Someone please help

cmriverside

After reading many of your posts and seeing your pictures, really you would benefit from counselling. Do it now while you are young and enjoy your life.

There is some underlying reason for it, and you need to talk it out.

77bluebird

Don't feel alone. You can look around at other people and think they must be happy because they have a good job, a loving relationship etc. but they could be feeling the same way you do. So many of us have low self-esteem and feel not good enough, but if we would only open up to each other we would realise how many other people feel exactly the same way, all thinking they were the only one.
I can't tell you how to feel better, if you knew I'd do it myself, and then make a fortune. At least you recognise that it's the way you feel, and not the way it actually is. That's an important difference. Counselling is good, I'm starting on some CBT at the moment with my counsellor, will see how that works out... X

daves160

After reading many of your posts and seeing your pictures, really you would benefit from counselling. Do it now while you are young and enjoy your life.

There is some underlying reason for it, and you need to talk it out.

So now, how do I convince my wife....

PeachyKeene

I have good days and I have bad days. I completely understand

Moofey

I have good days and I have bad days. I completely understand

Thats how I am, I don't have money to pay for someone to talk with and anti dep will mess with my other medications

minigirl2

I suffered for YEARS and screwed up some pretty important decisions in my life because of low self-esteem. I would have enjoyed life so much more had I not had to deal with all the noise in my head, sadness and irrational thinking. I wish I could say I had an epiphany and woke up one day and it was all gone, but what finally made a HUGE difference in my life was going on a low dose of anti-depressants! It took me a long time to be willing to admit that I would even consider trying them. I thought they were a cop-out and for weak people. Then a few more years passed before I finally tried them. The end result: I realized I should have been on them since my 20s!! :laugh:

Sometimes we women get in over our heads with all the crazy hormones that bounce around in our bodies. I think it has a lot to do with our self-esteem issues. As does messages we got when we were kids.

So my advice to you is give it some time. If the feelings persist and continue to dominate your life and compromise your happiness, talk to a professional. Life is too damn short to waste not enjoying your true beauty, inside and out. :flowerforyou:

ToniAnn411

I know the feeling... I constantly put on a smile and people wouldn't know how I looked and felt about myself. No matter what I see in the mirror, I can find a million things wrong with myself. Thankfully I have a fantastic husband that tells me everday how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. He loved me when I was 70 lbs heavier. For me, I think it was a deep rooted issue, I fell hard his past spring/summer, had a bad breakdown, but thankfully with the help of my husband and also went to counseling for myself, it has helped. I can still look at myself and kick myself, but I am also learning how to praise myself and feel confident without going over the edge. My biggest mistake was thatI didn't turn to anyone for help when I needed it most, I thought I could handle it on my own, and that's when I broke. You are a beautiful girl on the outside, and I'm sure your a beautiful person on the inside. We're here to listen and try to help.

butterflimom

I can relate with you as well. I was teased as a young child for being too skinny, by family members. As I ate more and more I entered middle school obese and was then taunted by classmates for years. As I entered high school, I started to become anorexic and went days without eating while using laxatives and diet pills. I just wanted to look pretty. I took my pain overboard and decided to use illegal drugs to stay skinny and to take my pain of mental abuse away. I got pregnant at 17 and very sick. I gained over 120 pounds and for many years decided that being morbidly obese was my way of protecting myself. No one would want to be around me so no one could hurt me. I could tell you more sob stories, but I would rather tell you the positive ones.

I came to a point in my life where "I" decided that "I" needed to learn how to love myself. I was not worthless, ugly, nor unwanted. I was a beautiful person on the inside who needed to find peace and herself. I won't lie and tell you that all of those abusive memories will just vanish, but it's up to you to see the real you inside and bring her outside. You need to focus on the positive things about you and work on all of the things you want to change, and also realize that there are things you can never change, but that is what makes you who you are

bregalad5

I have only felt attractive maybe two or three times in my life, mainly because of issues with my family calling me fat and ugly growing up. I was never teased by anyone outside of my family... it's the people close to you that can hurt you the most and scar you for life.

I put on a smile, laugh, pretend I'm happy, but I still have that underlying paranoia that you're talking about. It's getting better and I'm feeling better about myself, but it's still a real internal struggle every day. I feel I'm on the verge of "clicking" and finally starting to truly love myself, but I haven't quite gotten over that hurdle yet.

You're not alone, hon.

Moofey

Thank you all so much for your kind words, if you could if I have not already. Would you add me? Thank you!

ShapeUpSidney

Try to recognize when your thoughts are becoming destructive and unrealistic...then shift focus and remind yourself of something that has happened to make you feel good (like an NSV, for example).

Don't let it affect your relationships. Take a breath, and think before you speak, or just speak less in general. The things we say when we aren't feeling calm and rational can be alienating, rude, hateful, or just plain awkward. I used to drive people away because something was wrong with me on the inside. Now I realize that letting my inner neuroses out only pushed the real friends away.

DO:

reach out to friends and family
find ways to compliment others
appreciate beauty without jealousy
work on the things you want to improve (physically, emotionally, etc)

DONT:

complain about your appearance
post depressing *kitten* on facebook / twitter / etc
project your inner feelings onto other people
read into things that people do or say (speculating is the WORST)

Hope that helps.

Moofey

Try to recognize when your thoughts are becoming destructive and unrealistic...then shift focus and remind yourself of something that has happened to make you feel good (like an NSV, for example).

Don't let it affect your relationships. Take a breath, and think before you speak, or just speak less in general. The things we say when we aren't feeling calm and rational can be alienating, rude, hateful, or just plain awkward. I used to drive people away because something was wrong with me on the inside. Now I realize that letting my inner neuroses out only pushed the real friends away.

DO:

reach out to friends and family
find ways to compliment others
appreciate beauty without jealousy
work on the things you want to improve (physically, emotionally, etc)

DONT:

complain about your appearance
post depressing *kitten* on facebook / twitter / etc
project your inner feelings onto other people
read into things that people do or say (speculating is the WORST)

Hope that helps.

This helps alot! Thank you!

cmriverside

DONT:

complain about your appearance
post depressing *kitten* on facebook / twitter / etc/ MyFitnessPal

This is great advice. You become what you think you are. ~ I added MFP

JThomas61

I can relate, more so now than when I was 248 pounds. I come acrossed as a very happy, confident individual but I feel like I am dying inside and I am putting on a front for everyone else. I don't like feeling this way but it just comes at me out of nowhere and can last for a few minutes or a few days. I just try to be alone to work through it without people asking me if there is anything they can do to help. If there were I would have already asked for the help. I hope that you can adjust and find more days of happiness than bad ones.

JT

livnlite

I am not here fishing for compliments, I just want someone to understand.

I have low self-esteem and its becoming a real problem, affecting my relationships and the way I think. I wish I didn't feel like such a nut case or so abnormal, my boyfriend tries to understand but he can only do so much. I never normally let him know that I hurt or think I am not pretty but keeping it locked up inside hurts so I sometimes do let people know. I don't normally like that type of attention but I am asking for someone here who knows how I feel or used to.

I am not here to get advice on how I should diet or how much I should weigh or to tell me how beautiful I am or I should not feel that way, I am here looking for someone who can relate to me. I am breaking down and no body knows but you guys, please help.

I can only imagine just positng this was a big step for you. And .. I just want to say .. Good for you .. I for one, am glad that you reached out. You are on your way! The first step is always the worst.

I'm thinking you'll have lots of company here with people who can relate. WE all have imagery problems .. especially here on this particular forum. A lot of the reasons behind excess weight CAN be attributed to a lack of skills to cope with our everyday lives. THAT's why people with a common interest are drawn towards one and other...and this forum is focused on those exact issues.

This forum, typically rises above others due to it's consortum of people who can identify and offer kind words of understanding and support. After all .. this IS a support group. Do not take the other 'nay sayers' to heart. THEY obviously do not have the ability to truly understand how fragile some of our members are...or they just simply don't give a dam. THIS is not a place for ANYTHING dripping in sugar or candy coating .. I see evidence of much more honesty here, than that. This is a place where you CAN go, to find support and information .. and honesty (at least for the most part).

Now, between you and me .. Those people who post hurtful and condescending comments just for sake of being hurtful and condescending ... THEY are the ones who have a much worse problem.

livnlite

DONT:

complain about your appearance
post depressing *kitten* on facebook / twitter / etc/ MyFitnessPal

This is great advice. You become what you think you are. ~ I added MFP

In a perfect world maybe.

firegirley

Super low self esteem here, too. To the point where I try on pants and cry, get out of the shower and wrap a towel and realize it doesnt go all the way around anymore and get upset...my self esteem was higher when I was thin (and by thin I got too thin...anorexic-like thin) so I know its a mind set.

I was so skinny but would look in the mirror and still see the "fat" me. I know its not the weight, its deeper than that. But for me the weight makes it so much worse. SO much worse. Feel free to add me, I know what you're feeling....but I dont know how to get you (us) out of it. I hope that by just chatting with others here it will help. You all seem to know what its like too. Strength in numbers!!

firegirley

I just saw a FB post that made me think of you...

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by *kitten* ~ William Gibson ~

It does make ya think!!