Maintenance Meltdown

iFeelBrandNew

So, I started trying to maintain for maybe the last month or so. I totally suck at it. It makes me constantly worry because I FEEL like a PIG all the time. I so dont want to get back to where I was. Ive also gained about 4-5 pounds so I'm back down to my safety net (1200 a day.)

Ever hear of something silly called 'fear of success?' this falls right in line with self sabotage and I'm really good at that. If I'm on maintenance mode that means I would have actually succeeded and accomplished something and that scares me to death. I dont want to be done. Im not ready to be done.

At 1200 a day, I know if I go over, I'll still be okay. At 2000 or so a day? If I go over, which I have done... I'm NOT okay. And I've done it a lot. I apologize if I'm all over the place with this, I just literally dont know what to do. Everyone tells me I'll look too skinny if I lose any more weight, and dropping my calories that low i have the potential to do that. Im thinking that if I stay at 12 for 3-4 weeks to lose the weight I've gained back, and then rise my calorie intake by say 100 per week until maintenance that would work?

**sigh**