Doing the right thing, or holding myself back

Iamfit4life

long story somewhat short....

I'm in a Long Distance Relationship, waiting for him to get here blah blah blah.


But in the time since this started I don't go out. Don't do anything. I'd rather be home by myself than go out and put myself in some situation with a leech hitting on me. (I know very few people here, so I don't even have girlfriends I "feel safe" going out with).

This is great because I save money. However, It's a little lonely and boring.

I work out a lot, I clean a lot. I MFP a lot.

Perfectly normal and healthy, or on my way to hermitville?

rlmiller73190

I was in a long distance relationship for 20 months. We broke up for two months and have since gotten back together. In those two months we broke up, I started going out more and having a good time. It taught me a lot about myself and caused me to reflect back on myself during the relationship. I think I was holding myself back. It's possible to go out and have a good time without feeling guilty about it. I would wait until you have some girlfriends you feel safe with, though, because you wouldn't want to risk being in a situation that isn't ideal if you're all alone! Good luck!

sineadangele1

you sould try to find at least one really great friend just so you have someone to really talk to and hang out with on those days where you are dying for some social interaction.

irunforfun

Go out. You know my situation and while I'm not "legally" free, I still go out. I won't date til things are final (and my heart is ready) but I'm going to start going out...other than meeting other male runners at races. lol.

Honestly though? You're bound to have someone hit on you when you grocery shop, or other random errands. Why not go out and have fun? I even get hit on when I run or at the gym. I just smile and tell them no thanks. Easy as that. Don't be a hermit!

chevy88grl

Well.. are you happy? If you're happy, then I say don't worry about it. However, if you aren't happy - then what about joining some fitness classes where you might meet some other women? Or how about just going to the mall and walking around?

I was in a LDR for a year before he moved to my town. Yes, we got to see one another regularly, but it definitely wasn't easy.

Jacquibennett

I don't think there is anything wrong with not going out, I would much rather stay in with a film and a take away (probably why I need to lose weight though, lol), some people just prefer their own company.
The worrying bit is that you are starting to feel lonely and bored. Is there anything you would want to go out and do? Find a club that does that and make some friends that way. Going out doesn't have to mean to a bar where leeches will hit on you

Hope you meet some friends soon

leomom72

im just like you..i have no real "friends" here, so im home 24/7 ( well except to the store and walks, etc ) i dont think it's healthy, but i dont think its harmful either..you dont need friends to go out..go to the movies, or dinner or somewhere alone..that way you can still get out, but you dont have to worry about trusting ( or not ) those people..good luck:flowerforyou:

Iamfit4life

Go out. You know my situation and while I'm not "legally" free, I still go out. I won't date til things are final (and my heart is ready) but I'm going to start going out...other than meeting other male runners at races. lol.

Honestly though? You're bound to have someone hit on you when you grocery shop, or other random errands. Why not go out and have fun? I even get hit on when I run or at the gym. I just smile and tell them no thanks. Easy as that. Don't be a hermit!

well getting hit onhappens everywhere.

But when I'm shopping at the store some creep isn't going to say "going home alone, what a shame" lol

ManicMelody

I've been in a LDR for over 4 1/2 years, and I don't go out a lot. But, to put it simply, I'd rather be boring and skypeing with my love than out partying and having fun without him. I have time to do that when he gets here. =]

irunforfun

Go out. You know my situation and while I'm not "legally" free, I still go out. I won't date til things are final (and my heart is ready) but I'm going to start going out...other than meeting other male runners at races. lol.

Honestly though? You're bound to have someone hit on you when you grocery shop, or other random errands. Why not go out and have fun? I even get hit on when I run or at the gym. I just smile and tell them no thanks. Easy as that. Don't be a hermit!

well getting hit onhappens everywhere.

But when I'm shopping at the store some creep isn't going to say "going home alone, what a shame" lol

Good point. :P

DSGiordano

Hey,
Its perfectly normal! I am a female in the Air Force and when i was deployed from my husband (Boyfriend at the time) i just wanted to stay in then go out and have guys hit on me and end up making an argument between my significant other. As long as youre doing what you need to do to get stuff done and your happy its fine. Yeah its nice to let loose every now and then and maybe go out with your girlfriends but you dont have to go out every weekend to feel like its "normal". Just keep doing what makes you happy!
-Denise

Iamfit4life

I've been in a LDR for over 4 1/2 years, and I don't go out a lot. But, to put it simply, I'd rather be boring and skypeing with my love than out partying and having fun without him. I have time to do that when he gets here. =]

That's kind of the way I see it. But friends and family are starting to worry that my "life is on hold". Which, I get.

myofibril

I think the crux of this question is the underlying motivation of why you are staying at home.

If it is because you have become withdrawn, insular and depressed then no, that is clearly not healthy. If it is because you simply like your own company and find happiness in having time to yourself then that sounds like a great mindset.

I WISH I had more free time to myself. I love my own company. Sadly, I do not have a single weekend right up until the end of the year free. I would gladly swap with you...

JulieSD

We live the same life. I would love to go out and have fun but I lost or chose to lose friends in the Big D. So I'm working on a new circle of friends.

I guess if I ever did go out, I know I would have a good time for sure. But I would always be thinking, "I would be having so much more fun if he were here". In reality I know that in relationships the couples don't always go out together but I think that I would be really unconformable going out alone at first. I'm an introvert/extrovert. I'm stunning shy in person in a new situation but once I get warmed up I'm a good time.

So, I guess I would say go out and have fun if you want to, we only life once! But don't go out just because you feel you should.

juliecat1

Dont isolate. You dont have to go OUT to have entertainment. Find a cooking class or something youre interested in. Itll bring like-minded people to you. Even if you meet no one, youre out and learning a little something new. Your life doesnt have to stop just because hes not here with you. Long distance is hard but even harder if you end up lonely and resenting it.

Iamfit4life

I think the crux of this question is the underlying motivation of why you are staying at home.

If it is because you have become withdrawn, insular and depressed then no, that is clearly not healthy. If it is because you simply like your own company and find happiness in having time to yourself then that sounds like a great mindset.

I WISH I had more free time to myself. I love my own company. Sadly, I do not have a single weekend right up until the end of the year free. I would gladly swap with you...

Honestly I quite enjoy it. I can clean as much as I want, work out as much as I want.

The weeks I have my kids are nothing but rush rush rush and 5 hours of sleep a night.
So it's nice to be able to reboot.


I think half of this is just pressure from freinds and family lol.

ItsCasey

Well.. are you happy? If you're happy, then I say don't worry about it.

Agree with this. Maybe it's because I have a twin sister and we shared EVERYTHING growing up, but I love being at home by myself. I'm rarely bored or lonely, but if I'm not working out, I'm usually working on some kind of project, like organizing my closet or re-doing my furniture or learning a foreign language or practicing elaborate meals in case I ever meet a man who is worth my skills in the kitchen, etc.

It's funny though ... I think part of the reason I don't go out all that much anymore is the same as yours ... being hit on seriously makes me feel nauseous. I can't really explain it, but the way guys flirt these days just makes my skin crawl. 90% of them have no manners to speak of and no qualms about taking liberties that make me want to kick them in the junk. And I would rather just not even deal with it. But my problem is that I'm single, so if I don't go out and endure that garbage from time to time, I'll always be single. At least you have a man, so no real need to "go out" in that sense.

evil_rider

long story somewhat short....

I'm in a Long Distance Relationship, waiting for him to get here blah blah blah.


But in the time since this started I don't go out. Don't do anything. I'd rather be home by myself than go out and put myself in some situation with a leech hitting on me. (I know very few people here, so I don't even have girlfriends I "feel safe" going out with).

This is great because I save money. However, It's a little lonely and boring.

I work out a lot, I clean a lot. I MFP a lot.

Perfectly normal and healthy, or on my way to hermitville?

My motto is if it works for you, use it.

KariQuiteContrary

I think the crux of this question is the underlying motivation of why you are staying at home.

If it is because you have become withdrawn, insular and depressed then no, that is clearly not healthy. If it is because you simply like your own company and find happiness in having time to yourself then that sounds like a great mindset.

I WISH I had more free time to myself. I love my own company. Sadly, I do not have a single weekend right up until the end of the year free. I would gladly swap with you...

Honestly I quite enjoy it. I can clean as much as I want, work out as much as I want.

The weeks I have my kids are nothing but rush rush rush and 5 hours of sleep a night.
So it's nice to be able to reboot.


I think half of this is just pressure from freinds and family lol.

Well take the concerns of family and friends into consideration but don't let them dictate what you do. It's your life. If you are happy and enjoy the time alone (which it seems you do). Then don't be so concerned. That said, you should find a friend that you can go out with and have fun on occasion, because every girl needs a girls night out

La_Amazona

As long as it's not because your world revolves around him, then no, not bad. But if it's because you don't want to do anything if he's not here, then I would say unhealthy.

You don't have to go to bars/clubs to go "out". There's plenty of fun out there in this world that you're missing out on if you're isolated.

Johnnyswife

I'm kind of a hermit as well. If it wasn't for my husband and stepdaughter, I'd be a complete loner. We all need friends and I am making attempts to find a couple that I can hang out with just for a change of pace.
Since your guy isn't here, try making a few friends, unless you like being on your own. Alone isn't always lonely. :flowerforyou:

BattyMama

Sweetie my honey is in the same house and I spend my time alone and cleaning working out and on MFP I take care of the kids and cook do the shopping. I dont spend much time with my honey I dont work out side the house. Please dont worry too much my sweet being around people you know and trust is better then going out and getting hit on by the creeps. In my opinion.

kaits108

I think the crux of this question is the underlying motivation of why you are staying at home.

If it is because you have become withdrawn, insular and depressed then no, that is clearly not healthy. If it is because you simply like your own company and find happiness in having time to yourself then that sounds like a great mindset.

I WISH I had more free time to myself. I love my own company. Sadly, I do not have a single weekend right up until the end of the year free. I would gladly swap with you...

Honestly I quite enjoy it. I can clean as much as I want, work out as much as I want.

The weeks I have my kids are nothing but rush rush rush and 5 hours of sleep a night.
So it's nice to be able to reboot.


I think half of this is just pressure from freinds and family lol.

Yeah, I think if you enjoy it, then there's nothing to worry about. And if you're happy, then you're doing fine! Nothing wrong going out once in awhile with friends, but I wouldn't push yourself and go out just to appease your family. If you're truly happy they'll see that.

ManicMelody

I've been in a LDR for over 4 1/2 years, and I don't go out a lot. But, to put it simply, I'd rather be boring and skypeing with my love than out partying and having fun without him. I have time to do that when he gets here. =]

That's kind of the way I see it. But friends and family are starting to worry that my "life is on hold". Which, I get.

My friends worry too, and they tease me. They call me anti-social. But the truth is, none of them are in serious relationships like mine, and I take what they say with a grain of salt. My relationship is important to me, and they understand.

travelerkate

The way I see it, if you are really happy in what you're doing, then why change it? However, if you are unhappy and don't feel comfortable going out, maybe find different ways to be around people...join a church (or any place of worship) if you are religious, find an open sports league, talk to people at the gym/take classes at the gym.

Like I said, since I don't know you, I can't tell you the best places to make new friends, and I know it can be really difficult. Again, if you are perfectly content with what you're doing, don't feel like you have to be going out.

nothingisred

As long as it's not because your world revolves around him, then no, not bad. But if it's because you don't want to do anything if he's not here, then I would say unhealthy.

This.

I've had two long term distance relationships and that's exactly what I did in both of them. My life revovled around them. I wouldn't go out with friends because I wanted to be at home talking to my boyfriend and during the week(s) I was a shell of myself until I got to see them again. It wasn't at all healthy but I didn't see it at the time. I think that's quite a common thing with LDRs because it's a BIG committment to be with somebody like that so the relationship I think is generally more intense from the word go because you have to make a lot of decisions you wouldn't usually have to in a normal relationship.

If that's the reason you're not going out then it's not good. BUT if you feel that you would be conducting your life in pretty much the same way were you single or dating someone close by and you wouldn't be going out even then, then I think it's fine.

lisasdoinit

i say go out. when he does arrive in town you want to have a life to share with him right? I'm not saying to go hang out at clubs, but maybe check out some classes you might find interesting..photography, ceramics, rock climbing, yoga, dancing..if you are worried about leeches, buy a cheap ring for your ring finger;)

that way you have something to talk about, people to introduce him to, stories to share with him when he does arrive.