Is it impossible to lead a fulfilling life when you're fat?

MissGorgeous

ive been there and let me tell you its not easy
dont deprive your self
save calories or work out extra to have what you want
if you feel like that you will not stick to this
treat your self every now and then
:flowerforyou:

i used to eat when i was sad or happy or upset
now when i feel like that i hit the gym and i feel better than i did when i would eat
but dont lock your self away! get out and everytime you pass up a tempation you are making your self a stronger person!

hang in there
it only gets better
i promise
i felt exacley the same way

now when i eat "bad foods" i feel heavy and gross and i think man im glad i dont eat like that very often
you will get to that point also trust me
but stick with it
you will be so happy in the end

DawnInOhio

You said you liked to plan for what you were going to eat before when you weren't dieting, so why not enjoy planning now? See most us gained our weight because we 'didn't' plan. I throughly enjoy looking up new recipes, watching the cooking shows on FitTV now, instead of Food Network, I plan more now than I ever did, and love experimenting ways to have those foods that I enjoy only healthy versions, now. It's okay to still have food as your best friend, as long as it isn't your worst enemy in the process.

Last night DH wanted fast food burgers and wouldn't get them if "I wasn't", so guess what I ordered a cheap cheeseburger to appease him and came home and made the chicken dish I had planned on cooking all week, I fed the burger to the dog. I was looking so forward to my healthy version of Chicken Piccata because I had planned out how to make it, and bought the ingredients, and put it on my dairy, no yucky fast food burger that I've had a million times was going to get in my way.
Food is still an obsession and passion of mine, but it doesn't have to be an unhealthy one.
Just change up how you feel, it's like you have a love/hate relationship with it. You CAN have your best friend, you always will...you need it to survive so you two need to start living in harmony or you will never be happy with the food or yourself. It's not like drugs or alcohol that you can stay away from after you beat an addiction, so some way you need to develop a healthier relationship.
You can do it! At least you are still here, if you were ready to give up, you would have given up and we'd never see you, again. So, you are still in it!
Hope tomorrow is better, it's a new day!

Marla64

Folks-- you are wonderful people-- these are some loving, supportive wonderful, wonderful responses.

Junisahn

Your success is highly related to how much you want it. If you feel like dieting is a punishment, you will fight yourself into overeating - the thing that makes you feel fulfilled. If you feel like working hard for a healthy lifestyle is actually a gift to yourself, then you will fight to make it work.

I know it sounds simplistic, but I believe if you write a pro/con list to losing weight, you will find out whether you're ready. I've spent so many nights asking my husband if I look fat, so much time feeling fat and guilty for what I ate - telling myself that tomorrow would be different, just to eat the same old crap again... However, I wasn't ready to lose weight until I made that pro/con list and realized that I was more unhappy with my body and lack of willpower than I was with making portion changes and different food/exercise selections.

I tried to quit smoking multiple times, but it wasn't until I was so disgusted with myself, my habit, the way I smelled, the deterioration of my health, the guilt, the hiding, the obsessing, etc., that I could finally quit. Fighting yourself is no way to spend your life. It's okay if you're not ready to lose weight now, but only if you are really okay with yourself as is - I hope you don't quit losing weight because it's hard - if you stop, you truly should be happy with yourself as is. It sounded like your post was rationalizing and trying to convince yourself otherwise.

Best,
Wendy

Tri_Dad

I'm having a hard day, and i keep questioning if all of this is actually worth it in the end.

i think about going out with friends, travelling, enjoying weekends and social gatherings, parties, movies, summers on the beach, barbeques, superbowl parties, etc. and can't imagine going through the rest of my life without indulging in all of the food that accompanies it.

can i go to an all inclusive resort in mexico and not drink, not go to the buffet and not enjoy all of the delicious mexican food with abandon?

Can i go to girls night and sit there like a veal staring at all of the cookies, brownies, ice cream, articoke dips and bowls full of chips and tell my self now, all the while having a miserable time because i can't indulge in my passion?

can i spend my entire weekend in my apartment flipping the channel anytime food comes across the screen and salivating any time i think about food, and avoiding the putside world because everywhere you turn there is food staring me in the face?

can i go to a movie theatre and walk past the concession while the smell of hot buttered popcorn wafts through the air and everyone around me is munching with delight, and the danicign hotdogs beg me to take one little bite?

can i survive summer without walking down to the beach or the harbour and enjoying a giant wafflecone with ice cold choclate chip mint ice cream? can i walk, keeping my head down wheile everyone and their dog walks around with ice cream cones?

can i satisfy myself with a veggie burger on whole wheat while everyone else is drinking beer after beer and mowing down on charbroiled burgers, steaks and ribs, baked potatoes with the works and a buffet of homemade desserts?

i am having a horrible day, and it's everything i can do to stop myself.

i used to have a preoccupation with food, and would plan out my next meal, but at least i was moderately happy and it gave me somethign to look forward to. now i dread weekends becasue i sit and try not to think about food, which impossible because you inevitable have to think about it in order to try to stop thiking about it, and i feel like my life is just sucking because my lover, my one thing i enjoyed, my passion is now forbidden.

i feel empty, hungry, sad, lonley and dejected. at least when i eat i feel full, satisfied, lonely and comforted.

it doesn't at all seem worth it. why, just so i can fit in smaller jeans?

It's not about not indulging on a cruise or on girls night or during the superbowl. It's about not indulging on every day in between. Weight has a direct impact on your health. I am doing this because I not only want to live a fullfilling life....I want to live a long one. You can have a balance of both. It's not about not enjoying life....in fact it's about being healthy enough to enjoy it more. I know you can do it. Don't deny yourself every special occasion just understand that if you take 5 steps forward and one step back...that's still four steps forward.

Fitness_Chick

Lindsay ...here's my thoughts on the matter

I find if I am putting my food before my friends, etc. it is now because of pre-planning of it for an activity or event. If I plan my life around food and then toss in a couple friends then I know for me that's not the life I want to live.:noway:

Food will never be my best friend again, a best friend is there for you in ALL times, the happy, the sad, proud moments, achievements etc.

Food has never made me happy, quite the opposite in fact, it's made me feel guilty, alone, sad, angry, afraid, (insert hundreds of more negatives here) ....I wouldn't want to spend time with a friend if that's what I got from being around them:noway: . Sure we have friends and get angry at them, sad with them, laugh with them but it's something I do WITH THEM (at them) not BECAUSE of them! Not sure if that is making sense to others, but it does in my head for myself.

For ME? Food is not worth dying young (and YES 48 is young:flowerforyou: ), being sick, being on meds, never being content with what's in the mirror or never even wanting to look in the mirror....it's not worth losing years of good things that life can offer us (so much in the future we have that we don't even know how great it will be, each year keeps getting better than the next for me:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: TRULY!!), we are not only here for only ourselves but for others.:flowerforyou: :bigsmile:

I don't want to cheat anyone out of me:flowerforyou: (all the good things that I'm finally allowing to surface) and what joy I gather from others in this world and what I can share with them!! With food as my friend in the past, I NEVER would have been able to say this.....I didn't know I had anything to offer others... :flowerforyou: (Hey folks time to tell Mike we need an online MFP therapist...LOL, oh wait we have one another to boost us up and give us virtual hugs and encouragement along our journeys, never mind:blushing: :laugh: :flowerforyou: )

Lindsay...you have SO MUCH TO GIVE THE WORLD!!! :flowerforyou::flowerforyou: something you probably don't realize right now... it comes in time as we give up things in life that have gotten in the way of who we really are:flowerforyou:

PLEASE PLEASE Don't give up on YOU!! We simply cannot afford to lose people like you in this world!, you're a treasure, I've seen you write, you have SO MUCH to offer each of us!!! :flowerforyou:

You are so young, you have ALOT of years ahead of you to share your heart, your beautiful writings, your joy and so much you offer each of us.... don't cheat yourself or US:grumble: :noway: or any of your family and friends off the net!! Food IS NOT anything more than a fix, like a drug for covering feelings that overwhelm us... if we learn to see our bodies as moving vehicles, a car that needs to have everything running smoothly, pumping good fuel into it, not things that might destroy our vehicles and make them run sluggishly.

I recall years ago feeling that way, thinking OMG I'll have to give up EVERYTHING:sad: because what can you really do without food (that was WAY WAY before I felt the 'click' go off..ah it's quite embarrassing:blushing: to realize I felt that way back then and to admit it now, but it shows me how far I've come!!:drinker: :bigsmile: )... it's true it's sometimes a center of a gathering if we allow it to be. But healthy ppl don't make food their god, as many others have shared if one is not ready for the flight/fight (not meant in a bad sense, but of conquering & flying freely) of becoming healthy there is not a thing any of our family or friends can do or give us to make it work. It sucks but it's true! IT HAS TO BE US that comes to the place that food is no longer more important than our own happiness, friends, family...FREEDOM!:drinker:

It's something we have to draw from deep within, then we can move forward realizing the importance of food is simply for energy to run the bodies God gave us to nurture. Food has never nurtured me, I could pretend in my mind that it would but I never felt it after the binge was over.

Food is not the comfort it tells us it is, it's a lie, food can tell us so many lies, it is no different than someone on drugs, alcohol, smoking etc... we bargain with it, we make promises we know we won't keep...yet we go back to it...our addiction, it try's to lure us back but the longer we stay away the more powerful we become:drinker: ...for then we can believe in ourselves and the longer we do that...the stronger we become.:drinker:

When we are truly truly ready for a change in our lives, & we are so fed up with the way we've been living, only then can we move ahead and begin to feel the freedom!

I've gotten zillions of wonderful PM's on here sharing how they too heard the click (my profile speaks of my turning point in life) and they knew.....they KNEW they were then ready for the challenge of taking back their life!:drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :glasses:

I don't think until a person hears that in whatever form will be successful.... oh heck I've had many false starts over the years got where I wanted to be, kept it off, gained it back, gained some more, lost some more. Until I came here and found all this support from all of you on MFP!:flowerforyou: :smooched:

It's different this time, a feeling inside me keeps me going....seeing how life was in the past with all that extra burden (self hate, sadness, feeling alone even among friends etc., less mobility, isolation, depression, anxiety) is simply not worth it to me anymore.

I would gladly give up the garbage foods I was eating for the contentment I now feel inside, the feeling of success & self love I will never get eating junk ....only by making healthy choices for myself have I been able to move forward in so many other aspects of my life. :drinker:

This isn't simply about food, I think many of us know that or are now in the process of learning...it's about quality of LIFE, living one of fulfillment, one where we know we no longer have to worry if we look fat when we go out, we get to go out and have fun, not worry so much about those voices inside our head telling us we aren't good enough, we shouldn't be having fun, we're losers etc., we all have our own versions.

Lindsay.......some have brought up that it's possible you're not ready, some call it hitting 'rock bottom' when a person is ready for change, they have nowhere left to go but up... even if you might not be, there are many small changes (actually they're huge!) you can incorporate into your life that will bring you joy and help you realize you CAN be successful at creating new habits.

OK so everyone on the sight by now knows the first thing out of my mouth will be increase your water:drinker: :drinker: :laugh:

Drinking none now? Try drinking a glass first thing tomorrow morning, perhaps you drink some but perhaps not as much as you wish you did?. Increase it by one glass...you'll see the results by sticking to ONE SMALL CHANGE that you feel better about yourself.:flowerforyou:

Eat fast food 5 times a week ( delivery counts) try eating one less fast food meal per week. No veggies? Try adding one in to a meal each day, no fruit? Perhaps begin with one piece.

See what I mean, you don't have to literally throw yourself into a complete life change if you are not completely ready to do so (no wonder you're overwhelmed!... but making small changes I think will make you feel you are on your way. Progression NOT perfection... perfection will only make one fail and then what happens? We beat ourselves up over it.:noway:

Keep your chin up girl, if you don't chart anything else on your food diary tomorrow, think on the water, the fruit, the veggies, take a walk. Don't try and do it all in one day, making a complete turn around, it's tough to do that and sometimes we fail, but the difference is we get back up, and start at that point & don't look back, baby steps to the water glass(:laugh: ), baby steps to the apple, baby steps to stepping outside into fresh air for your Vitamin D (yes I know it's COLD..brr..but fresh sunshine is healthy for our minds so we can make good decisions)

Ok, so those are my thoughts........ ah one more...

Lindsay I want to say THANK YOU:flowerforyou: .... you have given me much to think about reading your post here ...many tears fell (used all my tissues even:laugh: ), of sadness & joy and HOPE for a better future for us both... you have no idea how much more committed to the process you have gotten me!! I thank you for that...and for taking time to read this post:blushing: ....I haven't seen it yet on the thread but am quite sure it's probably my longest one yet:blushing: :drinker: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

But that's OK, I got so much out of it, you really got me thinking about my own journey and how far I've come, sometimes it's easy to forget, and I am sure there is something here for you to grab hold of, I hope that others realize all the healthy things we each do for ourselves is not just for ourselves only but our families, our future!!

Cheers:drinker: :flowerforyou:
FC

MisoSoup79

Holy Cow, Fitness_Chick... I think that's the most inspiring post I've read on here! Very well said! ::flowerforyou:: :

Phoenixflame

Fitness Chick, I love you!

And one thing I've realized--once I cleared away all the gunk and junk...I realized that real food is AWESOME. I almost never ate veggies...like, I'd flip over the idea of a SALAD for lunch. Then I realized that a vegetable tastes even better without butter, and that a salad can be a cornucopia of flavors and textures--and it's waaaay better without a big swath of creamy dressing.

If you love Halloween and move to Germany, you might find you also love Oktoberfest. Change does not equal a wrong turn.

I enjoy food so much more now. Yeah, I probably get a little hung up over food, but I LOVE to try new things and combinations.

There are times when I DO miss a bigass bowl of cookie dough ice cream. But usually I'm missing what I associate a big bowl of ice cream with--a bunch of friends hanging out at the ice cream parlor, or my family and I just chilling with ice cream and the boob tube. Translation? I'm lonely and bored. Now, I go bang on my dormmate's doors and chill. I might have a bit of FroYo, but I don't need a big gloppy bowl of ice cream.

ellelit

thanks for all of the replies. there are many great points, and i'm going to take all of them to heart. i feel alot better today and look forward to tomorrow as well.

msvallon

This post is awesome. I absolutely needed all of the responses in this post. I had not been eating so healthy over the last week and this is exactly what I needed to remember my goals and reasons for wanting to be healthy. Thanks to everyone who responded!!!

dorkazoid4u

Hi there,

It seems that I have the opposite concerns as you. I am completely satisfied as a fat person, but no matter how satifying my fat life is, I'm positive it will be a short life. I find it hard to use "thin" as a motivator, because I've never been thin, so all of my ideas of the future involve me as fat.

The truth I'm coming to understand is that food cannot be my companion, food cannot fulfill my mind like it will my stomach, and food will always be there. I'm working on choosing other activities to entertain my boredum. I realizing that the "stuffed" feeling does not allow me to enjoy food as much. I know that I'm truly not "missing out" by passing on some food or only eating a small amount, because food will always be around me.

Self-defeating thoughts do their job...DEFEAT YOU! Let's look forward and be open-minded about our goals, plans, actions, and options.

My question was: Can my health be enough of a motivation, because I don't care if I'm thin?
Now my question is: How can I continue to motivate myself through this life-transforming journey?

Perhaps you can join me in redefining our questions. Perhaps your new question can be something like: How can I change the relationship I have with the food I eat?

Robin_

Hugs to you....I totally know how you feel. I ate how I wanted, when I wanted, and how much I wanted until I hit fifty and my health said no more of that! You are young, if you were to cut out a few things that you feel you can do without, and commit to some extra walking or other exercise, you will be okay. Small changes add up big! It's not about dieting, it's about changing the way you eat, and you need to be mentally ready to do that, or it will feel like punishment. The mind rebels against self inflicted punishment!! Life is full of compromises, make a few and carry on! You'll find yourself getting better and better in making better choices and portion contol...without having to give up anything! Life is too short to be unhappy! Live, Laugh, Love!

sassiebritches

Hi there,

It seems that I have the opposite concerns as you. I am completely satisfied as a fat person, but no matter how satifying my fat life is, I'm positive it will be a short life. I find it hard to use "thin" as a motivator, because I've never been thin, so all of my ideas of the future involve me as fat.

The truth I'm coming to understand is that food cannot be my companion, food cannot fulfill my mind like it will my stomach, and food will always be there. I'm working on choosing other activities to entertain my boredum. I realizing that the "stuffed" feeling does not allow me to enjoy food as much. I know that I'm truly not "missing out" by passing on some food or only eating a small amount, because food will always be around me.

Self-defeating thoughts do their job...DEFEAT YOU! Let's look forward and be open-minded about our goals, plans, actions, and options.

My question was: Can my health be enough of a motivation, because I don't care if I'm thin?
Now my question is: How can I continue to motivate myself through this life-transforming journey?

Perhaps you can join me in redefining our questions. Perhaps your new question can be something like: How can I change the relationship I have with the food I eat?

Well said........

I too struggle with food, I think we all do to some degree......I actually was quite thin until my 20's...I then turned to food while torturing myslf through an awful relationship, food came with me into the next AWFUL relationship...I got out of that one too, and food came along. I figured out a way to be a HOT fat girl, never lacked a date out every night of the week, dressed just as revealing and just as diva....just a larger size....I hiked with my friends and could do all they could....but my back hurt....I snore like a lioness, I sweat in uncomfortable places and I cant see my own........feet or anything below my apron of a belly and so many other factors that come with being fat. I want to be thin because I want to be able to do..... I wanna give myself a chance to be healthy again, a side benefit is sexy.

Hang in there honey, make a smaller goal.....20 pounds at a time......you will see soon you will be at the total goal....

My thoughts....hang in there

Fitness_Chick

Hugs to you....I totally know how you feel. I ate how I wanted, when I wanted, and how much I wanted until I hit fifty and my health said no more of that! You are young, if you were to cut out a few things that you feel you can do without, and commit to some extra walking or other exercise, you will be okay. Small changes add up big! It's not about dieting, it's about changing the way you eat, and you need to be mentally ready to do that, or it will feel like punishment. The mind rebels against self inflicted punishment!! Life is full of compromises, make a few and carry on! You'll find yourself getting better and better in making better choices and portion contol...without having to give up anything! Life is too short to be unhappy! Live, Laugh, Love!

:drinker: :drinker: :drinker: So very well put Robin:flowerforyou:

Fitness_Chick

This post is awesome. I absolutely needed all of the responses in this post. I had not been eating so healthy over the last week and this is exactly what I needed to remember my goals and reasons for wanting to be healthy. Thanks to everyone who responded!!!

It's amazing isn't it, how a post from one person can effect so many of us and get us thinking and provide help for us as well. :noway: :flowerforyou:

See Lindsay ...it's so awesome that you took the time to post, you'll never know how many folks here were affected by your words!!

FC

Fitness_Chick

thanks for all of the replies. there are many great points, and i'm going to take all of them to heart. i feel alot better today and look forward to tomorrow as well.

:flowerforyou: Glad you feel better today:bigsmile:

dorkazoid4u

Life can totally be fulfilling! You just need to adopt a brighter outlook on life. I seem to have the opposite problem. I've been struggling with weight-loss because I'm happy with myself and my life. However, I desperately need to lose weight because my obesity is taking its toll on my body. If you want, you can check out my blog: http://www.journeyto153lbs.blogspot.com/.

Good luck!