Why can't I just tell him no?

cantjustcant

Here's what I am going to do. I am going to write him a long letter tonight and tell him that I am done. That I can no longer afford to give him free rent in my head and in my heart. That what he did to me was despicable and degrading to not only me but to himself. I am telling him that I have blocked his email and phone number from my life and I am walking away with my dignity.

I have to do this. It's been 16 months of carrying it around. I cannot talk to anyone in my family or friends here because they wouldn't understand. They don't understand the mask I have been wearing. They aren't there in the middle of the night when I can't sleep and my thoughts are on what he is doing. I am so grateful to be able to bring it to someone...people who are telling me what I already know but really just needed neutral person to tell me what I already know


xoxo

mlbazemore

I don't think theres a woman out there that doesn't know how you feel. As cliched as it seems the best way to get over an old love is to get a new love. I didn't read anything in your post to suggest you had seen someone after your breakup. They say don't open a new door before you close another, but that door has been closed long enough at least find yourself a window to stick your freakn head out of....if the thought of him being with someone else hurts, then you don't need to be with him. He needs the kind of woman who doesn't mind sharing a man or better yet prefers sharing. I can't tell you what to do--no one can---you will find the answer within, when you decide you are fed up you'll stop letting him in, let's just hope he hasn't broken everything inside of you for the next man. Good Luck!

RickMckc

Here's what I am going to do. I am going to write him a long letter tonight and tell him that I am done.

Ummm ... no, do not write a LONG letter to send to HIM. You are wasting your words. Write the long letter to YOURSELF and put it on your mirror so that you see it every morning. Send him a short note instead saying what only needs to be said about how you want the future to look without him.

RickMckc

BTW, I say that because the LONG letter only continues the drama - drama that you both are feeding on and needs to die. Short and not so sweet to him. LONG and dramatic to yourself if that's what's necessary.

Grace and peace.

cantjustcant

how is this?

get out of my life. leave me alone. Don't call or text me again. I am done being used by you


Hell I could fit that in a text

geekymom57

BTW, I say that because the LONG letter only continues the drama - drama that you both are feeding on and needs to die. Short and not so sweet to him. LONG and dramatic to yourself if that's what's necessary.

Grace and peace.

My thoughts exactly! It sounds very much like a relationship I had over 30 years ago in grad school and in retrospect, I realized the guy really enjoyed all the drama. Dropping him is not "giving up on him". He's an emotionally controlling man who can't be trusted and isn't worth any more of your time.

Consider not telling/writing him anything and just stop responding. He doesn't need to know whether you blocked him or not. Just stop communicating. Then you have the power over him.

RickMckc

Love it!

Brandicaloriecountess

It will hurt, but it will be harder and hurt more to keep letting him do this to you. I am so sorry

geekymom57

how is this?

get out of my life. leave me alone. Don't call or text me again. I am done being used by you


Hell I could fit that in a text

Perfect! How's it feel to take control of this part of your life, too? Great job!

meggers123

You are worth more than that. You are a strong, beautiful, smart woman and you don't need to put up with anything less than 100%. Got it? :flowerforyou:

runlaugheatpie

Yes you are strong enough.

Do it, and do it right now.

Stop feeling sorry, stop being the victim, it's not an attractive look on anybody.


Get a new number, get a new email and tell this man to sod off forever. Only you have the power to do so. DO IT.
'*Im sorry this isn't more cuddly. But I think this is the angle you need.

this is exactly what I thought too. it's harsh but you have to block all contact with this guy.

nosugarcoating

I can only second that. Cut him out of your life completely. If you need to, get a new email address and phone number.

You deserve so much more than that. Be strong and say no because people like that only hold you back and keep you down. It's hard but you have to be the one to do it. He sure won't and no one else can do it for you.

cantjustcant

I woke up this morning and did my morning yoga. I then composed my text and hit send. Then I went in and blocked his number from my phone. now I am here telling you that I have taken control of my life again and am starting the next phase of my life!!!

I haven't logged my weight this morning but I will tell you a secret....I started at 231.4 and this morning the scale said 201.4! That was in my giant warm fluffy bathrobe! So after my morning walk and shower I will weigh in again...if the scale goes the way I think **have my fingers crossed** I could touch ONEderland today!

thank you

juliecat1

Get a new number asap. Stop talking to the sister in law and anyone associated with him. Get out from underneath it and youll be able to finally process it and let his grip on you go. You CAN say No. Youre strong enough to do it. Start now.

livnlite

I woke up this morning and did my morning yoga. I then composed my text and hit send. Then I went in and blocked his number from my phone. now I am here telling you that I have taken control of my life again and am starting the next phase of my life!!!

I haven't logged my weight this morning but I will tell you a secret....I started at 231.4 and this morning the scale said 201.4! That was in my giant warm fluffy bathrobe! So after my morning walk and shower I will weigh in again...if the scale goes the way I think **have my fingers crossed** I could touch ONEderland today!

thank you

Way to go! I knew you could do it. You just have to stick to your guns and don't let him suck you back into that black hole of hurtful deceipt. You CAN do better!

Congrat's on the weight loss, BTW. You are REALLY gaining control, my girl. You make me proud!

Tangerine302

Good for you!

DiabeticAlien

Yes you are strong enough.

Do it, and do it right now.

Stop feeling sorry, stop being the victim, it's not an attractive look on anybody.


Get a new number, get a new email and tell this man to sod off forever. Only you have the power to do so. DO IT.
'*Im sorry this isn't more cuddly. But I think this is the angle you need.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Most definitely THIS....you can do this!!!

geekymom57

I woke up this morning and did my morning yoga. I then composed my text and hit send. Then I went in and blocked his number from my phone. now I am here telling you that I have taken control of my life again and am starting the next phase of my life!!!

I haven't logged my weight this morning but I will tell you a secret....I started at 231.4 and this morning the scale said 201.4! That was in my giant warm fluffy bathrobe! So after my morning walk and shower I will weigh in again...if the scale goes the way I think **have my fingers crossed** I could touch ONEderland today!

thank you

Great job! And it goes without saying, even if you don't hit ONEderland today, you will another day very soon. (I'm not trying to kill your buzz, but know from my own experience how sometimes optimism gets tempered by reality.)

bmqbonnie

Block him! You shouldn't need a new number. If you have a droid phone, there is an app called Mr Number that you can use to block numbers. Easy peasy. I'm sure there's similar for other phones and even if you don't have a smart phone there's still a way to do it, just not sure what it is...

sinclare

great job today !

Now every time you start to have any doubts, don't contact him--Read This Thread!

Cold turkey is the best way to go.

nosugarcoating

I woke up this morning and did my morning yoga. I then composed my text and hit send. Then I went in and blocked his number from my phone. now I am here telling you that I have taken control of my life again and am starting the next phase of my life!!!

I haven't logged my weight this morning but I will tell you a secret....I started at 231.4 and this morning the scale said 201.4! That was in my giant warm fluffy bathrobe! So after my morning walk and shower I will weigh in again...if the scale goes the way I think **have my fingers crossed** I could touch ONEderland today!

thank you

I'm glad to read it. I bet your life will be so much better without him in it. Congrats on the amazing weight loss.

Awake_Alive

I had to come back and see what you did. Girl, I am SO proud of you!!!! Proud of your text and proud of your weight loss. Stick to your guns and get someone better. Stick to your guns and get to Onederland.

And remember...the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. :bigsmile:

:drinker:

cantjustcant

10 days later.....

I have instructed everyone at work that if he calls they are to tell him that I no longer work there...this is AFTER he sent candy-gram to where I work. He has no clue where I moved to when we split up. This house is my sanctuary...If he knew where I lived I wouldn't have my get away place!

Here's the shocker. I sent that text on Sunday. On Wednesday I got a call from one of my customer's who wanted me to meet him for lunch. We went to lunch that day and had a lovely time. Nothing happened. We laughed and had a good time. There weren't any sparks. I realized on my way home that I could actually remember having fun with a man or with anyone really. I have been so focused on waiting for his texts that I holed up waiting...that sucks.

This Saturday night I am going out for girl's night out! We are going to hear a band and dance the night away. Just a bunch of single chicks out on the town! It makes me sad that I wasted the past 16 months pining over this jerk. I am better than that! and I deserve better than that!

ohhh ONE derland is hiding from me! I am at 201.0 but it's TOM so I am not stressing it....too much. I haven't weighed since Monday and dang that would give us something else to celebrate this weekend!!!

Thank you again for the butt kicking! I won't lie to you and say that I don't miss him at all, because I do. But every day it's fading a little bit more.

mrsmellymac

Its very easy to get him to stop contacting you...you have the will power to be here every day and better yourself physically. You have to do the same thing on the outside. Its like ripping off a bandage.

My sister-in-law had the same problem. She and her ex broke up, she kicked him out of the house, and he wouldn't forward his mail, he wouldn't stop calling, texting, emailing...pretty much stalking her.

YOU deserve better, and you know that. You need to do the following:
BLOCK his phone number
BLOCK his emails.

if that doesn't work, change your number. But you need to just stop him in his tracks. You can do it, you are an amazing woman!

Now every time you start to have any doubts, don't contact him--Read This Thread!

good luck and good riddance to him! cheers!

WifeNMama

I think I speak for everyone here when I say "good job and congrats on both losses: the weight AND the sadsack full of crap." ;-)
Have fun with the gals and keep making those healthy choices for your body and your spirit. When something has taken up so much of your attention for so long, of course you'll miss it. I think we've all missed our versions of sadsacks full of crap. Tomorrow is a gloriously free and new day. You'll be a oneder by the weekend. :-)

Laoghaire

There are lots of **** wad sociopaths on the internet. You met one. You survived (lucky you) Others I have met were not so lucky. I usually dissuade them from pursuing me by telling them I am going to power staple their testicles to a wall. Works everytime. You can only out crazy the crazies! They will suck every ounce of your well being, your life, your money and your self esteem like some nutso vaccuum cleaner on steroids.

I used to think I had a "weirdo magnet" embedded in my body somewhere, cause I sure seemed to attract them. Power staple therapy cured me.

lol

K

sunkisses

Aw you're doing really well. Your ex is one manipulative d-bag. I had one of those. He did finally stop, though.

livnlite

10 days later.....

I have instructed everyone at work that if he calls they are to tell him that I no longer work there...this is AFTER he sent candy-gram to where I work. He has no clue where I moved to when we split up. This house is my sanctuary...If he knew where I lived I wouldn't have my get away place!

Here's the shocker. I sent that text on Sunday. On Wednesday I got a call from one of my customer's who wanted me to meet him for lunch. We went to lunch that day and had a lovely time. Nothing happened. We laughed and had a good time. There weren't any sparks. I realized on my way home that I could actually remember having fun with a man or with anyone really. I have been so focused on waiting for his texts that I holed up waiting...that sucks.

This Saturday night I am going out for girl's night out! We are going to hear a band and dance the night away. Just a bunch of single chicks out on the town! It makes me sad that I wasted the past 16 months pining over this jerk. I am better than that! and I deserve better than that!

ohhh ONE derland is hiding from me! I am at 201.0 but it's TOM so I am not stressing it....too much. I haven't weighed since Monday and dang that would give us something else to celebrate this weekend!!!

Thank you again for the butt kicking! I won't lie to you and say that I don't miss him at all, because I do. But every day it's fading a little bit more.

I can't tell you how elated I am that you have moved on .. and put life back into living. Good for you! You can do better!

Jennjenn1974

:flowerforyou: What your guy did was completely disrespectful and inappropriate. The fact that he was hiding the conversations from you was probably due to him knowing, deep down, what he was doing was wrong. Would have it made a difference if he had been open and honest about his "converstations"? If he had I'm sure you guys would have been able to work things out.

I wish you nothing but success and happiness in your life's journey! :flowerforyou:

kaits108

I am so proud of you! Most of us on here know how hard that was, what you did! And many people aren't as strong as you are! You are an amazing person, and you will find someone who DESERVES your awesomeness. You are better than you ex, and I'm so glad you're not wasting your time with him. Have an awesome time with your friends, your happiness will glow!