Can you develop chemistry if not there initially?

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kellybelly113
kellybelly113 Posts: 60 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have been friends with this guy for over a year and we are interested in dating. For one reason or another we haven't really gotten serious about it until the last two months or so. He is cute, but he's not one of those guys that I would pick out of the crowd and get my blood going...ya know. But I do love his personality and how he cares for others. I believe I'm coming closer to feeling "chemistry" with him. Do you think chemistry can develop over time if it's not their initially??
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Replies

  • Shayyy01
    Shayyy01 Posts: 290 Member
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    Yeah for sure!

    My future hubby was my best friend in high school, and i always just thought of him as a buddy. Something changed 2 years ago and i fell in love with him. Chemistry can def develop=)
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
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    I do not. And I wouldn't want to try if it wasn't.

    That said, I'm glad it's working for you! :)
  • voluptas63
    voluptas63 Posts: 602 Member
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    Absolutely. I think the internet has a lot to do with this. People tend to allow their true personality out because they're behind a computer:) And when you're friends with someone first, without that need to impress a potential partner, it's easier to see how they really are.

    Lasting relationships are built on compatiblity with personalities. Compability with naughty bits is just plain easy:)
  • Lesliecs
    Lesliecs Posts: 930 Member
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    I am interested in hearing everyone's opinion on this too, because I am also in the same predicate and wondering the same thing. After being friends with someone for so long...... is it possible to develop a chemistry?
  • jend114
    jend114 Posts: 1,058 Member
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    I'm so glad I'm not the only one in this situation
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    I think there probably was an attraction earlier if nothing more then just liking how the other person looked.
    At that point it certainly is possible for feelings to develop somewhere later on.
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,856 Member
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    oh how i hope so...

    still... i don't believe this sort of thing should be forced. it either happens or it doesn't.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    In my experience, if you have to force it or wait for it, it's never going to be quite right. But only you can decide if it's worth the risk in trying...
  • killerqueen17
    killerqueen17 Posts: 536 Member
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    I believe it can develop later on. Initially, I felt no chemistry with my now-husband, mostly because he had red hair and I had dated a redhead in the past... lol! So I just never thought of him in that way, I wouldn't let my mind even go there... until we became friends, and started spending a lot of time together. That's when the chemistry began, and has not stopped since :)

    EDIT: As a side, note, I was not "trying" to develop chemistry with him... it just happened. Suddenly I was like "holy moley, I really like this guy!" Haha :)
  • EmpressOfJudgment
    EmpressOfJudgment Posts: 1,162 Member
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    My experiences, personal and witnessed, say no. And what's the fun in a relationship if there's no spark?
  • LeeKetty1176
    LeeKetty1176 Posts: 881 Member
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    yep

    love just happens.

    I hated my wife when i first met her...... and i do mean HATED..........with a passion......... and before you all kill me she felt just the same way about me too !!!

    some times.....things just............... click
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
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    for me, if there is not instant chemistry or charm or a spark, chances are highly likely its never going to click FOR ME. I can only speak for myself and how I feel, because I am only my own person.
  • BecksgotBack
    BecksgotBack Posts: 385 Member
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    NOPE. if you have known him for that long and there's no spark then move on. don't settle.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,124 Member
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    My Mom had a saying....I believe developed after two failed marriages to two very charismatic attractive men.

    Her third and by far the happiest and most successful marriage (30 years) was with a man who had been a friend for years.


    ....her saying was, "Don't look for the dancing shoe, find a nice comfortable slipper."
  • LauraMarie37
    LauraMarie37 Posts: 283 Member
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    It definitely happened for me and my now husband - I initially had a huge crush on one of his best friends, and tried to get my husband to set us up, while he was dating one of MY friends! I think as you learn more about how compatible your personalities are and what a great guy he is, that can be a huge turn-on in and of itself. (And I had previously been one of those people that totally assumed I would find my husband in a "love at first sight" type situation!)
  • Avalonis
    Avalonis Posts: 1,540 Member
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    oh how i hope so...

    still... i don't believe this sort of thing should be forced. it either happens or it doesn't.

    This. Either it will develop on its own, or its not real.
  • Huskeryogi
    Huskeryogi Posts: 578 Member
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    Yes I think you can. It's never happened for me, but I think part of the problem is that any meeting between 2 single people is so loaded with figuring out if you find each other attractive that it's hard to even get to the friend stage. If someone is interested in me "that way" on initial meeting and I'm not, or vice versa I think it's hard to become friends in the first place.
  • JaydeSkye
    JaydeSkye Posts: 282 Member
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    Sweetheart: that's not chemistry, it's compromise.
  • kellybelly113
    kellybelly113 Posts: 60 Member
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    I believe it can develop later on. Initially, I felt no chemistry with my now-husband, mostly because he had red hair and I had dated a redhead in the past... lol! So I just never thought of him in that way, I wouldn't let my mind even go there... until we became friends, and started spending a lot of time together. That's when the chemistry began, and has not stopped since :)

    EDIT: As a side, note, I was not "trying" to develop chemistry with him... it just happened. Suddenly I was like "holy moley, I really like this guy!" Haha :)

    Yeah I mean, I totally have so much fun with him and he makes me laugh, which is a BIG item for me. I don't usually date guys with darker features and after trying to stay with my "type" for so long, I'm trying to branch out and get a different result. This one is definitely different that anyone else I've dated. I'm also not trying to develop it.....we are both taking our time OBVIOUSLY. LOL Just trying to see what happens. I've always felt a chemistry right of the bat with others I've dated and it hasn't "lasted" so I'm thinking maybe this is how it's "supposed" to be for a lasting relationship....build a firm foundation so that when he's making me mad and not feeling the love, I still "like" him. LOL If that makes sense.
  • amelia_atlantic
    amelia_atlantic Posts: 926 Member
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    I don't think you can force it but I do believe people get more (or less) attractive the more you get to know them.

    If you enjoy spending time together, try it out!
    If you honestly don't think it'll go anywhere, don't risk your friendship.

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