**CLOSED**October Shredders MiniChallenge 10/11/11**CLOSED G

daniellesb1

Hello my lovely OS peeps ! :flowerforyou:

Many of us will be moving on to Level 2 tomorrow WOOOOHOOOOO !!! Some of us are already there, and some of us will be there soon..... Congrats to all, is what I want to say ! I know I definitely would not have come even half way to where I am if it werent for every single one of you - so first of all I wanted to say THANK YOU TO ALL, from the bottom of my . You are all priceless to me ! But, come hard times, I would still sell you if I were to make a pretty penny..... I KID, I KID !! :laugh:

Getting back to our mini challenge - so, since tomorrow will be my Day 1 on Level 2, I decided to take a peek to see what is in store for me, and boy - I was tired just be watching !! For realz, what WAS THAT ?!

So, I have decided not to add any more stress to our insanity - and our tomorrow's mini challenge will be somewhat light.

I believe losing weight is a combination of many different things - and one of them is mental, at least for me.

What I want you to do is : think about and share with us ON THIS THREAD (if you feel comfortable, of course) what got you to where you are today. What was your "wake up call" to prompt you to make this decision to change your lifestyle ? Why did you let yourself get to this point ? Are you aware of what situations trigger your unhealthy decisions ? How can you control these situations ?

Life hasnt stopped around us. Sometimes we just need to focus on what happens and learn how to react to these situations and be ready to deal and confront them, when they present themselves.... That's what I want you all to think about.

Please, I do not mean to offend anyone with this minichallenge, and I apologize in advance if it is taken this way - feel free to reply to it as you would like. Remember : I am in the same boat as you. We do not judge here, all we do is offer support !

Have a wonderful and STRONG day tomorrow !

Lets git this Level 2 !!!

soonergirl07

I guess I missed out on the whole challenge bit, but I will share how I got as big as I did.

I could start this with once upon a time, but seeing as how we are all REAL and really are here to better ourselves, I will start with the day my father died 12 years ago.

I was thirteen when he passed. He was ill most of my life and therefore I spent most of my childhood in some hospital or another. Each birthday or holiday was spent in a sterile V.A. center. So in Feb of 1999 He left me. I was almost immediately placed on anti-depressants because of my anger. On top of that I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome at the age of 11 so I was on birth control too. Those two combo's plus depression started my path to becoming over weight.

Years go by I eventually stop the anti-depressants and BC and feel half way normal. I had moved to a new town, new school, new me. I began losing weight slowly due to all the club hoping on the weekends. For about 4 1/2 years I was at the dance club every friday and saturday. I would dance til three or four in the morning. I was always on the go. I kept my weight off very well.

In 2005 I got pregnant with my son. The pregnancy was fine. I never really gained weight. It was almost to the point that my doctor was trying to shove the calories in. I was not overweight, but I was not skinny either.
I had my son and was still in a size 14 pants. I stopped going to the Clubs and started working all the time. I slowly started gaining weight.

I met my husband, we married and I got pregnant again. This pregnancy was bad. I swelled up and gained weight like crazy. I retained so much water and ended up losing the function of my left Kidney. I had gained almost 50 pounds with her. I never could lose the water weight. I dealt.

Two years later, I got pregnant again with my second girl. I did not gain much weight, I mostly stayed where I was. Then I got fatter from depression. I had post partum depression. My marriage was in shambles and I hated myself. I chose not to care. If I was fat and ugly, my husband would not want me or want sex and I could be left alone.

Its been two years since the birth of my third child. I realized that I was the fattest person on my husbands side of the family. I could not run to keep up with my kids. I wanted to DIE!

So I went to the Doc and begged for help. I went to him the fist time and I weighed 302 pounds. I went back two weeks later I weighed 297 that was on September 16. I know weigh 280 pounds as of October 8. I have lost almost 17 pounds in less than a month. I am done with being fat. It can no longer rule me.

I have a tendency to be an emotional eater. So I make sure to stay calm all the time. I hope my story Inspires someone else to get the help they need to live a long healthy fullfilled life. I found mine, where's yours?

MegSommer

Ok...So, about 3 and a half years ago i met my wonderful, now, husband. I was in the prime of my adult life at 127 lbs. Not long after we met we found out we were expecting our wonderful son...Sooo with the pregnancy i gained a bit more than i was soposed to and got up to 170 May 2009 (Devon was a HUGE baby at 9.1 lbs but still). So after he was born i was able to get down to 150 but my loss halted there. I attempted to lose the weight for our wedding that happened July of this year but there was quite a bit of stress that came along with the wedding because i was planning and making all the decor (because i am a DIY kind of girl ) Anyway, skip ahead to what promped me to finally DO IT this time! Saddly, our photographers were editing our wedding pictures and i was not at all happy with some of the pics of me. I felt i looked nice from the front, nice and curvy (the way a womens MENT to look) but in the pics where i am turned sideways...oh lord! my belly is nearly as big as my boobs...and my chest is, um, large. ( So with all the motivation from the pictures AND the fact that my husband is leaving for boot camp i knew it was time to get back to where i was when we met.
I want him to come home in January and say WOW! Thats my wife!!!! I can do this! WE can do this!!!!!!

PS: Thanks to all of you for being a huge support system and making this a little easier! I enjoy hearing from all of you everyday!! yas!!!!

Meghan0116

Whew Danielle, you brought out the big guns on this one. lol

Like I posted in my blog, I was always thin growing up. Okay, thin is probably the wrong word because I was called thick in HS but I wore a size 10, so yeah. I was an athlete and participated in year round swimming and softball. I was also a vegetarian in HS but that was not what kept me thin. I ate like **** because it was easy.

Then here comes college. Still a vegetarian, still eating like ****, unfortunately, the sports stopped. The weight gain was very slow but it was there. I gained 20-30 lbs in college. When I graduated, I lost weight by going to the gym every day and eating better. Then I started having issues and needed repeated laproscopies for endometriosis and I was having issues with my bladder. I stopped being a vegetarian and the weight still kept coming on. No matter how much I worked out or ate well, I still gained. My son's father, whom I was with at the time, never said anything. He didn't make comments about my weight except for once and was willing to help me when I needed it. I still don't know why there was so much gain.

I had my son in January of 2009 and I gained 30 lbs. during the pregnancy, which I lost while in the hospital. It was all water and fluid retention. During my pregnancy, I had problems with my kidneys and they didn't stop after Donovan was born. My specialist thinks it could have something to do with my inability to lose weight easily. Who knows.

In June, my mom and I took Donovan to Disney World. He absolutely loved it. I took tons of pictures of him but never wanted to be in pictures with him. How effing pathetic is that? My son will only have a handful of pictures of us together during his first two years because I felt like a cow. What a selfish ***** I am. I don't want to be that person. I want family pictures of my son and me. He is the absolute love of my life and I feel like I am cheating him. I don't want to be the fat mom, I don't want to embarrass my baby. The amazing thing is that I have no problem doing anything physical with him. We are active and run around and doing stuff outside. I am fit for a fat person I guess. lol But more than all that, I want to feel good about me. I want to love me. I want to adore me. Right now, I can barely stand me.

When I am faced with temptation, I think about continuing to be the fat mom. And every terrible thing I put in my mouth contributes to that and may contribute to D being fat one day. I cannot and will not allow that. I am not an emotional eater, I am definitely a bored eater. I have stopped the TV watching at night because it makes me want to snack. I am making better food decisions and limiting portions. Also, soda is gone. Unfortunately, giving up my alcohol is near impossible. I like my glass of wine at night. lol

KerriMx5

I will play but I have two two year olds today so I will come back and read everyone's replies and post mine. It is crazy two year old craft time.

Amber393

I'll read/reply to this when I get my brain unjumbled..

apertuis

I was always thin growing up. I was a size 0-4 all through high school. When I went to college I gained about 20 lbs and lost it quickly when I started planning my first wedding in 1998. My first wedding dress was a size 6. I moved to Louisiana in 1999 and stayed about the same until I started working dispatch in 2000. I gained and went up to a size 12/14 between 2000-2003. My first hubby & I got divorced in 2003. I started Weight Watchers in 2004, lost about 40 lbs and got back to a size 4. I also did Jazzercise and took Adipex on and off. My hubby and I got married in 2005 and my wedding dress was a size 4. I had a miscarriage in 2007 and gained about 10-15 lbs. I stayed a size 4-6 until 2008 when I got pregnant. In my 3rd trimester I had unexplained bleeding 3 times. The first time was in the drs office & they rushed me to labor & delivery for an emergency section. After they got me there the bleeding had slowed and Maci was stable so they kept me for 2 days and them let me go home. The 2nd time was 2 weeks later in the middle of the night when I was sleeping & they kept me for 1 day. The 3rd time was 2 weeks after that and I refused to stay overnight. It's still unexplained and I had heavy bleeding and passed clots each time. My dr wouldn't let me go back to work after the 3rd time and I was put on "couch rest". I gained 55 lbs during my pregnancy. Maci was 8 lbs 2 oz when she was born. I still haven't lost all of my weight. I have 14 lbs left to lose to be back to pre-pregnancy weight. My wake up call was when I couldn't fit my clothes and I became so lazy and didn't want to get out of bed in the mornings. I have endometriosis too and bladder problems. I've had 2 laproscopic surgeries for the endo and had a bladder extension surgery to stretch my bladder. My dr said he'd give me a year (in January) to decide if we want to get pregnant again. I need a hysterectomy because of the endo.

nixickle

MegSommer: our stories are very similar!

My weight had previously always fluctuated between 130-144, and everytime I got to the 144 point I would wake one morning, look in the mirror and think..."how did that happen?!" Then I would basically starve myself back to 130, until one day I would just binge and binge and binge and you guessed it...."How did that happen?!"

In July 2009 we started trying for a baby, and by August we were estatic to discover I was pregnant. As my beautiful daughter grew...so did I! And 2 weeks before I gave birth I weighed 172lbs, my daughter weighed 9.2lbs so I know why I needed the extra weight! After having her, I managed to get my weight back to 144 and there I stayed for a while. Feeling fed up, I started counting calories again and stumbled across this site. This site has helped me get passed my 130 mark and almost reach my ultimate size goal. And I am probaly eating the best I have ever done! And I'm now exercising too (previously unheard of!)

So that's me :-) and you are all an inspiration and great motivators :-) so thankyou!

And I like this challenge! It allows us to get to know each other a little more. It's my challenge tomorrow and I promise mine will be as nice as this one :-)

Keep up all the hard work everyone
Xx

MittenKitten1219

How I got here, let's see... in my first 2 years of college I shot up from about 130 lbs to 150 lbs after doing a semester of study abroad. My new found love of drinking didn't help. I was able to lose the weight and got down to 128 between sophomore and junior years. After that I yo-yo'd between 130 and 145 until 3 years later when I graduated. I had just been through a horrific breakup and started working at an ice cream/sandwich shop. I was hard for cash and so I felt guilty if I didn't take full advantage of my free meal every day. Between that and the drinking I got up to 160 by the start of grad school a few months later. I had really long days and ate at the fastfood joints on campus and so stayed about 155 all school year. The summer after I started working at Panera and started calorie counting and got down to 145 by the end of the summer. Last year I was finishing my Master's and eating away the stress. I had another big break up and the stress of trying to graduate, oh and I felt guilty going to the gym because I knew I should be using the time to study. I interviewed for a job in April wearing a size 10 and weighing aobut 150ish. I left for Korea at the start of August weighing 164 (highest weight ever) and had to buy size 14 pants(the largest I have ever been). That is my motivation... I told myself I would never let it go this far and I did. I miss 128, hell, I miss 140. I want to feel confident at work, I am 25 and feel frumpy, that is not okay. I also am in a serious relationship and want to feel as attractive to my significant other as possible. (It doesn't help that his ex wife just lost like 110 lbs and the girl side of me wants to look hotter than she does... I know, I know... but we're being honest here!)

Sorry it's long and drawn out. So basically school, stress eating, and my inability to eat healthy put me here. I am too young to be this unhappy with me.

modernsoul

Interesting mini-challenge. Can't wait to get home tonight and read about everybody's journey. My story will have to wait until then.

Trina

miami_mimi

Your stories are very inspirational.

I have been a dieting yo-yo my whole life, ranging between 121lbs to 180lbs between high school and my adulthood.

On my wedding day, November 2005, I was at my lowest ever in my adult life weighing 121lbs!!!!!!! I must admit that I did not see myself supper skinny and even though everyone told me how great I looked, I just could not see it. I think that due to my family dynamics that we refer to each other as fat, and even the biggest person tells you that you're fat and you could afford to lose weight really hinders me from seeing the product of my hard work...

The day I gave birth in July 2006, I weight about 174lbs within 9 months I was down to 140lbs... It wasn't till early 2008, after I started working at a job that sucked the life out of me and took me away from my family anywhere between 10-12hours a day Monday-Friday and some Saturdays (averaging a work week of 60hrs) that my weight continued to increase. The day I walked out of the job and literally told them to stick it up their a** , I weight 175lbs and the weight just kept adding up.

On March 1st of this year, I was at 180lbs---my heaviest ever!!! I saw myself just getting bigger and bigger, I could not believe that I would end my 20's like this... so I told myself F*** THIS!!! I got together with some girls from my job and we started a biggest loser competition, a dear friend referred me to this website, my husband ate healthy and dieted with me, and the rest is history.. Here I am at 148lbs, 32lbs lighter!!!

Turning 30 was a huge accomplishment!!! some friends regret aging, NOT ME. I have done so much this year that I am proud of. I have completed two 5K's, participated in a boot camp competition and plan to run my first half marathon in January!!! I will not allow anyone or anything to stop me. My motivation has and continues to be my precious 5 year old and my husband!!!

I really want to thank you all for your support specially during those hard low energy days!

berv0009

IT's funny when I was in high school I thought I was fat. HAHAHA. Good one, Natalie. Good one. I played 3 sports all through high school with swimming, basketball and golf. I ate WHATEVER I wanted!!!! When I went to college -- that didn't change. I am a sucker for sweets and I LOVE to bake. The only problem was I stopped working out. Oh and then there was that thing called beer. I think my freshman year I gained the typical 15. But it didn't stop there. Then it was the sophomore 15. Then it was the Junior 15. Before I knew it was 185 lbs. I just looked in the mirror one day and was like WHOA. Remember the old you? the 140 lb you? And so then I asked my dad if he would do a triathlon with me. I was never a runner and so I knew it would be challenging -- but with his help I knew I could do it. So we trained and I completed a sprint distance tri in 2008. By then I was down to about 165. Then I found MFP!!!! This site made me realize that even if you exercise you actually CAN'T eat anything you want. It was shocking to realize just what I was putting into my body and shocking to see how many calories you could eat if you wanted to lose. I mean if you eat out on a regular basis, chances are you were eating 3 times what you should in an entire day. Yikes! So since I joined I have lost another 15 lbs. I also completed my first half marathon in 2010, and then another in 2011. I never thought I would be a runner, but it was all in my head. I can do it - and so can anyone else. You just have to take it one step at a time. So currently I am at 149 and my ultimate goal is to be 135 by Christmas and to be a happier, healthier me!!!

We got this ladies! Great job so far!

boncharlie

Love this challenge - well I love reading about other peoples journys but don't like writing about mine so much.

I think unlike others I have always been BIG. I have never experienced the being thin part - my mum even took me to weight watchers when I was 10!! I think that just cemented the thought that I was going to be that big jolly kid that is always everyone's friend. I never really challenged it and just thought that was the way my life was going to be - all my mums family are 'big boned' and therefore so am I.
I met my partner 11 years ago and I was 290lbs she was tiny and I never thought anything about my weight as I was loved and was happy about life. I was also pretty active - hockey, swimming and clubbing. We moved to London a year later and the weight piled on!!!!! I went from a size 24 to a size 32 in 3 years. My heaviest weight being ( just before I started this journey) 357lbs. After the birth of our daughter ( my partner carried her) we decided that I would try to conceive our second child.... I have been trying for 2 years with no baby joy. 12months ago I got pretty sick and I was admitted to hospital with gall stones. My BMI was 56 and I was too heavy for surgery. I was so embarrassed - that was my crises point. I was too big to get pregnant and too big to have emergency surgery. So after I was discharged from hospital I started the Rosemary Conley diet and started to learn about calories - I never was an emotional eater, just a lover of food!.
In 12 months I have lost 76 lbs and I am the lightest I have been in 15 years - 269lbs. 3 weeks ago I had surgery to take out my gall bladder and my BMI was 40. I am completely motivated to be fit, healthy and thinner for my beautiful 2 year daughter and for my future unborn baby. I will never forgive myself if I can not carry a child because I was too fat. This is my time to focus on me and stop making excuses........ I don't have to be the big one any more.

uhoh.. that was a bit intense wasn't it.... lol.... quick someone tell a joke!!

I am really thankful to have you all on the journey with me - it's very difficult to do it on your own when you have so much weight to loose.

xx

lloydmel

I was thin all through school; sometimes a little too thin. It wasn't even on purpose, but when I look back on it, my family barely had enough money to feed us, much less very well. I think most of my "thinness" growing up was due to lack of nutrition and I was very busy in highschool.
When I started working, I started eating poorly because I had money to eat... so I ate junk. On top of that I had started taking birth control pills due to very bad cramps...
I gained lots of weight pretty quick. I gained something like 40 pounds in a year, and had no real knowledge of how to get it off.
I dieted and worked out a little to get about 20 of those pounds off; enough to join the Air Force.
I struggled the entire time I was in the Air Force to stay under the maximum weight, but had times of being fit. Although I did alright, I was never really passionate about working out and felt no real need to do it other than being forced to be a certain weight.
I had my son while in the Air Force and 6 months afterwards was at the end of my enlistment.
I gained a good bit of weight with Jack; 50 pounds (he weighed 8 lbs and 14 oz)... lost 25 right away afterwards but that was it.
When I got out of the Air Force and was staying home with my son, it was like I lost myself. I lost my ferver for living and didn't really care much about my health... I ended up gaining all of what I had lost after having him and was back up to the weight that I had had him at.
I then started working in an office and was sitting on my butt all day. I then added some more weight and ended up heavier than I ever was.
I started seeing myself getting heavier every time I stepped on the scale and I worked with the nursing group as a clerk so I started realizing that I needed to do something. My dad had a heart attack and was diagnosed as diabetic. I knew that he probably was for a while but it was out of site, out of mind until the doctor diagnosed him with it.
I could see myself going down this track. He was diabetic, his mother was diabetic, my mother's father was diabetic. If I didn't do something soon, I'd be following in those footsteps very soon.
I started making small changes.
I started walking more, and that seemed to help.
I was ready to have another child; my son was almost 3 and we knew we wanted another one.
I had my IUD taken out and it took a while for me to get pregnant; it scared me because I thought it might have something to do with my weight (come to find out it was not... it was just my body getting back to normal after the removal of the IUD), but it scared me further, so I knew it was time to do something.
I started a new job with the same company and was very busy; I walked more and had to move around more at work so it helped a ton. I got pregnant about a month after I got that job and during my entire pregnancy gained 11 pounds. She weighed 8 lbs 9 oz; So I basically lost weight with her. I was able to drop about 10 pounds at my 6 week appt with her. I started out after her gung ho to lose the extra weight from my first pregnancy, however I came down the Post Partum Depression.
It seemed I couldn't catch a break.
I was depressed all the time; I was angry, frustrated, upset, very anxious, and my outlook was very bleak.
I started taking anti-depression medication and had been nursing her. I started feeling better and decided to start college again (I had been going when I was pregnant and stopped). I started working out after she turned 6 months old (the age the daycare at the gym would take her) and started feeling better because of that.
I started to look and feel better and came off of my depression medication.
I realized something important. The more I did for myself, the better I felt.
I decided that this was my new passion.
I'm definitely going to make this a part of my new life. I want my kids to grow up in it, and I want to be involved in healthy activities for the rest of my life.
I absolutely am in love with fitness. So much so that I am going to get my group fitness certification. I have a blog on facebook where I share my journey and help inspire and motivate others to make healthy changes in their lives. I'm very excited about my future and about making fitness a bigger part of my life.

summergreen487

Looking forward to doing this mini challenge tonight after work and reading everyone's great stories.

Carrie_D

When I was in high school, I was thin, but when I turned 16 things started to change. I turned 16, got a car and became responsible for gas and insurance. I stopped running track and started working, at McDonald's...bad, bad, bad! Add to this, that my mom had me put on birth control because I was now in a serious relationship, and my weight started to increase slightly. I was still pretty thin, I think I ended high school at a size 8. And then I went to college.... I was working at a fast food place on campus and eating 1-2 meals a day there, not exercising (except to walk to classes), staying up late, and drinking A LOT! And the pounds came on quickly. I ended up getting pregnant and getting married. My pregnancy had a lot of complications, ending with me having an emergency C-section at 32 weeks due to pre-eclampsia. During the pregnancy I gained about 75 pounds. After I had my son, I had a month of eating out, sitting in the NICU all day and focusing on getting my baby healthy so we could take him home. Although I did lose some of the pregnancy weight (I had a lot of water weight because of the pre-eclampsia), it quickly came back on. As I had my next three children, I continued to pack on weight. I would have spurts where I would exercise for a while, but I never really watched what I ate. I would go to the gym and have a good workout and then go eat lunch at McDonald's, because I "deserved it after that workout". Obviously this was not an effective weight loss program :ohwell:

My wake up call came because of my kids. My oldest two kids (15 and 13) have become very conscious of their weight. My son started exercising (running, lifing) with my husband every morning and tries to stay at a certain weight because of wrestling. And then my daughter started talking about how fat she is (she absolutely is not fat!) So I started talking about being healthy, it doesn't matter how much you weigh, eat healthy, exercise, have a healthy lifestyle. All the time, I'm thinking I AM SUCH A HYPOCRIT!!! I have no credibility with them because I am not even close to practicing what I preach. I remember one time talking to my daughter about making healthier food choices and looking down at the bag of chips and dip that I was munching on thinking to myself "Really"? And then my 10 year old joined a running club at school, and has now started running. I make statements like, "Running is one of the best things you can do stay healthy." , as I have my a** planted in my recliner! And then my 7 year old decided he was going to join my husband and two other boys on their nightly runs. Everyone in the house was getting active, and trying to have a healthy lifestyle, except me! But I'm preaching it the whole time! The boys would often ask me if I wanted to join them on a run, or my husband (who loves me for me and has never said one negative thing about my weight or how my body looks ) would ask if I wanted to go to the gym with him, but of course I can't run and I always had an excuse as to why I didn't want to go to the gym. My daughter would say "Mom, let's go to the gym." But I just didn't want to or I was too tired or it was too late, or I could come up with a thousand other excuses as to why I couldn't....no why I wouldn't go.
I think all of those things together, just helped to open my eyes. There wan't a major event that served as an AHA Moment. I think I was just tired of preaching what I didn't practice. I want my kids to see that I'm trying to change my life. I want them to see that It didn't take a lot of effort to get as big as I am, but damn it's going to take a lot of effort to lose this weight and get healthy! I want them to understand what I mean when I say "I don't want you to EVER have to deal with being overweight and unhealthy because it is sooo hard to change it" . So when they see me doing 30DS and I can barely get through a workout, but I keep trying over and over, every night, I hope it is opening their eyes to what I mean. When they see me making healthier food choices, I hope they are understanding a little bit just how important everyday's choices are.
As far as why I eat, I am SSSSSOOOOOO an emotional eater!! When I feel stressed, angry, nervous, upset food is the first thing I turn to! I remember going through the monthly budget with my husband and saying "Hold on I've got to go find some chocolate, I just can't finish this without chocolate." I'm also a bored eater. If I'm bored, I go to the fridge or the cabinets. I'm not sure that I have a handle on how I am going to change these eating patterns. Except I have started drinking water before I go to the cabinets and if it is late at night and I start to want something to snack on, I just go to bed or get on MFP and start looking at success stories. This site and the friendships that I'm building are amazing. You guys are amazing!!:flowerforyou: I certainly wouldn't have stuck with this as much as I have with out all of you and the support that you give. I never would have started 30DS and kept with it, even through the soreness, without your encouragement!

I still have a long way to go and a lot to learn, but I hope this is the beginning to real life change. I'm hoping this is the start of a new and improved me!

ML1020

Childhood through highschool I was thin. I was able to eat whatever I wanted so I never had to worry about my weight.
In '93 I met my husband. I never noticed it then, but that's where I slowely began to gain weight. When we married in '97 I was still small weighing about 125. After that neither of us led a healthy lifestyle. We ate out alot, ate alot of processed food and didn't really workout or get any exercise. We just became lazy and comfortable I guess you could say. I weighed about 140 when I got pregnant with my first daughter I gained about 40 lbs with each baby. I now have 2 beautiful girls ages 11 and 8.

About 3 years ago a bunch of my coworker and I got together and did on a 'Biggest Loser' competition. I joined a gym, started working out, eating better and won several of the competitions. My weight got back down to 138. I looked and felt so much better plus I was happier and had so much more energy. Everything was going great. I was still working out and maintaining my weight loss. That's when we got the call from my husbands company. We could either relocate to Kansas or he would be out of a job. The move was immediate. We left all of our family and friends and I left a really good job that I loved. That's when I gave up. I was depressed and miserable. I started a new job that I hated and we had to live in an apt. until we could find a house. We finally found a new house and I found a better job. In May of 2011 I was at my heaviest at 170 lbs since having children. I was still miserable and knew I had to do something. I found a local nutrition shop that did weight loss challenges. I convinced a new friend to do it with me. The trainers at the shop suggested we log our food and exercise at myfitnesspal. I immediately loved it and became addicted. I joined a gym and started working out and going to classes again. 12 weeks later I lost over 28 inches and 25 lbs. My first goal weight is 135. But i'd really love to be closer to 130. It's a struggle everyday. I love to eat and after a 10hr work day i'm exhausted and want nothing more than to go home and relax with my family. I love this October challenge and love all of the wonderful MFP friends I have made. You all keep me motivated!!

Le_Joy

Bump. Until I stop being jealous of all the people who grew up skinny.

nixickle

Hello all! Just to let you know there is a new challenge. Found under motivation and support:

Here's the link; enjoy!!

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/365461--closed-october-shredders-mini-challenge-12-10-11

Amber393

I wrote this back in January of 2008 and it still rings true.

I am hungry when I wake up at 5 a.m. and so I eat. I am hungry again at 9 and so I eat. Again at 12 and so I eat. It is now 3, I am hungry and so I eat and again at 5 or 6 and once more before bed though I may not be hungry I still eat.

I am an emotional eater. I eat when I am hungry. I eat when I'm not. I eat when I'm bored or angry. I eat when I'm sad. I just eat. Eating helps to heal. Eating scabs over the wounds of heartbreak and eating swallows the boredom, the anxiety, the desperation felt within. Eating suppresses the primal scream waiting to burst forth from the back of my throat. Eating numbs all the problems of the world. Slices of rich apple pie, cookies, ice cream, tops of cakes at work, chocolate. All of it helps to make me feel better. At least in the present moment and then later surrounded by empty cartons and wrappers, a twinge. One of guilt and shame for having eaten though I'm not hungry at all.

Emotional eating is a silent secret shared by many and I am one of those many. I do not deny. I will not deny. I do it all the time. Eating this or that. Nibbling here or there. You would think that it doesn't add up, doesn't really count and then you face yourself in the mirror. Clothes off, naked, exposed, vulnerable, alone. Your arms wrapping around your body trying to hide the imperfections, the rolls of fat, the stretch marks on the stomach and thighs, road map of where you were and where you've been. The changing face of your body as it grows, expands, contracts. Heat rises to your cheeks. Embarrassed by what you've become. Stare into the mirror. Silent words whispered in the night. Promises to change your habits, your eating, promises to exercise, to buy fruits and vegetables. Promises, empty words.

The truth . . . Comfortable. You've become comfortable in this body and the way you look, all the imperfections you find the comfort in them and try as hard as you can to change and maybe you do for a day, a week, month, year, you cycle back to what you were. Because it is a comfortable place to be and old habits are hard to break and through all the pain and the promises the whispers in the night. The food is still there and beckoning calling out your name.

My name is Amber and I am an emotional eater.

However, the last part is no longer true.

I became uncomfortable with what I saw. I became uncomfortable with what I saw when I was out of high school and into the so called real world even if it was just a step into another 4 year program of university. I continued the eating but I was uncomfortable and so I would diet or not eat or eat and eat until I felt like I would be sick. A continious battle. I'm sure the depo shot didn't help and probably still doesn't but I manage with it.

I really became uncomfortable with my weight and being naked after I graduated. I hated looking into the mirror and I still do. I hate the way my stomach is like a ball rolling over at times the waistband of my pants. I hate the way my thighs are and my arms that jiggle. I hate the rolls I see in the mirror when I look behind me. I hate it.

And so into the darkness I went. I went and sank deep into depression over my life and my body. I sank into that state until July of 2008. July of 2008 I met a wonderful loving man and I should have known better. He was married but his wife had gone to North Carolina to be with her own boyfriend. We met an odd sort of circumstance he and I. An innocent Ad on Craigslist. He the owner of an antique store and me nothing more than a trembling butterfly hiding in her shell. I went to the store on the pretense that I wanted to look and see what he had in the store. I remember I bought a book Shakespeare's Hamlet - an old copy falling apart and I bought a water pitcher with flowers and draongflies on it. Symbolic much? Perhaps and perhaps not.

I remember I went up to the register and paid for my purchases with debit card. He asked if I was the one he'd been speaking with. I told him yes. We talked for hours that day and talked for hours upon hours when I wasn't working and he wasn't tending to his kids that his wife had left.

I loved him more than anything and he loved me or so I thought and then he got a call on a warm summer day. It was his wife. She was coming back. I remember and I knew it was the end. It was a couple of weeks before it happened but it happened and I like a wounded animal went home to lick my wounds with food.

I loved him I still do. I know getting involved with a married man isn't the best of cirumstance but he is still the only man to ever make me feel beautiful and I know I shouldn't need a man to make me feel that way but he did.

I haven't talked to him in ages but the pain continued and back to the food it was. Ashamed. I still used it for comfort.

I used it for comfort until I met Daniel. Daniel and I have been together almost three years. It'll be three years the day after Thanksgiving. I actually met him through a friend of his. He told me "You know it won't work with him, you're to smart for him." The truth is he was right. His friend was sweet albeit a bit naive and a pretty boy. So, yes I did end it with his friend and we started seeing each other. His friend and I are still friends as strange as that might seem but he's a good guy with a kind heart that friend of his.

Since being with Daniel I'm doing my best not to turn to food for comfort. I'm trying my best to work into healthier habits. I'm trying my best to lose the weight.

I'm tired of being uncomfortable with my body and so here I am. I am here with all of you whom I now consider friends and whom I know will probably make a comment or two about John but I was young and I've learned since then and I've found better in Daniel.

I first started MFP at 225 lbs. I am now at 215 lbs. My goal is 175-160 lbs. I hope to get there and I hope you all will still support and continue to be my friends.

I love you all!

xo
Amber

P.S.

Nobody has ever been told about John aside from Daniel. Please don't dislike me to much now for my past.

Le_Joy

I was always fat growing up, not chubby, but fat. Well not always I have pics from 6 or 7 where I am not fat and in 5th grade I *might* have been chubby but I was fat by middle school.

For reasons I choose not to talk about I decided to lose weight when I was 18. It was pretty easy at first then it got harder but I lost 90-100lbs (don't know my start weight) in like 9 months. I always say it was a year but it might have only been 6 months I don't have good records from then and I had a VERY skewed perception of myself and I choose not to remember lots of things about that time period.

I was still technically overweight at 5'4.5" and weighing 150 but I had 6 pack abs and wore a size 6. And I ate about 1600 calories a day and exercise hard for 30-60 min a day and had a 30 min walk & 20 min yoga/stretching everyday just to maintain 5 lbs overweight. I think I stayed right around that weight for almost 2 years. Then I went to college and had more stress and my thyroid decided to be a jerk and I gained 30 lbs in 1 month. While still exercising and eating at most 1600 cals a day. And I had perfected counting calories at that point so i know it wasn't cuz I was eating too much.

Anyway after the 30lb jump I wasn't able to get the weight off and I realized I had to work sooooo freaking hard to now maintain being 30lbs overweight when stupid skinny people could do whatever and be skinny (I have friends with insanely good metabolism) so I gave up and I am not sure how long it took the weight to all come back but it did.

So now I have been fatty fatty fat fat for about 10 years. I have tried to lose weight a few times but I don't know how hard I was trying because knowing in the back of my head I WILL HAVE TO DO THIS FOREVER kind of puts a damper on things. Also I had a hard time adjusting to being skinny, I really didn't like guys staring at me, it was so foreign and made me uncomfortable. It also made me mad because I was the same person but suddenly more people wanted to hang out with me.

Recently I went on vacation and went on a walk everyday and when I got back I went on walks with a friend everyday and I had a looooonnnnnngggg discussion with myself about signing up for restricted eating and exercise FOREVER and figured I can do it. I also joined MFP because my friend started the stupid hCG diet and I wanted to keep better track of things so I could prove to her you can lose weight without the stupid diet. She lost "a little over 20 lbs" in the 42 days and I lost 14 and I got to eat more than 500 calories of whatever I wanted every day. So there!

I have a long way to go but hopefully it will work out well this time and I won't have the same issues (that I don't like to talk about) as last time though I am scared it might happen. I am also praying that I will be able to be a "normal" person once I reach my goal weight this time and that I won't really have to spend the rest of my life counting calories and exercising obsessively. Sure everyone should eat healthy and exercise but not to the extent that I had to to maintain being slightly overweight.

daniellesb1

Bump. Until I stop being jealous of all the people who grew up skinny.

Too cute ! Love it !

slainnz

Hi all, well I find it amazing that we all have different issues and different goals but were all at the same place trying to change our lives for the better!

I’m the same as a few people here, ive always been big, my dad used to kid that I was 10 stone when I was born!! I was actually 10lb 3 and had to go to special care baby unit when I was a day old because I choked drinking too much milk, think the foundation was set then!!

I was extremely active in my school years which I think helped me a little, even though I was still by far the biggest I would play sports 5 times a week also at lunch. Things went down hill when I went to college, the sports stopped and the fast food and drinking began. And its carried on ever since! Ive tried every diet you can name and a few others you cant.

I had my first wakeup call when I was trying to get pregnant and the doc said I need to lose ‘ a lot’ of weight. Anyway I did, I lost 2 stone got pregnant and continued to lose weight up to him being born (5 stone in total). I was still no skinny by no means (12 stone). Anyway I felt great for 6 mths then got pregnant again and had a rough time which saw the weight going back on. So here I am nearly 7 years after giving birth to my 2nd son again trying to have some self control! I must say though this time feels a lot different to every other time I have tried to lose weight think its just the massive support you guys give!

Sarah

KerriMx5

Me.. Hmmm. I have issues. Who doesn't? Growing up I thought I was fat. My mom always made it sound like I was. Then I got married and my husband didn't think I was pretty and he didn't think I was thin.. I was never happy with me. What is funny is that looking at pictures I was NOT a big kid.I was bigger as a teen and for a teen I was in bigger sizes but they were like 7/8's not 16!! When my second husband saw the pics of me from my first marriage he has comment more then once how tiny I was. I didn't think so. My body image was so out of wack. I mean I wasn't a size one. I was between a 9-12 but I wasn't the hippo my mom and husband made me sound like. I realize all these years later the issue wasn't me. I get that. It is hard though because my sister and I both have food issues.

With me last three daughter's I have gained a lot of weight. I also don't lose when I nurse. Oh I have tried and I can get in better shape but actually dropping pounds is really hard. I would have loved to be one of those woman who has weight just come off while nursing. NEVER happened. I was at 232 when I had my last dd. I always gain a lot while pg since I get to where I can't move, then eat a lot of stuff like cheese.. Not a good combination. I started out about 170/175 with my last daughter. About a size 12/14. I had her and was about 215 then I gained another 15. That is where I have been.

Some more history.
When I was 25 I got divorced. I got in shape, lost a lost a lot of weight . I was just working into a size nine and they were a little big when I moved from CA to NC. This was the smallest I had been in a LONG time. My first three girls were all two years a part so by the time I would get smaller I would get pg again. Gain again. Well I moved here with my new husband and he is a southern boy. He loves his fried foods. My eating healthy and working out went out the window. We moved into the country and I didn't have my neighborhood to walk in.. The bad things kept piling on. I gained. I would lose. I would gain. I did this for the last 12 years. Adding in some babies in there. Brings me to today again.

My husband still eats bad. He is still big. He is not in good health. I get mad about that BUT then I figure I am doing this for me. It has to be his choice to lose just like it is mine. I wish I had support at home. I wish we were doing this together but we aren't. Which is why I have turned to the forums and these challenges. I need someone to be my partner in crime here. I need the support while losing. Or if nothing else someone to talk to about it. He gets tired of me. I talk about what I am up to a lot. It is that important to me.

So here I am at 210 last weigh in.. Down from 232 at the start of the summer. I don't even feel shame at sharing my weight anymore. I got here. I am working to get out of here. It isn't going to stay this way. I can do this.

That is as condensed as I could make it. Hope it makes sense. The two year old keeps trying to play while I type.

SweetPea482

This group is just amazing… so many of these stories hit home to me… and some, well, kudos ladies! You are all fabulous!

My story seems so 'typical'. I have always had weight issues. I think I have always been too comfortable in my skin, yet SO self conscious about what people thought of me. I verged on delusional… I remember once in my teens telling myself "Im a 14 petite… petite... that means junior." uhm... no…

I am the kind of person that would take moments that should have been breaking points, and turn them into emotional binging vs 'Ill show them!'. I remember my dad calling me a 'fat *kitten*' because I didn't want to get off the couch to get the remote… for HIM. I kept eating.

My first turning point was my freshman year in h.s. i went to the dr for a cold and found out i was 245lb. I really WAS delusional, cuz i had NO idea i was that big. My mom starting going to weight watchers, and since it was just the two of us (mostly), we really made it work. She would go the mtgs, and go shopping, and make the food, and tell me how much i could eat. it was awesome. i actually got down to 190ish and it seemed so easy! I managed to mostly maintain that weight through the rest of high school.

Then College, and though I wasn't much of a partier or drinker, it was suddenly difficult to have planned meals for myself… where was mom?! I moved 350 miles away to go to school and i was homesick. Then, my second year of college, one of my grandmothers died at thanksgiving. 6 months later the other grandma I was living with passed away (very) suddenly of a rare blood cancer, and 6 months after that my father packed up and moved out on my mom while she was on vacation. On top of all that, I was planning my wedding, got married, and moved yet another 325 miles away (which would make it close to 14 hours from my mom). I always thought i was trying to eat well, but i married a boy with a BIG appetite, and i spent the better part of our first few years trying to keep up with that appetite.

2 years ago was my biggest wake up call…. THE wake up call. My husband and I had been having a rough time, with many things, one of them being having kids. We had a mild separation, which was more a regrouping and figuring out what we REALLY wanted out of our lives.

I started on a 'plan' shortly after we got our lives back to a normal state. I started at 311, my absolute highest ever. I knew that the weight-loss would be huge in our trials to have a baby. I did very well… losing around 40 lbs. then we found out that the whole 'having babies' thing was not gonna work without A LOT of work from the doctors… I just gave up, what was the point? Why was i trying so hard? I felt like such a failure. I couldn't have kids, I couldn't win with my family, I couldn't compete with the people around me (there were 4 weddings in my family that year and it felt like everyone was moving on… and i was stuck.)

Flash forward to 10 weeks ago. My husband and I have been through so much with the 'baby stuff', and came to a very defining moment in our lives. After more than 5 years of trying, we have decided to take the adoption path to start our family. And since it is a long, grueling process, I am doing everything i can to lose the weight I keep putting back on… so that when we are finally chosen by a family, I can play with my kid. and when the time comes where we have the money to do IVF, and I feel healthy enough to carry a child, I will be ready. Ready to live my life instead of just 'staying put'.

So now, instead of turning to food when i wanna cry… i go for a walk, or go duke it out with Mr. Elliptical. I feel great. I wish I could get my husband to play along a little more 'willingly'. He seems to tire of my endless 'health talk'. so I don't talk to him much about it. i just learn to work around him. And when i tell him my success of loss, he spins it and asks if I am disappointed im not further… *shrug*

NEVER. No matter how much I have lost, it is still better than where I was 10 weeks ago.

I will never put a date on my weight loss. The only goals I will stick to are ones that may take time, but damnit, ill do it.

My start weight 1 August 2011: 307.8
My current weight: 285.8
My long term goal weight: 150s

Goal #1: survive MT hunting trip without a gain
Goal #2: start and finish 30 Day Shred
Goal #3: two hundred sit-ups

KerriMx5

SweatPea I like your mini goals. I have a lot to lose but I am setting little goals. When I started the thought of losing over 100 pounds just seemed like a big task. Little goals were what I needed. Ones I could see. I like that you have mini goals that aren't weight related too!! My little goal now is to get below 200.

I am enjoying all your tales ladies. I need to have a chance to come back and make more comments but life keeps me so busy.