Can you develop chemistry if not there initially?

kellybelly113

I have been friends with this guy for over a year and we are interested in dating. For one reason or another we haven't really gotten serious about it until the last two months or so. He is cute, but he's not one of those guys that I would pick out of the crowd and get my blood going...ya know. But I do love his personality and how he cares for others. I believe I'm coming closer to feeling "chemistry" with him. Do you think chemistry can develop over time if it's not their initially??

Shayyy01

Yeah for sure!

My future hubby was my best friend in high school, and i always just thought of him as a buddy. Something changed 2 years ago and i fell in love with him. Chemistry can def develop=)

Iamfit4life

I do not. And I wouldn't want to try if it wasn't.

That said, I'm glad it's working for you!

voluptas63

Absolutely. I think the internet has a lot to do with this. People tend to allow their true personality out because they're behind a computer:) And when you're friends with someone first, without that need to impress a potential partner, it's easier to see how they really are.

Lasting relationships are built on compatiblity with personalities. Compability with naughty bits is just plain easy:)

Lesliecs

I am interested in hearing everyone's opinion on this too, because I am also in the same predicate and wondering the same thing. After being friends with someone for so long...... is it possible to develop a chemistry?

jend114

I'm so glad I'm not the only one in this situation

Carl01

I think there probably was an attraction earlier if nothing more then just liking how the other person looked.
At that point it certainly is possible for feelings to develop somewhere later on.

chocolateandvodka

oh how i hope so...

still... i don't believe this sort of thing should be forced. it either happens or it doesn't.

Qarol

In my experience, if you have to force it or wait for it, it's never going to be quite right. But only you can decide if it's worth the risk in trying...

killerqueen17

I believe it can develop later on. Initially, I felt no chemistry with my now-husband, mostly because he had red hair and I had dated a redhead in the past... lol! So I just never thought of him in that way, I wouldn't let my mind even go there... until we became friends, and started spending a lot of time together. That's when the chemistry began, and has not stopped since

EDIT: As a side, note, I was not "trying" to develop chemistry with him... it just happened. Suddenly I was like "holy moley, I really like this guy!" Haha

EmpressOfJudgment

My experiences, personal and witnessed, say no. And what's the fun in a relationship if there's no spark?

LeeKetty1176

yep

love just happens.

I hated my wife when i first met her...... and i do mean HATED..........with a passion......... and before you all kill me she felt just the same way about me too !!!

some times.....things just............... click

bry_all01

for me, if there is not instant chemistry or charm or a spark, chances are highly likely its never going to click FOR ME. I can only speak for myself and how I feel, because I am only my own person.

BecksgotBack

NOPE. if you have known him for that long and there's no spark then move on. don't settle.

cmriverside

My Mom had a saying....I believe developed after two failed marriages to two very charismatic attractive men.

Her third and by far the happiest and most successful marriage (30 years) was with a man who had been a friend for years.


....her saying was, "Don't look for the dancing shoe, find a nice comfortable slipper."

LauraMarie37

It definitely happened for me and my now husband - I initially had a huge crush on one of his best friends, and tried to get my husband to set us up, while he was dating one of MY friends! I think as you learn more about how compatible your personalities are and what a great guy he is, that can be a huge turn-on in and of itself. (And I had previously been one of those people that totally assumed I would find my husband in a "love at first sight" type situation!)

Avalonis

oh how i hope so...

still... i don't believe this sort of thing should be forced. it either happens or it doesn't.

This. Either it will develop on its own, or its not real.

Huskeryogi

Yes I think you can. It's never happened for me, but I think part of the problem is that any meeting between 2 single people is so loaded with figuring out if you find each other attractive that it's hard to even get to the friend stage. If someone is interested in me "that way" on initial meeting and I'm not, or vice versa I think it's hard to become friends in the first place.

JaydeSkye

Sweetheart: that's not chemistry, it's compromise.

kellybelly113

I believe it can develop later on. Initially, I felt no chemistry with my now-husband, mostly because he had red hair and I had dated a redhead in the past... lol! So I just never thought of him in that way, I wouldn't let my mind even go there... until we became friends, and started spending a lot of time together. That's when the chemistry began, and has not stopped since

EDIT: As a side, note, I was not "trying" to develop chemistry with him... it just happened. Suddenly I was like "holy moley, I really like this guy!" Haha

Yeah I mean, I totally have so much fun with him and he makes me laugh, which is a BIG item for me. I don't usually date guys with darker features and after trying to stay with my "type" for so long, I'm trying to branch out and get a different result. This one is definitely different that anyone else I've dated. I'm also not trying to develop it.....we are both taking our time OBVIOUSLY. LOL Just trying to see what happens. I've always felt a chemistry right of the bat with others I've dated and it hasn't "lasted" so I'm thinking maybe this is how it's "supposed" to be for a lasting relationship....build a firm foundation so that when he's making me mad and not feeling the love, I still "like" him. LOL If that makes sense.

amelia_atlantic

I don't think you can force it but I do believe people get more (or less) attractive the more you get to know them.

If you enjoy spending time together, try it out!
If you honestly don't think it'll go anywhere, don't risk your friendship.

fbmandy55

For sure. I think there is always an initial level of akwardness but things can develope with time. i have had a few relationships that started slow and ended up being a very good connections. :happy:

adrian_indy

Yes. First reactions are sometimes guided by false perceptions. You might have seen this guy initially and put him in a box. It's much easier to develope a strong connection with someone you are mentally attracted too than to make a relationship work with some one who you are just physically attracted too. The latter tends to always fade. Besides, just from my own experience, there has always been a big difference sexually between people I am just physically attracted too as opposed to people who stimulate my mind. The latter is always more exciting.

atsteele

I believe it can develop later on. Initially, I felt no chemistry with my now-husband, mostly because he had red hair and I had dated a redhead in the past... lol! So I just never thought of him in that way, I wouldn't let my mind even go there... until we became friends, and started spending a lot of time together. That's when the chemistry began, and has not stopped since

EDIT: As a side, note, I was not "trying" to develop chemistry with him... it just happened. Suddenly I was like "holy moley, I really like this guy!" Haha

Yeah I mean, I totally have so much fun with him and he makes me laugh, which is a BIG item for me. I don't usually date guys with darker features and after trying to stay with my "type" for so long, I'm trying to branch out and get a different result. This one is definitely different that anyone else I've dated. I'm also not trying to develop it.....we are both taking our time OBVIOUSLY. LOL Just trying to see what happens. I've always felt a chemistry right of the bat with others I've dated and it hasn't "lasted" so I'm thinking maybe this is how it's "supposed" to be for a lasting relationship....build a firm foundation so that when he's making me mad and not feeling the love, I still "like" him. LOL If that makes sense.

Not sure this is how it works for everyone but when I met my husband for the first time I was thinking, "Whoot Whoot! I hope that's my date!" LOL (We met on a blind date.) After that initial physical attraction component is there, I consider all the things that I need from a partner. Is he honest? Is he ethicial? Is he a compassionate person? Does he make me want to be be a better person? Is he confident and driven in his own endeavors? Is he confident enough to allow me to be myself? For me it starts with chemistry but only continues if there is a mutual respect and admiration. BTW we've been married 15 years.

odusgolp

Absolutely. I think the internet has a lot to do with this. People tend to allow their true personality out because they're behind a computer:) And when you're friends with someone first, without that need to impress a potential partner, it's easier to see how they really are.

Lasting relationships are built on compatiblity with personalities. Compability with naughty bits is just plain easy:)

Wow! I completely disagree with you. Can you stand it?? We don't agree! *LOL*

I was friends with my husband first... for over 12 years. He was a great guy, not bad looking, but I wasn't attracted to him.

Guess what... I'm still not, and we're divorced.

You can't force something that's not there. It CAN sometimes grow, but it sounds to me more like you're trying to make it grow rather than "Wow, I never looked at Johnny this way before, but you know what? He's kinda hot and I'd like to lick his naughty parts!"

odusgolp

Yeah I mean, I totally have so much fun with him and he makes me laugh, which is a BIG item for me. I don't usually date guys with darker features and after trying to stay with my "type" for so long, I'm trying to branch out and get a different result. This one is definitely different that anyone else I've dated. I'm also not trying to develop it.....we are both taking our time OBVIOUSLY. LOL Just trying to see what happens. I've always felt a chemistry right of the bat with others I've dated and it hasn't "lasted" so I'm thinking maybe this is how it's "supposed" to be for a lasting relationship....build a firm foundation so that when he's making me mad and not feeling the love, I still "like" him. LOL If that makes sense.

I think I did write this about my ex-husband once upon a time.

I'm jaded. Why am I even talking...

voluptas63

Absolutely. I think the internet has a lot to do with this. People tend to allow their true personality out because they're behind a computer:) And when you're friends with someone first, without that need to impress a potential partner, it's easier to see how they really are.

Lasting relationships are built on compatiblity with personalities. Compability with naughty bits is just plain easy:)

Wow! I completely disagree with you. Can you stand it?? We don't agree! *LOL*

I was friends with my husband first... for over 12 years. He was a great guy, not bad looking, but I wasn't attracted to him.

Guess what... I'm still not, and we're divorced.

You can't force something that's not there. It CAN sometimes grow, but it sounds to me more like you're trying to make it grow rather than "Wow, I never looked at Johnny this way before, but you know what? He's kinda hot and I'd like to lick his naughty parts!"

There can be ABSOLUTELY NO WAY THAT WE DISAGREE. Say I'm right or the cheese gets it.

odusgolp

Absolutely. I think the internet has a lot to do with this. People tend to allow their true personality out because they're behind a computer:) And when you're friends with someone first, without that need to impress a potential partner, it's easier to see how they really are.

Lasting relationships are built on compatiblity with personalities. Compability with naughty bits is just plain easy:)

Wow! I completely disagree with you. Can you stand it?? We don't agree! *LOL*

I was friends with my husband first... for over 12 years. He was a great guy, not bad looking, but I wasn't attracted to him.

Guess what... I'm still not, and we're divorced.

You can't force something that's not there. It CAN sometimes grow, but it sounds to me more like you're trying to make it grow rather than "Wow, I never looked at Johnny this way before, but you know what? He's kinda hot and I'd like to lick his naughty parts!"

There can be ABSOLUTELY NO WAY THAT WE DISAGREE. Say I'm right or the cheese gets it.

But we both know I"m always right, so how could I say that you're right??

Remember that beer cheese we bought at Mars? it's in my belly. and sooooo good.