Crapstorm

emilydmac
emilydmac Posts: 382 Member
edited October 3 in Health and Weight Loss
Edited because I have heard from you guys what I needed to hear, my gut agrees with most of you.

Replies

  • blisterpeanuts
    blisterpeanuts Posts: 67 Member
    Dump Eric.
  • kfitz10103
    kfitz10103 Posts: 354
    It sounds like time for an ultimatum. You have to be prepared for him choosing her over you though. Just try to think about how this will be affecting you in the next five years. Is this something you can allow to continue? Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? I know it is hard, but you have to let Eric know how to treat you. You should be number one and if this behavior bothers you he needs to respect that. Please think hard about this before you do it. Make sure you know what you want to say. How it makes you feel and how you want to be treated. Try to talk to him when you are both calm and make sure you stay on the topic at hand. Good luck to you.
  • Cathyjgl
    Cathyjgl Posts: 3
    RUN as fast as you can in the opposite direction of Eric. No one deserves this kind of crap storm - no one!
  • kimbux
    kimbux Posts: 154 Member
    Dump Eric.

    That is the best advice you can get. It's obvious you are not a priority to him so marrying him will not change that. Find someone who will treat you like a Princess. Good luck and be STRONG!
  • Joolzann
    Joolzann Posts: 3
    Dump Eric.

    Agreed
  • randa_behnam
    randa_behnam Posts: 488 Member
    er clearly Eric has no respect for you! what the hell are you still doing with this man??? hes never going to be out of this womans life so is that how you want to spend the rest of yours

    i know it will be hard and suck big time but your better off out of this mess. just think about the peace of mind you will have when you find someone who actually deserves you and puts YOU first.

    he sounds like a moron to be honest. im sorry and i know you love him but was an idiot for going to see her. an ex is in the past and if he cant leave her behind then your never going to be his one and only!
  • treehugginpam
    treehugginpam Posts: 1,129 Member
    Is this a true story? It sounds like a movie or something...a movie that doesn't end well. If this is a true story, why would you stay with a man who puts the needs of a woman WHO TRIED TO KILL YOU over your needs?
  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
    Get the heck outta Dodge and don't look back. Obviously Eric finds this acceptable, which means you should not find Eric acceptable. You deserve much better. Run.
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
    and he is so good to me

    No, he's really not. I'm sorry but if he won't protect you, you need to move on. For your own safety.
  • sharonsjones
    sharonsjones Posts: 574 Member
    Dump Eric.

    Agreed

    I also agree
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    Wow,while she may be "sick",you are his fiancee,you are going to be his wife. He should want to protect even if he does feel sorry for this person.His inablity to cut this person out of his life compleatly will only fuel her behaviour and what ever mental issues she has going on. What will happen if and when you guys decide to have children? You need to lay this all out on the table,and tell him you fear for your saftey.I know you love him,and probobly do not like the idea of possibly having to end the relationship,but isnt your saftey and life more important?
    And if she ever puts hands on you again you need to file charges not hope that he will,you were well withen your rights to do that when she broke into your place
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    Your going to have to get away from that. Its not going to change. Whats your intent with Eric? fun or marriage?
    If its marriage, its only going to get worse. Worse than you can possibly imagine.
    If you are just having fun, go date, your 19 and sentencing yourself to this. Don't give him any one more change stuff, just get out.

    -edit- missed the engagement part. .... RUN
  • beachbumdoug
    beachbumdoug Posts: 171 Member
    You need to dump him and get on with your life, if he really cared, he would not make excuses as to his allowing this behavior to continue.It will not get better, it will continue forever. Take your loss now and move on..
    Good luck!!
  • cantjustcant
    cantjustcant Posts: 1,027 Member
    WOW! Believe me, it is no fun being in a relationship with someone who will not stand up and defend you no matter what. Do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling the way you do right now? He isn't going to change. Sounds like Eric isn't over his ex yet and has to be in the center of all their drama. As hard as it is, you need to run for the door. There is a man out there who will not make you feel the way you are feeling right now. There is man out there who will see what an incredible woman you are and that you deserve more!

    ummmm I hate to bring this up....but you have a full plate! 2 jobs and school and he works part time (right?) and threw a temper tantrum when you forgot something minor a couple of weeks ago? There are red flags waving all over the place!!!!

    Run! Don't do the c25k break up...you know a little bit every day...Go straight for the sprint to the door!
  • Moofey
    Moofey Posts: 444
    Dump him
  • Skyrocket123
    Skyrocket123 Posts: 149 Member
    Dump Eric.

    Agreed

    I also agree

    ^^^ What they said.
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
    Go to your local police department NOW and find out if you can still file charges against her. If you can, file charges. Problem solved. Then dump Eric. You deserve so much freakin' more than this girl.
  • cpegasus01
    cpegasus01 Posts: 400 Member
    It sounds like time for an ultimatum. You have to be prepared for him choosing her over you though. Just try to think about how this will be affecting you in the next five years. Is this something you can allow to continue? Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? I know it is hard, but you have to let Eric know how to treat you. You should be number one and if this behavior bothers you he needs to respect that. Please think hard about this before you do it. Make sure you know what you want to say. How it makes you feel and how you want to be treated. Try to talk to him when you are both calm and make sure you stay on the topic at hand. Good luck to you.

    I agree with this post!
  • maryzcontrary
    maryzcontrary Posts: 70
    Eric is getting SOMETHING out of all this. He obviously enjoys and attracts drama, and has no intention of giving it up. He is telling you this loud and clear. So if you stay, this WILL continue, he has not "changed his mind" about attracting this sort of thing.

    Unfortunately, there are people, who may be good people, that thrive and grow off the drama. I know from experience, I used to live much like you are living now. And I will tell you - he will NOT change because you are pointing all this out to him, or delivering ultimatums, etc. He will only change when HE is motivated to remove all drama from his life.

    The person I was involved with is still continuing this dramatic, frantic life. Me-I removed myself from all drama, and am now happily married to a level, stable person. But the first step for me was to ask myself why I was attracted to and participating in all this drama that this dude was attracting into HIS experience. This was a painful revelation to me - I wanted to keep pointing at him, but there I was, playing right into it as well.

    My mom says that "we write the script and hand it to them" - and any good 12 step program or self-awareness program will tell you that WE need to look at what WE are doing, no matter what "they" are doing to us. Because WE can only change what WE do, say and expose ourselves to.

    In other words, every time you try to convince, complain, extort, answer the phone to this guy, pander to his feelings, try to cooperate, cry, moan, date him, sleep with him, change him, ask him, beg him, talk to him, lecture him - YOU are participating with and an active part of alllllll that insanity.....

    Run, don't walk, away from this guy and his lifestyle choice. Because if he gets rid of the loony tomorrow, but does not change his internal stuff, he will bring you another loony, and another and another. And if you don't look deep inside yourself regarding this lesson that is being presented you, you will attract another drama-filled situation.......over, and over, till you learn what is being taught you.......
  • ncole3
    ncole3 Posts: 164
    She PHYSICALLY hurt us really badly and I cannot forgive her for trying to strangle me, much less rub her hands all over my fiance and insert herself in our business. I have tried talking to Eric about this, but he gets angry because he thinks I am judging her and attacking her because she is 'sick'. He wants to protect her.

    It is time to protect yourself. Your priority should be for your own safety. My foolish recommendation based on the information you provided is.......take a break from the relationship and concentrate on YOU. Stepping back allows you to evaluate the situation clearly without the drama. You deserve to be with someone that wants to protect you first and caters to your needs more than someone else, after all he is your FIANCE right? If you are not a priority enough for him to protect first, then you may need to evaluate your place in his life. If he is really in love with you (not just love you), then his actions will reflect it once you take the break from the relationship. If you are not invoking or provoking any of this drama....it is time to step away from it.

    You should not have place yourself in arms way for her to even get close to physically you. Do your best to not repeat that situation or find yourself in that predicament.

    Men have a interesting way of behaving when you stop talking (sometimes they see it as nagging) and start taking some action. Just my foolish advise. At the end of the day, it is your choice.
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    Edited because I have heard from you guys what I needed to hear, my gut agrees with most of you.

    I hope it all works out
  • cantjustcant
    cantjustcant Posts: 1,027 Member
    Sweetie, I am here for you no matter what. You have to do what your heart and head tell you. Only you know what is best for you. I understand not being strong enough to walk away. I really do! I am a security freak! I am 43 and the thought of trying to do it on my own freaks me out! But it is true when they say it better to alone and wish you with someone than to be with someone and wish you were alone.

    hugs!
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