People Avoider

Animaniac87

Does anyone else avoid people while they're trying to lose weight? Or ditch friends because of their weight? Yes on both for me. I pushed most of my friends away when i reached 200+lbs because I was embarrassed of the way I look/ed. However now that the weight is (slowly) starting to come off I noticed I'm pushing people away, I try to avoid social gatherings, even family gatherings, because I don't want people to see the "in between." I'd really love to shock people when they see me around the holidays when I'm (hopefully) down 40lbs. For some reason I think their shock will make it all worth it. But I can't help but wonder if this is mentally healthy or just a bit cuckoo?

Any feedback is helpful, thanks!

SueInAz

The danger with pushing people away and avoiding social gatherings is that people will stop inviting you if you keep saying "no" to them. Just something to consider.

ChantalGG

I think you will soon want to be showing off you new look.

Aegelis

If someone pushed me away because of my weight, I would be sad.

bcattoes

I find myself doing the exact opposite sometimes. When I notice that I've packed on the pounds and decide it's time to start working them off, I sometime purposely wear clothes that I think make me look fat so that when I lose it will seem more dramatic.

OMG, that sounds so pathetic when I read it back. I'm such a tool sometimes!

MikeSEA

Mostly I think it's just *me* that pushes people away

The only way I've found that I can really eat in moderation is if i focus on it...all the time...without stopping. If I don't I'll just mindlessly eat. As a result I haven't yet mastered the art of not talking about my weight loss or nutrition or exercise all the fracking time.

People get tired of hearing about it. I'll have to learn to feign interest in whatever it is in their lives that warrants a conversation.

ReginaB13

Been there, done that. I pretty much pushed ALL of my old friends away. I'm lucky I got any of them back when I came to my senses. I'm still the queen of doing that from time to time... Not good.

Contrarian

My friends don't want me around because of the way I look. They genuinely like me as a person. Your post makes me sad.

RAFValentina

I don't avoid people so much as situations where I'll be making a scene denying or turning down food/drinks etc. I'm trying to avoid alcohol as a general thing (of course there are occasions I will drink) but in my job... the bar is sort of the only "social" out of hours place in the mess and you are mocked for not drinking so I find it best not to go. Either that or you get **** about being on a diet and that you must be obsessed/possessed and that you look fine yet they're all talking about girls in a very brutal way...

lstnlondry

I don't push people away but I don't go making dates either. I have a 1 track mind when I lose weight and if I know I will be tempted with food (or booze) I will steer clear of being around those that do. That could be what you are doing too...

jgic2009

The danger with pushing people away and avoiding social gatherings is that people will stop inviting you if you keep saying "no" to them. Just something to consider.

This.

If one of my "friends" is always turning down invitations, I stop inviting him or her.

MrsCon40

My friends don't want me around because of the way I look. They genuinely like me as a person. Your post makes me sad.

True, but you're also hot.

Contrarian

My friends don't want me around because of the way I look. They genuinely like me as a person. Your post makes me sad.

True, but you're also hot.

Well, yeah.

cocolo89

I was the same way! i tried to avoid going out in public because of the way I looked. I hated myself and didn't want anyone to see how fat i was. But now, i'm a social butterfly. everyone is amazed at how much weight i lost and i constantly get comments about how great i look. Its a good feeling when your there, but i know how your feeling now.

Logansmom2011

I'm the same way,plus a majority of my friends are skinny but make really bad food choices and consider drinking a weekend hobby.I have a family now and choose not to consume alcohol anymore,even though other friends who are married with kids still think going out every weekend is ok.I've chosen to surround myself with people with a similar lifestyle as me and are trying to live healthier.Also the last time I lost weight,the old friends started acting weird and actually sort of jealous even though they have always been skinny themselves,so I didn't understand that.I'm still cordial but rarely see them,because now that I am trying to lose weight and get healthy for good,they aren't that positive in the looks and comments they make when I mention it.

fish119

I 100% understand! I still wear baggy clothes to hide the progress! I refuse to talk to my brother (he lives in another state) about my progress because he ALWAYS picked on me about being big and I want it to be a shock when he comes home around the holidays. My self esteem was/is really low when I started gaining weight and hit the obese category. I felt like everyone was looking at me and would assume they were talking about the fat chick at the party. I didn't feel comfortable eating at social gatherings because I felt like everyone was watching me and they would think, "she really doesn't need that piece of cake or pizza or whatever they were serving).

rosebarnalice

I don't have that issue. My friends are my friends.

They've seen me fat, they've seen me thin(ner), and they've seen me fat again, and I'm not making a secret out fo the fact that I'm trying to lose again--but I also don't obsess on it or make it the only topic of conversation. My friends have supported me, ignored my weird eating rituals, kept their mouths shut when I make poor food choices, tell me that I look GREAT when I wear something that looks good on me, and again keep their mouths shut when I'm frumpy and sloppy and not looking so fab.

I have nothing to hide from my true friends, and who the hell else matters?!

TDGee

Pushed away because of my weight? No. Pushed off? Yes.

Well, she tried anyway. Said I was "crushing" her, or "smothering" her. Whatever! :laugh:

Seriously, please consider seeking professional help, this is not a good thing.

caroln3

I do but not intentionally because most of the people I know are not supportive when I am trying to lose weight or they just can't really relate. Trying to eat healthier and exercise is a real lifestyle change and that includes changing some friends or better making new ones.

glockster972

I'm fat, but don't push people away because of that. I just don't like people.

STACEBAR

I avoid social situations with my friends and our friends. AND I hate when someone asks me if I've lost weight, it's embarrassing to me. (I even deny that I've lost weight when I clearly have) I can't explain why I do this...... Now if they just say something about me looking good, I react in a whole different way. *shrugs part of my illness I guess!

PrincessStubbie

Every time people argue on MFP, a baby giraffe dies.

Bwaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Serious though,
For me, co-workers are the hardest to be around...because they're not exercising or trying to eat better they don't want to hear about your progress and they always are waiting for you to fail or give up or they watch what you eat and/or drink and become very hypercritical...the best thing I find is the less people that know, the better...

kallico

i think working on oneself makes you vulnerable. Avoiding social interactions is a protective impulse ... at least thats what im finding in my journey. so i set up catch up dates ( walking the beach with a friend, coffee ) and make sure i go out, socially, once a week. Not only does this keep my confidence up, but allows me to see that i can blend my new lifestyle with the "real world".

firedragon064

Are you using you weight as an excuse not to social and be around people?
You are still who you are whether you are big or small. Except you will be more healthy and can do more physical stuff once
you lose weight.

I do stop hang out with people who would jeapardy my weight loss on purpose or not.

quizzyrascal

I know exactly how you feel and do the same. I consider myself to be lying low rather than actively avoiding everyone. some people can be sabatours by pushing drink or food onto you often without any idea how much of problem that can present, and it is only self preservation to keep them at arms length. And of course that ta dah moment will be all the sweeter for being a suprise. Lots of luck with your journey and I hope you find the support you want.

wolfchild59

I found that my friends constant compliments on my continual loss and asking about what I was doing helped keep me motivated to keep losing. My friends love me for who I am and didn't care when I was overweight and don't care that I've lost the weight. They're just my friends and are proud of me and happy for me because I'm proud and happy.

The only difference between overweight me and skinnier me is that I'm not as shy about having my pic taken by my camera happy friends. lol