I gained back 32 pounds - sabotage, help?

Samantha1987

I have no idea what to do…

I was doing great at the beginning of the year. I got off track during a summer class but got back on target the following month for a total weight loss of 32 pounds.

I still live at home. The time I lost the weight is when my mother was not living here. She was gone for around 5 months. No mother = the weight start slipping off.

My mother comes back and in comes the homecooked baking, bread making, starches, home-made pastries and fattening meals return. My mother has no concept of really understanding calories. Example: She made a teriyaki and fried rice dish the other night and thought that was “healthy” because it has chicken (despite the fact it was loaded with brown sugar and soysauce and the rice was fried and WHITE and the chicken was sauteed in butter).

I’ve tried to explain several times how calories work, etc – and it’s in one ear and out the other.

Even relatively healthy dishes she makes them unhealthy by adding more butter or cooking with oil (when I’ve cooked the same dishes without) – sometimes in 1 pot she’ll use half a stick (mind you we’re only 3 people in the house). I'm at the point, I don't even ask what she used or not since she'll just (at least I feel) lie about it and say she didn't use as much.

Also if me or my brother (who lost 100lbs) tries to mention this is too fattening, etc – she becomes very offensive and hurt about it. She'll argue that no one appreciates it, etc.

My brother has gained back about 15 lbs as well.

I don’t know what to do? The only way I lost the weight is I just did not have access to the food I do now.

The fridge literally had nothing but milk, water, fruits, veggies, chicken, cereal and I was excersising 5-6x a week.

One of my major weak spots if ice cream – and for example Sunday she invited me to go get some ice cream – well there goes 600+ calories for me.

She’s been back for a few months..and I’ve gained all the weight back.

I’ve even went as far as explaining, I’ll only be eating what’s on my list of foods, etc. But if I’m out say on campus, she’ll txt saying when am I coming home for dinner!?

I KNOW IT’S MY FAULT. I have a major problem with food or I wouldn’t be the weight I am. Like I’ve tried to explain to her..if I could say no and resist temptation of food, I wouldn’t be 50lbs+ overweight. The same way you wouldn’t ask a crack head, would he like to go get some crack? Don’t ask me to go get/make some ____ (insert food here).

I'm totally at a defeat, I've tried to jump start several times and I don't get within 24-48 hours without taking the bait.

lloydrt

is your mom available.......sounds like she knows how to get to a man, thru his stomach

her receipes sound the bomb.......wished I could cook as good as she does.....

in all kidding, show her this post.....shell get the message

RTricia

leptin reset.

Jack Kruse.

google?

I'm going to start this also.

ashnm88

Trying making your own food. That's what I do. I don't relay on my parents because I want to be in control of what goes in my mouth.

sjkcarter

Maybe you can show her how to make healthy delicious foods. We all know this can be done.

bethdris

Is it possible for you and your brother to get an apt/house together w/o your mom? It sounds like your mom doesn't care about her health, let alone anyone else in the home.

shesblossoming

I'm seeing a lot of problems but no attempts at a solution. Some people, no matter how much we try to explain to them, do not (or will not) understand what it means to make a true change in your life. You cannot change your mother, but you can adapt to the situation. Firstly, while you did lose the weight, you probably didn't address your problem with food. The only way you're not going to gain the weight back is by understanding what it is that makes you eat all of the food. Once you understand and accept that, you'll begin to lose the weight again and keep it off.

I understand how difficult it is. My mom cooks Filipino food all the time, and I stare at it and sometimes, I give in. But once I learned how to adapt to situations like this an why I was so addicted to food, it didn't affect me anymore.

bethvandenberg

sounds like she's showering you with "love". Maybe over the years she's cooked, you two have eaten it, and put on weight. Sounds like you have to have more of a discussion about your feelings. She needs to quit showering you with food love. I actually found myself doing this with my teens. The other day one was upset and we talked and after I was like are you hungry? LOL. We looked at each other and laughed b/c neither of us were b/c we'd just had lunch before our chat. Seriously I wanted to feed her to make her happier. Ummmm pretty sure if I did that everytime she was upset she'd be huge. She tiny btw.

See if you and your mom can find something else to do together and tell her no offense I don't want to eat with you until we can find a healthy way to do it.

Hang in there. You'll lose it again and hopefully you'll have a better understanding of your relationship with your Mom and not mistake the meals for love. I'm sure she prepared them with love and nothing but wanting to make you happy. She can learn that veggies and chicken can be cooked without butter when she's not trying to fill you up with love, but with proper nutrition. No one said that when we became parents that we knew what we were doing...

I hope it all works out well for you and that all three of you are happy.

AZackery

Hi Samantha1987,

First I want to say keep that strong mind to get healthy. Don't let food have control over you. You have to put food in your order and in order to do that, you can't be afraid of food. Food doesn't make a person fat, people makes themselves fat.

The best way for a person to stay on the healthy road is to follow the food pyramid and don't diet. The food pyramid is not a diet, it's a healthy lifestyle.

Do you have to eat the food that your mother fixes? Can you cook your own food? If you have to eat the food your mother cooks, then you can still eat healthy. If I could suggest anything to you, I would suggest you go to Walmart, Dollar Tree, etc. and look for compartment plates. The plastic ones usually comes 2 to 4 plates to a pack for a $1.00. These plates will teach you portion control. Invest in measuring spoons and cups. Walmart usually have the combine set for 88 cents. If not, then buy them separately for $1.00 each. Check the Dollar Tree.

You don't have to eat the same thing over and over. The body gets tired of eating the same thing. I love chicken myself, but I also eat other meats.

Take control over your situation. Don't give in, because your mother is back home. That's not an excuse. You have one life to live. Live your life.

dmpizza

Your 24. Can you move out on your own?

SixCatFaerie

All of the above suggestions! Put your foot down if need be!


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Samantha1987

I don't know man...she's seen results from me and my brother..he really did a drastic change 6'1/270 down to 170 but he's gaining weight back as well. You figure that would have been enough to show her that calories work, we know what we should be eating or not.

The food topic really...causes major problems. So I've been avoiding it.

She gets very on the offensive side when we don't eat what she cooks.

I'm thinking of joining weight watchers or something..so I can be held accountable.

choconuts

Have you considered offering to cook, to help lighten her load? It's possible she's sick of cooking for adult kids, lol---and would love the break.

Samantha1987

Nah, man, that's a whole deal in it's own that I'm not getting into. Unless you're married, you don't move out in my culture. That's a whole category not getting into here.

manderson27

Pull on your big girl panties and take control of what you put in your mouth.

Mums feed us because they love us My husbands mother loads him with food to bring home when we visit we take it with a thankyou, but throw the unhealthy stuff out when we get home.

Your mum is killing you with kindness. Be strong, Take Control, it is your life to live. You and your brother need to assert yourselves. Yes your mum will be upset, Yes she will try and sabotage you because she feels you are rejecting her love, but if you both stay strong and help her to understand about your healthy lifestyle she will get over it in time.

PlunderBunneh

Seems like you have limited options. Move out, tell her you are on the verge of moving out and hope that encourages her, or make your own food and stop blaming her for cooking what she loves. Her house, her rules. If you can't find a way to either refuse the food or get her to understand why you can't eat it, then you need to leave.
I seriously doubt that she is sabotaging you on purpose.

choconuts

I don't know man...she's seen results from me and my brother..he really did a drastic change 6'1/270 down to 170 but he's gaining weight back as well. You figure that would have been enough to show her that calories work, we know what we should be eating or not.

The food topic really...causes major problems. So I've been avoiding it.

She gets very on the offensive side when we don't eat what she cooks.

I'm thinking of joining weight watchers or something..so I can be held accountable.

Sounds to me like joining WW will only lower your bank account, if you can't find a way to make changes with the current situation.

MJHdG

Here is a good one, "why yes mother icream sounds amazing, and since I love you soooo much and appreciate you thinking of my craving soooo much, l really whant to be with you. How about 600 cal icecream, of course the topings too, make it 800. Now lets got for a 3 hour hike on the way to the icecream shop, to spend loving time together and make room for that icream... Oh no time? me neither, how about 300cal sherbet and 1 hour walk? love that you love me soooo much you are suporting my excersice."

Yup got one of those mothers, I got really frustrated until I understood she needs to mother and love. In your case via food. Offer her a healthier way to mother and love you, like becoming your walking partner, or helping you keep track of the clock during interval training and then stretch with you.

Hopefully she will feel apreciated not pushed around and have other ways to bond with you. Also if you make it about your excercise and not her food, she might be able to see how hard you are trying and even pitch it. (sumon girl power here).

One last thing, protein power shakes, I tried this and it helped fend off hunger attacks, 30 gr. of protein with in 30 min of waking up, read it somewhere that it evens out your blood sugar and it helped me have energy in the day and save the cal for nights out in town.

Good Luck!

Bahet

Have you considered offering to cook, to help lighten her load? It's possible she's sick of cooking for adult kids, lol---and would love the break.

Yea, that. You survived, and thrived, for 5 months without her. Tell her you learned some great kitchen tricks and want to show off your new culinary skills.

BrewerGeorge

You can eat what she cooks and still lose weight - just eat less of it. I bet her default portions are WAY out of whack. Make up your own plate so there's no drama about "wasting" the food she gives you.

I know that sounds flippant, but it's true. It may not be the most efficient or easy route, but it can be done.

You could also add in some exercise. A half-hour walk earns you that 1/6th stick of butter you mention above.

Samantha1987

Thanks everyone. I just need to get my stuff together.

sugarbone

Maybe make a compromise with her? Tell her, I need to take care of my body, and I am going to eat my own food. But on Friday night, Saturday night whatever, I will eat whatever you cook for dinner because I love your cooking. That way she can still spoil you with food but it won't make an impact. The only way to tackle this really is to eat tiny portions of her cooking, or none at all... try to make it about your health and well-being, something she should care about.

Circa1964

I'm guessing your mother needs to lose weight also if she eats that way too. I agree, she is showering you with love the only way she knows how. If she is resistant I wonder if it is because she doesn't want to be held accountable for her own weight (if she is large). I would suggest that you cook one day, your brother cook one, your mom cook one, and you have OYO (On Your Own) night.
This might help.
Good Luck!

NorthernCally

My mother comes back and in comes the homecooked baking, bread making, starches, home-made pastries and fattening meals return. My mother has no concept of really understanding calories. Example: She made a teriyaki and fried rice dish the other night and thought that was “healthy” because it has chicken (despite the fact it was loaded with brown sugar and soysauce and the rice was fried and WHITE and the chicken was sauteed in butter).

I’ve tried to explain several times how calories work, etc – and it’s in one ear and out the other.

Even relatively healthy dishes she makes them unhealthy by adding more butter or cooking with oil (when I’ve cooked the same dishes without) – sometimes in 1 pot she’ll use half a stick (mind you we’re only 3 people in the house). I'm at the point, I don't even ask what she used or not since she'll just (at least I feel) lie about it and say she didn't use as much.

Also if me or my brother (who lost 100lbs) tries to mention this is too fattening, etc – she becomes very offensive and hurt about it. She'll argue that no one appreciates it, etc.

My brother has gained back about 15 lbs as well.

I don’t know what to do? The only way I lost the weight is I just did not have access to the food I do now.

The fridge literally had nothing but milk, water, fruits, veggies, chicken, cereal and I was excersising 5-6x a week.

One of my major weak spots if ice cream – and for example Sunday she invited me to go get some ice cream – well there goes 600+ calories for me.

I’ve even went as far as explaining, I’ll only be eating what’s on my list of foods, etc. But if I’m out say on campus, she’ll txt saying when am I coming home for dinner!?

Like I’ve tried to explain to her..if I could say no and resist temptation of food.

Some of the things you've said have jumped out at me: One of your weak spots is ice cream. You can control how much you have of it. If you like the fancier flavours, with all the toppings, have a kid-sized cone. You CAN just order a small one. Eat it slower. Really enjoy it.

Go online and find a new healthy (or healthier) version of one of your favourite foods that your Mom cooks, and offer to make it with her. Don't just tell her what healthier means, do it with her. Do groceries with her and see if there are fruits and veggies that she doesn't use, and find new dishes that all of you will want to eat.

And, another tip for portion control: Use a sandwich plate. And, only have one serving. Eat your food slowly. I love food, and have a hard time saying no to great cooking, too! But, when you eat more slowly, you really DO give your body time to know that it's full. Then, you have to stick to your guns to your Mom. You are the one who will suffer if you don't get your eating under control. Being 50 pounds over-weight is hard; being 80 pounds (or more) over-weight is even worse.

Just make sure your Mom knows that you love her, but you have to make changes because you love yourself, too.

barkin43

LOL! I know what you mean about Mom's cooking. My mom thinks if it's called salad, it's healthy. So, when I visit, she makes pea salad, corn salad, macaroni salad, and potato salad. Of course, she is able to eat one tablespoon of each and quit. She doesn't have a weight problem so can't really relate to us hungry folks! I will be visiting with her for a week starting Thursday, but I will eat the same small portions that she does this time. I have adjusted my appetite to smaller portions so should be able to handle it. Maybe you could try eating small portions of what your mom cooks. Good luck with this!