Is Dieting and Exercise hurting anyones relationship?

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fakeplastictree
fakeplastictree Posts: 836 Member
in Chit-Chat
It sucks but I've noticed a lack of connection between my husband and I lately. I love him very much but since I've become serious about dieting and exercise we don't really do much together or have a lot to talk about. I'll talk about my stuff with exercise and such and he tries to be supportive but he doesn't really "get" it. Also, he gets upset sometimes when I'm too tired from working out all the time or when I don't want to drink beer all the time or when i don't want to smoke with him or when i don't want to eat out somewhere. Keep in mind, I'm not upset with him at all, I'm just wondering if anyone else has noticed a negative difference in their relationship since starting a weightloss journey.
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  • seattlerain
    seattlerain Posts: 189 Member
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    Yup!

    Story of my life.
  • sreimer07
    sreimer07 Posts: 154 Member
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    Most definitely!!! My boyfriend and i are the same way
  • rag5051
    rag5051 Posts: 28 Member
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    Definitely!
  • chickybuns
    chickybuns Posts: 1,037 Member
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    There has been some disconnect too with my husband and I. He really isn't into fitness or nutrition, and I have tried before and kind of gave up until he really wants to do it...I can't force him. I just take more time at the gym and working out, but fortunately we are both fairly independent. The problem comes when I eat too muh, and don't want to eat a lot for dinner, or dont' want to eat what he wants. But it's not a huge deal, he understands, but doesn't relate.
  • MissMandy1010
    MissMandy1010 Posts: 52 Member
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    I have, but it hasn't been a real big deal. yet. My hubby used to be active, and lately has slacked off a bit, so as I am training for races and losing my baby weight, I have felt a little like I am leaving him in my dust. There don't seem to be any rifts between us because of it and just the other day he told me that I have inspired him to get off his butt and get in shape. So thats the good news. But I do understand what you are going through! Just keep at it and maybe he'll join you. Change is hard for some people, though it is a necessary evil! Maybe he thinks its a phase and that you will go back to your old ways. prove him wrong and he just might change his ways, too! good luck girl.
  • Skinny_minny_mo
    Skinny_minny_mo Posts: 1,272 Member
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    i was like that with my ex-bf who is a total fitness nut and is very strict about eating...

    i never really understood his dedication.
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
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    I'm single (party!) so no. But, I would imagine diet and exercise would throw quite the monkey wrench into a relationship. It is an opportunity for growth! Here's hoping the two of you learn how to navigate this new endeavor.

    I'd imagine, as with all things relationship-y, communication and mutual respect is key. :flowerforyou:
  • Kany
    Kany Posts: 336
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    It actually improves my relationship since my husband is athletic. The time we spend together now is mainly at the gym or out doing some recreational sports. He's really encouraging me to improve physically. We also compete against each other and help each other improve in mountain biking. We can talk about fitness all day and how we can do better the next ride. He'll even wake up at 445am to go to the gym with me. Maybe you should get into a sport both you and your husband will enjoy. It will help you towards your weight loss goal and it will be fun for your husband too.
  • fakeplastictree
    fakeplastictree Posts: 836 Member
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    It actually improves my relationship since my husband is athletic. The time we spend together now is mainly at the gym or out doing some recreational sports. He's really encouraging me to improve physically. We also compete against each other and help each other improve in mountain biking. We can talk about fitness all day and how we can do better the next ride. He'll even wake up at 445am to go to the gym with me. Maybe you should get into a sport both you and your husband will enjoy. It will help you towards your weight loss goal and it will be fun for your husband too.


    See, we have two kids so if I need to go run he has to stay home to watch them. Granted, I don't go run until after I feed the family, clean up, and get the kids to sleep but he can't really come with me.
  • trhjrh06
    trhjrh06 Posts: 2,272 Member
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    I believe that my husband have become closer and are better. He is so proud of me and happy for me. He's not changing anything with him, which is fine, but he doesn't ask me if i want things I shouldn't have. Although I know people in that situation and it's sad. Your spouse should be proud and very happy with you and want to listen to how things are going. But they don't get it because they aren't going through it.
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
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  • StaceyL76
    StaceyL76 Posts: 711 Member
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    Yes, I have noticed this myself. I have just been trying to take an interest in other things that he does.. As a bridge to reconnect. I love my husband very much and I don't want differences in lifestyle to cause a wedge.. So that means that we need to acquire other interests that bind us back together..

    He likes to play guitar so I am learning (slowly), He and I both like lost.., he love paintball so we will play together.. I think I will love that too because it's active and about strategy... He is into video games.. that is a pass for me.. But there are other things we can do to build that bridge.

    It is great you are noticing.
  • MrsFarrow
    MrsFarrow Posts: 326 Member
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    It initially created tension between us because when he runs, he gets whipped into shape in like a month because of his metabolism. Of course being a 23 year old woman and having a relatively sedentary job, I have to metabolism of molasses in January. It's gotten better now though because we go to the gym together, we just have different end goals. He wants to build and tone and I want to lose and tone.

    I think if he weren't interested in going or working out with me, it would have driven a huge wedge just based on the amount of time that's spent working out.
  • luvmycandies
    luvmycandies Posts: 489 Member
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    I think it is actually helping our relationship. We are doing more active trips and vacations (skiing, biking, etc). And we are both committed to being healthier. He will eat whatever I cook, actually asks me not to make rice or pasta anymore. He also prefers we dont go out to eat bc it is sooo expensive. We are enjoying cooking together and trying to shop inexpensively. I think you have to try and find something he is interested in as well and try to re connect that way. I will play video games with him as long as he will play the active ones with me, such as sports active for ps3 etc. Im sure you will connect again soon. He will love the benefit of your body changing and get on board soon hopefully! Good luck!!
  • Vegan_Chick
    Vegan_Chick Posts: 474 Member
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    I feel that it effects my relationships a bit. My partner once in while exercises with me so that's good. I seem to spend more time away from my kids though because of going to the gym so much, That is why I started doing more home videos and now my son is getting interested in the videos which makes me happy. I say it is worth the effort even if it's just letting your kids watch you and learn that health and exercise are important. They will grow up with a better set of rules for themselves.
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
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    its done the opposite in my relationship. i feel more confident and less insecure which to my husband is attractive. he is very supportive and I dont push my stuff on him. we still go out to eat and since i am the one with the issue i am the one that needs to learn self control.

    not to mention he likes the new figure i am acquiring. apple round was not sexy at all. :)
  • alyssa92982
    alyssa92982 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    Yes it is causing some tension. He is trying to do p90x w me. I've been strict about it and never skip days whereas he does to "relax" or whatever. I time my workouts around kids activities etc and he argues that my workouts or our workouts are getting in the way of kids lives. Workouts are an hour_we are w the kids the whole evening. I am never sure how to take him anymore
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
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    Take my advise girls .. from an old married broad .. Don't ever let your passion interfere with the connection with your family.

    All too many times we hear women complain about being a widow ... A hunting, fishing, hockey, football, windsurfing .. you name it .. kind of widow. Where a passion becomes an obsession. When there is no time to spend together because they are always at a game or participating in a sport .. and if they are not watching a game they are thinking about it, talking to their buddies about and have nothing else to talk about with you. It gets old .. real fast .. to the point that it can undermine any connection you do have with your mate.


    Don't let your passion become an obsession. It's all about BALANCE. If you can't balance your time with their time .. it's gonna cost you .. on many levels. Make time .. even if it's one night a week to just spend time. Don't make excuses that you don't have time, because you are too tired. THAT is a relationship killer. PERIOD! You wouldn't like it if you became 2nd priority .. why would you think they would tolerate it? Go out for dinner .. and make wise choices when you choose what you want to eat or drink. Moderation .. is key. Don't let it get to the point where you feel spending time is such a sacrifice.

    Take some time to re-evaluate and prioritize. Kids come 1st .. always. If you don't find time to connect with your kids, then you have got a real problem. If you want to exercise in the evening .. then spend time with your kids during a real family sit down dinner...not sitting in front of the TV. Occupying the same room is not the same as making a connection or contact. I'm talking contact .. eye to eye kind of contact and conversation. Then taking an hour in the evening to do something for yourself is not such a big deal. Family support can only be tested so far. THEY shouldn't suffer the consequences of your passion.

    YOU may want to be more fit, thin or beautiful .. All THEY want is YOU.
    It's just as important to be "liked" as it is to be "loved'.
  • Hoppymom
    Hoppymom Posts: 1,158 Member
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    Take my advise girls .. from an old married broad .. Don't ever let your passion interfere with the connection with your family.

    All too many times we hear women complain about being a widow ... A hunting, fishing, hockey, football, windsurfing .. you name it .. kind of widow. Where a passion becomes an obsession. When there is no time to spend together because they are always at a game or participating in a sport .. and if they are not watching a game they are thinking about it, talking to their buddies about and have nothing else to talk about with you. It gets old .. real fast .. to the point that it can undermine any connection you do have with your mate.


    Don't let your passion become an obsession. Make time .. even if it's one night a week to just spend time. Don't make excuses that you don't have time, because you are too tired. THAT is a relationship killer. PERIOD! You wouldn't like it if you became 2nd priority .. why would you think they would tolerate it? Go out for dinner .. and make wise choices when you choose what you want to eat or drink. Moderation .. is key. Don't let it get to the point where you feel spending time is such a sacrifice.

    Take some time to re-evaluate and prioritize. Kids come 1st .. always. If you don't find time to connect with your kids, then you have got a real problem. If you want to exercise in the evening .. then spend time with your kids during a real family sit down dinner...not sitting in front of the TV. Occupying the same room is not the same as making a connection or contact. I'm talking contact .. eye to eye kind of contact and conversation. Then taking an hour in the evening to do something for yourself is not such a big deal. Family support can only be tested so far. THEY shouldn't suffer the consequences of your passion.

    Another old married (35 years) broad here agrees with the first one. I wish that I had taken the time to get myself into shape years ago but I was worried that I was a bad mom/wife if I took time for myself. Now at twenty pounds down from my top weight of 267.5 I wish that I had gotten myself under control when I was ten pounds over and kept myself at that level. You can and should eat out, just ask that you can go to places that offer healthy options. Yes, they will nearly always be higher in sodium. Just watch your intake the rest of the day and bring half of it home. I admire your dedication to staying healthy but please take lots of time for your relationship. He deserves to be happy too.
  • Grokette
    Grokette Posts: 3,330 Member
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    I believe that my husband have become closer and are better. He is so proud of me and happy for me. He's not changing anything with him, which is fine, but he doesn't ask me if i want things I shouldn't have. Although I know people in that situation and it's sad. Your spouse should be proud and very happy with you and want to listen to how things are going. But they don't get it because they aren't going through it.

    Ok, with my husband and I it is similar as to this posters situation.

    When I am eating the way I need to for my health and getting some exercise I am in better moods, sleep better and have a higher libido which just makes me more fun all the way around. :laugh: :laugh:

    I am becoming more tolerable to live with again. :flowerforyou:

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