Husband vs Wife...a match up I didnt want.

JonathanH67

Okay, so here we go, we are part of boot camp transformation challenge, we are about 6 weeks in of the 12 week challenge. My wife was the inspiration for getting into boot camping in the first place almost over a year ago. Tonight we had a meeting after doing MON thru THURS of pushing it to the limit. Ill admit I was tired but it was a good talk session, last session he had us go full tilt for 12 minutes to show ourselves how hard we should be pushing ourselves. fun stuff. Im enjoying the challenge and I find that Im really getting into it. My wieght had not started to go down until about two weeks ago, my wife, who is in good shape, has fallen off the wagon a couple of times. During the meeting, our instructor really pushed the WHY, you need to really know the WHY as to the reason or reasons we are doing this. We had a sit down and everyone discussed in short fashion what their WHY was. I was second to last, I spoke, said my wife was my inspiration and that I wanted to really do this for me, so I could participate in sports more, look better and feel better, came my wife's turn, she breaks down in tears and finally says the only reason she is doing the challenge is for me. So the instructor says, MAKE IT A COMPTETITION, SHE LOSES 10LBS TO HIS 20LBS, she has way less to lose than I do, but hey whatever. I didnt say anything but she did when we got home. I told her it might not be a good idea because I know how competitive she is and frankly, a sore loser...in anything. I tell her I dont think its the best idea and i dont want it to cause friction between us, she keeps saying, YOU ARE JUST THINKING OF THE TIME 10 YEARS AGO WHEN YOU WERE BEATING ME AT WEIGHT WATCHERS....yes and all those other games we played where she was bound and determined to be the winner. I compete for the sake of play, if I win then great, if I lose, then great, I got to play. My wife is a poor sportsman and beats herself up and down when she doesnt win and also rationalizes it with logic. personally, I dont care to listen to the bull****, so I recuse myself whenever I can or I listen patiently and try to present another side but whenever we hit the accountablilty area, forget it, it isnt happening. I know Im at fault but this, this and this happened. Point is, it happened. So my question to you ladies and gents, what can I do. I already had my say and needless to say, rather than listening, she pushed it off onto I would do better if we competed but you dont want to. My reply was why not just compete with yourself? Or find someone at work that is the same body type or just a good friend? Well, it is what it is. I agreed only not to get into an argument. I already know how this will play out but maybe someone can spot some good, other than wt loss.

PlunderBunneh

How about instead of assuming she will lose the challenge, just encouraging her at every step? If you are in fact her inspiration, telling her that you don't want to do this competition because you know she'll whine when she loses it is pretty rough.

JonathanH67

I didnt want to do it because I am not taking on competing with a sore loser nor is she a gracious winner, it sucks all the fun out of the game, if she is miserable then she makes me miserable., and I dont need it, its just another stress added on to where there wasnt one. Ive been supportive and participating this entire time, she did this challenge to make sure she is accountable for her own wt and stays on point. She says its for me but its really for her. I dont want something like this stirring the pot. I dont care for whining, you either do it or you dont, if youi falter, you get back up. she beats herself up with the guilt and then gets back on track. She barely has any wt to lose. she complains about anything that is not part of her logical agenda. So now Im stuck doing this against her, frankly my appetite has left the building. I dont enjoy playing any game with my wife because she cant enjoy it unless she wins.

Cathy92

I feel for you. I like to finish what I start out and be successful, but I don't have a competitive bone in my body, but I grew up with someone who did. I would speak to the instructor and tell him he had a bad idea. I've been a teacher for over 20 years and I would never set a situation up like that between two of my students...what was he thinking? I don't care if it's physical activity, he was just asking for trouble!
So, now you're stuck and I know I'm not helping you. I feel that you can either: just let your wife win somehow (I have no idea how you would do that, OR:
Play the game and try not to let her attitude bother you...maybe try to have a sense of humour about the whole thing and don't take it too seriously.
Sorry, you were put in a very negative position to deal with.

JonathanH67

Dont get me wrong, I do love my wife quite a bit, we just approach things differently. I need to remind myself of that more and more. My body responds to less calorie intake, she is a fanatic about writing everything down, to me its a pain in the *kitten*, but it needs to be done, she isnt the villain here, its me. I resent her success and its starting to show. I need some success of my own, regardless of whether or not she takes note of it, I need this for myself.