How do you get judged?
brittanyjeanxo
Posts: 1,831 Member
We all know that people judge--it is basic human nature. If you say you've never judged anyone before, think again. If you say no one has ever judged you before, you're probably crazy :laugh: How have people judged you before? Did you tell them they were wrong? i.e., people think just because I'm (fill in the blank) means I'm (fill in the blank.)
Mine would be that people assume and have told me before that because I don't pay rent where I live and that I got very few hours at my last job must mean that all I do is sit around. They think I have nothing to worry about, no stress, etc. and that my life is just so easy. My classmates who are all at least 4 years older, at most 30 years older than me think that of me. I had one woman actually say "Some of us actually HAVE a life and don't have time to study like you do." Here's the problem with that; just because I don't work AS MUCH and don't have 7 kids, doesn't mean I don't have a life. Also, I DON'T study! I have a 4.0 because I pay attention in class rather than talking like everyone else does. If she payed attention, she may actually absorb at least a little information. But she's constantly talking instead.
How about you?
Mine would be that people assume and have told me before that because I don't pay rent where I live and that I got very few hours at my last job must mean that all I do is sit around. They think I have nothing to worry about, no stress, etc. and that my life is just so easy. My classmates who are all at least 4 years older, at most 30 years older than me think that of me. I had one woman actually say "Some of us actually HAVE a life and don't have time to study like you do." Here's the problem with that; just because I don't work AS MUCH and don't have 7 kids, doesn't mean I don't have a life. Also, I DON'T study! I have a 4.0 because I pay attention in class rather than talking like everyone else does. If she payed attention, she may actually absorb at least a little information. But she's constantly talking instead.
How about you?
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That's the world we live in. I say screw that lady in your class and do what works for you. :drinker:
Some of my clients think that because I have nice things that they don't have to pay for services rendered.0 -
Only God Can Judge Me -2Pac0
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<<<<<<Judgy McJudgerson
Friends have told me that I'm a spoiled brat (at 52 LOL) with an easy life. It's partly true. It can change overnight so I don't let it bother me. My time is coming.
I judge and will continue to do so but I do it less and less as I get older.0 -
That because I have purple hair and a nose ring, I am going to kill and eat their children (I swear that's what the looks in their faces say...)
That my life is stress-free because I am a grad student who does independent contracting work (which allows me to travel).
That when I ask for the gluten-free section, it's because I'm one of those fad dieters that thinks it's trendy.0 -
The hell with her. You have your own life. Let her continue to cry about hers by wanting yours.0
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The hell with her. You have your own life. Let her continue to cry about hers by wanting yours.
Haha, exactly. This woman is CONSTANTLY finding little ways to put me down. If I make any mention that I'm okay with how I look, all of a sudden I'm the most vain person she's ever met. :huh: What, am I supposed to hate myself? lol0 -
That's the world we live in. I say screw that lady in your class and do what works for you. :drinker:
Some of my clients think that because I have nice things that they don't have to pay for services rendered.
If you don't mind my asking, what do you do? I'm just trying to think of a job that would lead to that, and the only thing I can think of is maybe a lawyer?0 -
I have been judged harshly for being a lesbian and an atheist. I've lost both friends and family because of both aspects, and that's fine with me because if someone cannot like/love me for who I am then I have no place for them in my life anyway. Luckily I work in a field that is strongly based in science, and most of the people I encounter are fairly rational, but before I was in this field I was discriminated against in school and employment...especially school. Anyway, things have gotten better and they'll continue to get better, and maybe someday the masses will realise that judging others for such things is just silly, pointless, and completely irrelevant to their existence.0
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I heard a lot growing up that people thought I was a snobby ***** because I was so shy I couldn't talk to anyone until I got to know them. Then they always said "I can't believe I thought you were going to be like that!" lol I still keep to myself a lot when I'm new some place, after I get used to my surroundings people think I'm funny and just a little bit crazy, but always admit they weren't sure about me in the beginning.0
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People think that because I live at home and work 2 jobs I have no debt and loads of money banked up.
They don't bother to question, 1) WHY I live at home and 2) WHY I work two jobs.
No I don't need to work 2 jobs but to fulfil my dreams at this point in my life I do need that extra cash.0 -
The major judgment i get is because im a young mum I had my first child at age 18 last year of high school im now 25 and have 3 children
they all have the same father and we are very much in love and happy we have been together 7 years nows but we are not married because we are not religous, because of this people assume im poor that im on welfare that we are lazy irresponsible etc when they hear how many children ive wgot how young i had them and my marriage status
the fact is we are very happy and succesful have not used welfare at all he went to university and is now in a very well paying career and is very succesful we have a house and a investment a car all the normal things in life that people assume we cant/shouldnt have we dont recieve any kind of welfare and have what i think is a pretty awesome life still people seem to dispise as for this and continue to treat us like we are second class and judge us the funny thing is some of these people who judge us are on welfare dont work etc and still feel like that just because im younger some how they are better0 -
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That's the world we live in. I say screw that lady in your class and do what works for you. :drinker:
Some of my clients think that because I have nice things that they don't have to pay for services rendered.
If you don't mind my asking, what do you do? I'm just trying to think of a job that would lead to that, and the only thing I can think of is maybe a lawyer?
I have my own tax preparation/accounting business. I work my hardest at the beginning of the year to enjoy time with family for the remaining part. It's great if you like numbers and have the patience.0 -
Keep up the good work at school and try to ignore the folks who talk down to you. They are probably just jealous-- don't let them get to you and make you feel bitter. Keep the good attitude.
I confess I have been guilty of being envious of people in similar situations as yours. Or sometimes I think back to younger days and how good life was back then. When in fact life today is actually quite good, just different than before. If I remind myself about that and try to be more thankful for what I have instead of wanting what others have, the poor attitude dissipates.
But to answer your Q about gettign judged, for me it is probably most often about looks/race (people assume or say a lot of dumb race-related things based on the way I look). Oh and my hubby and I sometimes also get the "you're not rich enough for me to bother with" vibe from salespeople, which is actually kind of funny.0 -
I have been judged harshly for being a lesbian and an atheist. I've lost both friends and family because of both aspects, and that's fine with me because if someone cannot like/love me for who I am then I have no place for them in my life anyway. Luckily I work in a field that is strongly based in science, and most of the people I encounter are fairly rational, but before I was in this field I was discriminated against in school and employment...especially school. Anyway, things have gotten better and they'll continue to get better, and maybe someday the masses will realise that judging others for such things is just silly, pointless, and completely irrelevant to their existence.
You're a badass. Props to you for being true to yourself and not letting the ignorance of others bring you down! And hell yeah to science!0 -
My husband and I get judged because we are heavily tattooed and have gauged ears. Here's the thing, he's got over $3000 of work on him, and I'm close to $1500. We aren't degenerates. He's got an electronics degree and I work for a successful optical office in addition to having my Cosmetology teachers license.
I get judged because I have a huge chest. I go into an auto parts stores and get called "Sweet heart" or "Darling". No, don't pull that. I can't buy a car or anything having to do with my car because I never get taken seriously.
When I did hair, I got a lot of this "So...did you just apply here?" And (no offense to anyone here who is one, because I admire them) I got a LOT of the "So are you a single mom?" Which 1. is extremely rude, and 2. why the hell would you assume just because someone is a cosmetologist, they're a single mom? I got tired of it. No, I'm not. I paid close to $30,000 to get my degree. I can TEACH. I'm not just some bimbo who clipper cuts your kids. I had to learn the science behind hair, the chemical reactions, and not just "When you put this with this, you get this" I literally had chemistry classes in order to teach. UGH.
I also get judged because typically on my day off, I SLUM IT OUT. I'm all about the sweats and hoodies, especially in the winter. Straight up bum. Because I work 40+ hours a week, dressed up. I'm not getting glammed up on my day off. I'm lucky if I leave the house. So I get a lot of the "She doesn't have money" looks, I get ignored if I go into a Macy's or higher end stores.
And the last one that sticks out, and the most hurtful one, is people assume because my husband and I don't have kids, that we don't want them. When people realize I'm married, they always have a million questions because almost EVERY person who knows how old I am gives me the "You're too young to be married." Then when they find out we've been married for as long as we have, they get even more in my business. "Do you have kids?" I say no. Then "Are you trying?" I answer yes. The worst response I ever got was "Well what's stopping you?" I literally burst into tears. How insensitive. Honestly. Most of my coworkers and employees know my situation. They know not the exact issues, but that we are having issues. And maybe it's just me, maybe it's because of our situation, but I NEVER get too into the child area. IF I ask, it's do you have kids, end of story unless they have them. It's especially hurtful because I know it's me. It's not like he's got a low sperm count or anything, I've gotten pregnant numerous times. I just can't carry, at least I haven't been able to yet.
Some people are just rude. I will say though, I have some friends and coworkers who pull the "Oh I never judge". Really? I'd respect you more if you just admitted you did. It's completely human nature. Just like people who say "Looks don't matter." Liars. You know they do to a degree. You have to be attracted to that person at least a little, and maybe it's their personality that makes them attractive, that's fine. But you're still attracted to them. If that makes sense.
What a thought provoking post! I commend you!!0 -
that becuase my boyfriend pays the rent or for grocerys when we buy them together im a mooch
becuase i have tattoos and lip rings im some mean scary person
that becuase i rub my belly randomly now and again that im pregnant.. ( this one really bugs me )0 -
Being a vegetarian. I don't care if you eat meat... But when you see tofu, or a meat replacement, don't go out of your way to tell me how gross you think it is. I'm not nice enough to just let it go... I'll probably punch you in the teeth.
Being 23 and married to a 21 year old. Being told I'm too young never gets old... Just because you've been divorced 3 times doesn't mean I'm going to. You've had kids, that means your divorce rate increased 90%. I'm not having kids.
Oh and my tattoos keep me from getting jobs. But then if I take my metrics or stats into the interview, they feel stupid because I'm usually the most productive employee at my jobs...0 -
Being a vegetarian. I don't care if you eat meat... But when you see tofu, or a meat replacement, don't go out of your way to tell me how gross you think it is. I'm not nice enough to just let it go... I'll probably punch you in the teeth.
Being 23 and married to a 21 year old. Being told I'm too young never gets old... Just because you've been divorced 3 times doesn't mean I'm going to. You've had kids, that means your divorce rate increased 90%. I'm not having kids.
Oh and my tattoos keep me from getting jobs. But then if I take my metrics or stats into the interview, they feel stupid because I'm usually the most productive employee at my jobs...
I'm pretty sure you're the male version of me, to be honest haha.0 -
I'm pretty sure you're the male version of me, to be honest haha.
We're going to get along just fine then. =P0 -
My husband is a pastor, so people assume I am the typical pastor's wife in the South. So, you can imagine the assumptions that go along with that. It really pisses me off that people assume things about my marriage based on whether or not I bake cookies or make it to every single Bible study. People also assume that I am close-minded and judgemental because I am a Christian. We are not all like that, I promise
I am also a doctoral student, so many people assume that I am a snob and I think I am better than them (which I don't). My family assumes that I am lazy, because I am in school instead of working. On the other hand, I get judged by people in the church because I am not a stay-at-home mom. I think people in the church mostly think of my going to school as a cute little hobby, except when it interferes with baking cookies...and no, I don't play the piano. So, pretty much no matter what I do someone thinks some crap about it.
Honestly, I don't care anymore. I know who I am and my husband loves me for who I am. The rest of them can suck it!!0 -
Being a vegetarian. I don't care if you eat meat... But when you see tofu, or a meat replacement, don't go out of your way to tell me how gross you think it is. I'm not nice enough to just let it go... I'll probably punch you in the teeth.
Being 23 and married to a 21 year old. Being told I'm too young never gets old... Just because you've been divorced 3 times doesn't mean I'm going to. You've had kids, that means your divorce rate increased 90%. I'm not having kids.
Oh and my tattoos keep me from getting jobs. But then if I take my metrics or stats into the interview, they feel stupid because I'm usually the most productive employee at my jobs...
I hate that! I'm not a vegetarian myself, I love meat too much. But, I respect the ones especially that are vegetarian by choice, that used to eat meat, because if they're anything like me it's hard to do. The only comment to my veg friends that I've ever made was basically saying, I don't know how you do it. I like meat too much to give it up, with a chuckle. I don't think that's bad, it's basically saying they're stronger than I am lol.
I get the too young thing too because I have a fiance. Some people are just cynical and don't think it will work for you because it didn't work for them.0 -
My husband is a pastor, so people assume I am the typical pastor's wife in the South. So, you can imagine the assumptions that go along with that. It really pisses me off that people assume things about my marriage based on whether or not I bake cookies or make it to every single Bible study. People also assume that I am close-minded and judgemental because I am a Christian. We are not all like that, I promise
I am also a doctoral student, so many people assume that I am a snob and I think I am better than them (which I don't). My family assumes that I am lazy, because I am in school instead of working. On the other hand, I get judged by people in the church because I am not a stay-at-home mom. I think people in the church mostly think of my going to school as a cute little hobby, except when it interferes with baking cookies...and no, I don't play the piano. So, pretty much no matter what I do someone thinks some crap about it.
Honestly, I don't care anymore. I know who I am and my husband loves me for who I am. The rest of them can suck it!!
So wonderful to meet a religious person like you that isn't closed minded like so many religious people are. You always hear about the bad ones, so people assume they are ALL like that. To be honest, church folk are some of THE most judgmental people I've ever met (not all by any means, but a lot where I'm from). Some of them would be the first to tell you that only God can judge, then turn around and be the first to judge you when you say you live with someone you aren't married to. Anyway, it really sucks you get judged that way! I think a lot of people have that misconception, that everyone who goes to church bakes cookies and plays pianos and only listens to gospel music. It's just not the truth.0 -
Most men envy me. I'm a stay at home dad with a part time job (by choice) as a Personal Trainer/Group Fitness instructor not working more than 10 hours a week. I work out when I want, and get to do all the cooking so the family has to eat what I make. I get to kick it at home, watch movies, but best of all I get to be a dad to my daughter and a husband to my wife. Yeah, life is good.
However I have had people on forums call me a wimp for letting my wife bring home the bacon, and not manly enough since I do all the housework, laundry, cleaning, etc. IMO, they're jealous of my situation.0 -
Most men envy me. I'm a stay at home dad with a part time job (by choice) as a Personal Trainer/Group Fitness instructor not working more than 10 hours a week. I work out when I want, and get to do all the cooking so the family has to eat what I make. I get to kick it at home, watch movies, but best of all I get to be a dad to my daughter and a husband to my wife. Yeah, life is good.
However I have had people on forums call me a wimp for letting my wife bring home the bacon, and not manly enough since I do all the housework, laundry, cleaning, etc. IMO, they're jealous of my situation.
I'd love to be you. I also agree they are jealous, because you ROCK!
For me, I would say that people assume I'm stupid. Its ok with me that they think that, because looks can be deceiving. :bigsmile:0 -
Most men envy me. I'm a stay at home dad with a part time job (by choice) as a Personal Trainer/Group Fitness instructor not working more than 10 hours a week. I work out when I want, and get to do all the cooking so the family has to eat what I make. I get to kick it at home, watch movies, but best of all I get to be a dad to my daughter and a husband to my wife. Yeah, life is good.
However I have had people on forums call me a wimp for letting my wife bring home the bacon, and not manly enough since I do all the housework, laundry, cleaning, etc. IMO, they're jealous of my situation.
I think that is awesome! My husband would probably be better suited for being a stay-at-home parent than I am. Every family has to work it out in their own way. You are giving your daughter a great gift by being so involved in her life (and yourself one as well). I don't care what other men say, it takes a real man to step up and truly be there for his family!0 -
People think just because I'm a woman means I should be doing more girly things & less athletic. Man I hate that one because eversince I'm being a sporty & I don't like girly stuff.
People think just because I live in a different country means I'm acting similar to them.0 -
Most men envy me. I'm a stay at home dad with a part time job (by choice) as a Personal Trainer/Group Fitness instructor not working more than 10 hours a week. I work out when I want, and get to do all the cooking so the family has to eat what I make. I get to kick it at home, watch movies, but best of all I get to be a dad to my daughter and a husband to my wife. Yeah, life is good.
However I have had people on forums call me a wimp for letting my wife bring home the bacon, and not manly enough since I do all the housework, laundry, cleaning, etc. IMO, they're jealous of my situation.
my dad was a stay at home work now and then dad too and he did an amazing job with me and my 2 brothers ( even tho he turned us into huge goofy nerds ) and thats probably why ive always been a daddys girl lol , i think thats great what your doing0
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