Humor - Give it your best shot!

HMonsterX

A woman finds a genie's lamp. The Genie comes out and says, "You may have three wishes, but your husband will get ten times than what you wished for."

The woman agrees. Her first wish was that she would be the most beautiful woman in the world. "You realize," the Genie said, "that your husband will be ten times more beautiful than you, and more women will gawk at him?"

"That's okay," says the woman, "He'll only look at me because I will be the most beautiful women." So the wish is granted.

Her second wish was that she would be the richest woman in the world. "You know your husband will be ten times richer, right?" the Genie asks.

"That's okay. What's mine is his and what's his is mine," replied the woman. So the wish was granted.

The woman then thinks long and hard about her last wish. She finally wishes that she had a mild heart attack.

Women are smart! Don't mess with them!




..




..

Women, stop reading here. Be safe that you are smart!





...seriously..





..stop now










Guys...

The husband had a heart attack 10 times milder.

Let's let them keep thinking they are smart. We know better

LauraMacNCheese

15 Things to do at Walmart while your spouse/partner is taking their sweet time:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in the Housewares Dept. to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in Housewares..... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a box of cereal on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?!'
9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are located.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, fall to the floor, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And; last, but not least and this is PRICELESS!)
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

barkin43

This is a touching story. Just when you have lost faith in human kindness, someone who teaches at Kean Elementary in Wooster, Ohio forwards the following letter:

The letter was sent to the Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind.

Dear Kean Elementary:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. Her distress over the broken radio touched me and I knew this was God's way of answering my prayers. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my *kitten*.

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,
Agnes Baker

LMAO! That's priceless! Paybacks are hell, aren't they!

vaderandbill

One that never gets old for me.

a bear and a rabbit are going to the bathroom in the woods. The bear asks the rabbit, "excuse me, do you have a problem with crap sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies, "no, I don't." So the bear wipes his @ss with the rabbit.