Why do you insist I do it your way?

alyssamiller77

I ask this with the knowledge that this could quickly degenerate into a flame war. I honestly hope it won't and I'm really looking for some lively but constructive discussion. In my short time on MFP, I've noticed something on these forums. It seems there are people who offer up their expertise or personal experiences for the sake of being helpful, understanding that their approach may not work for everyone or their research could be incorrect. However, then there are those who insist that their way is "the" way and seem to be almost recruiting people to follow in their chosen program. Indeed, the forums here seem to mirror life in general as I also see this all the time with other people in my life. Certainly those looking to hock a book or some exercise gear or something have marketing as their motivation. But why does the average MFP'er feel the need to get people to follow their approach to dietary and/or fitness health?

Surely we've all seen the water discussions where despite any clinical or scientific proof, those who've chosen to make plain water a staple of their diet insist that everyone must do this in order to be healthy. I've also had conversations with those I'll refer to (for lack of a better term) as "clean eaters". There seem to be varying degrees but these are the folks who insist that one can only be healthy if they completely remove from their diets all processed sugars, artificial sweeteners, etc. I've even had vegetarians who've tried to insist to me how their lifestyle is the only truly healthy one and that humans were never meant to eat meat, etc. So back to my question, I understand people being proud of their efforts and being passionate about the things they've done that they enjoyed or work for them. What I don't understand is why some of these people speak of different approaches to healthy eating with such vitriol.

Personally, my perspective on this is 1. as far as I'm concerned we don't know as much about how our bodies work as we'd like to believe we do. Science has only proven one thing consistently in this space and that is that it will consistently prove the fallacy of it's own truths. In other words, what is indisputable fact today will be proven completely wrong tomorrow. 2. There is no one way to approach being healthy that is proven to work. We've all seen or heard stories of that person who did everything "right" yet still died from coronary heart disease or cancer or whatever at a relatively young age. 3. Based on 1 and 2 we all must find an approach that fits our personality as well as our lifestyle. Ultimately that's the only way we're going to stick to it. So if you choose to only drink water, I support you in that and think that's great but why do you not share your support for me in drinking other drinks that I enjoy? If you have decided you want to remove all artificial sweeteners from your diet, great, that's awesome. But why do you feel you somehow possess superior knowledge that I must follow in order to be healthy?

Again, I'm not looking for a debate of who's right or wrong here. I want to understand people's motivations, so I hope we can confine our discussion to that.

janet_pratt

Good luck. And keep your head down.

Sidesteal

My motivation is to help dispel dietary myths that cause people to do unneccessary (sp) things in order to lose weight. The cumulative effect that these things have on dieting serves to complicate the process and in my opinion, they are a contributing factor to people failing.

I agree with you that science is constantly evolving and that what we thought was correct today, might be proven wrong tomorrow. It doesn't change my reliance on it as a guideline for determining what is accurate vs myth.

voluptuous_veggie

I'm right. I'm always right. Learn to love it. :happy:

maidentl

I try not to be one of those people but I have one in my life. I think that there is a thought process that someone must be right and therefore someone must be wrong. If you don't like/do it their way then you must think they are wrong/bad and therefore they must defend themselves to the bitter end. I don't know where that comes from, but that's my take on it.

WKenL

Rude people exist.

Online, rudeness tends to be magnified.

My suggestion is that you just realize that and take what you want from comments, ignore the rest. There may be some merit in a rudely-worded post, and it's up to you to figure out what you do and don't want to take away.

Of coruse, that's just my opinion.Take it, leave it, whatever ... no skin off my nose.

maidentl

I'm right. I'm always right. Learn to love it. :happy:

This is what i tell my husband and children. The sooner they accept this, the happier they will all be.

Jennloella

I've noticed this too, and I have no idea how to explain it. I also notice it when people ask for opinions on a situation (be it health related or otherwise0 and then when the opinions come that differ from theirs, they have to defend, argue, etc. All I can say to those people is If you want to surround yourself and communicate only with people that agree with you, think the exact same way as you, then you might want to consider shutting off your internet because there's a whole big world out there that the internet will likely expose you to! :laugh:

Qarol

Can someone get me the cliffsnotes?

TheirEllie82

I'm right. I'm always right. Learn to love it. :happy:

You stole the words out of my mouth

rybo

I ask this with the knowledge that this could quickly degenerate into a flame war. I honestly hope it won't and I'm really looking for some lively but constructive discussion. In my short time on MFP, I've noticed something on these forums. It seems there are people who offer up their expertise or personal experiences for the sake of being helpful, understanding that their approach may not work for everyone or their research could be incorrect. However, then there are those who insist that their way is "the" way and seem to be almost recruiting people to follow in their chosen program. Indeed, the forums here seem to mirror life in general as I also see this all the time with other people in my life. Certainly those looking to hock a book or some exercise gear or something have marketing as their motivation. But why does the average MFP'er feel the need to get people to follow their approach to dietary and/or fitness health?

Surely we've all seen the water discussions where despite any clinical or scientific proof, those who've chosen to make plain water a staple of their diet insist that everyone must do this in order to be healthy. I've also had conversations with those I'll refer to (for lack of a better term) as "clean eaters". There seem to be varying degrees but these are the folks who insist that one can only be healthy if they completely remove from their diets all processed sugars, artificial sweeteners, etc. I've even had vegetarians who've tried to insist to me how their lifestyle is the only truly healthy one and that humans were never meant to eat meat, etc. So back to my question, I understand people being proud of their efforts and being passionate about the things they've done that they enjoyed or work for them. What I don't understand is why some of these people speak of different approaches to healthy eating with such vitriol.

Personally, my perspective on this is 1. as far as I'm concerned we don't know as much about how our bodies work as we'd like to believe we do. Science has only proven one thing consistently in this space and that is that it will consistently prove the fallacy of it's own truths. In other words, what is indisputable fact today will be proven completely wrong tomorrow. 2. There is no one way to approach being healthy that is proven to work. We've all seen or heard stories of that person who did everything "right" yet still died from coronary heart disease or cancer or whatever at a relatively young age. 3. Based on 1 and 2 we all must find an approach that fits our personality as well as our lifestyle. Ultimately that's the only way we're going to stick to it. So if you choose to only drink water, I support you in that and think that's great but why do you not share your support for me in drinking other drinks that I enjoy? If you have decided you want to remove all artificial sweeteners from your diet, great, that's awesome. But why do you feel you somehow possess superior knowledge that I must follow in order to be healthy?

Again, I'm not looking for a debate of who's right or wrong here. I want to understand people's motivations, so I hope we can confine our discussion to that.

Post of the year candidate. I hope the discussion remains civil. I don't try to convince anyone of anything, I just offer opinions based on personal experience.

I also never reallized there were so many "right" (and wrong) ways to eat until I came here. Or that there were so many names for them.

HMonsterX

Couldn't agree more. There's a big difference between finding something works FOR YOU, for whatever reason, it may be a placebo, or it helps you control cravings, etc. i.e. breakfast, and things that are biologically proven to be a "fact", such as smaller meals more often does NOT boost metabolism and cause more fat burn.

If you are in the former, great! Go nuts! Keep doing what you're doing, and by all means tell us so we can try it! But don't try to pass it off as scientific fact. We all need the basic calories in/out deficit, we just have different ways of achieving this same goal.

WKenL

I try not to be one of those people but I have one in my life. I think that there is a thought process that someone must be right and therefore someone must be wrong. If you don't like/do it their way then you must think they are wrong/bad and therefore they must defend themselves to the bitter end. I don't know where that comes from, but that's my take on it.

You know my ex-wife?


I'm sorry ...

Sidesteal

Can someone get me the cliffsnotes?

Sugar killed three kittens.

Thomasm198

:bigsmile:

Jennloella

I try not to be one of those people but I have one in my life. I think that there is a thought process that someone must be right and therefore someone must be wrong. If you don't like/do it their way then you must think they are wrong/bad and therefore they must defend themselves to the bitter end. I don't know where that comes from, but that's my take on it.

this is actually an excellent theory, the thinking that "if my advice/idea doesn't work for you then I"m 'wrong'" interesting.........

asyouseefit

My motivation is to help dispel dietary myths that cause people to do unneccessary (sp) things in order to lose weight. The cumulative effect that these things have on dieting serves to complicate the process and in my opinion, they are a contributing factor to people failing.

I agree with you that science is constantly evolving and that what we thought was correct today, might be proven wrong tomorrow. It doesn't change my reliance on it as a guideline for determining what is accurate vs myth.

This. It annoys me when people spread myths and false diet info on the forum.

lururu

I just like drinking lots of water, if you don't thats completely fine cos it means there is more for me

Onesnap

"It's my way or the highway."



Everyone has to do what works for them as an individual. Like the many folks that lived well over age 100 and ate eggs every day for breakfast. I'm sure they had plenty of doctors/experts/family members along the way say to them "For goodness' sake stop eating so much cholesterol every single day!" They sure showed them by living until they were 105.

All I know is that I've learned a lot on MFP by being part of this since January of this year. I'm always reading, learning, and hearing new things about health and nutrition and this seems like a great place to share it.

However, it's not always positive on here. I see a lot of nastiness on the forums and because of that I need to limit my forum use. And by nastiness I mean people basically saying "It's my way or the highway."

JeSuisPrest

I have a few theories....

1. Some people can be very passionate.
2. For others it has worked for them and they are just eager to share.
3. It's the internet, no tone of voice can be heard so often people are misunderstood.
4. Some just feel they are right no matter what.

My3Rayz

Can someone get me the cliffsnotes?

What Q said! Anything longer than a paragraph and I'm just skipping to the snarky comments!

Gigi_licious

Can someone get me the cliffsnotes?

+1

Gigi_licious

Can someone get me the cliffsnotes?

What Q said! Anything longer than a paragraph and I'm just skipping to the snarky comments!

+1

alyssamiller77

I try not to be one of those people but I have one in my life. I think that there is a thought process that someone must be right and therefore someone must be wrong. If you don't like/do it their way then you must think they are wrong/bad and therefore they must defend themselves to the bitter end. I don't know where that comes from, but that's my take on it.

this is actually an excellent theory, the thinking that "if my advice/idea doesn't work for you then I"m 'wrong'" interesting.........

Agreed, I wonder how much of that might play into it. I'd like to say I try not to be one of those people I described either, but I'm not sure I'm always successful at that either.

nanodot

I do this a little. It's kinda like religion - you are betting your health on it, thinking about it every single time you eat or think about eating, and trying to keep yourself psyched up for a long haul. You have to have faith and belief that what you are doing will work!

And anybody who does any diet consistently will get good results while they do it - so you want to tell everybody that you have the way that WORKS... You want to save them...

So I think it is not a negative (your way sucks) but a desperate positive (get in my lifeboat quick before you drown!) kind of thing...

My Paleo way works. Your way probably works too, if it cuts calories.

But my way is really easy and sustainable long-term and cures diabetes. *smug*

fairygirl716

Here is another way to look at this....

What you were doing to get fat = do the opposite to get thin.

What you are doing now that has you at a plateau = do something different!

Your body is a science that can't be truely understood!

Sidesteal

Couldn't agree more. There's a big difference between finding something works FOR YOU, for whatever reason, it may be a placebo, or it helps you control cravings, etc. i.e. breakfast, and things that are biologically proven to be a "fact", such as smaller meals more often does NOT boost metabolism and cause more fat burn.

If you are in the former, great! Go nuts! Keep doing what you're doing, and by all means tell us so we can try it! But don't try to pass it off as scientific fact. We all need the basic calories in/out deficit, we just have different ways of achieving this same goal.

^ Great post.

A_New_Horizon

I totally see what you are saying. When people ask me my opinion or what I do, I always try to say that this worked for me, but doesn't mean it will work for you.

I do drink diet soda and eat processed foods because my lifestyle (being a single mother) won't allow me to make this big homemade meals. I always have a healthy choice, lean cuisine, etc for lunch, and I have lost 55 lbs in over a year (I would say what I am doing is working for me). I usually have 1 diet soda a day, and I put crystal light in my water (because I don't like plain water). I know some frown on it, and that is ok - they are entitled to their opinins.

Just remember, we all have opinioins and we all like to think we are right. Just keep doing what you are doing. If you are losing weight, then your method is working for you. Take the advice that you like and ignore the rest.

DonM46

I'm not doing this MY way, YOUR way, or anyone else's.
I'm following the guidelines (as close as I can, anyway) that this website has established.
I'm not on a 'journey,' I'm just trying to lose some weight.
I'm not condemning those who don't eat meat, nor am I praising them. If that's what someone wants to do, fine.
I'm just trying to eat right -- for ME.
It has worked, so I don't plan to change based on a forum post, irrespective of the poster's credentials.

kendernau

My way is the right way...for me. I do gladly share it with others, but try to add a caveat that I could be wrong, or to experiment and see what works for you.

I think we are seeing opposition from 3 primary types of people:

1. Those who (probably subconsciously) feel a disagreement with their way of life is an attack on them, because if their way isn't right, it must be wrong, and they can't be wrong, so they have to defend it to the bitter end. :noway:

2. Those who feel because of the "research" they have done, believe in their mind that they have unequivocally determined what is the best way - and why would people argue with them after they have done all this work? After all, they are sharing the information to keep someone else from taking the same amount of time...they should be grateful that the work has already been done. :smokin:

3. Finally, there are those who don't actually have the knowledge (or not enough), but want to help (or show off) and are trying to bluster their way past any opposition.

Elizabeth_C34

My motivation is to help dispel dietary myths that cause people to do unneccessary (sp) things in order to lose weight. The cumulative effect that these things have on dieting serves to complicate the process and in my opinion, they are a contributing factor to people failing.

I agree with you that science is constantly evolving and that what we thought was correct today, might be proven wrong tomorrow. It doesn't change my reliance on it as a guideline for determining what is accurate vs myth.

This.

The amount of misinformation based on pseudoscience and flat out falsehoods on this forum is astounding to me.