Food Enablers

slender_sunshine

What do you do about those people who are food pushers?

This is a typical food conversation with one of my food enablers (I have two). This friend (who is a guy and can't seem to remember that I can't eat as many calories as he can without gaining weight) and I often walk together to get food from the campus store.

Friend: So, how have you done on your calories today?
Me: Well, I had this, this, and this, so I'm probably just going to eat something light.
Friend: Aw, you haven't had that much. (I really have.)
Me: I think I'm just going to get a salad.
Friend: A salad? Really?
Me: Well, that cheeseburger dooooes look good...

Usually his insistance that I haven't had that many calories and that I'm skinny anyways (which I'm not -- he just thinks I am because he's slightly bigger than me) weaken me just enough that I cave and scarf down something full of calories.

Than, there's my other food pusher. She's worse, in a way, because it's not her fault. My mom, who I live with on the weekends, will bring home fattening stuff to eat (fried chicken, anyone?). Then, if I say "Oh, I'm not hungry" or "Oh, I think I'll eat this instead", she says it's okay....but she gives me THE LOOK. You know, that guilt trip, I'm-so-dissappointed look that all mothers have perfected? The look that says "You moved away and now you're not even eating the food that I bring home?"

I HATE that look.

So of course I cave.

Do you guys have food enablers? What do you do about them?

lacroyx

my family, co-workers, friends.
them: you need to eat more you are not eating enough.
me: *lift shirt and jiggle stomach I was 400+ lbs. at this point* no I don't.
at that point they leave me alone.

now that I am 300 lbs. the shirt lifting thing doesn't work anymore.
instead now

them: you need to eat more you are not eating enough. you are gonna get sick.
me: remember when I had diabetes? was taking meds, injections,etc etc.?
them: yeah?
me: then I lost over 100 lbs. and reversed it and don't have it anymore? the diabetes?
them: yeah?
me: so obviously what I am doing is working right?
them: *they are quiet and leave me alone*
me: and how many times have I gotten sick in the past 2 years? or called into work because I am sick? (I haven't in over 5 years)
them: *they say nothing*

Amber82479

I HATE ENABLERS AND FOOD PUSHERS!!!!

I dealt with this a lot with a friend at work. She really, really likes to feed everyone. She'd bring candy over and put my favorite on my desk. Or generally encourage me to eat things that I shouldn't. Same thing with my family. They feel the need to make sure I'm loaded with food. So finally I just talked to them and explained that I needed their support in my efforts because it was undermining my goal and making me feel lousy about myself. I reassured my parents that I was certainly eating enough. It took several times of reminding, but they finally got the picture and backed off. It's a terrible position to be in and I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I, like you, when pressured to eat something very tasty, but very bad for me, will typically cave in. I hope you're able to find a way to turn their caring for you into support for your weight loss efforts. *hugs*

slender_sunshine

my family, co-workers, friends.
them: you need to eat more you are not eating enough.
me: *lift shirt and jiggle stomach I was 400+ lbs. at this point* no I don't.
at that point they leave me alone.

now that I am 300 lbs. the shirt lifting thing doesn't work anymore.
instead now

them: you need to eat more you are not eating enough. you are gonna get sick.
me: remember when I had diabetes? was taking meds, injections,etc etc.?
them: yeah?
me: then I lost over 100 lbs. and reversed it and don't have it anymore? the diabetes?
them: yeah?
me: so obviously what I am doing is working right?
them: *they are quiet and leave me alone*
me: and how many times have I gotten sick in the past 2 years? or called into work because I am sick? (I haven't in over 5 years)
them: *they say nothing*

Yeah, I guess I could have a talk with my mom. I've tried talking to my friend about it, though, and he's one of those people who just doesn't take that kind of thing seriously. So far he's blown off everything I've said about it.

dcfl2012

Sure...kind of like how my husband brought me coffee at work yesterday (I work @ a Wellness/Fitness Facility-Membership(go figure -huh? lol) And while he hands me the coffee- he gives me a honey-bun-lol! My friends @ work were laughing ...He said "Well,it was free!" I gave it to my boss.
People want to feed you. They love you - and many "forget" you are watching calories...Stand firm ! The end result is the BEST !

StarGeezer

Moms can sometimes be the worst, but it's not entirely their fault... there's something in their genetic code I think that makes them think this way. They spend our childhood providing for us, and a good deal of that whole nurturing is feeding us. It becomes part of their identity.

To this day (and I'm no spring rooster here), if I visit my mother's for dinner, I'll get THOSE comments. You know the ones:

"Did you have enough to eat?"
"You didn't eat that much. Are you okay?"
"Don't you like my cooking anymore?"

I've been trying to gently retrain her to not ask these types of questions. I eat enough to fuel my body and feel sated, I don't need to fill a platter two and three times, particularly to satisfy her need to feel like she's still providing comfort to her "baby."

Eventually the enablers begin to catch on, just stick to your guns. Once they see that you're happy, energetic and fulfilled, they'll come around.

500daysofshelby

Food pushing is so annoying.

My mom got on this cooking in the crockpot kick, and she literally cooks something in the crockpot like every night of the week, and generally it's not the healthiest. She keeps pushing it too, like she cook something and I'll be like "I think I'll have something else." and she'll say "Well you have to cook it for yourself, your brother and dad and I will just have this."

And she'll say it in this kind of rude voice, and of course then it guilt trips me into eating all of the unhealthy food she cooks. And then I feel guilty for eating it!

My parents will also "randomly" buy candy for me, hoping I'll eat it. I haven't touched a packet of Twizzlers they've bought, even once.

FitnessDivaK

Morning!

I also have 2 Food Enablers...the sad part is that they both joined this site with me and they both have goals of their own. The other sad part is that one is at work and the other is at home, so I get it all around :-( My strategies are:

1. I take my lunch to work, so there's no tempting me into going to some unhealthy mexican restaurant for "lunch" which always turns out to be more like dinner.

2. I turn it on them before they can offer me any of their unhealthy snacks; for instance:
Co-worker or husband: (walks in with a totally delicious but empty calorie snack)
Me: Seriously..you're going o eat that right now? How many calories is it? I'm gonna grab my yogurt
Them: (10 minutes later rumaging for another snack)
Me: (Still full from my fiber rich, nutritious snack) See...I told you those (insert snack name here) were a waste

3. When I do give in I don't over-indulge: If my co-worker brings in cookies, I'll limit myself to one, or in some cases half! The same goes for my husband...he likes to snack at night, so if he grabs some chips or a bowl of ice cream, sometimes when I just can't say no, I'll just take one chip or spoonful of ice cream. I want to implement the same mindset when I go out to eat...maybe asking the waiter to pre-portion my meal in half and bag one half up in advance. (I haven't tried this one yet, but I hear it's really helpful).

4. PLAN AHEAD! My husband usually cooks during the week...and although it's a homemade meal, it's usually high in calories. So I have to plan accordingly throughout the day and know that I need to a moderate breakfast, light lunch, and light snacks in between to save up for dinner. It's not that you can't eat what you want, you just have to PLAN for it.

5. Last but not least WILL POWER!!! You have to be strong in your decision to lose weight. As we all know, it's super easy to put the pounds on, but five times harder to get them off. Just think, are you really going to Un-Do all of your hard work because of an unsupportive friend or family member? NO! Take control of your mind and your body! It's not that they love you any less...sometimes THEY JUST DON'T GET IT!!!! And you may have to talk to them and say: "I understand that you can eat whatever you want, but right now I have goals to reach that won't allow me to do the same. Please be a good friend and support me. Don't try to tempt me to eat fatty foods. I really need your help to reach my goals". If they continue with the same behavior, you may have to limit the time you spend with those ppl to save yourself...or know when to be around them - this friend might not be the best person to go to get food with. Maybe you call him up after you've eaten, so you're less likely to be tempted. Or maybe you hang out with him on a day when you've planned ahead and you have enough calories to splurge a little.

slender_sunshine

Morning!

I also have 2 Food Enablers...the sad part is that they both joined this site with me and they both have goals of their own. The other sad part is that one is at work and the other is at home, so I get it all around :-( My strategies are:

1. I take my lunch to work, so there's no tempting me into going to some unhealthy mexican restaurant for "lunch" which always turns out to be more like dinner.

2. I turn it on them before they can offer me any of their unhealthy snacks; for instance:
Co-worker or husband: (walks in with a totally delicious but empty calorie snack)
Me: Seriously..you're going o eat that right now? How many calories is it? I'm gonna grab my yogurt
Them: (10 minutes later rumaging for another snack)
Me: (Still full from my fiber rich, nutritious snack) See...I told you those (insert snack name here) were a waste

3. When I do give in I don't over-indulge: If my co-worker brings in cookies, I'll limit myself to one, or in some cases half! The same goes for my husband...he likes to snack at night, so if he grabs some chips or a bowl of ice cream, sometimes when I just can't say no, I'll just take one chip or spoonful of ice cream. I want to implement the same mindset when I go out to eat...maybe asking the waiter to pre-portion my meal in half and bag one half up in advance. (I haven't tried this one yet, but I hear it's really helpful).

4. PLAN AHEAD! My husband usually cooks during the week...and although it's a homemade meal, it's usually high in calories. So I have to plan accordingly throughout the day and know that I need to a moderate breakfast, light lunch, and light snacks in between to save up for dinner. It's not that you can't eat what you want, you just have to PLAN for it.

5. Last but not least WILL POWER!!! You have to be strong in your decision to lose weight. As we all know, it's super easy to put the pounds on, but five times harder to get them off. Just think, are you really going to Un-Do all of your hard work because of an unsupportive friend or family member? NO! Take control of your mind and your body! It's not that they love you any less...sometimes THEY JUST DON'T GET IT!!!! And you may have to talk to them and say: "I understand that you can eat whatever you want, but right now I have goals to reach that won't allow me to do the same. Please be a good friend and support me. Don't try to tempt me to eat fatty foods. I really need your help to reach my goals". If they continue with the same behavior, you may have to limit the time you spend with those ppl to save yourself...or know when to be around them - this friend might not be the best person to go to get food with. Maybe you call him up after you've eaten, so you're less likely to be tempted. Or maybe you hang out with him on a day when you've planned ahead and you have enough calories to splurge a little.

this is all awesome advice. Thanks

Troll

i call them my family. And i tell them "no thank you." afterwards i eat what i intended and ignore their assinine reasons that despite an ulcer robbing me of any ability toeat fried food, my vegetarianism of 7 years, and knowing i dont eat junk why i should eat a 5 lb battered fried steak and fudge cake. i call this "self control"