Please, tell me there is someone out there who understands?

satiada

I usually lurk and don't post, but your message broke my heart, so I'll try to respond.

It sounds like you're very, very hard on yourself. To ease your way into understanding what you're doing and why, I'd suggest committing to yourself that for 2 weeks, just 2 weeks, all you'll do is measure.

Don't plan on changing anything about your eating habits.
Don't berate yourself for "bad" eating.
Just measure and record everything you eat. It's just 2 weeks, and if nothing changes, well, you'll just be two weeks older

But I'm guessing that before the end of two weeks, you'll start to notice that some things you eat aren't "worth" their cost to you. Remember, the goal is not to strip your life of pleasure, but to figure out how to create a balanced diet for yourself that is sustainable. This means figuring out which things you're eating for pleasure, and which things you're eating out of stress, or to suppress emotions, or any other reason other than gustatory joy.

So that's my advice: Start ingraining the good habit of recording, and then work on modifying once that's in place. Oh, and try to be kind to yourself. If someone you loved were struggling, would you beat them up? Kick them while they were down? Or would you feel deep compassion for their suffering, and be proud that they kept standing back up and dusting themselves off? Give yourself the same feeling of forgiveness, while you work to find a way to change that works for you.

lisasbig30

Thank you all so much! This means so much to me. As soon as I get a chance I will respond to each of you personally. Again...THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!

Logansmom2011

maybe this will work:take a recent picture of you or take several.Put one on the refrigerator,one in the snack drawer on top of all the bad stuff,one on the snack pantry door and inside the pantry,pretty much every place you have bad food.If that doesn't stop you,everytime you eat junk food,stare at yourself in the mirror while you eat it,the sight alone of you stuffing your face uncontrollably should make you want to stop.If those two dont work,throw all the food out thats bad because you have no willpower when its in the house.What you have to realize is you don't have to stop eating junk for good,you can have one cheat day a week to get your cravings out the way and it also gives your metabolism a kick in the butt (so I've read)because you make it work extra hard to burn the bad calories after putting nothing but good calories in.Everyone finally gets to a point where they can't take being fat anymore and push themselves to achieve their ultimate goal of total weightloss and maintaining it,it isnt easy at all,but what is?If being skinny,eating right and exercising was easy then there wouldnt be thousands if not millions of overweight and obese people in the U.S(I say that because us americans are the worst with eating badly).I have struggled with losing weight and have lost a good amount of weight twice,to then turn around and gain it back for one reason or another.It happens to everyone,this time though I am more determined to be healthy for my 7 month old son and because I'm just tired of being unhappy,tired of the pattern of trying to lose weight and then when I don't get the results I want or the weight isnt shedding as fast as I want so I say screw it and binge on food I have been holding back from,to them make myself sick because I feel guilty for giving into gluttony.People tell me that I'm beautiful the way I am,and I myself on good days do think I'm beautiful,but I don't want to just be beautiful,I want to be healthy,gorgeous and HAPPY with myself,I want this soooo bad for me!I have been discouraged the past 2 1/2 months and haven't lost as much as I wanted and have cheated myself by not eating right somedays even though I work my tail off with my workout( eating right and working out go hand in hand thats the only way it will work,can't have one w/o the other).The difference this time compared to others?This is the longest I have continued to workout when trying to lose weight.I have worked out every single day for 2 1/2 months maybe 4 days that I didn't for the whole 2 1/2 months even when I ate bad and felt bad about it,I still made sure I got my workout in.This is different because I am still determined,I haven't stopped trying,I haven't given up and I won't.If I give up I will only be letting myself down,I will still be fat noone else,ME!You may not do it this time,or the next or the next,but when you are finally fed up,sick and tired and just can't take it anymore,you WILL know,because you won't give up,you'll keep pushing for yourself,for your happiness.I know how you feel and after reading what I had said to you,I will take my own advice,I will be able to tell my husband no thank you I'll cook me something healthy to eat when he asks me if I want any fastfood when he goes out,he can eat his 6'3 happy tail can eat whatever I want and barely gain a pound butt to bad health but I'm not.I will stick to only eating junk one day a week on my cheat day with moderation in mind.I understand and if you need someone to keep you on your toes,add me and you can keep me on my toes too!

Troll

i may sound a little mean but here it is; my mom had that attitude and more. And in 2 years she got put in the hospital twice with what we thought were heart attacks due to weight. When we left she was panting just halfway down a flight of stairs. She realized at her rate she would die before 50, and we would bury her in a massive casket. And the following monday we started insanity. she did it so she wouldnt die. I did it because i was gaining weight and never wanted to get in her position. Something in you has to click. You will get the want to, someday, and you will make a positive change.

Troll

i may sound a little mean but here it is; my mom had that attitude and more. And in 2 years she got put in the hospital twice with what we thought were heart attacks due to weight. When we left she was panting just halfway down a flight of stairs. She realized at her rate she would die before 50, and we would bury her in a massive casket. And the following monday we started insanity. she did it so she wouldnt die. I did it because i was gaining weight and never wanted to get in her position. Something in you has to click. You will get the want to, someday, and you will make a positive change.

Troll

i may sound a little mean but here it is; my mom had that attitude and more. And in 2 years she got put in the hospital twice with what we thought were heart attacks due to weight. When we left she was panting just halfway down a flight of stairs. She realized at her rate she would die before 50, and we would bury her in a massive casket. And the following monday we started insanity. she did it so she wouldnt die. I did it because i was gaining weight and never wanted to get in her position. Something in you has to click. You will get the want to, someday, and you will make a positive change.

Troll

i may sound a little mean but here it is; my mom had that attitude and more. And in 2 years she got put in the hospital twice with what we thought were heart attacks due to weight. When we left she was panting just halfway down a flight of stairs. She realized at her rate she would die before 50, and we would bury her in a massive casket. And the following monday we started insanity. she did it so she wouldnt die. I did it because i was gaining weight and never wanted to get in her position. Something in you has to click. You will get the want to, someday, and you will make a positive change.

blakeman187

I ate pretty much nothing but bagel bites, pizza pockets, burritos, and monster energy drinks for years, and just sat on my *kitten* playing video games. (Don't get me wrong I still love video games) But there comes a time where enough is enough, it is not easy at all. I had so many halfassed attempts at working out and losing weight, and they all failed. You have to truly want whatever it is you want in order to get it. And when you lose the weight and see the changes you will notice(at least I did) other things improve as well, my confidence went way up as I lost the weight.

It's a hard process that takes time and effort, you can't change overnight. Just take it one day at a time.

Heliconia

I have the same questions. I will be interested if anyone has any solutions. Thanks.

ninerbuff

Okay...so, this is where I am at right now. I know that I have to, need to, and want to do this, but I really doubt myself. I can not tell any of you how many times I have done this or other things to lose weight. With each one I declare "this is it", but it never is, and right now I am in serious doubt that I will ever get to my goal. I'm starting to believe that I am incapable of doing this.
Then I get on here and I see the success stories. All the wonderful wonderful success stories and I think "will that ever be me?" or "wow, how did they do that?" Why does it seem that I just do not have it in me to do this?
Before I go to bed every night I say to myself "tomorrow will be a new day". Then I wake up and the good intentions go out the door. Today, for instance I ate left over chili beans w/ whole milk cheddar cheese, and crackers for breakfast and lunch. I had a Zero candy bar. I had two ice cream bars. For dinner I made fried chicken, green beans, pinto beans, mac n cheese, and biscuits. I know that I can't do this anymore but yet I still do.
I also suffer from If It's Not Perfect Quit Syndrome. One slip up will send me in to a month long binge of eating nothing but junk. I just want to know WHY?!!!!! WHY, am I like this and why can't I control it?
I know I sound like a complete cry baby but right now all I want to do is cry. I just want it to be over. Meaning, I want to be thin and never have to worry about it. Is there such a thing?
I know I'm not the only one and know you all understand but when does it change? Someone please tell me. Also, please don't say it changes when you do because I want to know when do I change? How do I change? How do I control? How do I say no? How do I lose that comfort? How do I become the better me?

If you concede even before you begin, you'll fail. If you ever took up a musical instrument, you'll know that it's takes consistency, repetition, and tons of mistakes to get good. You just need to really sit down write out the pros and cons to YOU and see where you stand. If you have more cons, then this is probably why your mind doesn't see success with it. I've done this with clients and some didn't even know where they really stood. And the pros have to be really pros. If you put down something like, "so I can play outside with my kids" and really have no intention of doing it, it's not a pro. Hope this helps.

ryanfeltz

This place has helped tremendously... for me.... so you've made a great start.

You are responsible for you ..... BE HONEST! 99.9% arent here to judge. We are here to support because largely we are in the same boat... having not been happy with our health and or appearance for our own reasons. but you have to be honest with yourself everyday and every hour and every bite.

I agree with others.... just begin by logging your food.... it is a startling reality check. It was for me. But I could immediately see what I needed to do.

One of my friends here also gave me something to remember EVERY morning......put on the workout clothes, you might as well just go now you're already dressed. EVEN if its around the block or to the end of the street. Thanks wutamunkee !

YOU CAN DO THIS......

dlyeates

I could have written this!!! There are days that I look at the success stories and just know in my heart that I can't do this. But then I get over it and realize that it's not me talking!!!

I have some suggestions.....get the junk out of the house!!! If it's not there it's harder to eat it. Second, meal plan. Not only good for a busy person with a family but great for anyone who is trying to be committed to what they eat. Plan your meals and your snacks and commit to only eating that. It's not easy but it's worth it.

You also need to to change your thinking. You are thinking only about the defeat in the big picture instead of looking at each day as it's own challenge. This is hard and you will feel like quitting.....challenge yourself not to. You are worth the effort.

I read something on someone's signature today that rang true: It's hard being fat. It's hard losing weight. Which hard are you going to choose?

My friend also told me "what you eat in private, you wear in public" This is actually posted on my fridge right now!!!

Also, check out the book "Made to Crave" Puts this journey in perspective. You can do this!!

WifeNMama

did you ever smoke and quit, how about bite your finger nails and quit, I came to the conclusion one day hey I can quit, i have the will power to do so, yes I still wake up every morning thinking I cant do this, but then I log onto mfp and see all the support, that I get up out of bed eat and work out, little things are helping me like looking online at all the clothes that I want to buy once I get down in size, reading peoples story's and seeing there before and after photos help a great deal. come on we got this, we can do this.

all boils down to will power and positive attitude

"YES WE CAN"

You just inspired an epiphany. I can't even believe I didn't make the connection before! I have quit biting my nails, a number of years ago! I just decided enough was enough, and carried nail clippers in my pocket for over a year. If I wanted to bite, I'd take out the clippers and trim them instead. Nail polish also helped. (Ah, vanity, what would we do without you?)
My point is, I realized that I have fought this battle before! It was wearing different armor, but the exercise in willpower is essentially the same. Thanks for the boost, I was having a really lethargic, no motivation day, fuelled by two cranky children and my own penchant for melancholy. Now I can truly enjoy the hot chocolate I just poured myself, instead of self-medicating with it. Just wish I had gotten over it before noon. :-) oh well, tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it.

lisaisso

bump for later

Shanna_Inc86

Have you tried Jillian Michaels ripped in 30? There is a speech she gives at the end that literally made me cry. You have to dig as deep as you can...to a place maybe you didn't even know you had.
My turning point was my daughter telling me I was fat...ripping out 3 pairs of pants (once I was on a walk with my daughter and she had ran ahead of me and I had to run to catch up with her and snatch her up before she ran across the road and when I bent down I ripped my pants...I had to walk 3 or 4 blocks home trying to cover my fat butt showing through the ripped jeans...I cried and cried and cried)
Shortly before my 25th birthday I realized that I couldn't really play with my daughter. My joints hurt, I was tired, I was depressed. I said ENOUGH...I will NOT live like this...I will not have a heart attack like my mother at 35...I will not let my daughter grow up thinking that its ok to be inactive like I was.
I joined a site like this and started asking questions, started talking to people and realizing, like you, that I was not alone. I surrounded myself with positive people and writings. I have quotes on my fridge, on my bathroom mirror, everywhere!

Few quotes I love...all Jillian Michales:

"You have one true obligation, that's to contribute your best to the world. Visualize what you want, and think big. Don't be afraid of what others think, that's their business, not yours. We're all deserving of our dreams. Some of us realize it, some don't. Your're not doing anyone any favors by living small. Embrace these truths and step up, the world is waiting."

"Be brave and be patient. Have faith in yourself; trust in the significance of your life and the purpose of your passion. You are strong enough to sit in the space between spaces and allow divine inspiration to shed some light. When you put positive energy and productive effort into the world it will come back to you. Occasionally in ways you might not immediately understand and on a time frame you didn't expect. Look. Listen. Learn. Stay open. Your destiny is awaiting you.

"The past does not define you, your present does"

"Part of abandoning the all-or-nothing mentality is allowing yourself room for setbacks. We are bound to have lapses on the road to health and wellness, but it is critical that we learn how to handle small failures positively so that we can minimize their long term destructive effects. One setback is one setback -- it is not the end of the world, nor is it the end of your journey toward a better you."

shaydionne

Trust me, I completely understand the way you feel right now. It doesn't help that I'm currently 220 lbs, and I have to hear my 168 lb mother complain about how fat she is, and I have my 140 lb. step father buying cookies, chips, sodas, and looking at me like I'm retarded everytime I look at a food label. It is not easy. But in my mind I think of my life, and it's in no way perfect, but if this is one of my worst problems... then I have an amazing life. I may be fat, but I am intelligent, I have family, I have a beautiful daughter who makes me smile daily, and I have goals that I want to reach. I may not feel beautiful, I may have lost all of my friends due to pregnancy, and my love life may be on the rocks, but that doesn't mean that I can allow myself to let go further than I already have. If you don't think you can... then you can't. This is the first day of the rest of your life. And I was thinking today, something that made me want to keep going is that incapability is not a state of being, it's a state of mind. We can't because we think we can't, but all things are possible with a little support.

And if it means anything, I'm a complete stranger and I know that you can do it

jcdfish

You are absolutely not alone in this. I did that, for years. I have found a way around it, and I hope it's not too late for me.

I'll tell you briefly what has helped me. (I've had health issues this year, so kind of let go, but I was going great until that stuff happened, unrelated to my weight or food plan. I'm back to working on it again, and I hope I'm not too late to help myself.)

The first thing I found SO important was to love myself. To be able to look in the mirror and love myself as-is/where-is. Naked or clothed, I grew to love myself as my own self. I became less vain and more confident with who and what I am at any given moment. Oh, I'm not perfect by a very long shot, and don't have total, 100% confidence. But I'm better than I was. And I'll tell you what, my husband loved that change.

Then once I already loved myself, fat or thin, or however I was going to be at any given time, I could stop writhing around feeling sad about my size. I could slow down a bit and not latch onto diet plans simply out of hope this'd be the right one. I had time then to try some.

I personally have finally settled on the low glycemic approach. I feel better when I eat that way. I'm finding now that if I eat candy or desserts, I feel very bad and my blood sugar goes up. So, that's a good, compelling reason not to eat that anymore at all. I'm treating it like an allergy and am saying no to sugar. Heck, I won't even drink Ensure anymore. Sugar is the second ingredient I think it is.

Anyway, that's my approach in a nutshell. My main point is to love yourself, admire yourself, see how worthy you are of the space you take up on this planet. From that point, it gets easier to look at food plans. You can then see what plans might be helpful and what ones are obviously bad. And you can try them on.

If you are miserable on one, dump it and go to another. That is NOT your fault. It is either that it was a bad diet plan, or it was not suitable for you for some reason.

I see too many people on MFP blaming themselves for "failing" on some diet. But stats have shown in the past that diets fail a HUGE percent of the time. Frankly, I think the reason more are succeeding is that some people are getting into more realistic, healthy plans, adding fun activity to their lives, and not beating themselves up over it anymore.

It's not worth it. Live happy NOW. Be happy with who you are and how you look, and look as best as you can, as you are. I have a neighbor who is a very big young woman. She's so cute though, and so pretty. She does her hair wonderfully, and she wears stylish clothing. She has confidence and loves people. People love her back.

Your likability is not based on your size.

Hugs to ya. hang in there. It'll be fine.