talking to a loved one about weight loss

caramel1920

I have a similar issue with my Daughter.
My wife and I have been trying to get her to realize that she is gaining weight and she needs to "nip it" now while she is only 15 pounds overwight rather than when she is 50 pounds overweight. she is only 18 and living away from home. We hear all the time how she is "working out" but when we saw her recently we could tell she had gained. It's a struggle as a parent to give the tough love speech but that's what we did. I plan on introducing her to this sight when we bring her home this weekend.

Did any of you have your parents give you a talk about weight? and if they did, did you resent them for that?

Ed

It's not what you say it's how you say it! I have been overweight my entire adult life, and for years my parents would tell me I need to lose weight for my health, but it was always the topic of conversation..."you need to lose weight, oh yeah happy birthday" that sort of thing. And my mother would badger me about my weight and then offer me food all in one breath. And when I am trying to make healthy changes, she complains that I'm not eating enough or I'm working out too hard, or the gym will make me sick with all the germs and bacteria! I mean I love my parents but it has been a little nutty. Since I've come into my 30s however, they have both backed off I think they see I needed to find my own way as hard as it is for them! I know they want me happy and healthy, and I want the same for them! But as far as resenting them, I don't...I did but now I don't!:happy:

Creiche

This is something I have struggled with as well since my mom has been overweight my entire life and is now dealing with several health issues including diabetes. She has lost some weight recently doing things "her way" (not sure what that entails), but doesn't exercise and can't do too much because of an injured knee.

I don't have a good answer for you, but I just try to talk to her about my struggles and success, conveying how great it feels to eat healthy and stay active. My hope is that I'll inspire her to make some changes herself, but as others have said, you can't force anybody to take action...they have to want it. I'm guessing your mom is a bit like mine (and my former self) and takes comfort and solace to some level in food...it makes her feel better to eat, and until she addresses that root issue, it will be difficult for her to succeed. Continue being supportive of her and positive, and hopefully she'll come to you for help and guidance when she gets serious about weight loss.

ivyjbres

Maybe don't approach it as a weight thing, but as a health thing.

I've tried to pretend that I care about my weight, but bottom line, I don't. Yeah, I know I should, but almost everyone in my family has been big at some point or another, and we make pleasant looking fat people, so the number on the scale, or on the tag of my pants, isn't an issue for me.

What I want is to be able to work out every day (or almost every day) like I used to when I was younger. What I want is to feel better and not be in constant pain. What I want is to be able to control my blood sugar (hypoglycemia) and not feel like crap. I've found in the past week that going low fat will help with that, and so far, I do feel better and have lost a pound, so that's nice.

Maybe help her find healthy changes that will help her feel better, and maybe weight loss will be a side affect.

maidentl

It's been my experience that there's nothing YOU can do. My mother was overweight and developed hypertension and some other health issues. At the time (well over a decade ago), I had lost about 15-20 pounds. She asked me how I did it, I explained it to her and she got on board. She has gone up and down a little over the years since but she never got that big again.

My in-laws on the other hand are not to be reasoned with. My FIL is obese, has diabetes, suffers from gout and has had a small stroke. My MIL had heart surgery about 15 or so years ago and used to smoke like a chimney. My husband did try to talk some sense into them but his father finally told him to drop it, they wanted to "die happy." My MIL was always pointing out perfectly healthy people who dropped dead as proof that it doesn't matter what you do. She suffered a massive stroke two years ago and that's why she doesn't smoke anymore. She survived but at present she's confined to a wheelchair. I can't really blame her anymore, as my FIL now provides her food but nothing has changed. They don't get it and they don't WANT to get it.

You can approach her, but unless she wants it, it's not going to happen. It's absolutely heartbreaking to watch, I know, but it's all you can do.

downtome

Most importanly, a person has to want to do it for themselves, same goes with anything in life, such as quitting drugs, alcohole etc. I can understand where you are coming from. I have a 19yr old son who is about 100lbs overweight and he has heart problems, high blood pressure,thyroid problems, and smokes a lot of pot. Not only is he not taking his doctor prescribed meds because my exhusband has all our kids brain washed that doctors don't know anything and you don't need medications, i believe that my son is in severe denial of how many calories he eats everyday and that boy can eat! It scares me to death, and i can talk to him about it until i am blue in the face which i have, but he has to want to make the changes. Unfortunately, he just isn't ready yet and i hope that by the time he is, it isn't too late! All i can do at this point is pray alot for him and hope he will see the light sooner than later. Well wishes to your mom.