What motivates men to do nice things for women?

curvygirl512

My most recent goal is to shape up and lose a few pounds before a wedding in a few weeks. My long-term goal has been to make every man on the planet notice me and say WOW in a good way. Well, last night hubby and I went shopping for a new dress to wear for the wedding. He actually said I looked good (not his standard OK, but good) in a few of them. Then today, when he made his Sunday run for the paper and donuts, bought me a latte. Now, as a bit of back story, in 17 years of marriage, this man has never, ever even made me coffee at home, or bought it for me without my asking. Also, the rest of the family eats the donuts--I can pass on those.

So, I'm trying to figure out my guy's motivation: Is he noticing that I'm starting to look good? Is he jealous b/c other guys are noticing, and believe me, other guys ARE noticing? Is he trying to sabbotage my efforts (huh, I never thought to ask for skim milk)? Or, was he just curious about how the pumpkin spice latte tasted, so he bought one *for me* so he could sample it?

Initially, I thought he was just being nice, but the more I think about it, he was just curious and bought me the latte so he could try it. While none of you actually know my spouse, please weigh in--what motivates men to do nice things for their women?

creatureofchaos

In my experience, assigning complicated motives to a man's behavior is not a very productive exercise.

He wanted to do something nice for you. It doesn't matter why.

Just say thank you and do something nice for him.

bmqbonnie

I think you think too much XD

Thank him and do something nice for him! This is a good thing!

farmgirlsuz

My vote is he either wanted to try it himself, or after he DID try it he decided he didn't like it so he told you that he bought it for you. But that is just me being cynical...

My b/f is one of the best guys I have ever met but I have no idea what gets a man to do nice things. (If I did, I would do it once in a while so he WOULD do nice things!) When you find out, let me know!

Ireshgurl

Girl, don't question it, just take it as for what it was!!! Now..... if it keeps happening then I'd start questioning his motives, lol. If my husband every became that thoughtful for a moment, I definately wouldn't question it.

Contrarian

Stop analysing it to death.

If you really have to find out why, ask him.

wutamunkee

In my experience, assigning complicated motives to a man's behavior is not a very productive exercise.

He wanted to do something nice for you. It doesn't matter why.

Just say thank you and do something nice for him.

Say thank you and move on...

scott1024

I thought my wife closed her account...

tonicia

I also think too much...it's a curse. I agree with the posters above but if you must associate a reason with the behavior....I don't know you or him, but maybe he realizes he's got a good thing and he thought of you and wanted to bring a smile to your face. = )

Nikki582

In my experience, assigning complicated motives to a man's behavior is not a very productive exercise.

He wanted to do something nice for you. It doesn't matter why.

Just say thank you and do something nice for him.

^^ this

TomehToxic

Sex

SarahBeeMe

So funny! He could have a motive, but I'd be inclined to just enjoy it whatever the motive! Just take it as a positive and keep up all the good work because it's obviously paying off!

Iamfit4life

I don't question these things, I just enjoy my time in the sun.

meeperoon

Its very spur of the moment I find, I cant for the life of me get my bf to get me flowers, but he calls me first thing when I wake up (well more like waking me up but its the thought...) and when were shopping he'll suddenly choose to pay for it instead of me, or when rooting around for something for him and he finds something for me he keeps it to one side.

It think it completely depends on their train of thought. Maybe something reminded him of you whilst he was getting the coffee, maybe he's just having a great day!

Put it this way, he did it. And I wouldn't call him out on it because it might scare him off doing it again!

I hope you were very very grateful for it, because if you were, it might happen more often!!

jgbigman

I think you think too much XD

Thank him and do something nice for him! This is a good thing!

I completely agree!! The motivation could be something as simple as seeing you smile and letting you know that he appreciates you.. If a man does something nice there is not always motivation behind it, he could have just been thinkng of you, maybe you had said something in a past conversation about that particular latte..

❤B☩❤

I thought my wife closed her account...

HAHAHAHAHA! That's awesome! :laugh:

❤B☩❤

Sex

LOL! That was my very first thought when I read the topic. Great minds.....!

obstacleone

Why does anyone do anything for anyone?
I give, I help, I support because it makes me feel good knowing I'm doing something positive for someone else.
If you honestly think that his getting you a latte was jealousy based or he is trying to ruin your efforts (with the milk) you need to stop reading conspiracy theories. I can honestly say men are simple minded. We have few thought processes. We have no real motives with the things we do. If we can do something that makes you happy, awesome. If it's little to no effort? even better.

leylaaa87

It could be any or a combination of the reasons you listed. But as other posters have stated, it doesn't quite matter. Enjoy it! You deserve it!

But I would avoid satiating your curiosity by asking him why he did it. I f he thinks nice things will make you suspicious/make you interrogate him (no matter how nicely) he won't do them again.

leanne2376

I think you think too much XD

Thank him and do something nice for him! This is a good thing!

i agree

JulieSD

My best friend is a guy and quite seriously this is what he tells me all the time when I get carried away thinking about what guys think, 'Guys are simple, not overly complicated and generally what you think we're thinking about, we're not' lol

I say hubby either A) wanted to do something nice or wanted to try the latte....either way, you got a latte and it made you happy. Just be happy

Brandicaloriecountess

Just take it and enjoy it.

Another thing I noticed in your post you said you motivation was so every man would notice you, being noticed is nice but idk if that should be your main motivator!

rafor

Ok, here is a guy's perspective. It probably wasn't a conscious thought as to whether or not he should do something nice...he just knew he should. If he looked back at it, he might have really appreciated the morning wake up cal you gave him *wink* or he has noticed how your mood has improved and your confidence soars. Also added into is would be the looks that other men give you lately. However, most (if not all) of this is completely subconscious. Unless your guy schedules good deeds (birthdays, valentines, anniversaries), he does it simply because he feels like you deserve it. He probably bought the latte because he knows you like them and he may have sampled it because if you like it, he may like it as well. Other than that, you have been doing a good job of making him feel special and in a small way, he wanted to make you feel special too.

Tegan74

Men are simple creatures ~ and over thinking the things they do will only give you a migraine. Just say thank you and move on

WifeNMama

The best way to end your man's attempts at good deeds is to question his motive or critique the good deed. The best advice I got when I got married is "always assume your spouse has the best of intentions." If he is a good hearted person, why not just enjoy his good-heartedness? Maybe reciprocate by getting the next pumpkin spice lattes, but make em skim. :-)

Shannon023

As Freud said, "sometimes a latte is just a latte."

Or something.

sleepytexan

I would hope a man would do something nice for a woman he loves, just because.

StarGeezer

I can virtually guarantee there were no ulterior motives to his actions. I can't speak for all guys, but THIS guy does nice things because I take pleasure in seeing people happy. That's it. But I'll tell you what can and will throw a wet blanket over that tendency, and that is to either be accused of sinister intentions where there were none, or to have that good deed thrown back in my face by it not being appreciated.

Tread carefully, just sayin'.

kkellam1

I couldn't speak to why he did something nice, but this is a great example of why we eventually stop doing nice things. We take the time to do something nice, then we are "in trouble" for doing that. It becomes easier to do nothing in the first place!

Great lesson to be learned here...like many have said, just be happy and move on.

Qarol

Wow...after 17 years of marriage, he thinks you look good and even thought about you while he was out and brought you a latte. A pumpkin spiced one. My favorite.

What a jerk!

HollieDoodles

I'm thinking.. that you're thinking.. too far into what he might be thinking..

How about not assuming the worst.. or does he deserve it? If he has given you reason to think he must have other motives than to be a thoughtful husband, then maybe you should have just talked to him about it. If not, why not just be grateful.

It could be so much worse. You could have to deal with what I had to deal with. Trust me, this is nothing to write a post about and have the whole world chime in on.

I actually feel bad that I read this post, because I'm sure he never thought that doing something sweet would make you turn to the internet for advice.

Seriously.... so silly.