To be or not to be "Pretty"

hazelmae123

I notice as I read many different posts around physical attractiveness that some women think they are fabulously gorgeous all of the time, some women think they completely unattractive all of the time, and some women feel they look good some times and not others. I am in the last category. My perception of my outward appearance has always been directly related to what is going on in my life. When I am happy, I feel attractive. When I am unhappy, I feel like a blob. Over the years I have had to work on my own perceptions of myself that have been molded by the media and society. But even as an intelligent adult woman, I still struggle with finding that inner balance and inner love and acceptance that allows me to see myself as an attractive woman.

I am wondering how other women, especially women who see themselves attractive, have found peace with this issue. What is the process or motivation that gives you the ability to see yourself as beautiful and attractive, despite outward changes or external input in your life?

sc1572

I have my days where I think "Wow! I look really nice today!" I see myself and actually like what I see. And then, there are days where I think "Oh my gosh, I look disgusting today." And I see myself as someone completely different in the mirror.

I try not to focus on the bad, because it will get me down. Instead, I accept my good features and my bad, and realize that we're all human. Instead of trying to impress others, I focus on pleasing myself.

I also look at where I am now compared to where I was before, where I am now and where I never want to go back to. That helps!

Maggieq87

I honestly believe I have so much self confidence because my parents have always been so loving with me. My whole life I've heard daily that they love me, they are proud of me, I am beautiful, I am smart. I have friends who never even hug their parents and they are painfully shy and self loathing. I think it's all conditional. I think that because I have always seen my self this way, others see me that way. I don't know, Maybe I'm crazy.
Don't get me wrong, I have days that I'm not crazy about the way I look, but I always love me.

kater8er

I see myself as attractive---even when I was at my high weight I still thought I looked good. I think the reasons are mostly 1) knowing how to dress for my body type 2) growing up my parents and family always told me I was pretty 3) going from high school to college just becoming more self confident in myself and realizing that I'm attractive.

However I used to think I was ugly because I was *different*...I'm not blonde, I don't have straight hair, I'm not white, my teeth aren't perfect, my figure isn't perfect....I guess now I also have a different set of role models.

debydeb57

im one of those that thinks they dont look good anytime... just my way of thinking tho...

ChubbieTubbie

Sometimes I'll walk by a mirror and think 'wow, I look great'...and it's always surprising to me, like I can't possibly look good because I'm fat and gross. And sometimes I'll look at old pictures where I thought i was fat and ugly, but wasn't really, and long for those days. I think having self-confidence is really important to meeting your goals, because you have to be able to believe you can do it. I'm still working on that.

trish41h

Hi,

I am very much the same, one day I can look in he mirror and think i look ok, other days i hate how I look, like you say i has a lot to do with how I am feeling generally. Although being overweight has a lot to do with how i feel.

Trish

Jayfitness27

Kate, Shame on you!

how could you not think you were ever pretty! good to see you again I have to agree though its a matter of pespective sure i may not be wearing my ovaries on the inside but I certainly know the feeling of making sure I am "pretty" when I went shopping everyone noticed how slim i was and couldnt believe it and asked me how i did it or they looked at my husband and kinda gave him dirty looks compared to me ... I swear there is something about me that has been changing and honestly even though i technically dont see myself as pretty I do know that others notice.. Now if only i can grab a man who actually doesnt let himself go and make himself look 60 when hes only 43 lol.. I think honestly i just have to keep positive and hopefully this slimmer body will also have a better chance at landing a job

I have been doing inverted postures about 3-4 times a day for about 5 mins each and honestly the shoulderstands with no support really work to keep my midsection from going out of control sure i have some flab still but as time goes on I hope that narrows i notice some 6 pac marks but very slight not really visible but the red gashes from the weight loss has really shown and i can fit into eric's 30" jeans and shorts with very little effort sure the shorts i have that tightness when i first put them on but once they are buttoned its like they arent there at all Someone was telling me its the cut of the jeans or shorts in which make it easier or harder ot fit in ... so ladies and gentlemen buy a different cut of jean or shorts or dresses if you feel that you can fit into something smaller and you never know that size 7 sitting int he closet might fit if it was a different cut.

I have beeen a pescotarian for over 4 months now and honestly the lack of meat, dairy, eggs and cheese in my diet has really made a difference along with exercising 30 mins a day 2-3 times a week on my wii while adding the inverted postures which are my new love since i am more flexible now than i was a teen! So miracles do happen!

McKayMachina

The fact that I got hit on at 235 lbs. (5' 2.5") while wearing no makeup with a mix of acne (eff you, perpetual teenage skin!) and some serious eye wrinkles (really?! 26?!) in pajama pants at the grocery store while (probably) inadvertently scowling (I tend to get b!tchface if you can't tell by my avatar) made it clear that I have no idea what is "attractive".

Personally, I could not care less what other WOMEN think of my appearance, so I rate my looks based on men's reactions. CLARIFICATION: I do NOT rate my self-worth in this way. Just my attractiveness to the opposite sex. Which is precisely what I'm measuring.

But, yeah, I know I look about a thousand times better in makeup, heels and with my hair down so I feel best then.

Additionally, I look in the mirror and see little-to-no difference from +64 lbs. ago which is ridiculous. I just chalk it up to, "I don't look gross" and call it a day. :laugh:

McKayMachina

P.S.: You're beautiful. And not in the Oprah-special kind of way. In the, wow, you look hot in your pic kind of way.

:drinker:

hazelmae123

P.S.: You're beautiful. And not in the Oprah-special kind of way. In the, wow, you look hot in your pic kind of way.

:drinker:

Thanks I appreciate that. I guess I am striving to find that inner confidence that stays with me regardless of weight or circustance or relationship. I would like to see myself through eyes that don't judge me the way my own eyes do.

Jayfitness27

The fact that I got hit on at 235 lbs. (5' 2.5") while wearing no makeup with a mix of acne (eff you, perpetual teenage skin!) and some serious eye wrinkles (really?! 26?!) in pajama pants at the grocery store while (probably) inadvertently scowling (I tend to get b!tchface if you can't tell by my avatar) made it clear that I have no idea what is "attractive".

Personally, I could not care less what other WOMEN think of my appearance, so I rate my looks based on men's reactions. CLARIFICATION: I do NOT rate my self-worth in this way. Just my attractiveness to the opposite sex. Which is precisely what I'm measuring.

But, yeah, I know I look about a thousand times better in makeup, heels and with my hair down so I feel best then.

Additionally, I look in the mirror and see little-to-no difference from +64 lbs. ago which is ridiculous. I just chalk it up to, "I don't look gross" and call it a day. :laugh:

I used to have that ***** face honestly i never smiled in any of my pictures.. however i guess you and I are both poster children for people finding a hidden love in us and that we are beautiful in our own way no matter how we try to percieve ourselves and to the OP she is right you are special.. you have that innocent cheerleader look to you I only wish i looked that good but i am trying

javamonster

I honestly believe I have so much self confidence because my parents have always been so loving with me. My whole life I've heard daily that they love me, they are proud of me, I am beautiful, I am smart.

I had the same from my parents, but have never felt I was attractive, so there's more to it than that! At my age now it just doesn't matter - my confidence isn't centred on my appearance, and I don't really care if anyone finds me attractive or not. Besides, I wouldn't believe them anyway! :laugh:

Jayfitness27

I honestly believe I have so much self confidence because my parents have always been so loving with me. My whole life I've heard daily that they love me, they are proud of me, I am beautiful, I am smart.

I had the same from my parents, but have never felt I was attractive, so there's more to it than that! At my age now it just doesn't matter - my confidence isn't centred on my appearance, and I don't really care if anyone finds me attractive or not. Besides, I wouldn't believe them anyway! :laugh:

I think i am at your stage where i wouldnt believe them but i am starting to see my value... I think it just most of grow out of it after realizing how much time of our lives we spent wasted on pleasing others instead of ourselves