The Hardest Part of it all :( *emotional beware*

ReinasWrath

So I can usually handle the working out, and although at times I LOATHE it I can usually handle eating healthier and all of that jazz. But what the hardest part for me and trying to lose this weight is my confidence along this transition. I started out with terrible self esteem and lately it has been fluctuating, at times I feel great- think I look great- think I'm doing great- all that, and other times I feel like I'll never accomplish this and that I'm a failure.

What I really need advice on is how you guys deal with things... For example, if I end up overeating past my goal or if I don't work out (no matter how justified it is) I am always beating myself up about it so much! I want to be realistic, my goal is to lose 50lbs and I know that isn't going to happen overnight and because of that mistakes will be made but I can't seem to forgive myself and then I just want to quit overall. And other times even when I do well (stay in calorie goal work out my full hour, ect) and I STILL feel like I am never going to reach my goals...
Another thing is the name calling. There are a few irremovable people in my life who are making this mission so hard for me. Whenever I am around them and working out they tell me not to waste my time and they are always judging what I eat. A lot of the times I end up feeling more like I'm being punished.
I know I can't change a lot of this but I was hoping maybe some of you have dealt with similar issues and found healthy ways to over come them? Thank you

Lesley2800

I look at every day as a new day...the slate is clean. So if I had a really bad day yesterday, it doesn't matter, it's a new day. Don't look at your past failures, but look towards you new "wins." Set small goals instead of trying to look at the whole 50 lbs. Break it up...do a goal of 10 lbs and when you achieve it, do something nice for yourself. Or go a whole week staying within calories and have a small treat. Don't listen to the namecallers...they are trying to make themselves feel better. Remember, you are doing this for YOU!!

Mios3

I am curious to know too. It seems like the closer I get to my goal the more emotional I get. One day at a time is how I take it or try to at least. Feel free to add me if you'd like

LeanMeanJeanne

Just remember you're doing this for YOU, and no one else. Let the negative people be negative..... life is too short. Tune them out or use it as motivation to prove them wrong. Remember that this isn't about the destination, it's about the journey...... take one day at a time, one healthy choice at a time. We're all going to make mistakes, but the idea is to transition to a healthy lifestyle- the weight loss will follow. You've got a GREAT support network on MFP, DON'T GIVE UP!!! )

mandelea

I think we've all been there.

The easiest part to deal with is those irremovable people. They like to dole out the truth? Give them a dose of it themselves, and try to spend as little time as possible with them. Those types of people usually aren't intentionally malicious. Usually letting them know exactly the type of impact they're having on you will bring them around to an 'A-ha!' moment. If not, no person is every irremovable from your life, do what you must do.

As for the emotional side of things, that's a tough one. Some days I feel great, and then other days I'm fully aware of my 282 Lbs. On those not so great days, I rely on some of the people around me, as well as support forums such as MFP or 3FC. I also like to spend 10 minutes reading over someone's success story, to remind me that this battle ISN'T impossible. Some thought I wouldn't lose 20 Lbs let alone 150 Lbs.

Someone recently pointed out to me that this is a lifestyle change, not a race. Even if I never get to my goal weight, I will be healthier, I will feel better, and I will be happier than I was at 300Lbs.

You may not work out for the full hour, and on those days do a quick 15 minute jog or 15 minute strength training. As long as you stay active every day, your body won't mind if every day isn't an hour long, it will just be happy that you cared enough about it to do a little something for it.

Girl, you have lost FIFTEEN POUNDS!! That is NOTHING to scoff at! Most people struggle with just 5. You can do this, and you will do this.

P.S. I've added you to my friends list, and always have the app going on my phone. If you ever need someone to vent to, I'm here!

saphfireangel

I understand where your coming from. Although I don't have people berating me and making me feel like I shouldn't try and be healthier I understand the pressure you put on yourself. I do it too. I'm never satisfied with what I've done for the day. I to know that the change will not happen over night but I want it to and am disappointed and hard on myself. One of the things you have to do is look back at what you have done. Take the little things as my bestie would tell me. How do your clothes feel? Your rings? Its the simple things that we take for granted. Do you have more energy? Look at where your going and where you've been and take it in. Really look and know that you are doing this and no matter what you can do this. And know most of all that the people who put you down and tell you that you can't are wrong. Prove them wrong you know in your heart that you can and when you do they are going to have to look back at what they said and feel ashamed for judging you and putting you down. If you want to add me as a friend feel free to do so. Just know that the only person you have to be accountable to is yourself.

AHealthierRhonda

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time with things and people. You are right in realizing that this isn't an over night process, it is a journey and even when you do lose the 50 lbs, it is still a journey because it will be time to maintain. This is about changing your life style, not just your weight and size.
You are human, you will make mistakes, think of these past mistakes when you are going to make a repeat decision of a mistake you already made. Don't prove to yourself that you can't do something. Make a change! It may take a few times, but one step at a time. When i don't want to workout, I think back, amke myself think back, to another time I made the choice and I remember how I felt about the decision and myself. 9 out of 10 times, I will get my butt up and go do what I need to do. As fr food, I had decided when I began this journey that I was not going to give up certain foods, and yes they are junk foods. I allow myself to have them and then I find I don't binge after a time without them. I just know I have to leave room for them in my calorie count each day. If I don't sue them, AWESOME (not to mention amazing!), and if I do, not guilt because I saved for them!
One day at a time, one step at a time. I have started seeing a therapist and we talk about all sorts of things. Mine are not weight issues but lots of other stuff. Maybe seeing someone professional would be of help to you!!

himiller3

243-160... 2 years. It's been a long time ago now (8 years since I started, 6 years since I got to my goal weight).

I know exactly where you are coming from. I'm sure many many of the people here do. There were people in my life who supported me, and others well, that didn't.

I wasn't always good either. I slipped up. I felt like giving up from time to time (Especially when I spent 3 months at 215).

How I pushed through was just keeping my thoughts geared toward what I wanted. I woke up (and still do), every morning with a goal in mind... To be a little better than I was the day before. Lots and lots and lots of little steps. I didn't (and still don't), think about the final goal (once I've set it), but what ways I can improve the journey. I found people to support me in my journey, and didn't let the people who didn't get in my head, or in my way (politely as possible of course!).

I guess that's how I would best describe how I got through the weight loss, and how I keep it off.

MamaBear57

We are our worst enemy's at times. It also sounds like those around you are not the most supportive, that is sad that they do not help you and encourage you. We all have down times and the best way I have found is when I find myself doing it. Make myself stop...go look in mirror and tell myself out loud how much I have accomplished. How much better I feel and how much more energy I have. Then I will look at pics of me before and then look at myself now.

Friend lots of people on this site that will help encourage and support you!!!! If those there will not do it this community will be your cheerleader. YOU CAN DO IT and you will feel great about it in the end.

skinnyinnotime

I know how you feel...I've lost all the weight I want, however, I feel like i'm never ever going to get rid of my belly!!! Even though it's shrunk so much, I still have this niggly voice telling me it won't go - but hey I will prove that bloody voice wrong, if I have to do 10 rounds of Insanity and any other mad workouts I will get rid of it!!!

What i'm saying is we all have doubts, but as long as we keep going we will get there. Ignore the name calling, that's their problem not yours, keep at it, don't let the 'mistakes' get you down, no one is perfect and carry on with your journey, you WILL get to you goals!!!:happy:

Fitnin6280

I feel for you I really do. It is hard when the people around you are less than supportive. However, you have to be the one to make the commitment. I find strenght in knowing that I am not the only one that has a lot of weight to lose. Some more, some less, but my friends here are truely an inspiration because I am not going it alone. Good luck and keep at it!

sixpacking

Smile and forget everyone else. If you have lost 15lbs already, you are on your way, everything else or anyone else does not matter. Stay on course., you are young and strong and can achieve anything you want. People who go around doing negative things have no passion, yet they're out to ruin your passion., don't let anyone (including your mother, if necessary) ruin your passion. Create a wall for the negatives and open the door to positives, you are already doing so by losing 15 lbs. The mind is very powerful, its yours and you have control of it. I'm a TaeBo follower and Billy Blanks always says "Where I am today is where my mind puts me, where I'll be tomorrow is where my mind puts me"....your mind is your controller, don't let anyone steer your mind, that is yours. Keep the passion, enjoy your workouts and everything falls into place.......weight loss its a marathon, not a sprinting race.

Amber82479

Hey there, so sorry you're struggling. I completely understand where you're coming from as far as beating yourself up and having good and bad days.

First, I would suggest talking to the people who aren't supporting you. Let them know how you feel and that you need their support. Be very firm with them and don't let them undermine your efforts or your confidence. My guess is that you doing things to improve your health and your life are making them feel bad about themselves because they're not doing anything to improve theirs. Maybe invite them to join you when you workout? Try to get them on the band wagon. If they won't support you, either separate yourself from them as much as possible, or tune them out. No one, and I mean NO ONE who cares for you should be undermining your efforts and if they are, then stop listening. You deserve to feel beautiful and healthy - don't let them talk you out of it. And at the end of the day, if none of that works, tell them to PISS OFF. You deserve better!

Second, try to give yourself a break. It used to be that if I "fell off the wagon", even with just one meal, I'd say "forget it, I screwed up, I may as well eat whatever I want now". Don't let that nasty little voice get the better of you. Now I do two things... First, I try to avoid situations where I'm going to go over my calorie limit. For instance, we had a free "tailgate" party at work with all sorts of fattening food. Now, if you're the type who can plan out your calories and go to an event like this and stick to it, then great! I cannot. So I didn't go to the party. To me, it was more important to stick to my plan and spend the calories where they'd count than to go. I know myself well enough to know that if I went, even with the best of intentions, I'd end up three servings and 2,000 calories in before the lunch was over. Try to avoid putting yourself in situations that are going to leave you with a sense of failure. Second, give yourself some breathing room. Pick one or two meals a week or one day a week where you eat what you want (within reason). For instance, usually, on Saturday's, I don't track my food. I still try to eat well and keep portions in check, but I splurge a little. Or, like my husband, he has a few Hershey's kisses every day to give himself a little treat. Just know that it's okay, you're human and we all need to have a cheat meal or day now and again to stay sane!

I know how hard it is and how frustrating, but please don't give up. We're all here for you and we're in it with you!!!

Gemnildy

Keep YOU in mind!!! Stay here, keep at it and do NOT let others decide for you. Youa re doing this for YOU, for your health, for your happiness and for your peace of mind!

RissaDean

First of all, *HUGS* You are wonderful and worth all the effort you're putting into yourself. Do. Not. Give. Up.

It sounds like you have enough negative people in your life without beating your own self up. It's really hard, but you have to stop yourself from beating yourself up. Next time you catch yourself thinking mean things, say - out loud - "Stop it! Be nice." And then say one positive thing about yourself. Even if it's, "I really like the earrings I'm wearing today." The negativity is a bad habit just like smoking or eating fast food. It's not going to stop immediately - it takes work.

Try to ignore the rude people in your life. Don't tell them what you're doing, just go about your routine like everything is normal. Some people build themselves up by tearing others down, and they attack anything they see as a weakness or sensitivity. Just try not to give them any ammo.

Remember: You are worth this. You are beautiful. Just remember that, and you'll be fine.

*HUGS* again :flowerforyou:

ksimmons19

What A**HOLES. You're making strides to make yourself the person you want to be, let them be more motivation for you to do so since you know they're just pissed they don't have it in them and you DO. The fact that you are TRYING is something to be proud of. I always tell myself "think of the alternative." I can either try my damndest and mess up and keep trucking. Or I can give up and try again 6 months later, fatter and probably at another "rock bottom." Every positive choice you make NO MATTER HOW SMALL, is an accomplishment and that's what you have to keep in mind all the time. Sometimes when I go crazy like...pigging out crazy...sometimes I will just not order queso and go nuts on fajitas and extra crap...I still know I shouldn't have done it but just focusing on the fact that i didn't get queso somehow helps me feel proud still and makes it easier to eat like a rabbit again. The self destruction cycle is so difficult and I am also guilty of it. This type of thinking is what MADE me lose 35 pounds. I never let one or two slip ups decide my future for me. You didn't gain the weight from being bad sometimes, you gained it from living an unhealthy lifestyle. Same goes with losing it, you won't gain it back from a couple screw ups because you're making strides every day to be healthier. And as for these "irremovable" people in your life....you may not have a choice of who you're related to or who surrounds you in your work life...but you do have a choice about how you react and how they make you feel. Good luck to you hun it sounds like you're doing great! Sometimes you just gotta stop thinking so much it's 100% mental.

dragonflydi

Negative self talk is among the top reasons people fail at changing their lifestyle for the better and the mere fact that you realize you are waivering with self-esteem issues is a HUGE step, even though it may not seem like it. In fact, anytime someone on here sends me a friend request and their user name has a negative self-talk sort of connotation, the first thing I do is suggest they choose a new screen name. Most people who do that don't even realize they are doing it.

It is also important that you realize that no plan, nutrition, exercise, or otherwise, is ever going to be a full-proof, be able to do it 100% of the time, all of the time sort of thing ... and that is OK. If you beat yourself up, talk badly about yourself or to yourself after one mess up, it's going to be very counter productive. So you get through that day, knowing that when you wake up the next day, you have a fresh new day to work with and move forward. As long as falling off the plan is not a daily occurrance, you will be OK.

You do however, really need to address anyone who is making negative comments to you about your efforts to be more healthy, as well as re-direct any negative thoughts or self-talk you are hounding yourself with ... with positive ones.

Notice I did not say "who is making negative comment about your efforts to "try" and be more healthy". The word "try" is the most over used word and it means nothing because it's not an action, it's a pre-cursor to an action.

When most people say they are "trying" to do something, they are actually doing it and then waiting to see what the outcome is. That is not "trying" that is doing!! And if they say the are "going" to "try" to do something ... well, that means they aren't realling doing anything at all except thinking about it. You'd be surprised how many people think they are going to lose weight by 'trying' to eat better or 'trying' to work out more. Doesn't work. You either do it or you don't, it's a simple as that. "Do or Do Not, there is no 'try' ..." this was one of THE biggest things I learned from the trainer I work with (and yet that flippin' word still comes flying out of my mouth now and then when I'm not careful!). If you do it and don't succeed, you adjust/modify and do it again until you find what works for you. Even when it comes to occasionally falling off the wagon

OK, so maybe you skipped the workout today, but you staying within your calories. Or maybe you didn't workout and went over your calories, but heck, you didn't eat that entire bag of chips or pint of ice cream. There is ALWAYS a way to spin a negative into a positive if you are willing to look for it. Those are the elusive silver linings that are visible to only those with a postive outlook

Those negative Nellies in your life don't have to agree with what you are doing, they do not have to believe you can do it (though it sure would be nice if they did), but they DO have to show you respect for the efforts you are making to get yourself where you want to be and honestly, I learned the hard way that people will treat you they way you allow them to. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself ... if you refuse to just take it, the comments often stop or those making them get so tired of hearing you stand up for yourself that, while they may not be removable from your life, I bet encounters with them become less frequent.

You can do this! Be strong ...

ksimmons19

The way of thinking that is" do or do not do there is no try" doesn't work for everyone. It was that way of thinking that at least in the beginning that made me quit most times. Personally for ME, I have an addictive personality and an all or nothing attitude in most everything. I find that I will do really well for a while then the thoughts of never ever being able to have something again made me want to go all out instead utilizing of moderation. I will be determined as hell and unstoppable, but at the same time I think that the negative self talk stems a lot from our perception of our shortcomings when we have that all or nothing attitude. Sometimes it's ok to go half *kitten* as long as you're still in the race. At least you still have one toe on the wagon instead of falling off completely. It's different for everyone but you just need to find the type of THINKING that will keep YOU going.

Leyla135

Hey girl, dont worry what anybody says, "There is only one success-to spend your life in your own way."

skarr28

*bump!*