Person of Your Dreams and Keep Them points out, "It's easy to think that most men are babies. But there are plenty who are not. Most of the time I see women attracting these 'babies' because they feel the need to be a mother figure."

Both viewpoints have validity. It's wrong to infantilize all middle-aged men even though there are those who seem not to pay attention to their health until something goes wrong. Still, ask yourself why you are dating someone who you feel shouldn't be allowed outside without a keeper. Linda Franklin, creator of therealcougarwoman.com, a social network for women over 40, says, "The nagging and cajoling it takes to get him to stay in shape comes with too high a price to pay. You will inevitably build up resentment, projecting his careless behavior as a reflection of how he feels about you."

Okay, warning heeded — but you love the guy, flabby belly and all. Would he feel the same about you if you let yourself go? Nancy Michaels, a 44-year-old Massachusetts divorced mother of three states, "Men have specific criteria about how their partner needs to look, yet I see women who are with men who are not their physical equivalents and never say a word unless it involves their partner's health."

Michaels is clearly channeling Cindy Tanner: Tanner, a 40-year-old New York banker, hits the gym three times a week and is a vegan. Her 44-year-old boyfriend has a gym membership card that's gathering dust, eats a large pasta dish each night at 11 before passing out on the couch, and hasn't been to a doctor in 10 years. His profession? Plastic surgeon. Tanner says, "He knows better but is too lazy to take care of himself. I love him even with his big tummy."

For those with less of a laissez-faire attitude toward their fitness-challenged man, try this: Cut back on the nagging and amp up the TLC. Michaels, founder of matchgonewrong.com recommends, "Don't say anything about his looks. He's already struggling with that." And opt for a team approach. Michaels suggests saying, "I'd like to eat healthier and get more exercise. Would you do it with me?"

If he can't or won't budge, either love him — love handles and all — or consider that the weight you need to drop is his scale-tipping 220 pounds.