Why cant I do it MY way?

JonathanH67

Thank you one and all. I just want to avoid any unnecessary fighting and stress. I have set goals, big and small, and I am getting there. Trust me, it's not that we dont love each other, she just cant see it from my side and if she did, she still has to make sure that she is the answer not part of the problem. She started in again this morning after she got to do her 6am bootcamp, I take care of the kids in the am. That is our arrangement, I work as a nurse for an agency and usually go in around 11a to 11p. I had asked her to please stop bringing up the calorie counting and tracking of the food, I had been tracking and had planned on putting it in MFPal, she began to get on her pedestal and I asked her to stop, I dont want to fight or argue or resent what is going on, I said I would do it and I would, but when it gets pushed onto my plate everyday, Im starting to not want to do it just to piss her off. My focus is on making sure I eat healthy and get my workout in for the day. I told her the most important thing right now is to get the kids off to school on time. I asked her to help me get them out the door. She has called me since leaving for work. I made her a smaller salad and just left it alone, I just wanted her out the house and out of my hair before she started overanalyzing or retreading old ground. I do love her very much, but its apparent I am not going to get any support from her just criticism. I do believe in myself and I know I am on the right track. Im not wishing anything other than some humility for her and a slice of humble pie. I try to be supportive in all facets of our relationship but I dont understand is why she thinks I will ever do things her way all the time. Its just not realistic, we are two different people that grew up differently. Our approaches to anything are usually pretty different. We tried working out once together, but I dont care to. I dont need the aggravation. Im not a runner, I caught up with her during a run during camp and she kept bumping it up a stride or two to stay ahead. She plays to win, I get that, but winning isnt everything to me, I just wanted to show that I could keep up. I sprinted the last 25 feet and she kept saying Oh I thought you were breathing sooo heavy, I thought you would pass out. Are you sure you are okay? Im lightskinned so when I work out, I vasodilate and Im very flushed/red. I know my limits and I know when to slow down. I can swim for an hour straight with no rest, I stop because of muscle fatigue, so its gravity that is my big enemy at the moment. If I hear any comments toight or in the am, she is fixing her own lunch from now on.

SueInAz

I hope things get better for you and I certainly understand your frustration. I get zero reinforcement from my husband, either negative or positive. He's not making any effort to lose the 20-30 pounds he needs to lose. I've even made jokes about my butt at least getting smaller and all I get is a grunt in return. Seriously, a non-committal grunt. If I skip on a high carb meal item, I get questioned about my motives: "is there something wrong with it?" "Are you eating WEIRD (ie. low carb) again?"

I've realized that I have to just do this for me. Whether or not anyone else notices is not important to me because I'm doing this for me. I know that I'm wearing pants today that were far too tight for me to wear last March. I don't expect anyone else to notice and I'm sure no one will.

I hope you're able to communicate to your wife exactly how you're feeling and how her actions are hurting you.

JonathanH67

@sfoust66, I hear ya, I just figured she knows me best so she would notice first and say something first. I dont want pity but I would like some encouragement. Congrats on wearing the pants. Most guys I know dont get too worried until their partner starts looking hot, invite him to a class if you go to one, or he can go to a different class. Ive actually had women come up and give me some nice compliments about my intensity and motivation. I even had one girl, who I never talked to, come up and say it was cool to see me again, she didnt know what happened to me. Its nice to know that Im not that bad and I know my wife gets encouraging words from other guys. She looks hot, she looks fit. I get it. Just didnt think it would apply even just a smidge to me. I try to treat everyone the same. I know what it is like to be very big, I still am, but I am well on my way to health and fit. Im only getting older and I want to look good, feel good and do some very fun stuff like the Xtreme games. Just to say I did and I ve been in it. That's all I want, I did tell her that it wasnt helping my outlook and its starting to cross THAT line. I look at myself first to see what is at fault and where I have erred . Im not perfect by any means but I dont seek perfection, Im seeking just being a better me.

MrsAndrews723

I am so sorry for what you are going through, and I understand. I lost 90 pounds before meeting my husband, and in the past year I've gained back ALMOST FORTY!!!! I feel like a fat cow, and I just want to lose weight.

I wish he would be more supportive.. for instance.. He'll ask me if I need anything, while doing laundry and I'll ask for a glass of water, and he'll bring me soda. Or I'll ask him to pick up some milk to go with dinner, and he'll come in with a pizza..

My biggest pet peeve, is.. It takes me about 2 minutes to recognize the alarm clock is going off. It takes him about 2 seconds. He turns it off and goes back to sleep, instead of waking me up, or letting me know it's going off.. therefore, 3 out of 5 days, I am sleeping too late to get a work out in.

I want to go for a walk in the evening, and he complains that we need couple time..

And when I did lose 5 pounds, he was like "that's nice honey"..

And 20 minutes later, informs me he lost 20 and is now 10 pounds LIGHTER than me..

It hurts and it's frustrating..

If it helps.. I understand how you feel

skcornett

I'm sorry that you are having a tough time with this. I am seriously OCD about tracking everything I do on this plan and have been wishing/hoping/praying that my husband would start his own journey. He's very supportive of me and is proud, but he needs to tackle his own weight issues. Late last week, he told me he is now ready - said I inspired him - and he will be doing it his own way. I don't care how he does it - I just want him to do it so we have many more happy years.

Keep up the great work. Boot camps scare me! Let us know how your competition goes in October.

JonathanH67

@mrsandrews, my wife keeps hitting the snooze, I know she is up. I usually put the clock or cell phone out of reach of the bed so I have to get up, once Im up, I gotta go, then Im up. Keep at it. Like it has been said, you have to do this for you.

@skcornett, my wife was the one that inspired me, I use to take care of myself, I swam 2 miles a day and ate whatever and it never showed, well, that has bit me in the *kitten*. I know the weight will be coming off, slow but sure, but Im curious to see how my frame will look, Im pretty broad shouldered. Thanks again everyone for the support, I just dont know who else to talk to and it seems everyone has similar issues. I thank you all for your perspectives and opinions.

I was very inspired by Chris Evans transformation and his dedication to working out, hence the Captain America pic, I know I will not look like that but I can perform on the MUD MAN X competitions and that is all that matters to me.

cantjustcant

Here's a thought...Make one of those therometer things they use for fund raising goals. In the bulb section put where you started and for the degrees put mini goals. Make one for weight, inches and whatever other ultimate goals you have. Fill in up to where you are and how far you have come. Perhaps (since you are not a logger but are trying to be) this will help her see how far you have come!

It will also be a great visual reference for you too!

KickinBooty

I understand completely what you mean about not getting support. I'm trying to be healthy, but my family has a tendency to purchase junk food and when I'm really angry the easiest way out is usually what I want. I'm trying to stop letting them get into my head and their junk into my stomach and on to my hips and thighs. First you need to decide what it is you need from your spouse and then you need to talk with her. If her response isn't what you want to hear then you need to decide how you are going to deal with this. You might also try telling her how much you admire her and appreciate her weight loss. It sounds like she is really intent on staying in shape. She might need some confirmation of how well you think she is doing and how beautiful and hot you think she is. She might be scared that you don't find her attractive and that you might leave her. Keep wooing her and supporting her. Tell her you love her and value her and she just mmight really surprise you.

kmbrooks15

Wow, I can so sympathize with some of you. Any time I tried to diet, my husband would stop at Sonic and buy me a cream slush or a milkshake. When I told him I couldn't eat it, he'd get mad at me, so I'd eat it just to keep the peace. Not sure why he did that. He's out of my life now because he was abusing our daughter and when he got caught he killed himself. So I'm going to do this on my own now, for ME.

My dad aggravated me the other night when we were out at a restaurant. I'd eaten okay, but we were celebrating a birthday and they had ice cream cake. I hadn't allowed for that in my calories for the day, so I politely refused. My dad kept pushing me to eat a piece. I told him, "You have always told me I needed to lose weight...don't sabotage me now!" He backed off and left me alone about it.

Funny how the people we love and who love us are the worst ones about sabotaging our efforts...

JonathanH67

Its not a question of how much I love her, I tell her every day. To me she is a marvel, but at the same time, she needs to know that she cannot control everything, it will drive people nuts. We have two beautiful girls and I still love chasing after my wife. She just needs to accept that I will not always do things her way or the way things are written. I follow the spirit of the law, not to the letter but upon the intent it was made. I believe there should be a bit of wiggle room in everything.

On the up side, just finished boot camp and now I have to get the girls ready for dinner then bed. Thank you all.