Has your life turned out like you expected?

Ocarina

Not in the least. When I married a minister of music 19 years ago, I thought we'd live a long, happy life together with a houseful of kids (well, not really...more like 2 or 3 kids!). Little did I know we would battle infertility and end up adopting two children through foster care, one of whom has developmental delays and Tourette's Syndrome. Little did I know that a few years later, my husband would begin sexually abusing our daughter and would become verbally and emotionally abusive with me and both kids. Little did I know he would take the coward's way out and commit suicide when his trial date came up. Little did I know that he would leave me with several debts that I would have to work hard to pay off. So no, life has not turned out like I expected.

BUT...a very big but!...in spite of it all, my children are healthy, we've all been through counseling, we've moved to be near my family, and we are doing well. I'm taking better care of myself and am happy for the first time in a number of years. So while we've had our share of tragedy (and then some!), God has been faithful and has given me the strength to get through it all. While I wouldn't have chosen to go through the things that we did, I've become so much stronger for it.

Oh my gosh woman! You've got the story of the year for this topic. Major props to you for trucking through such awful and disgusting situations that your husband brought upon you.

Personally my life has paved itself out the way I want it to. Maybe not in the exact order but I live a very successful, happy, and productive life. I'm doing well in school getting my chosen career completed just like the rest of my family. I also accomplished the goal of finding a great husband and having a wonderful marriage. Even down to the silly thing of quitting smoking when I was 21 which was my plan when I was 18. lol. I won't have kids until I'm 30+ making some good money and we both being married and stable already know that's not going to change. Life couldn't be better and it's exactly how I wanted things to work out and more. I even have a job I specifically went out and looked for. Actually, both me and my husband have our chosen jobs (these being the type of jobs while going through school obviously lol)!! I also wanted to be religious and have time for that and go to mass each week as planned and am very involved in my church.

I'm only 23 and I have my **** together and don't plan on that ever being any different except for when the unplanned things happen like a car wreck or somebody dies. But nobody can plan that and shouldn't.

The only thing I'm missing in my life is a good dog but am making that a slow process due to wanting to make the right decision. Otherwise I have 0 complaints about my life. If you stick to what you want in life you will receive it and earn it. I plan on being a role model of that and will NEVER EVER "settle" or "give up" as life is way too short.

undermajorconstruction

Not at all!! I am so happy now! I never thought that I could feel this way. I never thought that I would share this but I was in an abusive marriage for 5 years. Left him and went back several times. After all, I loved him very much and believed him everytime he said that he would change, well I wanted to believe it. Finally, i knew that I had to leave and not look back for the sake of our daughter who was at the time 3 y/o. It kept getting worse and she was just seeing too much! Stayed in a shelter for 2 months while saving to afford a place for my daughter and I to stay. I felt like a complete failure and felt completely out of my element. Once he realized that I wasn't coming back this time, he decided to commit suicide Christmas 2008. I felt incredibly guilty. Needless to say, I was in a bad place spiritually.

Fast forward..My daughter and I are very happy. I am with someone who treats me and my daughter very well. The kicker....My daughter (although she misses her father dearly) often hugs me and lets me know how happy she is and that we have a normal family now. This just further confirms that i did the right thing. I often pinch myself in disbelief. She is happy and mommy is happy. I did not expect this and so soon after the choas. Sorry so long...don't know why I felt compelled to tell this story in detail.

kmbrooks15

Not at all!! I am so happy now! I never thought that I could feel this way. I never thought that I would share this but I was in an abusive marriage for 5 years. Left him and went back several times. After all, I loved him very much and believed him everytime he said that he would change, well I wanted to believe it. Finally, i knew that I had to leave and not look back for the sake of our daughter who was at the time 3 y/o. It kept getting worse and she was just seeing too much! Stayed in a shelter for 2 months while saving to afford a place for my daughter and I to stay. I felt like a complete failure and felt completely out of my element. Once he realized that I wasn't coming back this time, he decided to commit suicide Christmas 2008. I felt incredibly guilty. Needless to say, I was in a bad place spiritually.

Fast forward..My daughter and I are very happy. I am with someone who treats me and my daughter very well. The kicker....My daughter (although she misses her father dearly) often hugs me and lets me know how happy she is and that we have a normal family now. This just further confirms that i did the right thing. I often pinch myself in disbelief. She is happy and mommy is happy. I did not expect this and so soon after the choas. Sorry so long...don't know why I felt compelled to tell this story in detail.

If you read my story right above yours, you'll see a lot of similarities! I'm so glad you got out. And I hope you do not continue to feel guilt over his suicide. He made his own choices, and you are not responsible for his choices. You are only responsible for the fact that you did the RIGHT thing for you and your daughter. Kudos to you for that! And I think there is something therapeutic, almost cathartic, in telling your story. Who knows how many other women might read your story and decide to leave an abusive marriage? That's why I tell my story...if it can help just one woman, one child, whoever...then it's worth it.

juliecat1

Life for me is WAY different than I expected. The plan was to go on to grad school and be some type of medical researcher. I didnt see myself getting married or having kids. At least not for a long time.
But the way it went, I got pregnant in college. Got married because thats what you should do, shortly after. Had another kid and went back to college to be a nurse. Had another kid and decided to stay at home with the kids. We have a lot of fun but I seriously can NOT wait to get back to work. I need a challenge again.
None of this is a bad thing... just not what I had expected. I cant imagine my life without my kids!

undermajorconstruction

Not at all!! I am so happy now! I never thought that I could feel this way. I never thought that I would share this but I was in an abusive marriage for 5 years. Left him and went back several times. After all, I loved him very much and believed him everytime he said that he would change, well I wanted to believe it. Finally, i knew that I had to leave and not look back for the sake of our daughter who was at the time 3 y/o. It kept getting worse and she was just seeing too much! Stayed in a shelter for 2 months while saving to afford a place for my daughter and I to stay. I felt like a complete failure and felt completely out of my element. Once he realized that I wasn't coming back this time, he decided to commit suicide Christmas 2008. I felt incredibly guilty. Needless to say, I was in a bad place spiritually.

Fast forward..My daughter and I are very happy. I am with someone who treats me and my daughter very well. The kicker....My daughter (although she misses her father dearly) often hugs me and lets me know how happy she is and that we have a normal family now. This just further confirms that i did the right thing. I often pinch myself in disbelief. She is happy and mommy is happy. I did not expect this and so soon after the choas. Sorry so long...don't know why I felt compelled to tell this story in detail.

If you read my story right above yours, you'll see a lot of similarities! I'm so glad you got out. And I hope you do not continue to feel guilt over his suicide. He made his own choices, and you are not responsible for his choices. You are only responsible for the fact that you did the RIGHT thing for you and your daughter. Kudos to you for that! And I think there is something therapeutic, almost cathartic, in telling your story. Who knows how many other women might read your story and decide to leave an abusive marriage? That's why I tell my story...if it can help just one woman, one child, whoever...then it's worth it.

OH MY!!! I just got goose bumps! I don't know how I missed your post. You are so right. I do speak with ppl that have just left their batterers to lift their spirits. It is wonderful that you are near family and that things are much better for you and your children! :happy:

seal57

No way......I thought that I would marry and have a heap of kids......But both never happened.....Well, the baby almost happened but I miscarried at 7 weeks.......Found out almost 3 years ago the reason.......My uterus was not created to carry a child....So I was never meant to have kids.....This hurt more then when I was told that I had cancer......I am now cancer free............

beckylou66

Not at all.... I started my career right after college, my goals were set very high. I got pregnant shortly after finishing college (never thought I would even have kids) got married and quit that job. Moved 15 hrs away from everyone I knew, had another baby. I've changed jobs/careers SEVERAL times, now divorced and am about as unhappy as I ever thought I could be. I love my 2 girls and wouldn't change them at all, but boy I'd change my life. I believe I am in the process of "settling" right now, I'm with someone who is good to me and who loves me but I think I'm looking for comfort not what it takes to make a good relationship. I don't even know how to change it all, it seems I've drastically changed about everything I can in my life!

ChrisStoney

Not at all. I'm 43 and I'm back in school full time.......didn't plan on that but it's a GREAT thing, I love it !! :happy:

Hey did you get all your homework done? You don't have time to be messing around on here, LOL!

On a serious note you will not regret your chioce, it is a nice field to work in!

ejohndrow

Like so many others, no. I thought I'd be an artist and live in a big city. I quit college a year before completing my BFA and just worked for the next 7 years. At nearly 28 I joined the Navy, went back to school and I'm now 15 credits away from my BS in Investigations.

I would like to get married and have kids, but I'm far too lazy to go looking for a husband, I'll just focus on building some semblence of a career for the time being.

jenny95662

i always planned to be a teacher but half way through school i met my husband got married and he is military so we moved away.. i never planned to leave my home state of RI but i did cause i met him. I never thought i would ever be in a military wife and i am lol I always wanted kids and i have 2 and want one more so we will see how that goes lol