The gifts in being overweight

hazelmae123

Let's face it, being overweight has served us all in some way. When we are honest with ourselves there is a reason we are overweight that goes far beyond food meet mouth. We eat for myriad reasons, from stress to pain, from sadness to shame. Each and everyone has a story and a legacy that leads to the unwanted pounds that they currently carry around with them. It is about so much more than just food.

I see so many of the "challenges" on the boards and wonder about all the push and rush to "drop ten" by whatever date. The weight wasn't put on "by Christmas" and it isn't going to be taken off "by Christmas." It's not a quick fix or a magic pill, it's consistent mindful and conscious choices to change a behavior. Along with changing that behavior is changing the inner dialog and personal beliefs that go along and support that behavior.

It is hard to eat well, exercise and feel positive when the inner mind is saying "I am fat and ugly and no one will ever love me, so what is the point?" The point is to retrain that inner mind to say nicer things, to dismiss the mean things it says and the help prove it wrong by creating more and more evidence to counter its beliefs.

How has weight served me. It helped me become unattractive when I didn't want attention. It helped me make excuses for not trying things, by saying I was too out of shape. It helped me feel protected under a layer, like a big warm blanket that you pull over your head when you are kid scared at night. It helped me deny and suppress my own sexuality. It helped reinforce when I wanted to just be lazy, it provided me a reason to be lazy. It helped me believe I was ugly and unworthy of love and happiness by not loving myself.

Being overweight has given me many gifts, protections, and served me in many ways. Now, more than just counting calories and increasing exercise, to truly lose the weight I have to be able and ready to let go of those things that weight has given to me. Am I ready to do that? Are you? Are we ready to give up the things that weight has given to us? Can I give gratitude for all the ways the weight has served me in the past and thank it for that, and bid it farewell with love and send it on its way because I am strong enough now to face the world without it?

How has weight served you? Can you send it away with gratitude?

JoAnn73

Wow this is a DEEP one. I've never thought about it before....

Remarkable1

It has served me in all of those same ways.. ready to get rid of those "gifts" now, though!!

Marig0ld

I see so many of the "challenges" on the boards and wonder about all the push and rush to "drop ten" by whatever date. The weight wasn't put on "by Christmas" and it isn't going to be taken off "by Christmas." It's not a quick fix or a magic pill, it's consistent mindful and conscious choices to change a behavior. Along with changing that behavior is changing the inner dialog and personal beliefs that go along and support that behavior.

AMEN AMEN AMEN!!!! Addressing these issues is the ONLY thing that has worked for me to take this weight off, and it has NOT been quick.

For me, being fat was a security blanket. If I had an interview, date, etc., I could think that I didn't get selected or didn't get a second date because I was fat. It was a cop-out for not doing well. That is a major one, but there are many more that I need more time to think about!

Thanks for posting this.

AwesomelyAmber

Personally I think that the reasons for the "by Christmas or New Year's" kind of stuff is so that I can remain focused on the goal at hand. I don't look at the things that being overweight has given me as gifts tho... more like things that it has taken away from me. I'll have to give what it 'gave' me a LOT of thought... hmmm Thanks for the post tho! Makes you look at it a little differently, and a different outlook is NEVER a bad thing

rosebarnalice

Being overweight helped me understand what true friendship and true love is-- as opposed to the shallow acquaintances that make up much of our social spheres.

By being "the fat girl", I was rejected or ignored by the "pretty people"-- so I didn't develop a lot of frivolous "friends" who later on turned on me or stabbed me in the back. My social sphere has always been small but strong-- built on kinships of mutual respect and mutual interest that have been long-lasting.

I know that some fatties become introverts because of feelings of social rejection, but interestingly, I think my fat actually helped me develop my outgoing personality, my strong public speaking ability, and the "stage presence" that serves me in my work (as a professor and environmental advocate) and my play (as a community theater actress). Even in grade school, I felt like, "HEY, I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY--AND DON'T LET THE WAY I LOOK TURN YOU OFF FROM LISTENING TO ME!!"

lotuslion

You make many valid points, that I'm sure resonate with many people, but there are other reasons for weight gain as well. Mine was entirely related to medication (corticosteroids) and illness (Crohn's Disease and immune dysfunction that led to multiple, severe infections.)

I was never overweight in my entire life until I got pumped full of steroids after being diagnosed with Crohn's - actually, I was an athlete and very active. Weight has given me no gifts or protection (although I recognize the validity of what you wrote, and you put it quite eloquently), and I've hated every minute of it. For me, it's a reminder of my illnesses, and the way my body has rebelled against my mind. For me, it's a definite case of the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I don't struggle as much as some with the malicious inner voice - mine is mostly filled with frustrations of WANTING to go run, but being unable to. Fortunately, my awesome team of doctors seem to have me on the right path, and I now am more able to get my body in sync with my mind.

As for the challenges - you're absolutely right that the weight didn't come on in X time, it won't go off in the same amount of time. But for certain personality types, it's a great motivator. I love challenges, I can't operate without goals, and I'm naturally competitive. Having a challenge to drop 25lbs by New Year's motivates me a lot, and it feels like I'm playing a game; even if I don't win, it's been a great experience and I got something out of it anyway. For others, these challenges may not motivate, and in fact may be detrimental, but I wanted to try to explain why they are good for some of us.

You've really nailed it on the head though that weight is a really complex issue, wound up with so many other things besides food. Even if my weight gain came from different places, it's been a hard and often emotional thing to deal with. I'm on a quest to be healthy and strong, but I have friends who diet because they want to be "skinny, not healthy," and that mindset alarms me. If you are unhappy with yourself, losing weight isn't likely to change that, so your point about the mean inner voice seems extremely important me - moreso than calories or exercise plans or clothing size or anything.

There is a quote from the Buddha that often drives me, in many endeavors: What we think, we become. I think this fits in the weight discussion quite appropriately; finding and addressing the emotional reasons for weight gain are so much more important, and so much more difficult, than finding the right diet plan.

This has been kinda rambling, so I appreciate anyone who stuck with me through it, haha. This is a great topic.

Jeff92se

Being overweight and out of shape has not benefited me in the least.

Elizabeth_C34

Being overweight and out of shape has not benefited me in the least.

I agree. I missed out on a lot of great years of my life because I was too fat to do the things I wanted to do. I was too fat and out of shape to go play sports with my friends, go on weekend hikes, go for a run with my husband, wear the clothes I wanted to, and manage my stress level with exercise and proper eating. I was completely left behind by my friends in college who kept up with their fitness. I don't blame them for not wanting to be dragged down in lethargy with me at all. That's all on me, not them.

zer0fenix

Aside from feeling the very same way as you, and eating for very much the reasons you listed, I am choosing to see my losing weight as part of becoming a new me. It goes beyond just the change in appearance as I have been making other changes in my life as well. Some minor, like getting my license (yes I do not have my license and had no reason for one until recently), to more major things like cutting back on shopping and spending while zeroing out my debt. I am also pushing myself to become more social and make friends. I have always been content with being an introvert and while it has always been a part of my personality, so has being fat. I know being overweight has had a hand in molding parts of my personality and how I think or perceive certain things.
I feel as I lose weight I am shaping myself, both physically and mentally, to be a better person. I understand it will take time, but the end result will be well worth the journey it took to get there.

catcrazy

You make many valid points, that I'm sure resonate with many people, but there are other reasons for weight gain as well. Mine was entirely related to medication (corticosteroids) and illness (Crohn's Disease and immune dysfunction that led to multiple, severe infections.)

This, pretty much. Steroids and forgetting to cut calories when my mobility decreased massively, saw 7 stone in 2 years pile on. Prior to that I had easily maintained my weight from aged 20-40.

The only benefit to me of the weight that piled on was perhaps heat...I just can't seem to get warm these days

withchaco

Beng an unattractive teenager can prevent you from having sex that you'd regret later. Personally, I was smart and prudent for my age, and I PROBABLY would not have had such regrettable sex even if I had been the hottest girl in town. But I was still a teenager... and "probably" does not cut it when you're at that age. While I wasn't even interested in any of the boys in my school, who knows? If the circumstances had been different, the outcome could have been, too.

That was YEARS ago, however. Which means my weight loss is long overdue.

Other than that, I don't think my weight has ever stopped me from trying anything I really wanted to try, except for hang gliding. Despite being overweight, I've always been a confident person.

Elizabeth_C34

Beng an unattractive teenager can prevent you from having sex that you'd regret later. Personally, I was smart and prudent for my age, and I PROBABLY would not have had such regrettable sex even if I had been the hottest girl in town. But I was still a teenager... and "probably" does not cut it when you're at that age. While I wasn't even interested in any of the boys in my school, who knows? If the circumstances had been different, the outcome could have been, too.

That was YEARS ago, however. Which means my weight loss is long overdue.

Other than that, I don't think my weight has ever stopped me from trying anything I really wanted to try, except for hang gliding. Despite being overweight, I've always been a confident person.

Regrettable sex can be really really fun though (as long as the "regret" part doesn't end up making you pregnant or diseased).

tinycoton

I think what she means is that some of us hide behind our fat. Because we are to scared to do things or to accept things.
I can relate a lot with this. I was scared of my own sexuality. I knew that I was lazy because I was overweight. And many other things.

Now I know that this isn't me anymore, I've lost 10 pounds before I sign to mfp and I feel sooo much better.

AwesomelyAmber

hazelmae123

Thanks to everyone's imput. I find it enlightening and inspiring.

Regmama

Being overweight helped me understand what true friendship and true love is-- as opposed to the shallow acquaintances that make up much of our social spheres.

By being "the fat girl", I was rejected or ignored by the "pretty people"-- so I didn't develop a lot of frivolous "friends" who later on turned on me or stabbed me in the back. My social sphere has always been small but strong-- built on kinships of mutual respect and mutual interest that have been long-lasting.

I know that some fatties become introverts because of feelings of social rejection, but interestingly, I think my fat actually helped me develop my outgoing personality, my strong public speaking ability, and the "stage presence" that serves me in my work (as a professor and environmental advocate) and my play (as a community theater actress). Even in grade school, I felt like, "HEY, I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY--AND DON'T LET THE WAY I LOOK TURN YOU OFF FROM LISTENING TO ME!!"

Wow, that is more along the lines of my thinking too. Plus I never minded being the fatty with the great cholesterol numbers, low blood pressure, and perfect sugar levels while some of the skinnies had problems with any of the mentioned. You wouldn't believe the faces of family members with this last pregnancy when I had not tested positive for gestational diabetes, considering all the sugar I ate (there never was a cookie I'd pass up). But I do blame it on the good genes of my biological families.