How to help motivate my boyfriend

abbullar

I'm really trying to lose weight, but my boyfriend is overweight as well. He's actually very unhealthy and I'm afraid he will have something bad happen to him. We have a long distance relationship, about an hour drive, and he has to eat cafeteria food. How can I help him motivate himself without upsetting him?

ShapeUpSidney

I would leave him alone. It is his body, and you will likely only disrupt the relationship by trying to "help." Men are very resistant to womens' attempts at "fixing" things.

deeharley

You can't - you can set a good example and talk about your experience, but in the end, it's up to him. And if he doesn't make the changes you'd like to see, you'll have to eventually decide if you can live with him the way he is.

janet_pratt

Personal experience...you can't. Motivation comes from within. My dad tried to "motivate" me with digs about my weight most of my adult life. I had to decide on my own that it was important to me. My husband looks like he's gonna deliver any day now. He's beginning to change because it's hard for him to keep up with me. Do what is best for you. He may decide for himself to do it just by watching your example.

FAVOLOSOMII

I agree with Sidney. But you could be an example for him. And once he sees how your hard work is paying off, he'll want to join in. And when you all date, maybe you could do things that aren't centered around food.

Gemnildy

If you can't get him motivated by your excitement, you can ask him to HELP YOU stay honest and motivated by doing this with you but if not, I don't think there is much you can do. I did just get my parents motiviated to join the site because I raved about how easy it was to use... that is the best I can do righ tnow

Good luck! :flowerforyou:

ohraspberries13

I have the same problem. I try and nudge my boyfriend but I've had no luck. I'm hoping my good example will help him see he needs to get healthy too. Let's keep our fingers crossed for these boys!

monocot

why does he have to eat cafeteria food. Most places let you bring your own Lunch.
When my bf started his new job. he had to lift stuff and he started to get a bit of muscle so I started to really compliement how good they looked and how muscle was hott. So He kept working on getting more muscle then when he stopped. Now
The way Im trying to get my bf into shape is that each time he loses a lb, He gets a token. 5 tokens can be redeemed for
"nookie" and I'm not allowed to say no. But I've been with my bf for many years and he has a ton of trouble getting me to say yes. LOl

genxrider

All good advice so far. I have a hard time getting my husband motivated - he plays a lot of PC games so he's sitting all day at work and then wants to sit all night at home.

My advice is the same as others - just leave him alone. He'll either want to join you or not, but it's his road to travel.

JIsh09

My boyfriend is the same way..He was the one who actually decided we should do this together..

I've been doing this for a month on my own while his fat *kitten* sleeps.

I try to motivate him and even ask him to join me,but he to busy eating fried chicken.:laugh:

So I gave up on trying to help him..As long as I'm doing it for myself then that's all that matters. You cant help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.

circuitsix

I was motivated to get healthy by my wife, she did not have to say a word to me either. She ate healthy, excercised and did most of the cooking. Little did I know that she was impacting me so much without saying a thing. It may be difficult being long distance but I think leading by example may be your best bet. Now a days it is me motivating my wife, we have become very healthy and motivated together, just took some time.

rayzerwolf

When he sees your progress he may just start doing it him self, my boyfriend lost allot of weight first then I wanted to at the least slim down to my weight when we started dating. So I started walking and recording how much I was really eating and now we are kind of doing it together. He still tries to get me to do all of the MFP stuff for him but he is watching how much of what ever he’s eating. I still can’t get him to do the 30day shred with me every day though.

Nic620

Leave it be. He needs to have that moment where the switch clicks and he's tired of how he feels/looks and he's ready to take charge. Continue your focus on yourself. Hopefully he'll see all your own dedication and that'll motivate him!

manderson27

We are the other way around. My hubby is fit and healthy. He has never tried to make me eat healthier but he has always supported any attempt I make.

That is all you can do. Do what you need for yourself ask him if he would like to join you if not then leave him be. He may well decide on his own when he sees how healthy you are getting.

H_Factor

I agree with all of this. Nagging from my wife, my mom and my grandmother over the years just made me more stubborn. sure, I knew they meant well and I knew I was unhealthy, but I had to make the decision for myself before I was ready to do something truly long term. it takes a lot of mental stay-with-it-ness to stick to a healthy lifestyle. Even if your boyfriend started something at your urging, its unlikely he would stay with it if he mind wasn't properly on board from the get go.

CoachNYLA

Being loving and being an example is probably the best thing I have ever done in a situation like this. It is not unusual that when one person is on a mission, that they feel the other person they are in a relationship should follow along.

It is your journey and if he decides to embrace the same ideas, then that is his journey. Besides, the focus should not be on him, but rather on yourself and your goals.

Peace,

rebeccaME207

i am with you grl! not only would it be fun to eat healthier and exercise with him but it wouldnt hurt him either. I wish hed quit smoking and get motivated w me cause I see how unhappy he is but, he never wants to . Im always the one who is pushing and pulling and he has no want so rather than sit n die n be un happy w him I HAVE to do this for me! cause ive been unhappy for far too long! Ive tried to tell him i have a food addiction yet he comes home w pizza thats on him! some times i wonder if some of my binging is cause im unhappy ... maybe in the relationship... not quite ready to go there... but, its a thought!! hugs stay strong for u!

abbullar

Thanks everyone! I'll just leave him alone and see if my motivate with in turn motivate him. The last thing I want to do it hurt his feelings or make him feel like I don't like who he is, because I do!

123456654321

The best way, the only way really, is to lead by example. You just can't force people to be motivated....when/if he is ready, he will do it. Good luck!

d2footballJRC

As a man who had a woman harping on him for 7 years of marriage about his weight don't do it.

If he isn't ready to make the change then he won't do it. It to this day ticks my wife off that after 7 years one day I woke up and decided I wanted to lose weight. All her nagging ever did was tick me off and start arguments. He isn't going to lose until he wants to lose. If he isn't wanting to lose he might do it for awhile to please you but he will fall off the wagon and go back to his old ways. He has to want it.

falsecho

I have to agree with the others. Set the example. if he wants to join in, then great. If not, then great. Nothing you can do except keep on setting the example.