Married Women

mandypizzle

I think you should plan a special evening with him. Get a sitter and do something nice- in or out. And girl!! You are SO close to your goal! Let THAT be your motivation! Don't do what I did and gain it all back. It is SO frustrating and NOT worth it!

I've tried to talk to him the last cpl weeks but he's not opening up. I know he will eventually but its making things hard.

ladybg81

I'm the one that gets distant. When that happens, I send him away for a weekend and then things are back to normal. He is one of those needy people who wants to be with me all the time. I am very independant and need my space. You have to have the chance to miss someone sometimes. Maybe that might help to just have some space for a few days. My husband was gone this past weekend for 3 days and I was so happy when he got back. I really missed him. Just a thought.

luvinlaurakate

Someone asked earlier about your husband being deployed? If he just got back his being distant could be attributed to that.

Dtrmnd86

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I have been in similar situations when my fiance's work gets super busy. He isn't a venting/talkative person so when this happens, he seems distant and almost like he's hiding things from me. I feel terrible and it hurts. I found that talking to him about it (not in an accusing way) has helped. I understand that he isn't talkative about work, but I explained how it makes me feel. We both agreed to work together to fix it. If I feel he is distant, I'll start up a conversation asking about work and how things are going in his life. Maybe he is just stressed out and by being distant he thinks he will shield you from some of it. Good luck, and remember a little communication goes a long way.

v_addison

I agree with everyone saying that you need communication, I have gone through this myself and the only thing that helped was talking it out. As well, I would suggest taking a good long look at your profile picture. Because I think you're gorgeous! Stick to it girl and if you want to friend me, I would love that!

bluegirl10

I just wanted to stop by and say that you are absolutely beautiful :flowerforyou: I really mean it. You have amazing eyes and a really sincere smile

I hope you can sit down and discuss this with your husband, maybe he is feeling sad or worried about something and isn't noticing that he is distant.

This Exactly!... My husband and I learned when we first started dating that communication was going to be the key in good times and not so good times, so just be open and talk to him... Have a great day!

missikay1970

his being distant most likely has nothing to do with you. your feeling ugly/unattractive is a result of you thinking that he is distancing himself from you. it's a vicious cycle b/c once you feel bad about yourself, he can pick-up on it and that is unattractive in itself. i FORCE myself to do at least one positive thing for myself every day. usually it's working-out but sometimes it's treating myself to a pedicure or even just window-shopping in my favorite store. you must tell yourself how beautiful you are every.single.day and you will start to believe it! great things will start to happen, even if you never lose another pound, your attitude is 99% of your appeal.

albayin

You're losing weight / getting into shape for you, not for your husband. Lose the weight, and when all those guys start lookin at you like daaaammmnnn (lol) your husband will be jealous...he won't be so distant then!!!

I have to agree with this one.

Best of luck!

reese1206

Things are getting a bit better. Thank you all!!!!!

Nurse_krissy

When I went from 185 lbs down to 130 over 5 yrs ago, my ex-husband (don't worry, we divorced for other reasons!) really struggled with dealing with my success and increased confidence. It may be that he's going through that as well. If that's the case, those are HIS issues, not yours. Just stay on track doing what you've been doing. Deep down, I'm sure you know that giving up your healthy life style in order to bring your relationship closer is a lose-lose situation and you'll end up resenting him.

Dreamer1311

I would just remind myself that I'm doing this for me not for him. It's about my body and my health so I'm going to keep working on it till I get where I want to be

Agree 100%

Did you ask him why he is acting the way he is?

Raf702

Communicate! Ask him straight forward what the problem is. That's the best way of avoiding any assumptions that you would rather not think about. If you honestly think it's about your weight than, it's something that you should decide to do because you want to. And not just to please your husband. You can't make someone truly happy if your not happy yourself.

shawnsasylum

Reese,

You are a beautiful woman. I bet there are a ton of men who wish they could be in his shoes. He just doesn't realize it.

WifeNMama

Well put. Especially the "vavoom" part. I should tell my wife Eileen. No wait--it's ME who's trying to get in shape!

Thanks. I figure I'm licensed, may as well take advantage of that. Haha

cutmd

Tee hee, I'm glad to see a beautiful woman express these thoughts! I am super sensitive to my hubby's moods and try not to let it affect me. I workout for me but sometimes I feel like I eat for him, so when we he is distant I wanna binge! Make sure you fond a workout you enjoy that can be a source of stress relief for you. I find I do more turbofire when we're not getting along!

reese1206

That's how it makes me feel. I'm trying so hard to motivate myself but I'm sucking at it... LOL.

Tee hee, I'm glad to see a beautiful woman express these thoughts! I am super sensitive to my hubby's moods and try not to let it affect me. I workout for me but sometimes I feel like I eat for him, so when we he is distant I wanna binge! Make sure you fond a workout you enjoy that can be a source of stress relief for you. I find I do more turbofire when we're not getting along!

mrsmellymac

Have you asked him what was wrong? Sometimes guys just need their space. The key to a successful relationship is communication! Don't hound him, but let him know that you are there when he's ready to talk! I hope things get better. It sucks, I hate it when my hubs is distant. I think men get "periods" worse than women, almost like I'm taking care of two babies.

rachie590

Thanks for posting this. I'm not married, but my boyfriend and I live together and this distant thing has bothered me more than anything in our relationship. He is a great guy and treats me wonderful and he is most definitely not a cheater. I always feel like such a brat when I get upset b/c of his being distant. It's always work/stress related. I regret that the only way I have found this out is by bottling it up until I end up confronting him and crying my eyes out and asking him if he wants to break up. It's happened about 3 times since we have been dating (4 years). I thought that I was just unlucky in being in love with someone who gets like this from time to time........until now!! It's so refreshing to see all of these posts about husbands who get distant when they are stressed. I'm extremely private about my relationship and don't talk about my "problems" with my friends...so I have missed out on this advice.

I just have to say this has changed how I think completely!!! Although I am madly in love with my boyfriend and he is with me too, I have often wondered if it would be normal to choose to be with someone forever who goes through these periods of grumpiness/distance. Now I have none of those reservations b/c I see that it is a completely normal cycle of relationships!

I just can't thank you enough for sharing this!!
Ps- You are gorgeous and I don't know if you run...but running is my favorite outlet for frustration and bonus it makes you look great!!

yevasdottir

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. He might have nothing more to give at the moment.

AnninStPaul

first, you are gorgeous. second, this could be just about him and not a reflection on you. it probably has NOTHING to do with anything you have or have not done. :bigsmile:

it probably is something at work or what have you; you probably can't solve it (and he probably won't want you too, because he's a guy....), but listening could be good for him and get you out of your funk.