Should children be allowed to make their own choices?
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I do think you should somewhat let your child figure their own way, while guiding them to make reasonable choices.
I do, however, think there's something to be said for appropriate clothing.
My son likes to sag his jeans to below his underwear line so that the boxers or briefs peek out.
I keep telling him "Pull up your pants or wear a belt, or I'm making you wear polyester pants, so you can see what truly hideous fashion trends REALLY look like."
Unfortunately, most parents nowadays don't have a lick of common sense and are so busy creating mini-sluts and pimps and "cramping their child's creative side" that they don't think about how this will affect their future.
Who's gonna hire a girl that dresses like she's auditioning for Jersey Shore? Who's going to hire a boy that dresses like a gangsta rapper? Nobody, that's who.0 -
Im confused with why you think she is still a hild.
I dont know what country you are living in, but here at 16 you are no longer a minor.
You can have sex, get married, smoke, drink, vote, move out of your perants house.
The only thing you cant o is gamble which is a bit random..
And i hate to break it to you but she is an adult now and proberlly lost her v like 3 years ago..0 -
I used to give my children choice from very young BUT with very restricted choice - I would maybe choose three things and they then chose 1 of them as they got older the choice was widened in that way my children as they were teenagers reaching an adult age could make good choices based on the knowledge they had gained
I would NEVER allow my children totally free reign but its good to let them think they make some choices for themselves 0 it helps them to grow up and be confident to make a decision0 -
It sounds like you have the common sense. Children don't have moral compasses. That's something that's instilled upon them by giving them guidance and making choices for them when it's appropriate. I don't know what you can do at 16. Maybe get her involved in Church.... or military school if she's really out there.0
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I allow mine to make there chooses and if I dont approve I let them know right away, Sounds like that little girl needs not to be yelled at for her chooses but set down and told that people look at here and see a easy slutty girl and that she needs to have respect for her body so that others will. maybe not in those words but you get my gist. My mom always always always told me that I needed to leave something for the guys to Imagine other wise they would treat me like a piece of meat! That got the point across. Dont get me wrong I did make a few really bad choices and sneak out looking like a street walker after being treated like meat instead of a friend I quit doing that lol Sounds to me like she is crying out for attention! Maybe if you took her out and showed her how to shop and pick stuff that is pretty but not showing she might take to you and stop doing it at least at your house. Give her a whole day of shopping with you maybe not buying anything but just window shopping.0
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My mom was the opposite way. She was extremely strict and old school with my sister and I. We weren't allowed much choice or freedom. We had to get A's and B's in school, no TV unless it was Discovery and TLC (TLC when it used to be educational, not all this reality crap), all of our toys were educational type of toys, no video games, we weren't allowed to watch or play anything that had any hint of violence, etc. She was over protective all our lives and wouldn't let us do much even when we were teenagers. If we wanted to go out with friends we had to answer the questions who, what, when, where... and the major killer, why?. It had to be hand written days before we went out and we had to leave all the other parents numbers. It got to be so much trouble just to go to a movie with friends, that friends stopped asking me out for anything... It was sad.
I'm on the other end of the spectrum, but I wish my mom had let us make a few choices on our own. She never let us make any mistakes (partly due to we had to be perfect all the time). I wish she had let us have a little "fun" and discover some things out on our own. I love my mom dearly and have only respect for her, but when I have kids, I'm letting them have a chance to be themselves and make a few mistakes (all within reason, I'm not doing the let them go wild type of thing, they still need to be responsible people who are respectful and honest and moral).
When I saw the show on TV a while back about bad behaving kids and bad attitude kids that moved in with a strict family to fix them up, I honestly wanted to call them and let them know about my mom. She could get any kid behaving!! And I have proof! She was a teacher and she was given some of the most difficult kids to teach, but after a few weeks, all her kids in her class were normal and nobody ever had trouble with those problem kids again, including the parents!! If you need backup, my mom is the woman for you! I would rather call my mom than call any of those nannies on TV to get my kids in line!0 -
I think kids should have choices, but, as adults, we should give them the choices to choose from (would you like to wear this or this?). That is how they learn to make appropriate choices for themselves when they are older. Kids are not born knowing instinctively how to make good choices - that is why they need to be taught.0
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I think that giving your child a choice at any age teaches them independence. But there are boundries that the parent needs to put in place. You may wear this, this or this - you may watch this, this or this - you may eat this, this or this. Giving your child a choice is part of parenting and letting that child grow and yes, become who they are - BUT if you do not allow provocative clothing in the home, or Bad Girls Club on TV, or a candy bar for dinner then that wouldn't be one of the choices.0
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You are in a sticky situation with this one. As a child of a broken home, if my former step mother had tried to lay down the law it would not have bode well with myself or my parents. You need to talk to your husband on this one, it is his daughter that is dressing inappropriately and displaying behavior that is not acceptable. Show him her facebook page and tell him that you are really concerned with the image that she is sending out to boys her age. Remind him that some colleges are looking at facebook pages now as a means of weeding out candidates who they are on the fence about. Talk to him and see how he feels about it because unless you have a healthy relationship with his ex, it is going to have to be him who approaches her to talk about the well being of their child.0
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Im confused with why you think she is still a hild.
I dont know what country you are living in, but here at 16 you are no longer a minor.
You can have sex, get married, smoke, drink, vote, move out of your perants house.
The only thing you cant o is gamble which is a bit random..
And i hate to break it to you but she is an adult now and proberlly lost her v like 3 years ago..
I'm glad I don't live where you do.0 -
Im confused with why you think she is still a hild.
I dont know what country you are living in, but here at 16 you are no longer a minor.
You can have sex, get married, smoke, drink, vote, move out of your perants house.
The only thing you cant o is gamble which is a bit random..
And i hate to break it to you but she is an adult now and proberlly lost her v like 3 years ago..
Are you kidding? A 16 year old is NOT an adult!0 -
I was thinking about this last night when one of my friends from high school posted a picture on Facebook of her 4-year-old daughter wearing a midriff-baring top, a short skirt, high heels, and tons of makeup, with a caption about how pretty she looked. It saddened me because this is an adorable little girl dressed like a tramp, and she will grow up thinking that's acceptable because her mother won't put her foot down and actually BE her mother, rather than her big sister.
When kids are too young to truly understand why some things are inappropriate, I think it is definitely the parents' responsibility to step in and control what they wear, what they listen to, what they eat, etc. Yes, they are individuals with thoughts and feelings and opinions of their own, but people are not born understanding that their decisions have consequences. Someone has to teach them, and that responsibility falls to Mom and/or Dad.
My dad was super strict about a ton of things when I was growing up, and it wasn't from a perspective of "I think this is best for you." It was more like "I don't like that kind of music, so you're not going to listen to it in my house or in my presence." I don't advocate that style of parenting at all. But it is every parent's job to think about what is best for their kids (now and in the future) and to keep their behavior in line with that until the kids are old enough to know that their actions may have negative consequences. At that point, you have to give them some space to learn from their mistakes ... not so much space that they end up doing something that ruins their lives but enough that they will think twice the next time they're deciding between A and B.0 -
Yes, but these types of choices:
Do you want a banana or apple for your snack? kid's choice
Do you want to wear jeans or your brown pants today? kid's choice
They need to learn to make choices, but they are not equipped to make all of the decisions. She is having her daughter make the decisions, not the choices. I decide what shows are appropriate for my kids. They choose which of them to watch. I decide what behavior is appropriate for my kids. They choose their actions and learn about consequences.0 -
I do think you should somewhat let your child figure their own way, while guiding them to make reasonable choices.
I do, however, think there's something to be said for appropriate clothing.
My son likes to sag his jeans to below his underwear line so that the boxers or briefs peek out.
I keep telling him "Pull up your pants or wear a belt, or I'm making you wear polyester pants, so you can see what truly hideous fashion trends REALLY look like."
Unfortunately, most parents nowadays don't have a lick of common sense and are so busy creating mini-sluts and pimps and "cramping their child's creative side" that they don't think about how this will affect their future.
Who's gonna hire a girl that dresses like she's auditioning for Jersey Shore? Who's going to hire a boy that dresses like a gangsta rapper? Nobody, that's who.
This. My mom always gave me the choice however she always had the guts to say "No, go get changed". Then again she never bought me clothes that allowed me to dress like a slut either.
Even now I am 28 years old and she would make a comment if I came into her house dressed like a hooker.0 -
Where is her dad in all of this? Sounds like this girl needs a wake up call from a man she can trust, since she can't trust her mom. A little story re: kids choices...
A guy I know was standing in line at the grocery store, and saw two ladies ahead of him. One lady's child was kicking the other lady from his perch in the shopping cart. So the one being kicked asked the mom to please make her child stop kicking. The mom's response? "We're teaching him to make his own choices." The guy I know calmly reached into their cart, pulled out and opened a pudding cup and smushed it into the mom's hair and said, "my parents taught me the same thing." People clapped. :-)0 -
My stepdaughter lives wither mom, who lives by the philosophy, “If she wants to put herself out there like that, that’s her choice”. My stepdaughter is allowed to choose what clothes she wears, even it’s not appropriate. She can decide what type of shows to watch on TV, what kind of music to listen to. (Bad Girls club, the Housewives shows, etc) It’s been this way since she was little, and now that she’s 16, the choices that her mom has allowed her to make are getting her in trouble. She dresses provocatively, posts pictures of her wearing nothing but a bra and panties on facebook, and all kinds of other foolishness. Guess what her mom says? “Well if that’s how she wants to put herself out there, that’s her”. She accepts no responsibility for her child's actions.
Some people allow their kids to choose what they wear, what they eat, or what kind of movie they may like, and I get that, children aren’t robots, they have an opinion. But where do you draw the line on what they can and can’t choose for themselves?
Wow, poor kid and what irresponsible parents. That's just sad. That kid is learning to have no self respect. She will not know about boundaries. Parents are suppose guide and discipline their children so they can grow up to be responsible and healthy adults. What good can come from her if she is already doing all these things @ 16. Fail on the parents side for not instilling any discipline. What about healthy moral values? The decisions that this girl is making speaks volumes of the parents. I can't stand parents like this. Drives me insane to know that people out there let their children (because yes, she is still a child) gets away with sh$t like this.
Exactly! And because she does not spend time with us at all, we MAY see her once a year, our influence is next to nothing with her. It's really upsetting!0 -
Im confused with why you think she is still a hild.
I dont know what country you are living in, but here at 16 you are no longer a minor.
You can have sex, get married, smoke, drink, vote, move out of your perants house.
The only thing you cant o is gamble which is a bit random..
And i hate to break it to you but she is an adult now and proberlly lost her v like 3 years ago..
The USA where you aren't an adult until 18 and can't drink until 21. And what country do YOU live in?0 -
My children are allowed to choose...between the choices that I give them. They get to feel like I trust them to make wise decisions, I get the comfort of knowing what they've chosen is something I'm ok with.0
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Depends how you want to define an adult. My parents' generation, plenty of young people were married off and had children of their own by 16. And certainly we are criminally responsible, we can make choices around smoking, joining the military, having sex..... ?
That said, I think by that age kids need a degree of independence and a degree of boundary. Especially if still living at home. I don't think it's unreasonable to take a 'my gaffe, my rules' approach with late teens, as long as the rules are reasonable, and perhaps open to a degree of reasoned negotiation.
I wouldn't allow a late teen living with me to make some of the decisions your stepdaughter is taking, without there being some consequences.0 -
Yeah, if I let my 2-year old make her own choices, she would subsist on Pringles and Smarties. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that parenting involves allowing your children to make their own choices from a list of options that you deem appropriate.
For Example: This morning the above mentioned 2-year old wants cookies and pringles for breakfast. I tell her she can have yogurt or a banana. I allow her to 'choose' from a predetermined list.
The same philosophy will apply to my oldest (8) who is becoming more and more opinionated. I have no problem letting her make certain decisions, but I have the right to identify what she can choose from.
Example: What to wear the first day of school. She wants to wears jeans and a t-shirt. I want her to wear a shirt and matching blouse. In the end: I told her "Mom gets to pick your clothes for the first day, you can pick you clothes for the 2nd day."
Its all about compromise and boundaries. If I caught pics of her on FB half clothed, you better believe the account is getting deleted. And when she can be appropriate, she'll be welcome to set up a new one
HEAR, HEAR!!0
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