Rant About My Mom And Best Friend!

sc1572

So, ever since my mom got a divorce over 10 years ago...she let herself go between marriages, boyfriends, quitting being an aerobics instructor, watching her weight, etc. Well, a few months back she went on a crazy diet and only ate 500 cals a day. Of course, she dropped 30 lbs. in a month, and she would get mad when I was telling her how unhealthy it was for her to do this.

Well, when I went home this past weekend she was complaining how she started to gain some weight back, and got mad when I told her it's because she went from starving her body, to actually exercising and eating cautiously and right. So, today we were talking through Skype, and she brought up that she now weighed about 129. I weigh a little over 128 now, so we're about the same weight. She's 5'2, 53, and she now looks like a skeleton, and I am about 5'5, 19, and have a lot of muscle and curves. She started talking about how we were the same weight and stuff, and sort of bragging that she was my same weight since she was so old, my mom, etc.

It really made me mad because I try to lose it in a healthy way, and have my ups and downs, and here she is bragging about how she lost all of that weight, and it took me so much time and effort compared to her one month of starving. I know I shouldn't be mad, but it really, REALLY, got under my skin.

Along with her, my best friend and I signed up to do our first half marathon together, and during our breaks home we walk daily at our favorite local park. She and I were pretty much health/exercise buddies, and we can always count on each other to vent, resist food temptations, get motivation to workout, etc. Well, a few weeks ago I was telling her about a new healthy recipe I made, and instead of asking me for it or comparing her meals, she went into a long discussion about how she and one of her close friends, who I barely talk to, were thinking I was starting to develop an eating disorder or something.

I promise I'm not, I definitely eat like I should and just because I love to workout everyday, they assumed something else.

Anyone else have to deal with people like this?

rcb722

Your mom will not be bragging long if she lost the weight by crash dieting...they never work to keep the weight off. I've tried.

Your friend may just not be as into the health thing as you are, and may not be able to see how important it is to you. Maybe take that as the hint to not talk with her about this topic. Find something else to talk about, find someone who will be encouraging for your 1/2! It's a hard thing mentally to even train for running that distance, so make sure you have someone who will be helping you along the way- not making you feel worse about yourself.

This is one of my favorite quotes when it comes to drama:

You must dare to disassociate yourself from those who would delay your journey... Leave, depart, if not physically, then mentally. Go your own way, quietly, undramatically, and venture toward trueness at last.
Vernon Howard

I love how it says to go away mentally if not physically, and undramatically. Some people make a huge deal about separating themselves from someone- just don't make a big deal about it, but quietly stop talking to those friends about health issues. Let them think what they will, as long as you are being healthy and not too obsessive about your eating habits.

Puffins1958

We all have toxic people to deal with in our lives. I am also 53, just like your Mom. I think it's great that you've lost the weight in a HEALTHY way. Your Mom trying to compare herself to you...that you now weigh the same, is NOT the same thing. You're right, she starved herself and you went about it, the way it should have been done. I think it's great that she lost the weight also, but in the long run she will gain some of it back when she starts a normal, healthy intake of calories.

Some people are just JEALOUS. I think that might be part of your friends problem. If you think you look good, that's all that matters (unless you have become anorexic). I hope you find more supportive people in your life, that will help you maintain your wonderful progress. Good luck in finding them.....

p0stdramatic

Yes! My sister is obese about 400 pounds, always makes excuses, and was just diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I've lost 45 pounds since July. I've worked my butt off for it. I had not seen her in 4 months, and she accused me of starving myself. I wanted to jump on her face it made me so mad. I know why she did it, it just goes back to her OWN issues, but I just want to shake her and say "WAKE UP!!!"

I kind of owe my new lifestyle to her anyway. 15 years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter, she told me I was going to end up like her because we had the same build. I've never had weight problems until the past 2 years. That has stuck with me all these years, and when I realized I had gained 50 pounds it was the first thing I thought of. "I refuse to end up like that."

She just doesn't want to face the fact that the only way to lose weight and be healthy is to change the way you live. That "can't" be how I did it, so I must have starved myself.

wildestian

Arggg! all the time, my mom kept telling me 'I don't see you're losing any weight", now that I've lost a few pounds more, she cannot deny it, And I haven't even told my friends I'm doing this because I know I'll get the "you're not eating enough", "you don't need to lose weight", "lets have some pizza/beer/hamburgers/*insert other junk food here*" oh well ...
I bet they're jealous of your commitment, they know it's now easy to do this, and you chose the healthy but hard way.

andforpoise

My mom and I weigh the same now too! Although she doesn't compare or complain so much.

But I do know what you mean about people thinking you have an eating disorder when you start to be conscious about healthy weight loss and all this jazz. When I was home in June/July I went out for dinner with a friend and decided to order a poutine (french fries, cheese curds and gravy = heart attack on a plate, but tasty! Even though it makes me sick after I eat it :P) So anyway, when we were having dinner, I told her that I had started this weight loss plan because I felt unhealthy (and I was overweight) and she told me that I don't need to lose weight. I tried to tell her that I did, and that I was doing it because I wanted to be healthy and look healthy too! I ended up only eating half of my order and she looks at the plate and at me and says: "Are you one of THOSE people now?" I was like kind of taken aback and asked her "What people?" And she went into this spiel about how one of her friends from back home (who was anorexic) thought it was okay to only eat half of what was one her plate because that way it looked like she at least ate something. I told her that wasn't the reason why I only ate half of what was on my plate, but the reason I did was because I was full... I don't know if people just feel threatened that you're trying to be healthy, or what - but I honestly don't have an answer! I kind of just know what you mean!

Keep on keeping on! Do what you're doing as long as you're being healthy (which clearly you are!)

77tes

Take it as a compliment that your mother is comparing herself to you. If I weighed the same as my 19 year-old, fit daughter, I would be bragging like crazy. Keep being a good role model because controlling her weight in a healthy manner is important for your mom's health.

Maybe your friend is getting tired of being good all the time, and you keep reminding her of it.

That being said, rant away!

JediMaster_intraining

You should be proud that you are doing it the healthy way! Don't worry about the other people because they will try to bring you down along with all your hard work! As long as you are working toward better health and feel good I'd just keep going! :flowerforyou:

AloyMomNwife

I know what you mean. Why is it so hard to make some people, usually relatives, that it's about a healthy lifestyle and not a weight loss race? My father used to try to lose weight often ( in the last couple of years he has kinda given up on it) and every time he decided to start a diet he would cut out all carbs. I can't count how many times I explained to him to eat a healthy, balanced diet. Why wouldn't you want to eat hundreds of calories worth of a decent meal as opposed to those same calories from a bag of pork rinds? Plus, his father suffered from renal failure so he should submit his kidneys to that much stress. Obviously, he lost weight fast and as soon as he couldn't take the carb-free lifestyle an longer the weight came back with several extra lbs. It's hard at first but after it becomes kind of common sense to eat what's right. I wish they would realize that.

Keep on doing your healthy lifestyle thing and maybe your mom will eventually realize that's the right way to look good and treat your body. Good luck!!

SarabellPlus3

Take it as a compliment that your mother is comparing herself to you. If I weighed the same as my 19 year-old, fit daughter, I would be bragging like crazy. Keep being a good role model because controlling her weight in a healthy manner is important for your mom's health.

Maybe your friend is getting tired of being good all the time, and you keep reminding her of it.

That being said, rant away!

Yep! Rant when you need to, but your mom and your friends... well, what they really want is to do what you're successfully doing. Is that really so bad? I would just continue to be a good example.

Amber82479

Sorry I don't have much advice on this subject, having not experienced what you're going through... I just wanted to tell you I think you're doing really great, healthy things in your life and to please try not to let others bring you down. We're all here and in it with you... I'm sorry you're having to deal with toxic people who don't understand and/or support your healthy lifestyle. *HUGS*

Black_Swan

Just take a look at yourself naked and you will feel better... its the bikini look that counts, not the weight!

And... some people love to talk about cars and fixing them, some people love to make scrapbooks, and some people love to live a healthy life. Its just like that. And others might have hard time coping with it, but they will get used to it, you just take care of yourself...

MJ7910

I can relate. the thing that bothers me the most is when others who are anorexic or have anorexic tendencies act like they are in a competition with me. they have to mention their excessive working out to me all the time, what size they are wearing, etc. i've run into it a couple of times with diferent people. i am trying to do this in a healthy way, exercising once a day, having a skip day. there will always be people that overdo it and become obsessed. weight loss/exercise may just happen to be their new obsession. if you look at their life, you can usually find that people that do this become obsessed with one thing for a while, drop it, and then become obsessed with something else... or they might even have hoarding or OCD tendencies. the important thing is to not let them get to you. they are the ones that have the problem, not you. if you're being healthy, you are doing everything right. it's too bad that some people overdo it but usually they don't keep the weight off permanently because their level of starvation/exercise is just unattainable in the long term. as a former anorexic myself, i can tell when others start that obsessive mentality. and it's all about jealousy/competition/outdoing others. just be happy with what progress you've made and try to let the ones that obsess and brag fall into the background.