What is with Moms?

Lisa_222

I love my mom. She's elderly but she's a saint. She cares for my dad, worries about me, never has a bad thing to say about anyone. But she WILL NOT STOP BRINGING ME FOOD!

I finally lost my temper and hurt her feelings but she came over with cookies and canolies (Italian pastry) I just about had a stroke. My diabetic dad sat and ate about four cookies and a pastry and I ate nothing even though she kept insisting that "one won't hurt". When she left I told her to take them or I'll flush them down the sink. She didn't take them and I flushed them and told her so.

It's no secret that I'm dieting, I told her more than a few times. Why do people that love you do these things?

alibreasy

Because unfortunately a lot of cultures as well as the older generation associate Love and food together! Sad but true. Just keep holding your ground! This to shall pass.

SergeantSunshine_reused

Oh goodness I would have snarfed the cannoli :O Or maybe all of them xD good will power!

kandyjo

That is probably her way of "comforting" someone... She could be one that cooks when she is stressed or hurt or worried... It's her sanity... and she feels that she is "taking care of her own" when she is feeding them... I know a lot of moms like this... especially from an older generation...

JennsLosing

i would just take one, and say im saving it for later and toss it.

kool_maverik

I understand your point of view, but be very glad that you have a mom who loves you and cares for you....there are a lot of people who don't.

vim_n_vigor

You turned down homemade cannolis? Wow, that is some willpower. I don't think I could ever do that!

Jade_Butterfly

Oh goodness I would have snarfed the cannoli :O Or maybe all of them xD good will power!

Seriously. . Major kudos for self control~! Wow

70kilo

This is a difficult one. My two cents is this is her way of saying she loves you, no matter what. She just never learned to do it in a other way. And maybe she feels unsure, because it would implicate she didn't raise you well, if her food isn't good enough for you anymore. If she has Italian blood, food is the familial bonding. Tell her you love her no matter what. (Oe, difficult to write such thoughts in English. If it makes no sense at all, I hope you will get better advice.) Keep up te good work.

sarahwright01

Rather than ask her not to make you something because she obviously loves to make you food, ask her if she will help you out by making healthier recipies. Find some oneline that you would like her to try making. Such as Whole Wheat Bran muffins with Applesauce to replace the butter/oil and using egg whites instead of the whole egg. Ask that she doesnt' substitute out anything from the recipie but to make it exactly like it says. Tell her that is how she can show you her love. that way you wont hurt her feelings and you won't fight. Then when she does bring you the food, try one, or half of one and tell her you are going to freeze the rest for later. Then do just that. Freeze it. If you decide to throw it away at a later date that is fine.

If having the food in the house hurts your self control than take it to a neighbor after she leaves or to a potluck style function, or take it to work the next day. You obviously feel bad for hurting her feelings. And she keeps cooking for you because she doesn't know how else to tell you she is sorry.

You might also ask her to come over and help you cook rather than bring something to you. For example, tell her, "Mom, instead of bringing me food thats already cooked on Wednesday, why don't you pick up these items (Then list the items) and help me cook them. Things such as crustless quiche, hardboiled eggs, homemade whole wheat croutons, are heathy options that she could help you cook.

lisaisso

OY. i hear ya..
the other day i went over to the parent's house, and mom said, 'oh i can tell you've lost weight. now lisa, are you EATING? are you STARVING YOURSELF?!'
it's like wtf, oh and thanks?? ? ?

EDesq

I love my mom. She's elderly but she's a saint. She cares for my dad, worries about me, never has a bad thing to say about anyone. But she WILL NOT STOP BRINGING ME FOOD!

I finally lost my temper and hurt her feelings but she came over with cookies and canolies (Italian pastry) I just about had a stroke. My diabetic dad sat and ate about four cookies and a pastry and I ate nothing even though she kept insisting that "one won't hurt". When she left I told her to take them or I'll flush them down the sink. She didn't take them and I flushed them and told her so.

It's no secret that I'm dieting, I told her more than a few times. Why do people that love you do these things?

They do it out of Love. Bringing food...something someone made by their own hand is a very personal way of showing Love. Me, if My Mother had been fortunate to still be alive, I would have just taken that offering of love, told her I was on a new eating plan, thanked her for the thought and AFTER she had gone, THROWN it AWAY! There is a Balance that "WE" have to find between our own needs and those of others we Love and who Love us.

If that had been My Friend and she knew what I was doing or even My Husband, I would react differently...than with My elderly, Loving Mom.

Lisa_222

My mom cannot cook well. Fat is her main ingredient. Don't get me wrong, she's a sweetheart. I'm just venting here because I can and I don't want to hurt her feelings. She'll get over the tossing of the cookies. I know she'll still bring them, but maybe next time she'll take the leftovers home.

magnumgirl

Your mom will still love you even after you flushed her treats, sometimes it takes an episode like that one for them to realize you were serious. Good for you standing up for yourself.

I have family that always brings junk to me and my kids and it drives me nuts. If they leave it behind I will usually dump most of it in the garbage (when they are gone) and save a small amount for the kids.

Valechka

My mother in law is the same, so hard when she visits and cooks all day long and the food is good, tasty, but not practically healthy... I always get heartburn and put weight. She gets really upset if I don't eat of her some food.... It is like a curse. I am trying to just take her out more , so I can cotrol my food. Also I cook myself for everybody, but then she cooks on top of my food. And yes,if her son, my husband would not eat some of the food, it is like major tragedy... The only person who can eat whatever he want is our son, he is just 3 ... And the funny thing she thinks her food is so healthy ... Other then food issue, I really enjoy when she come to visit... She is great person. It must be culture thing with food. Food and family and comfort all together...

Valechka

In your case I would take the cookies and canoli (yum) and just give them away at work. I do that all the time with yummy and expensive chocolates from Europe my mom brings me .. She travels a lot of her job.. And i don t have no control if they at home

KickinBooty

Ugh my mom does the same thing! She'll make waffles, french toast, and cinnamon rolls and drown them in syrup. She makes huge amount of foods and she uses food as comfort, so I know where I learned that one. Now it's my turn to decide if this is the way I'm willing to live the rest of my life or if I want more.

Hoppymom

My wonderful 330 (now 315) pound husband. He spent three days in the hospital right after I started this diet for rib and shoulder pain. No heart attack but they got on him about his weight and his diabetes. He, of course, has lost 15 pounds in 2.5 weeks, just by cutting back. He still doesn't monitor his diabetes. He doesn't read labels unless I force the issue. We were shopping for groceries together and he is getting things he wants but I take them and say look at the label . This is a serving and this is.............. whereever the nutritional data is. He's shocked. I'm like, "What! This has been on things forever!!!!" When he cooks it tastes great and he creates his own recipies but they are always high in fat and salt and often fried. * sigh* Really? Still? Three eggs fried for breakfast. Ok, so he only does this four days a week instead of seven but AAAARRRRGGHHHH! Baby steps and education.

There have been alot of great comments about why your mother continues to bring unhealthy foods. Another reason might be that if what she has been doing caused your obesity and stroke than she is to blame (somewhat). That would be horrible to contemplate. This is really hard thing for you because we have all been taught to obey and honor our parents . Even as adults those rules really don't change too much especially in some families and cultures. Best wishes.

I should mention that one of my daughters is extremely heavy and that is partly due to my model for her. I ate poorly and didn't work out. She followed that model and became unhealthy. Now we cook new foods together and go to the gym together. Sadly she is very picky about what she eats hopefully we can still work around that.

skinnnyxoxo

You should've gave them to me!