Any idea how I can make my husbnd healthy? LMAO!

cramernh

She was REALLY letting herself go, and was tipping the scales around two-thirty when I finally decided to speak up. Now, I was no Adonis, but her physical condition was really affecting the marriage. I tried to couch it as gently as I could, citing health concerns and a want, on my part, to live a longer and healthier life with her. I knew the jig was up when she blurted out, "So you think I'm fat."

In retrospect, I should have said, "There's no thinking about it," but I digress.

Im curious: How did her physical condition 'really affect' the marriage? There has to be a trigger that caused her to automatically blurt out "So, you think Im fat" ....


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Been with the same man for 12 years (two of which we are married) and he never experienced foods the way he does when I cook.... he lucked out being with a Chef AND someone who worked in healthcare. If I compare the foods/sodas he brought home in the beginning, to today... there were DRASTIC changes made all on his part... and I believe it was simply just by leading by example.

When I cut soda 10 years ago, he cut back on his dramatically (he used to drink a 2-liter per DAY!) right now it takes about a week to get through a 2-liter for him. He knows I refuse to fry any foods, period. If he gets the urge for fried foods, he gets it when he is in the mood for it.

Often he has asked me if I need help in the kitchen while Im prepping a meal, and I appreciate that... For him, he gets tons of vegetables, meats up the ying-yang, and he still enjoys his favorites and never gets nervous if I change it up a bit for him.

The flip side, he knows about my own individual health concerns. He sees the medications I have to take, the over-the-counter vitamins I have to take, and Ive asked him never to bring any foods home for me to have because Im just going to throw them out, or put them in the freezer for when he wants it next time. I know he means well, but he is very forgetful.... he works third shift as a truck driver so I can only IMAGINE the foods he eats while he out on the road. He has brought home cookies, chocolates, treats, baked goods from the portuguese bakeries from Boston (UGH!!!!), and I have to remind him when he is handing me those confections, "Thank you honey, I love you but I cannot have that".... I do my best not to get mad at the whole forgetful-issues because he really does work hard...

But the biggest deal to me is that he loves me enough not to PUSH any agendas on me, and I wont push any on him... I did tell him that should the day come his doctor wants him to make changes, that I will support whatever changes they are... He met me at my heaviest - and loved me unconditionally... so..

jennajava

You can't push someone into healthier habits without the use of abject humiliation, which is probably better left for his friends to do than his spouse. It's difficult to have these conversations between husband and wife.

To a much greater extreme, I tried to have a conversation like this with my ex-wife once. Read, ex-wife. She was REALLY letting herself go, and was tipping the scales around two-thirty when I finally decided to speak up. Now, I was no Adonis, but her physical condition was really affecting the marriage. I tried to couch it as gently as I could, citing health concerns and a want, on my part, to live a longer and healthier life with her. I knew the jig was up when she blurted out, "So you think I'm fat."

In retrospect, I should have said, "There's no thinking about it," but I digress.

To this day she doesn't take care of herself. She's gotten bigger and unhealthier. So there's only so much you can do for other people.

I say control the meals you can and try to live as an example. As unpopular a statement as this might be it's true but, wives trying to change their husbands... eh, not a great idea.

Are you still married? ...just curious

1grammie

There is no way you can make him healthy. That's his job. I cook healthy foods and don't buy junk food. He comes in the house with packages of cookies, ice cream, chips, etc. which he consumes for a snack after eating my healthy cooking. If I look in his pickup I find candy wrappers, empty donut boxes and soda cans. His habits have affected his health and his unhealthy condition has affected our marriage but the bottom line he will have to make that decision for himself. In the meantime, I'm enjoying feeling good.

lambeas

make him some " power muffins" made with apple sauce instead of sugar and ground flax seed to help with his digestive track

cramernh

Well damn. I wrote this post to ask for some encouragement and not discouragement and negativity from you guys. Awesome. Thanks for the help. NOT

It's not negativity, it's reality. Advice isn't what you want to hear, or it wouldn't be advice. It's not your place to "make him healthy."

WHOA.. no one discouraged anything and there most certainly wasnt any negativity. Everyone's posts were spot-on with your original post. Many of us gave some suggestions that wouldnt be considered intrusive to his fully knowing... There is ALOT of productive feedback here that you are failing to recognize....

kducky22

Don't worry about it until he starts to look like he eats that stuff. Healthier for your marriage.

Totally agree! My boyfriend is tall and skinny and eats whatever he wants. I have to watch what I eat (thanks dad side of the family!). Anyways I'll always ask him if he wants to join me at the gym or something else, but unless he starts getting visibly unhealthy I let it slide...

bugnbeansmom

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. It's not your responsibilty to make him healthy. You're not his mama

This disturbs me a bit - in a marriage it's our responsibility to look out for the welfare of our spouses (on both sides), in a sensitive and caring way of course.

Absolutely! If I don't try to get my husband to drop a few and pic up some better habits, I will be alone sooner rather than later.

I have found that if I make dinner, he doesn't ask what is in it, he just eats. I have seen though that he has started to get dressing on the side and using half of what they give, he is eating more salad etc. small changes that I don't think he even realizes he is doing.

SoDamnHungry

Serve healthier food for dinner and don't buy as many chips/cookies/whatever he eats.

Pangui

My husband and I have been unhealthy and fat for a long time, especially me. He had issues with high blood pressure, irregular heart beat, anxiety, acid reflux, hemorrhoids, and general aches and pains. He was obese and I was morbidly obese.

I had started making changes in my diet and struggling to gain control of my overeating. He never sabotaged my efforts, at least not consciously. Then one day while on vacation, we went to see the movie, "Forks Over Knives". I had been wanting to see it for weeks.

When we left that theater, neither one of us ever looked back again on unhealthy eating. It's like the movie flipped a switch in our brains and connected all the dots between healthy eating and disease prevention (and even reversal). We now eat with the sole intent of maximizing nutrients and minimizing damage. We have never felt better, and some of the changes were almost immediate.

My husband is now off of all his heart, anxiety and acid reflux medications. His cholesterol dropped to 138. He has lost 42 pounds. I have lost 47. I still have 100 to go. We have no more aches and pains. My allergies went away (after 10 years). We now understand the very direct correlation between what we put in our mouths and how we feel.

Perhaps your husband would be willing to watch a documentary on health in the comfort of his own living room. This movie is now available on Netflix. Do youself a favor and watch it.

keola64

Just nag him lol,na kidding,but cooking healthy is a great start,maybe a trip for a physical at his doctor to check cholesterol ,blood pressure & the problems the come with it if he fails may wake him up.that's truly what got me serious I'm 33 & the thought of a heart attack in 10 years was exceptional.knowledge is power!other than that try to help keep him healthy as you are on the rite path,good luck ...Keola