Does anyone else find it hard to accept a compliment?

laneybird

I have, and have always had, a problem with accepting compliments. Whether it be at work, home, weight loss, etc. I do a dang good job at work and I know that, but when I am complimented on any work I will say "Thank you..." but then usually something like "I could probably always do better" or something like that. My bf thinks I am gorgeous and always has, but I don't see it. I'll say "Thank you..." and it's usually followed by "I don't see what you see" or I have even called him Shallow Hal lol.
When it comes to weight loss I get compliments on how great I am looking and how I have lost so much in a relatively short amount of time. I'll say "Thank you..." but it is almost always followed by "but I have still got a long ways to go" or "I'm not even halfway there"
The only thing that I can almost accept a compliment about is about being a good mom. That means the world to me for someone to tell me that.

Anyways, am I the only one who has a hard time accepting compliments? I get frustrated with myself for being that way. For anyone who maybe is like that or used to be like that, have you found a way to be able to accept them better?

BeautyFromPain

i can't accept them at all

beatlemom

I can be that way sometimes. You just gotta remember that YOU are your own worst critic. If you bf thinks you are beautiful-you are. Especially to him. If your boss says you do a good job-you did. (my experience with bosses is that they rarely compliment unless they have good reason). And if someone compliments you on your weight loss (which, btw is incredible) be proud! You are obviously working hard at it and deserve some praise!

maysflower

You're not alone. I can't take a compliment either.

TwiFan5

Your not the only one, I find it really hard to accept compliments and I hate it.

rwink40

I always find it hard to accept a compliment. My son always gets mad and says, can't you just say thank you instead of running yourself down. If someone compliments you they mean it. So now even though it is still tough I say thank you first!

harmonysdream

I can't accept a compliment...at best I get very awkward feeling, and at worst I feel like they are just saying it to say something nice. I never believe them

maureendonahue

I have the same issue-although I am doing better at it. For me, a lot of it comes down to confidence. As the weight has gone down, I am feeling better about myself and it is helping me believe in myself more.

xAdrianax

Yeah i used to be like that, now heres what i do....


Randomn person: 'You look great'
Me: 'Thanks' (BIG CHEESY SMILE)

Thats all i say and the smile is big and cheesy coz i earnt it and so did you!!!

You havent lost all this weight to then add on excuses to why you should not be complimented.

HeatherMarie1174

I have the same problem ... I guess it's after hearing all the bad comments most of my life, it's hard to believe the good ones, if that makes sense. I am working on it though ...

Sixalicious

Same here. I've always had a hard time accepting compliments, but even more so now. People are always telling me how great I look, but it always makes me feel like, wow, was I a total dog before? lol I know that's not the case, but that's how it makes me feel sometimes. I usually try to say "thank you" and move on to another subject.

GreenGettingLean

Same here! I always feel the need to point out a negative or "correct" the person and it's kinda embarrassing! I second the poster above who said just grin and say "thank you!"

chrisbcats

I personally don't like the attention; unless it is from my husband . Having other people compliment me, means they noticed me. I don’t want to be noticed. I guess you will just have to accept the attention, just like all the other gorgeous people

blarics11

It is ok to feel uncomfortable when getting complments, infact it shows how humble you are. However Please DON'T insult yourself! Just say thankyou, thanks, yup I have been working on it or I am making health my main priority.....practice them so you don't get thrown off when someone does compliment you.
It might even help to go to the bathroom mirror and say to your self "I am doing a wonderful job and I deserve to be complimented, I am a beautiful person and I deserve to be loved! "

You can be your own worst enemy or your best friend! after I had my first son I worked hard to lose all the weight and i looked awesome....but i didn't think so and everytime i would look in the mirror I would pick apart all of my flaws, everyone saw my beauty but me. I see it now when i look at the old pics and I regret wasting time letting my poor self esstem control me.

debswebby

My mum always told me that you should ALWAYS accept a compliment with good grace. Smile and say "thank you" even if you think they are crazy. Not accepting the compliment is like throwing it back at them. People don't compliment you unless they mean it. If you throw it back at the person, they'll be less likely to do it again.
x

Luandanielle1979

I dont think anyone graciously accepts comments over their appearance without feeling a bit silly. yet when I get praised in work for a good job I really love to be appreaciated and get good feedback because I have worked hard and feel like I do deserve it. Its mad really because when Im being heathly and looking after myself this is also really hard work and surley I should feel like I deserve the compiment but I dont so I completely get where your coming from.

I do secretly like it when somebody notices I look slimmer It does make me feel good about myself x

cookc04

I don't always correct a person - but sometimes I do... I always do in my head.
But I still accept the compliment with a sincere 'Thank you' because I think they intended it to be taken well.

You Look Well/Nice
can mean...
That Bra/Shapewear is working for you
and You look nice

It can also mean you look happy.

But whenever somebody compliments my clothes I have to tell them how cheap it was or where I got it from.

I don't think I am that pretty or hot but I wear a smile very well.

lombrica

I have always found it much easier to hear the negatives vs the positives... I am such the generous, giving person - that I think I have trouble with the whole having attention focused on me. I am a problem-solver by nature, so if it's constructive (or, not so constructive) I can go and "fix" something -- but what do you do with positive feedback?!? ha, ha, ha.

Compliments are tricky... especially when it comes to this weight release journey. For me, I don't want anyone to think that I don't realize JUST where exactly I am at. Yep, I am almost at 100 pounds gone... but it's hard because people want to comment and know the number and I won't say it out loud because I don't want the inevitable -- "You still look like THAT after that much weight loss?" Initially, I said "a little" but that didn't seem to fly. Plus, I know that we all need to be better about accepting compliments so I needed to practice what I "preach" so I am saying Thank You - though will still, if needed, pull out a humor statement to get moving to another topic (remember, I hate the questions about numbers) such as "Well... I haven't really lost it because that would imply I am trying to find it and I don't plan to find it again."

In the end all I can say is that we judge ourselves and see ourselves in our own unique way. Sometimes, we just have to TRUST those that love us and those who don't really even know us so have no investment in what we feel. If someone is saying something or telling us something good -- fake it until you make it. Eventually, it will be easier and we will realize and KNOW that what they are saying is true!

frankie2637

I find it really hard. My boyfriend compliments me all the time. He will tell me I am beautiful and amazing and I just look at him and have no idea how to react. Usually just laugh it off and say "yeah right". I have no idea what he sees at all. Compliments in any form are hard to deal with.

courtskey83

What helps me is giving compliments myself. "you look great." "Thank you, you are looking really well also." Silly, but it turns the attention off of me, ha!

Seriously though, I just think about how I feel when I give someone a compliment, and they don't accept it. It makes you feel like crap and like you don't want to compliment them again. I know people like that, who I tell them they are looking pretty or whatever (because they are!) and they say, "Oh, well I think I look fat." After 5 or so times of that, I just stop complimenting them. Their lack of self confidence is frustrating. So when someone compliments me, I make sure to NOT make the compliment-er feel that way. I always smile really big and sweetly say thank you.

NovemberJune

Only for weight loss. i think it's rude for people other than close friends/family or people on a weight loss forum obviously to comment on people's weight. so i think it's rude when people at work say anything about my weight. that's just me i guess. if my husband or my mom or a close friend said something, then i would be happy

phocid

Internally, yes of course. Someone years ago told me to learn to say Thank you and then shut up already! Now, even though my HEAD wants me to say "but...[insert self-deprecating comment here]" I replace that with "that is so kind of you to say" or "I like your [insert compliment back]". Try it! Be super conscious of it. Eventually, it becomes second nature to quiet the "but" monster.

laneybird

Thanks everyone!! Glad that I am not the only one who is like that. I'm hoping as my self-confidence gets better that I will be able to receive compliments better as well.

Oh, and Thank You to those who complimented me (I will stop typing now so I won't "argue" )

laneybird

Internally, yes of course. Someone years ago told me to learn to say Thank you and then shut up already! Now, even though my HEAD wants me to say "but...[insert self-deprecating comment here]" I replace that with "that is so kind of you to say" or "I like your [insert compliment back]". Try it! Be super conscious of it. Eventually, it becomes second nature to quiet the "but" monster.

I totally agree! I am one of those who hands out compliments all of the time. I just find it hard to accept them... it aggravates me. But, I am going to try to make an effort to only say "Thank you!" and internally argue lol

Christi6604

The thing that helped me the most with this was someone explaining to me how rude they thought it was. That I was basically calling them a liar. So I practiced biting my tongue and it got a bit easier.


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jmruef

I'm getting better at accepting compliments. I've learned that people can be sincere about it and I don't need to question motives. I can smile and say "Thanks" and go on without getting all paranoid about why they're bothering to be nice.

That leads me to something I've been thinking about here on the forum, though:

A lot of posts on MFP are related to coworkers/family members who are insensitive to our weight loss/health efforts. I see things qutie often about how my [coworker/spouse/sig other/family member] said something along the lines of "you don't need to lose any more weight" or "you're obsessed" or "come on, you can have just one donut/cookie/whatever." The reaction from the poster in these cases has been one of frustration, that they weren't being supported, understood, etc. The follow up posts have generally been in support of the OP.

But...and there are exceptions, I realize...what if the people saying those things are actually trying to compliment you on the job you're doing? "Wow, you don't need to lose any more weight" could be translated into "You're looking really good!" rather than "I'm not supporting you in your efforts because I think you're nuts." "You can eat a cookie" could mean "You look like you can afford to eat a cookie without blowing your diet" - I'm not sure I see what's wrong with that. Yeah, it might not be the most understanding thing in the world, but there could be a positive message there.

Like I said, there are exceptions. Some people truly don't get it and can be downright hurtful, and that's wrong. I do think, however, people with self-worth issues (and I'm including myself in this group) who are beginning to NOT have self-worth issues anymore, are on pretty fragile ground. We want to be complimented, we want to be okay with ourselves, BUT...when we get a compliment, we evaluate it (and the person giving it) for any possible signs of someone cutting us down. I sometimes think we manufacture those signs - it gives us a reason to build ourselves up and reassure ourselves that yes, we ARE okay.

Example:

My coworker offers me a cookie. I decline. Coworker says, "Come on, you've been dieting for AGES. One isn't going to kill you."

Initial reaction: Coworker is an inconsiderate SOB who doesn't realize that I'm on this journey for GOOD and trying to stay away from crap food like cookies.

Other possibility (because I know my coworker isn't an inconsiderate SOB - s/he's actually a really good person): Coworker ha noticed that I'm getting in shape, eating really healthy. Coworker knows that eating a cookie isn't going to derail a healthy eating plan but doesn't understand the depth of my commitment to really healthy eating or that cookies are a trigger food for me. Coworker's real intent is to compliment me on my hard work, because s/he knows that weight is a touchy subject and saying anything outright might be taken the wrong way.

Is that making any sense? This is me just thinkin' me thinks - I'm not a psychologist or behaviorist or anything like that. I just think we do enough putting ourselves down - accepting compliments (my opinion, again!) is something to get better at.

Phew! Thanks for reading all this, if you made it this far. :flowerforyou: